I need some dating advice

[Lucy123]

 

I fancy one guy at my local shop, he seems shy and always avoids eye contact so I can't even smile and say hi every time I see him. I don't know how to approach this situation as he seems nice and I would like to ask him out for a coffee or something 🤔 I don't want to scare him off as he seems shy, any ideas of what to do :)?

 

My idea was to greet with him and smile each time I am there for few weeks and then when convenient as him our for a coffee but he does avoid eye contact with me but takes a peek at me each time I am in the shop as few people already mentioned this to me.

 

Thanks for all your ideas 🙂

[smackie9]

You may have to consider he avoids eye contact because he's not interested. Just saying. And if you do scare him off, that really means he's not interested. I have asked guys out myself, and all was received with positive responses. If a guy did scampered away into his snail shell....who would want to date a coward like that anyways? If he avoids you, leave him alone.

Just go with what you plan. Smile say hi and watch his response, take it from there. 

[rainbowsandroses]

40 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

And if you do scare him off, that really means he's not interested.

Absolutely agree! Except it's not because he's "scared" it's because he's not interested.

If he were interested, he'd probably be asking YOU out!  

My experience.

40 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I have asked guys out myself, and all was received with positive responses. If a guy did scampered away into his snail shell....who would want to date a coward like that anyways? 

@smackie9can you clarify the bolded?  He's a coward because he's not interested?  Thats how it reads imo.

If he were interested but scampered away in fear, that would make him a coward, but not being interested does not make a man a coward. 

It simply means he's not interested and you should forget about it. 

But @Lucy123go for it, suggest something casual.  

The lack of eye contact could mean nerves or some sort of social anxiety.  It does not necessarily mean lack of interest. 

If you're very beautiful he may feel somewhat intimidated.

Just ask him for coffee and let chips fall where they may is my advice.

[Jaunty]

You're going to have to take a risk.  

[TeeDee]

Does he work at this shop?  He may simply not want to date or encourage customers. 

 

Do chat him up a bit more.  See if he has a SO before you do anything bold.  

If you can get him chatting see if you can figure out what he's into.  My indirect way when I wanted to test the waters but not risk direct rejection would be to drop in a line about where you & your friends will be on some future date & time, as in "me & my friends are going to [local bar] on Friday.  It'd be great to see you there."   See what he does with that.  If he shows up you are golden.   If he doesn't & never mentions it or an alternative, he's not interested.  

[Wiseman2]

He may be hesitant to hit on customers. Do you even know if he's single? 

[ShySoul]

Out of curiosity, what kind of shop is this? Maybe you could ask him for help with something as a way of opening up a conversation. Like if it was a book store, see if he has any new recommendations. 

As a shy guy, I would be flattered if a woman asked me out (one day, lol). But I also know I would be nervous if it just came out of the blue. I'd be more comfortable if we had spoken regularly, built up a rapport. Then it would feel like an extension of our natural conversation. Him being scared or nervous wouldn't necessarily have anything to do with you. A shy person takes time to open up. They might be unsure of themselves and not know how to handle such a situation. I mean, it doesn't happen all that often to us. The key is to just be nice and friendly. Be relaxed and casual. If we feel comfortable with you, we are more likely to open up.

14 hours ago, smackie9 said:

If a guy did scampered away into his snail shell....who would want to date a coward like that anyways?

Just because someone backs away at first doesn't make them a coward. There could be a lot of reasons. Maybe he is getting over a relationship and wasn't ready to face the question. Maybe he's had someone play games with him and he doesn't want to get his hopes up and risk being hurt. Maybe he is going through some other rough time outside of relationships and doesn't feel up to it right then. Maybe he lacks experience so is self conscious and self-sabotages himself. Maybe he has self-esteem issues. Doesn't mean he is a coward, just that he might not be interest, ready, or that he needs more time to open up.

Shy people take time to open their shells for people. But once they trust you and let you into their world, you'd be amazed by all the thoughts and ideas floating through our heads. And a lot of them can be quite daring and bold, the opposite of being a coward. We just don't like to share that side of ourselves with just anyone.

[catfeeder]

He doesn’t need to look directly at you to hear his name with a hello. Try that out a few times, and he may be encouraged to start saying hello to you without prompting.

 I’m not one for barging right into invitations. Lay down some welcoming seeds first to learn how he responds. If that goes well, you’ll both grow comfortable conversing, and you’ll sense the right time to invite him.

[Brittany613]

Approaching a shy person can be tricky, but your plan has promise.

For me, I would ask him something about the items in the store when there are not many people in the store. (For example, if it is a cake shop, I will try to ask him which cake is recommended today?)

A step-by-step process is necessary. After you start communicating, you can try asking him to have a cup of coffee or something.