Feeling destroyed after my first break up of 8.5 years we're both 28 💔

[justinb65]

Since Monday me and my girlfriend have split up. We have been together for about 8.5 years both young and our first relationship. Since 2022 it has been long distance. The plan was that I will try to check if it was better back home and we both agreed to go long distance, in December we decided to move late 2024 again to her country and I will make more money and save up while being in my country in the meantime. We both had some troubles when we were apart with communication but we always worked things out and fixed it. We had a similar almost break up in 2022 when I left but decided to stay together but still we loved each other so much not let go. So on Monday we broke up after one long call crying our tears out. I know she is my soulmate and she loves me so much but it was her choice to break up. I asked her twice if this is what you want we need to do it and break up. She is studying for and and half years more and she said she need space to figure out what she wants in life and was tired of everything. I told her I want a future with her where we finally can buy a house together because deep inside it is what I want with her. But she rejected this and told me the best thing to do for now is break up. We both agreed to go in no contact for 6 months and call and see how we are and she told me if we will be back together later in life we will be stronger than ever and this break up doesn't have to be forever... I hope we still can ... I am desperate I talked to her every day and it sucks to not be with her. Will the pain stop ??😭 I can't eat normal live normal anymore I don't have any more motivation in life after what happened. We are both 28 years old. In my head I hope there will be a future for us later in life, but it's feels like it's not worth it to think this and maybe I need to let her go forever.. to process this better. (Sorry english is not my first language)

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, justinb65 said:

. Since 2022 it has been long distance. The plan was that I will try to check if it was better back home and we both agreed to go long distance, in December we decided to move late 2024 again to her country and I will make more money and save up while being in my country in the meantime. 

Sorry this is happening. Are you originally from the same country? How did you meet? Did she go away for school or did you move back to your country to earn extra money? All you can do is give her space and see if you two are ready willing and able to live in the same area in the future. 

[justinb65]

No I am from the Netherlands and she is from Sweden. So we met on holiday. I think 6 months should be enough space. She was studying in Sweden, and I moved back home at that time.

[ShySoul]

Loving someone means wanting the best for them. Even though it hurts right now, you have to respect her wishes. It may not feel like it now, but things do get better. Things could work out together in the future. If so, your relationship will be stronger having been apart and realizing you are better together. If you don't end up together, try to see its for the best as long as you both can find ways to be happy. For now, take it one day at a time and try to focus on enjoying life and doing what makes you happy. It's ok to feel bad, ride whatever emotions you are feeling from this. But don't let it overwhelm you. In the end, things work out for the best. You just have to believe and see where the journey takes you.

[MissCanuck]

I am sorry you're hurting. 

It sounds like she outgrew the relationship and given her lack of experience apart from you, she is ready to move on and explore what else is out there for her. It's painful but it's also very common for first relationships. One person starts to feel stifled by the relationship and not prepared to commit to just their partner forever. 

Please take good care of yourself now. Try not to worry about what will happen in 6 months. You will both likely be in very different headspaces by then, and you may find that you are happier without her anyway. 

[tattoobunnie]

9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

One person starts to feel stifled by the relationship and not prepared to commit to just their partner forever. 

I know this stings, but it's so true.  I find journaling helps.  Getting out with friends and family.  Try doing something different each day.  Even just going to the beach or park by yourself, and just be present with how cold or hot or whatever it is.  How the sand feels, how the grass feels between your feet and fingers.  Try new restaurants, cuisines. Take a class like running, hiking, photography, cooking, etc. And, make sure you put away all her photos and mementos for now in a box in the closet.  You don't have to throw them out, but photos of them everywhere will not help you heal.  Also block on all social media.  It will drive you crazy seeing what she is up to, not up to, etc.  Hugs; it will be okay!  It will feel like a roller coaster of emotions, but hang in there.  

[justinb65]

Thanks so much for you're messages, I need to work on myself. I should of broke up way sooner I just kept delaying it being afraid of to be alone in this world. I hope we both can find peace and recover from it. I am thankfully this happened in some way.

[catfeeder]

Understandably, grief is not very motivating. I’m not an advocate of ditching all hope at this time, in fact, denial is one of the natural stages of grief. I believe that it can be used as a motivator to plunge into exploration of self development, new interests, untapped talents, making new friends, rekindling relationships with old friends and loved ones who you may have neglected or taken for granted.

This doesn’t mean that there’s no room for reflection and sadness, it just means that you can put limits on that to avoid stagnation and wallowing yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

As you start focusing more on the present, you may find yourself placing hopes to reconcile on the back burner. You might feed those on occasion, or you may find them less and less relevant to your daily life of commitments to others that you will not break. Loved ones and community are grounding influences, which can normalize us into a feeling of gratitude. This is your opportunity to step out of your own way and build the kinds of bonds you couldn’t have fathomed a year ago or a week ago.

Head high, you can do this.

[justinb65]

thank you for your inspiring message, I really appreciate it. I have completely lost myself in this relationship and for myself I now want to move on. I will soon move to a bigger city and try to pick up my life there again. I have met two new people and I am grateful for the small steps that have taken me forward within this week. to help. I pray a lot to get peace in my mind. I first need to recover from this first. You are so nice   Thank you