I Fell Off The Wagon Last Night!

[dviewed]

I've been doing so well at not calling my ex-boyfriend. (Long story short, I broke up with him about 4 months ago & regretted it immediately. I tried to undo it...apologized & took complete responsibility, but he was too angry to give us another chance & turned to someone else. We've continued to see each other once in a while...usually when he just shows up at my house for a surprise visit...& he calls me every few days) No matter how much I miss him I just remind myself that if he wanted to be with me, he would be. It usually works, but last night I just wanted to be with him so much I caved & called. He was home alone (yay!) & I asked if I he wanted company for a little while. (I live just down the street & the new woman in his life lives 30 miles away & I confess to taking advantage of the geographics)

As always, it was good to be together & he makes it clear he still has feelings for me. I've told him I want to give it another chance, but he says he's not sure what he wants & while he hasn't closed the door on us, he's not dropping this other woman to come back to me. He has also said if I have to have a decision from him now (about getting back together), then his answer would have to be "no".

No heavy discussions last night, tho, just hung out at his house, played with the dog, talked about our days & mutual friends. A nice visit which included some cuddling. Still, I know he will spend time with her this weekend...she gets the date time now...I get the impromptu midweek visits - & THAT HURTS!

Now I feel like I have to start all over with building up my reserve not to call him.

Question: Since there's another person in the picture do I step back completely, hoping he'll miss me & get enough of her to get past what seems to be a rebound relationship? Or will stepping back just give her a clear field to move in completely on my guy? Does my staying in the picture help remind him of what we had (& what he's throwing away)? Or does it just keep us all in limbo, with his feelings for both her and me blurred...seeing us both, but not really WITH either of us?

 

 

 

 

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[reborn]

Hi dviewed,

This is reborn. Thanks so much for answering my posting. you sound like a strong woman, going through some emotional trying time, but strong still. Thank you for giving your good words.

I am such a mess right now that I don´t know what to tell you, though I do wish to be as helpful to you as you have been to me. A site that has helped me is soulmateoracle. You may find some good advice there about your situation. I am just at a loss of words now. I have msn and would enjoy chatting with you. Maybe we can keep each other strong and give each other strength in this trying times. I will private message you with my email address. Thanks a lot and best of luck.

[Jitrenda]

You do sound strong. I wouldn't say back off completely...just be his friend and be there when he needs you (as a friend...not sexually). Just be distant yet close. But make sure you guys are just friends...and by being his friend, he may remember the good things you guys had and want to come back!

 

Here's hoping!

[segagirl]

I would say that you should totally back off. If you are indeed a strong woman, than you know what kind of love you deserve and will not settle for any less. The trick here is, tell him that. It won't be to long that he can get a clear picture about how he feels about you. Now you may not like the result, but If i were you it would be worth the risk and worth having piece of mind that I was being true to myself.

And as someone else said, you can maintain friendship to some level, but if you really are wanting him to make a choice about dating you, giving him the full friendship may allow him to not make a real choice.

Sometimes its the putting your foot down that brings them back.

best of luck to you