She choose someone else over me

[Mark1997]

I am in a relationship with a girl the same age as me, we both are 25. She has this one male best friend that i dont like for some reasons. Because i think i know what he is up to the way he talks and acts. I told my girlfriend many times but she never listened to me and a few days back i asked her for a night out and she said she is going with that guy and that she said its just a casual night out. She rejected my plans and went with him even after knowing that i am uncomfortable with this. And then she ignored my call and text and the next day she said she ignored it because she was busy hanging out with that guy. I am confused, i see this as a big red flag.  And i alright tried yo talk yo her on this topic vut everytime shr just gets angry. What should i do? 

[ShySoul]

How long have you been in the relationship? Have you seen anything specific that would indicate he has ulterior motives? Or is this more just a feeling? How are things in the relationship otherwise? Are the two of you getting along well or have them been problems? Hard to gauge what is happening without a better understanding of the whole relationship.

Being in a relationship means trusting your partner. She has the right to spend time with who she wants to, just as you can spend time with who you want. So unless you can point to something he's done that crosses a line as inappropriate, it's not your call who she spends time with. If this is a friendship that goes back awhile, she's especially going to be unlikely to want to stop it.

However, if it makes you uncomfortable, she should at least be willing to talk it over with you without getting angry. You need to have an open discussion without anger or blame by other side. Explain how you feel and what exactly makes you uneasy about him. She needs to show she respects your concerns and convince you that nothing is going on. From there it's a matter of finding a compromise where you both feel heard. If either of you isn't able to do this, it might be a sign this wasn't meant to be.

[LootieTootie]

Listen to your gut feeling. I am also interested to know how long have you been together?

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, Mark1997 said:

 a few days back i asked her for a night out and she said she is going with that guy and that she said its just a casual night out.  i alright tried yo talk yo her on this topic but everytime she just gets angry. 

Sorry this is happening. Are you exclusive after 8 weeks dating?

Unfortunately she seems to be asserting her independence and boundaries as far as telling her who she can be friends with.

What exactly does she mean by "best friends"? Did they ever have a thing?  All you can do is observe her priorities.

However it's probably best not to come across as jealous, controlling or possessive. Please reflect if you two have different values as far as opposite sex friends and boundaries. 

Is this the same woman, was she aware you've been talking to your ex?:

 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 2/16/2024 at 2:20 AM, Mark1997 said:

She rejected my plans and went with him even after knowing that i am uncomfortable with this. And then she ignored my call and text and the next day she said she ignored it because she was busy hanging out with that guy.

^^After only 8 weeks dating, this is a dealbreaker, 100%.  Yes she has the "right" to go out with whomever she likes, however it's quite obvious at least to me, this man is not just a "friend" and even if he was, ignoring you (her boyfriend) and your calls, preferring to spend time with him over you is not indicative of a woman either respecting you or wanting to be with you in a romantic relationship.

If me and roles were reversed, I'd graciously leave them to it and walk away with your self-respect in tact and your head high. 

Sorry, and good luck. 

 

[dias]

As it has happened to me in the past, dude, when you get a feeling that a girl is not interested enough in you (that's why she chose the other guy), she is simply not interested in you (for real). At least in my experience. 

[smackie9]

You want to be a priority in a relationship to a certain degree which is perfectly legit. You tried to set a boundary which is what anyone should do. Fact is tho, she doesn't agree, she doesn't listen or respect your request, or your feelings. Your answer to this is to breakup with her. You cannot change the way she behaves because she sees nothing wrong with what she does. You don't have any other options here.

[ShySoul]

On 2/16/2024 at 2:20 AM, Mark1997 said:

she ignored my call and text and the next day she said she ignored it because she was busy hanging out with that guy.

What was the situation around this? What were they doing? How close of a best friend are we talking about? There's a difference between her delibratley chosing to ignore you and her being in a place not conducive to calls. A loud concert, a movie where a phone is on silent... is it possible she simply missed the call? On the other hand, if she choose to ignore it, that does she disrespect. Likewise, is this a best friend she's known for years and hangs out with all the time? Have they been more then friends in the past? Again, the only way to know is to talk it out. If you feel upset, trust your instinct. But at the same time, be careful to make sure you don't jump to conclusions and read into things more then might actually be there.