I think my ex gf 32f is playing games with me 34m on social media.

[circa11]

So my ex and I broke up on march 13th. She had been distant for several weeks prior so i knew something was coming. Anyways we broke up, and she told me i could come pick up my things from the step that night so i did. I went over and did that, she didnt have the ability to see me face to face for some reason but she was putting the kids to bed. (her kids btw). She told me she was in just as much pain as me which i do believe. side note she has 2 maybe 3 of my random items still that i havent asked for yet.

So anyways that happened and we parted ways. Obviously this has been a tough journey for myself for sure, but I have gone into no contact so far. We still have each other on social media, but none of us have directly reached out to the other. One thing I’ve noticed pretty much right after the break up was the typical constantly posting on Snapchat , way more than she ever used to do while we were together. I have decided to go the opposite route. I was not a social media poster. She has posted about 15 stories so far on her Snapchat and I have viewed about three of them. I am making sure that I’m waiting at least a few hours, if not almost a full day before I view hers if I do. I have maybe posted 2 so far and she’s either the first or second person to view it, and it usually takes her no more than five minutes, sometimes double views. That’s not the weirdest thing though. She has been turning her location on snap maps on and off to the point where I’ve noticed. It is currently on now and so is mine. If I was to turn mine off, I know that she will notice and turn hers off.does anyone have an idea why this may be happening? My limited knowledge on the subject tells me that she is still attached to me, but won’t say anything to me. It hasn’t been a month yet. She did tell me that she hoped I didn’t hate her and that she would like to still be friends, but I did make it clear to her that due to how she chose to end things I would find it very difficult to continue a friendship after the fact.

This is kind of driving me crazy to be honest, and I would rather reach out to her and kind of say why are we playing games with each other and not having an adult discussion. But the other half of me wants to continue the no contact as in no direct reaching out and see what happens. I’m just looking for some advice on what people might think is happening here and if anyone needs more information, feel free to ask. Not sure if anyone else has gone through anything similar or not.

Thanks, everyone in advance for any advice you may have! and please ask for any clarification :)

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, circa11 said:

 I have gone into no contact so far. We still have each other on social media, but none of us have directly reached out to the other. .. She did tell me that she hoped I didn’t hate her and that she would like to still be friends, but I did make it clear to her that due to how she chose to end things I would find it very difficult to continue a friendship after the fact.

Sorry this happened. How long were you together? What was the breakup about? How did she choose to end things? 

Following each other is not no contact. Unfortunately it's keeping you attached and wondering and hoping. Would you want to reconcile or stay friends? 

[circa11]

almost 3 years. she said i was negative quite often, and tended to complain. we had a good relationship and i was great with her kids. her parents and grandparents liked me. she told me that sfter some time thinking that she thinks its better that shes by herself. shes made a few references or reminders that shes still single too. shes posted that she went to olive garden by herself, that was our fav place.

 

and just last night she randomly liked a new photo i put up on facebook. all of this but no reach out from her. I would like to reconcile.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

48 minutes ago, circa11 said:

 just last night she randomly liked a new photo i put up on facebook. all of this but no reach out from her. I would like to reconcile.

If you hope for reconciliation, social media stalking and game playing won't help. Ask her to meet and see if she wants to get back together.  That's better than torturing yourself with guessing what cryptic meanings social media activities have. 

[bluecastle]

I'd say this is pretty normal, one of the (many) things we now have to deal with in the age of social media. Most people flail a bit in the aftermath of a breakup—doubting their choice one moment, drinking too much the next, becoming ultra spiritual or nihilistic, craving attention, whatever. Before social media? You just didn't have a window into this unless you happened to, say, walk in on your ex at a bar with friends.

Now, alas, we all live at that bar, in some amorphous pixelated way, though there is good news. It's easy enough to avoid either by (a) unfollowing or (b) deleting the app for a bit. I highly suggest one of those two routes for you. Having been in a version of your shoes—sifting over social media activity like an archeologist looking for some mythic symbol—I can't begin to express the sanity that followed simply by taking a break from the apps. 

And if what you'd like is to reconcile? I agree with the above: Ask her to meet up and tell her how you feel. Plenty of people get back together, and while it doesn't alway work out it's a lot better than trying to turn nothing into something, which is, at its core, all that social media is. 

[circa11]

I think I’m going to message her at some point. But I think I’m gonna wait to at least 40 days. I’m honestly a bit surprised that she hasn’t reached out yet but she could be just as stubborn as me. I think I’ll reach out to her at about the 40 day mark And just say hey, what’s going on? 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, circa11 said:

I think I’m going to message her at some point. But I think I’m gonna wait to at least 40 days. I’m honestly a bit surprised that she hasn’t reached out yet but she could be just as stubborn as me. 

It's good you're considering talking if you want to reconcile. Is 40 days arbitrary or do you hope it's enough time for her to process and miss you? 

What exactly did she mean by "she said i was negative quite often, and tended to complain"? What were your complaints? 

[circa11]

55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you're considering talking if you want to reconcile. Is 40 days arbitrary or do you hope it's enough time for her to process and miss you? 

What exactly did she mean by "she said i was negative quite often, and tended to complain"? What were your complaints? 

I’m just going by the usual 45-60 day no contact. Judging by what’s been happening in the last 30 days I’d think that things are pointing towards she wants me to reach out but I’m not certain. 
 

I had bouts of 4-5 months at a time where I was relatively positive and then a period of time where I kind of fell off the wagon and was just a kind of negative overall type of person. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, circa11 said:

I’m just going by the usual 45-60 day no contact.

Usual for whom?

This is silliness, OP. If you want to get back together, pick up the phone and call her. Have an actual conversation and speak like adults. Forget the teenager-ish social media games and arbitrary No Contact  timelines. 

 

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, circa11 said:

That’s not the weirdest thing though. She has been turning her location on snap maps on and off to the point where I’ve noticed. It is currently on now and so is mine. If I was to turn mine off, I know that she will notice and turn hers off.does anyone have an idea why this may be happening?

I am going to say this in the nicest way possible: There is no way she turning on her location means she plays games with you and wants you back. You just want that to be true so you invented a narrative in your head. In actuality, she cared so little that she didnt wanted to even see you face to face when you went over for your stuff. 

Block her on everything and dont pay attention to her at all.

[boltnrun]

Have you been reading those "Get your ex back, guaranteed!!!111" sites? If so, I sure hope you didn't give them any money. Those sites are scams. There's no way every single person who ever broke up with someone wakes up on day 45 and thinks "Gee golly, it's been 45 days. Time to reconcile with my ex!!"

I agree if you want to reconcile, call her (or text if you just can't bring yourself to call) and ask her to meet with you to discuss reconciliation.