Need A Little Encouragement that It Gets Easier...

[alona125]

I know I have repeated myself on this subject more than I hoped.

This time, I am trying to remain strong, and break it off with my ex/boyfriend.

To sum it all up, the 1.5 years we have been together have been rocky, and have involved his ex being in the picture, him verbally abusing me, and finally to the point where he broke my cell phone and threw me down to the ground.

He treats me like a child, (i am 22, he is 33) and even tells me I am one because he feels he has to babysit me. I am very easygoing, and I am content to sit on the couch with him and watch a movie, but he takes that as never having any ideas.

Sure, I annoy him sometimes, but who doesn't. The thing is is that he is so stubborn, he thinks no one is right but himself. He even blamed me for pushing me to the floor and all the other verbal abuse.

It has become so bad, that I am apologizing when it wasn't even my fault, and I GET THE SILENT TREATMENT.

Anyways, he hung up on me Monday for saying something HE didn't like, I called him back and texd him I was sorry, Again, but he didn't answer or respond.

It has been 2 days now, and he hasn't called. I don't know if he is playing another one of his games or what. I haven't called him yet either, and I feel strong this time.

I just need support because this is going to be very hard to resist calling him. Even though he was a jerk to me, I still miss him. I just want that feeling to go away, soon.

Thanks everyone.

[DN]

Don't call him - and if he calls you, I suggest you tell him the relationship is done with and not to call again. Who needs that sort of treatment?

[brando]

DN is right on...

 

you deserve better than this, he cant even take responsibility for his abuseive actions against you. If your out of the relationship stay out, he will not change unless he begins to take responsibility for his actions. The longer you are with him, the more you encourage his abusive behavoir.

[CowgirlFromHell]

WOW, you'd think by the time someone reaches that age, the games would stop. He sounds just like my ex, with all the games and constant BS. It was like he was always trying to one up me. It was pure torture and I don't know why I put myself through that time and time again. It takes alot to let go, even if you know they are not right for you. Just try as hard as you can not to call him. He's going to call you, trust me, but don't make the same mistake I did by going back to him. It's going to be more games, more BS, and more one-upping. Be strong and good luck.

[michelemybell]

I know you are hurting right now, but you need to walk away from this relationship. It doesn't matter who did what or if you push his buttons or he pushes yours. The key to a successful relationship is one where two people can freely discuss what they are going through and work on it together of if they can't, they mutually break up. All you're getting from this guy is threats, abuse, name-calling, and hang-ups. You can't have a successful relationship with this kind of person who can't communicate like an adult. I'm sure if you talked to his ex, she would say she went through the same thing with him. And the more she begged him to come back, the more he dissed her. (And she will go through it again if they got back together).

Saying sorry for when the other person is treating you unkindly is a huge red flag. Never, ever do that. (I did that in a relationship, and I'm still pissed to this day that I took the blame!!) An even bigger red flag is the fact that he verbally and physically abused you.

I know it hurts to walk away from this because he probably treated you like a queen in the beginning. But your self-respect (and well-being and sanity) is the most important now. Walk away. Many of us have from the same exact situation and can tell you as much as it hurt to walk away, it is much better to have your self-esteem and self-respect. Don't ever, ever, EVER let someone treat you like this. The more you stick around this type of person, the crazier you will feel...and you'll get stuck doing crazy behavior. Dont get stuck in this pattern. RUN!

Take care of yourself,

Michele

[alona125]

Thanks Everyone:

You are all right on. Brando: I know i deserve better, and I am finally realizing the only way to obtain that is to let this man go, for good. I don't think he will ever change his behavior. He is too set in his ways already, and so far, he hasn't proved it to me long term. Only short terms, then he is back to his old verbally abusive self.

DN: I will tell him, if I have the strength, that it is over. It is good that he is not calling me yet, because I am still so weak, not to the point where I call him, but where I would probably pick up if he called me right now.

Cowgirlfromhell: You are right. I have gone back to him before, and its nice for a little while, but the bs sure does start up again. It truly feels like torture, and honestly, he has made me feel that life is not worth it anymore. That is very sad, because before I met him, and in the beginning of our relationship, I was friendly, outgoing, had a very high self esteem, and I am so weak now, its sad.

Michelemybell: What you said is very true in my situation. He never wants to listen to what I feel or want. He would always hang up or yell at me, or tell me, "Don't ever tell me what to do.' Yet, he could tell me all the things that he wanted me to change, and i would listen and apologize. He didn't even notice how much I was trying, for HIM. I never before would have changed myself for someone else. I apologized so he wouldn't yell at me, and he would be happy. We never really settled things though. He would give me the silent treatment, then he wouldn't want to talk about it. I no longer want to feel crazy, and I feel I will be able to do this.

Thanks everyone

[DN]

What is good is the realisation that this relationship was not healthy for you. Now you know what the cure is - all you have to do is take it. Easier said than done but often the medicine that does the most good in the long run tastes the worst.

[alona125]

I guess I am just posting to share my feelings.

He still has not called, but I am becoming less obsessed with it each day he doesn't.

Its a horrible way to treat someone "you love" but it just shows me that my most heartfelt apologies, and my sensitivity to his feelings, mean NOTHING to him.

Thats kinda sick if you think about it. Any loving human being would never knowingly want to hurt another the way he has hurt me.

I can't wait until he is out of my system. Hopefully soon!