Please help me get over him!!!

[Echo]

Hi. I have been reading this forum for the last few days, and I REALLY REALLY need guidance and support to get over someone.

It is so very hard for me. I have been reading where some of you have not had ANY contact with your ex for up to 3 months! One week seems like forever to me. How do I do this??? I am so broken up I don't even know where to begin. Please help me get started because I don't think I can do this alone It feels like I am withdrawing from some kind of drug!! Help me please I don't want to keep feeling like this!!!

[jaded4x5]

Hi I wish I had an answer for you right now Im in a mess myself but people on this site are wonderful.. I just dont believe I can give advice yet Im in the same mess lol

[lifeiscash]

You are correct, love is like a drug, and what you are feeling for a week and even months after are the effects of resisting that drug. There was a thread on here about how it compares with an alcoholic. You decide one day to resist the alcohol but after time your ambitions of the alcohol decrease, but only if you have no contact. If you break the no contact and decide to have a drink then the alcoholics commitment to himself is destroyed and he is basically, starting over. Same goes for a person in love.

 

It's hard and its tough, but the rewards to yourself outwiegh the pain of the withdrawl. Be true to yourself and make the improvments in your life to live BETTER. There are two types of people in this world. The first ones are the people who accepts challenges, accept situations, gives them there all, notices the positive things, and are proud of themselves for doing what they did and keep looking for ways to improve themselves. Then there are those people who are afraid, full of fear, won't commit to challenges in fear of failing, doesn't reach for expectations, and doesn't get anywhere. Make the change to do BETTER instead of staying in the same situation. You can do it!

[arwen]

Hey Echo,

 

Welcome on enotalone! I hope you will find the support that you need here. There are many people going through the same thing here.

 

Let me try to get you 'started'

 

How long have you been together with your ex and what is the main reason he gave for the break up?

 

I can assure you you will be ok, in time. Every day is a step forward to feeling better, really. This is one of the worst feelings in life, the loss, the heartache and missing the person you wanted to share a future with.

 

Start out by staying strong in maintaining NOT CONTACTING your ex. A good first step is to tell every friend you have about your situation, and ask them for extra support. I was so completely lost after my first break up, I decided to call at least one friend a day. I was clinically depressed at that time, and I spent day and night on the couch, smoking in front of the tv. I didn't sleep or eat. It helped that I had friends who would pull me out of the house or try to make me eat.

 

Take care, girl. You came to the right place!

 

Ilse.

[Süsser Tod]

Echo, right now your mind is your worse enemy, don't give your mind any free time, as it may betray you.

 

Keep yourself busy, read a book, do sports or whatever keeps your mind off the situation. That way every day will be easier.

 

Just remember that the first days will be the worse.

[shes2smart]

Echo, right now your mind is your worse enemy, don't give your mind any free time, as it may betray you.

 

Keep yourself busy, read a book, do sports or whatever keeps your mind off the situation. That way every day will be easier.

 

Just remember that the first days will be the worse.

 

I second this...Distraction is your friend at this point.

 

One time, after I break up, in order to keep myself distracted, I learned how to make baklava. I made pans & pans of the stuff (almost all of it got left in the lunch room at work for my co-workers to eat).

 

Seriously, it doesn't matter what you do as long as it's something you're interested in and it keeps you busy and keeps your mind off your ex. Take a class, go for a walk, call a friend, get a pet, paint your apartment...you get the idea.

 

It does get better with time.

[birdgirl]

It is like a drug, like withdrawal.

The only thing that will cure what you're feeling is time. I had a horrible breakup where I lost sleep, didn't eat. I don't know how I made it through each day. Minutes seemed like hours. I would pace the house. I just forced myself to get out. I went out with friends, spent time with family. Anything to pass the time.

 

I also redecorated my house a little bit. It was expensive, but worth it. Just having my apartment look different made me feel better.

 

It'll get better, I promise. I didn't believe it would, but it did. And since that was my biggest hearbreak ever, I didn't believe it till I slowly started feeling better. This site helps a lot too. Going through the breakup forums and seeing how many people felt the way I did helped a lot.

[darkblue]

Keep NC.

Keep Busy.

Meet People [Friends].

Once you feel comfortable with yourself, you can start dating.

Good Luck.

Keep talking to us

[scorchio]

I can totally, I have total sympathy with you,

 

ive been N/C with my ex for 1 1/2months, been split for 3months today...

its hurting like hell, miss her, all sorts of feelings,

 

but like everyone has said, let people from here help you stay strong......

yes its Hell,

 

stay N/C tho,

helps you get stronger either way,

im doing the same, trying to be strong so not to appear needey by calling her texting her etc, and hey hopefully making her think wot the hell is he doing with his life, this i feel may take time, but at least in that time i can get stronger............ prehaps making her weaker...

 

you I think should do the same, whatever the outcome you will become stronger through it.

 

STAY STRONG

[Echo]

Hi, and thanks for the support!!!! I NEED it SO bad.

Anyway, first of all, the guy I am talking about, I have known over 5 years. We have been VERY off and on. The sex is awesome , so THAT is a big reason we keep seeing each other. I love this guy and have told him. He has never told me he loves me, but I DO think he cares about me .

I know that will never be enough for me, and I just feel SO empty everytime I see him. I want him to tell me he loves me ...but that will NEVER happen. This guy is a cop...he is divorced ..and has children with his ex. I think he is still harboring feelings for his ex...basically because of things he has told me. I also don't think he would ever tell his ex he is dating someone else..simply to keep the peace, for the kids or whatever....but I told him if you have an EX...what you do as long as it does not affect the children...is NONE of their business.

Anyway, I love this guy TOO much to keep feeling like this, and I REALLY think he takes me for granted. I am SO sick of fweeling like I am the only one who gives in this "relationship"...it's not even qualified as a relationship. How sad is that??? I just want to be done with him ...once and for all! Please help me be strong!!

[darkblue]

It's times like this when you realize how strong you truly are.

 

You have to stay strong, if nothing else; for the good of your own sanity.

 

He does sound like he is harbouring feelings for his ex.

 

You have to overcome the grasp of love. It's what's best for you.

 

We're all here to keep you on the right path and staying strong.

[Echo]

By the way, I am ready to do No Contact...or whatever it is I need to do..but if I post a lot please don't get sick of me. I will consider it as a "breakup Bootcamp" lol....please be patient with me. I might take a while!!

[darkblue]

That's exactly what we're here for Echo.

 

Anytime.

 

No contact, for me anyway, is all about finding your feet, and realizing that you are a perfectly normal human being without your ex partner.

 

It gives you the ability to remember how life was before your ex. and how you can still continue to lead a perfectly normal life.

 

Feel free to PM me anytime. I've also got MSN if you want to add me, just ask.

 

You can take as long as you like and remember that this site is full of people [including myself] who have been through similiar situations.

 

Db

[Echo]

Ok...this is killing me. I saw him yesterday for a few hours. He was doing work on his house, painiting etc, and I was there while he got ready for work. I wanted to talk about "us" but decided to not pursue that, as he was acting really distant, so I left it. Later afterward, I called him and asked if he had slept with anyone else...and he said YES!!!! OMG I was devastated!! I said "well that's all you needed to tell me, you'll never see me again"..and he said "why not"??? He said he slept with someone

else about four months ago....I have slept with him since then and ASKED him since then if he has been with anyone else and he said NO!!!! So he also lied!! I started crying on the phone and asked him if he even cared about me. He said yes...and I asked why ? Is it JUST to keep having sex with me ..and he said no. I am just SOOOO upset right now. I know we are not married but I have told him to please tell me if he's been with anyone else...as I would tell him. Why would he tell me NOW?? Does he want to hurt me?? Oh god it's hard to breathe.

I need advice ...if anyone has been through this please advise me. I don't want to do anything I'll regret, like CALL him again!!