Ok...I screwed up..it's done

[PlayBrat]

I ended up breaking NC with him...I sent him a brief email...

just saying Happy Fathers Day on Friday. No reply. Then another one...

saying I was just a little curious if I scared him away...no reply.

This after seeing me 2 weeks ago, and saying how "beautiful" I looked...

so I sent him yet ANOTHER NICE email Saturday night. I checked the status of the mail, and see it's "deleted". Now I am furious...so this is the email I sent him...and now I am DONE...

 

I know you deleted my last email to you..not that I didn't expect it after just ignoring me the last week..I get the message loud and clear, believe me..my only real question is why didn't you just do this five months ago? It really would have

saved you and me a LOT of time and aggravation. I am not mad....but I am hurt.I would never do that to you. I also have to wonder why you even bothered telling me I looked "beautiful" the night you saw me?

What was the point in even saying that..in fact what was the point in saying anything at all? You had the opportunity to tell me what you wanted to in person...and yet you choose to just do this. I have to say

I have lost a lot of respect for you for this. I thought you had a lot more integrity than that. I guess there's

a lot about you I really didn;t know though....

Please don't email me back.

 

Was this a good response to his...Non response?

Yes I realize not sending him an email will be the standard answer..but I did this for MYSELF more than for him.

I feel like a total fool right now....

[socalguy123]

you could write that same email, and just email it to yourself, or save it as a draft.

 

overall, you'll do what you need to do, to make yourself feel better. it's unfortunate, but sometimes even though we know EXACTLY what's best for us, we don't always follow that path. don't get down on yourself even more for sending that. just try, from this point onwards, to start keeping that dialogue that he doesn't deserve, to yourself, or at least away from him. feel free to vent here

[hockeyboy]

the more you push the more he will pull away

[RainaBabe]

Don't send any more emails. If he doesn't reply to the first, take that as your answer and move on. Sending more just drives them away. It used to drive my boyfriend crazy when I would incessantly call him until he picked up his phone. I finally got the drift and stopped calling him. He knows my number. If I contact him now, I usually do it by email and keep it short and to the point. If I call, I leave a message and then leave it at that. No one likes to have something shoved at them.

[PlayBrat]

I know it sounds ludicrous, but I would have respected him SO much more if he would have had the integrity to say to me in person ..the way I DESERVED to be told, that he didn't want to be bothered...or whatever

the case is. YES..it would have hurt me, but at least I would not have went home and sent him these embarrassing emails afterward. I would have respected his wishes....and let him go.

Maybe I need to be furious...and not respect him, and not see him in such a wonderful light, because right NOW...I think of him in disgust.

[RainaBabe]

Unfortunately, you can only control your actions.

[PlayBrat]

I agree, I can ONLY control my own actions..and that includes

being able to get angry when I need to. God I am SO sick of being the one who needs to be "nice' or to placate, or to kiss [censored]I am done with that. I matter too dammit, and it is just WRONG for people to treat others with such disregard! I just wish for ONCE poeple would consider how much their actions affect other people and not think of their own damn needs.

[chai714]

You're angry with him, because he did not respond. In frustration, you sent a few more emails. His non-response built up anger each time. You then sent him another email flexing your anger. You are angry because it makes you feel powerful. Nobody wants to feel powerless in any situation, so in complete frustration and anger, you sent him that last email.

 

Next time you're angry at him, work through your emotions without showing him. While it's ok to be angry, it's better not to show him because he probably does not care. If you can, work off your anger through exercise, writing in a journal, yoga, or some other form or combination of physical/mental exertion.

[PlayBrat]

I am angry because I NEED to be angry...and not see him through

rose colored glasses. He hurt me...and unneccesarily. I did NOT deserve this, no one would.

I know he doesn't care...that I am well aware of.

I gave him a lot more power than he ever deserved..I am merely taking it back. He will NEVER hurt me again, I guarantee you that.

[misery12]

I think a lot of the time, when people are in this type of situation, they send that last message, email, or the last phone call, because they want the person that hurt them, to hurt as well.

 

It seems that in your last email you wrote, you wanted to get through to him, so you said those things.. and then you probably realized that he doesn't care no matter what you say, so that's what got you frusturated.

 

You probably feel powerless now, because you feel that as a result of the break up, you're the only one feeling any pain towards it. Which isn't fair in my opinion. I've been in this position before, not exactly, but sort of.. and it's horrible, you know that there's not much you can do .. and the only real way to get passed, is NC from now on..

 

Just drop him.. YOU know he isn't worth your time now... but that doesn't mean you have to prove it to him.. If he has any clue.. he'll realize it on his own.

 

Good luck.

[PlayBrat]

You're right Misery...I probably DO want him to hurt, but

he's too self centered to see it that way. He's only concerned with his OWN needs..but you know, it's not that big of a shocK. I am the one who trained him to have this attitude towards me by giving him WAY more than he deserved. Believe me...I played a part in this too.

My big issue with this is NOT that he doesn't want to be with me...and until this point he has always sidestepped the answer...with things like.."the timing is off right now" or some other reply to keep me just interested enough to not leave. That is wrong, I am sorry. Just TELL me!!!

It's wrong when you blatantly TELL them you like them or have feelings for them and they don't have the courtesy to just be honest with you.

Ignoring you is NOT honest..it is being cowardly and again, not having the integrity to do the right thing.

It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of all the energy and time I put into this jerk that thought NOTHING of wasting my time, my energy and my emotions.

[GettingOverIt]

Wow, this whole thing sounds like what I have just gone through (okay, still going through) with me and my 'exgf.' I would send her an email and get nothing, so I'd send another, etc.. Instead of taking the 'getting angry' route though, I would go into how wrong I was for doing this or saying that. Still, I would get nothing.

 

Well, I finally decided that I am tired of playing those games. I used to think I just wasn't worth the effort and the time. And to her, maybe I'm not. But if that is the case, then so be it. I have wasted so much time and energy trying to save a friendship that should have ended when we broke up.

 

You will get to that point, too. I agree, common courtesy would lend itself to at least a reply. But, I do not expect one any more, and I have stopped sending messages. As childish as this is: Two can play this game....

 

PlayBrat, I pray that you will find that someone who WILL give you the respect you deserve to be treated with respect.

[PlayBrat]

Ok..I got out for a while...took a long drive, with the windows open, to the beach and I feel much better. Being near the water always helps me clear my head.

I feel bitter right now...and honestly I don't like being this way. I am a very happy go lucky person, and this WHOLE thing has just sucked the happiness out of me, and it is truly not right. It is just amazing how with a world of billions of people ..ONE person can totally destroy you, or what you think of yourself. Why?? How does that happen? I have extremely high

self esteem, I am self assured, I am successful...so why when it comes to this ONE person I feel so small and incompetent?? It's this ONE person I want to want me back and it seems like Mission Impossible. Is it REALLY about just not giving a damn? Because if it is, then I don't want to deal with that. I refuse to apologize for caring about someone, or wanting to show them how I feel...At what point do the games STOP?? I have heard all the advice..."give them space" Do NC....etc etc etc.... and then what? When they come around am I supposed to put on this act just to keep them around?? It becomes exhausting even thinking about it anymore.

I will move on, sure. ..I'll find someone ELSE, of course. I don't doubt that for a second...I am pretty attractive, I think I am funny....but dammit

this sucks..lol

I just HATE this whole stupid process....

[GettingOverIt]

No, I do not think it's about not giving a damn... I think part of it is that you *do* give a damn, but you keep it to yourself. I know, ludicrous right? I wish I knew how ONE person could ever make us feel that way, but we let them - somehow, someway, we give them that control over us. Getting it back it hard because we actually sometimes fight to make sure they keep that control... We dont want the control back... But, take that control back from him.

 

Yes, you're sick of the whole mess and you may feel stupid at times. But, learn from me - don't beat yourself up endlessly over it. Beating yourself up over it will only drag down ONE person, and it ain't your ex....

 

It will get better, I promise. Things really will be okay again... Maybe not right away, but they will be...

[misery12]

It's funny, because I went through those feelings, but right now me and my ex are closer than ever, so I am not at such a high level as you are, but I can still relate.

 

Just picture where you'll be in 5-10 years, married with kids.. if you're everything you say you are.. you won't have trouble finding a guy, and judging by the way you talk, you clearly put 110% into your men.. which is good.

 

As for right now.. there's nothing anyone can say to you anymore, it's all about finding your inner strength, which you'll probably stumble upon some random day, and find this a lot easier to get past.

 

To help, try throwing/burning everything that he gave, or you shared together.. This will delete him from your life, in a physical way, and in time he will be gone emotionally. Just give yourself time to heal, and keep busy with fun things to do to distract you.

 

Soon you'll find a guy, and he'll help you forget about this, and sooner or later things will pass.. there's nothing that can change things overnight, and you have to realize that... give it time, and you'll be fine.

[Mun]

You have the power to stop him from stringing you along. You know this.

 

I remember making those calls, it was frustrating not getting the answers I wanted. Not getting the attention I thought I deserved and I got angry and backed off finally...way off. What I didn't understand is that he probably wasn't going to tell me to leave him alone because he did care for me, didn't want me to go away, but was not ready for me. So he wasn't going to tell me to back off, but I had to for my sake. He was toxic.

 

I hope that now that you have got some things off your chest you will feel better.

[PlayBrat]

Thanks Muneca...and everyone....

 

I do feel better somewhat. I feel better that I told HIM what I did.

I don't want to hear back from him...I really don't. Muneca, you hit the nail on the head. He is toxic..the situation is toxic. He would never have told me to go away..because I know he got ego gratification from me. I can't even say if he cared about me...thats what hurts most. What WAS I to him anyway??

I can see how easy it is to become consumed by poeple like this. How they can suck you in, without you even realizing it.

It is also easy to see how people can easily get accused of "stalking" or "harassing" someone when one person is leading someone on and refuses to draw that hard line. I have never resorted to "stalking'....but being so closely involved in this type of situation, makes you realize how easy it is to get in that mind set. It is actually frightening. This is a big thing that has kept me from crossing that line.

I appreciate everyones support. I truly truly do. I hope I can be of assitance to those in need as well

I will keep you all posted on my progress. ...

[gradle]

Hi play,

I hope everything goes well and that you feel a sense of closure, or at least better about the situation... you are much too special to be in anything toxic, although i know how difficult it can be to get out of it...

i know you will find a different person soon, and hopefully you will feel the same way about him, and he feels this way about you too....everything takes time and patience, which is so hard to give, i know, but at least cost nothing and are within you--which is good and bad as well...

good luck and i hope everything goes well ...

[Rainz]

Playbrat,

 

I understand your hurt and pain, I think you have every right to feel how you do.

 

Over the years I've learned in life that people can be very selfish and treat you without any compassion whatsoever. I understand where you're coming from, with him stringing you along and ending up hurting you unecessarily. It's so not nice.

Especially when you can see a way where they could have been far more forthcoming and showed integrity. It's not as though it costs anything? Yet still it seems people would rather do what's wrong than what's right nowadays.

 

Your obviously, intrinsically a caring, giving person and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it, he should appreciate that someone has even showed him so much love and care, but as with many of these types of people they take love and care and affirs of the heart for granted, they put no value on it whatsoever unless it suits them.

 

The drive to the beach sounded nice, keep getting out the house it helps. It takes time as I'm sure you know to fully get over it, but your strength will build up and it will be easier to deal with over time.

[PlayBrat]

Thanks for everyones support and replies. It really makes it

easier to "vent" than holding things inside...and that others can

relate and understand how you feel.

 

Today I am feeling sad. I guess just sad that it's finally over,

and that I have closed that door, but really I had no choice.

He would have never closed it completely...and I am the type of person

who would RATHER be told where I stand, than to take hints, or make

assumptions. I don't regret what I said to him at all. I do hope however

that it sinks in and he CAN see in time, how his actions DID affect me.

Do I want him to regret this? Sure, part of me does...but more than anything I want him to be happy...because that's what made me fall for him. He was happy, and fun and playful. Why would I want him to be sad and miserable? I certainly don't want to be sad and miserable, why would I want that for him? I expect i will be sad for a short while, but I expect to bounce back.

I am trying not to think of talking to him again, although part of me wants to...when I am ready, not him. Then I wonder...what for? Ugh.

So for now I am trying to thnk in the present, and not even think of

the future....that's where I am today.

Hope everyone is doing well.

for a short while. I realize this.

[Mun]

He is going to be sad and miserable because he hasn't grieved for his divorce has he? He's probably not going to be ok for awhile. It's not your fault and it has nothing to do with you, it's as though you got caught in the crossfire here. I'm sorry you got hurt.

 

My friend said this " I feel that I'm the one keeping myself ( from having a good relationship)" and he is right. It's him..ALL him. I think once they see that they are alone and have done nothing but push people away they think and regret it...but first they need to completely crash and burn.

[PlayBrat]

Hi Muneca...I really don't know where he is emotionally with the divorce. He said his MAIN concern was to be there for his kids, and I truly admire that, because I didn't have a dad who gave a crap growing up. I don't think he HAS grieved his divorce yet, because he is so consumed with other things. I do feel like the timing was just REALLY REALLY bad.

Maybe he thought the only way to get his "space" was to just shut me out completely...and if THAT'S the case...he got what he wanted and then some.

Thanks so much for your input..it really does help a lot

[Mun]

Yup I can see that. My friend said the same things about his kids. He missed having his family together. They were his first priority.. blah blah. Even his friends told me they admired him for putting his kids first... and the problem with that is that I found he was "hiding" behind his kids. Not wanting to move forward and using that as an excuse.

 

Sorry to go off here, I can just relate so much to your story.

 

The best thing is what you've done already--walk away before you get more hurt. You will be fine PB

[Hope75]

Ok I'm coming in late here and have a rather techinical question, how the heck did you know he deleted your emails?

[PlayBrat]

That's a legitimate question Hope....I have AOL and so does he. You can check email status.