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Am i being unreasonable?


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2 hours ago, thegoldenchicken said:

He states he wants to be with me and is happy though. Sometimes he'll mention things for us to do in the future and places he wants us to go together.

But you're not happy. It's the reason you posted. Doesn't your happiness matter more? Or are you so unimportant in your own mind that everyone else's happiness comes before yours?

He's throwing out breadcrumb words in the instance his horniness overrides his laziness on a random weekend and he'll summon the woman who gobbles up those measly breadcrumbs as if they're steak and lobster.

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2 hours ago, thegoldenchicken said:

Surely if he's losing interest and didn't want the relationship then he wouldn't do those things.

But you said it yourself that he wasn't doing anything any more in the relationship. 

This guy is just using you as a placeholder. The newness is gone but to keep you around, he games with you and say things to keep you hanging. Once someone else comes along, you're out the door. You need to work on your self-esteem because this guy doesn't seem to value you at all.

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He's not taking you for granted.  He's simply not into you anymore (sorry).  It's still early days and already he's fading - that's your cue to walk out the door and keep walking.  There's no happy future with this guy.  Don't go wasting years trying to win him back, it aint gonna happen.

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Just tell him how YOU feel about what has happened...and that this is not how you want a relationship to go. If he keeps glazing over the topic with "Oh but I really do love you.." just say no, that's not enough for you, and breakup with him. I agree with everyone...he's lost interest, and if he truly did love you he would put forward full effort. When a man doesn't call you or whatever...it's because he doesn't want to....and that says a lot about how he feels about you. Actions speak louder than words. And don't be whining at what he should be doing...you shouldn't have to tell a man how to love you...ever. Know your worth, end it.

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Actually yes I do think you're being unreasonable but not because of your reaction to this situation.

You have previously created two very disturbing threads since early June, the first one describing what I (and others) considered to be serious abuse.  Your second thread was a continuation of the first, now this.

By choosing to remain in this utterly toxic situation with a man who clearly makes you unhappy and causes such disress, yes I absolutely think you're being unreasonable.

This is a very short relationship, only four months, if I may ask what compels you to stay?  

Serious question as it's quite concerning. 

My advice is break up with him TODAY.

Going forward, imo these early stages (1-6 months) are when you should be observing a man's behavior to determine if he's right for you long term. 

HE'S doing the same or should be as a relationship involves two people, not just you and not just him.  But rather the two of you together and the dynamic you've established together.

And upon encountering behavior and/or issues such as you've described in this and your previous threads especially your first, you end the relationship.

Again, why haven't you?  You don't have to answer here, only to yourself.

I think it's an important question. 

Good luck..

 

 

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@thegoldenchickenI would also encourage you to read my thread about Gabby Petito in the Abuse section.

Educate yourself, protect yourself.

Gabby's relationship began just as yours -- verbal abuse, controlling, gaslighting berating. HIS way or the highway.

Gabby shuffled it under the rug, she was madly in love and hoped it got better.  It never did, it escalated as abuse typically does and he murdered her.  She was 22.

If you're not a fan of reading, there is a Lifetime movie and several great documentaries including one on Netflix.

I'm not going to advise you or give opinion as to this particular situation as imo it's merely a symptom of the much larger "disease" so to speak.  Per this thread and your two previous.

That being you are in an abusive relationship and it's NOT going to get better. 

 

 

 

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You're welcome to keep writing the same stuff over and over, but apparently nothing has changed. Maybe we should copy and paste our responses from your earlier threads?

This guy is not going to magically become a better match for you. You've wasted 4 months being miserable, which you could have spent finding someone better, instead. So the question becomes, why not go and do that before you waste 5 months?

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Military members are brothers in arms.  The person leaving is not just some work colleague.  That person was literally responsible for your BF's life, just like your BF was responsible for his.  It's a different bond that civilians will never understand because our jobs don't come with the same level of mortal risk. 

Why can't you go to the party?  That would seem to solve everybody's problem.   You get to see him & he gets to go to the party.  It might do you both some good for you to meet the people in his platoon.  

However, based on your other thread, I don't think this guy is that into you.  Why are you working so hard to keep something together when he acts like he doesn't care?  Other than getting to say you have a BF, what exactly are you getting out of this LDR where you rarely see him? 

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I do not feel as though you're being unreasonable. He has to WANT to spend time and prioritize YOU.

I understand that he mentioned the work colleague "going away" but that doesn't mean your time together should just be "given up" on.

He's certainly not encouraging you or showing you the attentiveness you're yearning for. 

Honestly, if I was in your position, I would be reconsidering the relationship. I would not want to be with someone that wasn't on the same level as me in terms of this dynamic. 

Just based on your other thread, he sounds like he has a lot of animosity towards you and he wants to do his own thing. And that's fine, but you have to be secure in what you're looking for in a relationship and nobody decides and is given a pass here. He's not feeling that way and you can't push him to feel that way.

Just sounds like he's not really feeling it and he says things to you that are cruel.

So, what's in it for you? And if you aren't satisfied answering that question, you can certainly go elsewhere, find what you're looking for in a partner and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

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8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

You're welcome to keep writing the same stuff over and over, but apparently nothing has changed. Maybe we should copy and paste our responses from your earlier threads?

This guy is not going to magically become a better match for you. You've wasted 4 months being miserable, which you could have spent finding someone better, instead. So the question becomes, why not go and do that before you waste 5 months?

^ This.  OP, it's not clear why you insist on staying with him.  My only conclusion is you have extremely low self esteem, and/or you thrive on drama.  I can only suggest looking into therapy.

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