Is it appropriate for him to hang out with me if he’s dating someone else?

[Batya33]

When you do feel a click is it often because the man is a challenge in some way - acting more distant than one should be when trying to get to know someone? Bragging or oversharing or humble bragging about how other women want him?

I went on many one and done first dates and first meets. Also if a man asks to see  you again but doesn't set a time and place -assume there is no next date unless and until he follows up with a time and place date.  It's  the equivalent of "yeah we should get coffee sometime!"  (which I try never  to say to a new friend/potential friend unless I mean to make a plan).  

I think it's unrealistic to expect a text unless the person says "I'll text you soon to make a plan" 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, LovelyRoses said:

I know but it’s rare I find someone I click with whats also ruining my confidence is the fact I keep going on first dates with men. And I just don’t feel any click whatsoever with them. There’s no spark of attraction. 

Unfortunately it's a catch-22. You keep going on first dates with no chemistry because you're so preoccupied with this man.

You' seem to spend a lot of time scrolling through, scouring and analyzing tezt conversations with him searching for alternative explanations.

Trying to mentally undo the fact that he doesn't want a relationship with you and that it's all a mistake because he changed jobs and moved or whatever.

Once you open your mind and heart to new people, you may be able to free yourself not only from obsessing about this unavailable man, but the sensation that no one you're attracted to exists. 

[Jaunty]

You really need to move on from this guy, "cleanse your palette" by occupying yourself with other things (not dating, men, your level of attraction for them, and especially this guy) for a while, and then start fresh.  

It really shows that you're not in any position to be dating when you complain about the many guys you have gone out with that didn't text you or show interest - while you had zero interest in them.  

You want them to "boost your confidence."

That's not what they're there for.

[rainbowsandroses]

7 hours ago, LovelyRoses said:

I know but it’s rare I find someone I click with..

You keep repeating this^^. We KNOW.  

My response?  So what?  YOUR feelings aren't the only feelings that matter, HIS feelings matter as well, or rather in this case lack of feelings.  He does not want what you want. 

It takes two people to have a relationship, situationship, even a friendship and one thing you don't seem to be getting or refuse to acknowledge and accept is HE doesn't click with you!  Not in the same way or possibly in any way.

You cannot possibly be so self-absorbed to not consider this or understand it?

A part of growing up and maturing is realizing we can't always have what we ourselves want. 

In a way, not considering and accepting HIS feelings about not wanting to move forward with you is disrespectful.

It's like the men I have a few dates with and I tell them 'I'm not feeling it' or any variation thereof and he can't accept it and keeps texting, calling (harassing) me because HE is attracted and wants to date me and apparently to him that's ALL that matters.  

He's simply unable or incapable of accepting that I'm not.  It's egocentric and self-centered. 

Not to mention a huge PITA and again disrespectful imo.

Just stop it.  I don't mean to be harsh but time to be a grown up and accept that we don't and won't always get what we want, desire or "click with "

That's life. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

He likes you just fine. But he doesn't want a relationship with you. 

You can refuse to accept this and hold on for 25+ years like my friend did if you want. But that doesn't seem like a pleasant way to spend your life. My friend has had a miserable life because she refused to let go. 

[catfeeder]

10 hours ago, LovelyRoses said:

...whats also ruining my confidence is the fact I keep going on first dates with men. And I just don’t feel any click whatsoever with them. There’s no spark of attraction. The men say they wanna see me again and I say ‘absolutely.’ 
but they never even text me after the date. 

It’s happened 10 times this year. 

It might be helpful to know that that these are natural odds. There's no click, because a click is supposed to be rare. Otherwise, what would be so special about it?

So the men, who also sense no click, raise a second date to politely close the current date, but they know better--and so do you. Most people are NOT our match. Of all the friends and good acquaintances you've enjoyed over the course of your life, only a few of those became your closest or best friends. It's no insult to the rest of these perfectly fine people that you've only clicked with certain folks..

So beating down your own confidence over this rarity does not serve you. Just as the right friends view you through the right lens, so will the right partner. Until then, it's just two equally valid puzzle pieces meeting to see if there's a fit, and there is usually not. This doesn't invalidate either, it simply means that you must keep seeking a fit until you find simpatico.

Rejection only speaks of the limited vision of the one who is rejecting. They don't own the capacity to see and appreciate your unique value, but the right person for you will. So it's rather fortunate that you haven't been pushed into a corner of needing to reject a second date from one with whom you share no attraction. What's the point in going there?

Keep meeting men, and treat it like a needle in the haystack pursuit. This is true for everyone--it's not a reflection on you.

Head high.