ReaderGrrl Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I'm curious. Is there anyone who has actually succeeded in having a relationship with the opposite- or same-gender member they were absolutely crazy about? Or are we all destined to "settle?" Link to comment
DN Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I'm curious. Is there anyone who has actually succeeded in having a relationship with the opposite- or same-gender member they were absolutely crazy about? Or are we all destined to "settle?" I did. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I'm curious. Is there anyone who has actually succeeded in having a relationship with the opposite- or same-gender member they were absolutely crazy about? Yup. We married each other 3 years ago this coming Sunday. Or are we all destined to "settle?" Only if that's what you decide to do. Link to comment
Süsser Tod Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I've only been 100% crazy about a girl once, well, twice... Both times for the same girl. Second was one year after the first time failed... We actually never had a relationship, we just dated. So, nope, I've just settled for the best I've been able to find. Of course, take it for what its worth, I'm an antisocial maniac depresive, so I can't find a lot... Link to comment
passions1 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Yes & that was by knowing what is truly important for myself in a guy & not following some fantasy for the ideal guy. Since I know that I am not perfect myself. Link to comment
volution Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Much though as I do believe in soulmates and twin flames, I have realised now, sadly, that a 'one' for you doesn't necessarily come along.... We all have more than one 'soulmate' - perhaps about 10 or more people in the whole world that will really click with us and make us happy. But only one 'twin flame'. However, to meet even just a 'soulmate' - 10 or so people out of the billions in this world is very remote - there are so many barriers and adversities that one can encounter. I do believe in destiny and fate - your path and encounters in life can be affected somewhat, but only a little bit. You could walk down the road and pass your soulmate, if you were wrapped up in your own world, perhaps feeling deeply depressed about a previous relationship that ended badly, you might never carry it forward, only ever exchanging a deep and profound glance that you'll remember for the rest of your life... Shyness, material situation (financial etc.), depression, meeting at the wrong time, etc. - these are just some of the problems that many people face, and are barriers to meeting their 'one'. Meeting your 'one' at the wrong time - if either or both of you are not ready for a relationship, that can be crushing, and I'm experiencing that right now... I don't know what to do, I'm scared that my feelings will wane, and that the time they are ready, I will have passed by, and both of us will never be truly fulfilled in this lifetime... Link to comment
reflectionlessmirror Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Yes, I did, but then he turned out to be a fake. The entire person he presented to himeslf (and me) was a lie! Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 You can have a guy or girl in mind, your dream person who is everything you could every what. This person would look perfect, act perfect, have all the same interests and beliefs. He or she would be like a paint by number kit, meeting everything on your list of qualities. They are your dream person. The way it usually happens, you meet someone else who isn't like that. But you are still crazy about the person because you realize that he or she isn't your dream person, there more. You will be crazy about the person you end up with, regardless of what you thought you wanted before. Anything else and your just settling to avoid being lonely. Link to comment
goddess23 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 listen...we all meet people we will be crazy over. but with all honesty not all of us will end up with the one we're crazy over because simply put it just isnt practical. there are reasons that it would just not work out. but i have met 2 ppl who i have been deeply in love with...one of them was perfection to me. i believe that we have a "one" for different stages in our life. this is my own lil theory so bare with me lol. i think that we will have someone truly special to us during our childhood, during our teen/high school years, during post secondary education, during alll the different stages until we finally enter a stage where we no longer change and we know who we are and that person becomes the one because they are the person you meet when you are finally you. does this make sense to anybody lol? Link to comment
Strictly4MyGrind Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. Thats what happened to me and now that person i saw imperfectly i see perfectly and i am crazy about them. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Of course it is possible to love and be with the person you are absolutely crazy about, and they reciprocate those same feelings (in fact if they don't, I think you are settling in that sense too!). People only settle when they feel they don't deserve better, or fear the unknown in my opinion. Learn to love and respect yourself first, and the rest follows... I met the man of my dreams, and I of his, and I could not be happier. We are each other's "one"'s. And I recognize that all my experiences of the past both positive and negative are part of whom I am now. Without them, I would NOT be where I am now. Learn from your experiences, grow from them, and don't let them bring you down or make you feel like you are bound to settle. Link to comment
mattj Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 well im stuffed! i think ive met her at 15!!! that's way too early! but she is just so so so perfect all her friends are aying its cute how w'ere so compatable! Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 If it doesn't work out with someone for whatever reason or 'barriers', then by definition, they're not the "one." Actually the concept of "The One"/soul mates/twin flames is something that makes relationships more complicated and daunting than they need to be. Over the course of our lives we will meet many people. Some we will get along with more than others, some will become friends, some we will become intimately involved with. Every relationship is a learning opportunity -- the same as EVERY situation in your life. Nothing more, nothing less. Once the lessons that each of you are to learn from each other are completed (or rejected), you move on. Sometimes, people refuse to learn certain lessons and then wind up in similar situations over and over. While I believe there is an overriding plan/purpose for each of us, we also have free will and can choose to NOT learn as well. I got married at 38. I met him when I was 37, and was oh-so-certain I was going to be single for the rest of my life. This after many "failed" relationships and ocasional times of swearing up and down I was never getting into another relationship again. Ever. No freakin' way. I was quite serious and sincere in those pronouncements, as are many of the people I see posting here about how the one who dumped them was "The One" for them and so on. Lemme tell ya something from personal experience....you will spare yourself a lot of angst, drama and pressure if you eliminate the concept of "The One" from your life, and look at each relationship as an opportunity to learn about yourself, others and yourself with others. Relationships that don't work out aren't failures. They are prepping you for wherever you need to be next. Had I not been involved in the relationships I was in BEFORE I met my husband, I never would've been ready for this ride. Had he not had the experiences he had before meeting me, he wouldn't have been ready either. Looking back at my journal, I understand that the things I've written above are things I would've argued against (vehemently!) when I was younger...much as some you are going to disagree with what I've written above. It's weird how time changes your perspective. If you are hanging onto concepts like "The One" that cause you more grief than joy, try to consider getting rid of them or at least modifying them. It never fails to astound me how we can so easily use our own thoughts to make ourselves feel miserable and keep ourselves from the things we want, yet we can be so reluctant to use our thoughts to make ourselves feel good and to create the life we want. Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I have to say no, the one relationship I did have was a total lie that ended in a rather traumatising way....not getting into details, suffice to say it sucked. Currently there is a girl I am crazy about, she is everything I look for in a girl and we get along really well *but* (you knew it was coming she doesn't feel the same way about me, and just wants to be friends Link to comment
truthbetold Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 My mother has ALWAYS told me there is someone for everyone. I would be all depressed that I didn't have anyone and I was convinced that it wasn't true. But look around. See some of those couples out there! It's great. Lately I really believe everyone has someone. And I hope the guy I found is my someone. But I'm not going to believe he is just yet, but I'm not going to deny anything right now either. I have to say shes2smart is right. You have to live life without holding on to the idea of "the one". If you believe it all the time, then you will believe it everytime you get into a relationship, and only let yourself down if things go awry. Do yourself a favor and just look around at the couples walking down the street, in the park, at a party, the grocery store, a restaurant, ANYWHERE. They are all over the place and you can see how much they compliment each other and how happy they make each other. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Meeting "The One" is possible and does happen to us. The problem with it only comes when people get stressed out about finding that person. I know that the person I end up with will be "The One," the person I am destined to be with. Until then I'm not going to go around wondering if this person could be her. I'll let things happen as they happen, and when the right person comes along I'll know that I'll have finally found her. Link to comment
ReaderGrrl Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 I was hoping I wouldn't offend anyone by asking if we're "all destined to 'settle'" as if others are somehow inferior to the girls/guys of our dreams. I just meant, "are we destined to end up with someone we don't like in 'that way.'" Thanks all. Anyway, I guess everyone has a different definition of "that person." I usually get an intense crush on one girl at a time, and it's usually because she has some magnetic quality to me and is somehow my complement. I'm shy, so she tends to be outgoing; I'm younger, so she tends to be somewhat older. But guess what? Nothing ever happens. I'm in the middle of one of these little situations right now and the lady won't email me back. I guess I'm supposed to just sit back, relax and "let things happen." That seems to make sense, and I'm glad it worked for some of you, but I'm just the kind of person who likes things to go according to plan when it comes to love. I write a lot - sorry! Link to comment
Baby_Blue_Eyes Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 it happened to me.. an it was somewhere i never expected at a pool we met exchanged digits an where happy together we are in what i call head over hills love Link to comment
easyguy Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I don't think "settle" is the right word to use. Sometimes, it seems, you could have this image of the one of your dreams, struggle to find this person, and somehow meet someone you wouldn't expect to like and end up discovering that this person is the one of your dreams (that one person you could never let go of), and you had never thought of it before. I don't know how common this is but I think that it is possible for it to happen. I'm not one to say that there isn't someone out there for everyone, but that's all in our minds. If you both are truly happy with each other, that's all that matters (in my opinion). It's like true love -- does it really exist? How could you distinguish being deeply in love with someone versus being truly in love with someone? Just my $.02. Getting late here... Link to comment
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