WintersDay Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 So….horrible out of the blue break up that’s been about 5.5 months now and god was I utterly devastated. My ex wasn’t particularly great either and basically just stonewalled me out of a happy 4 year Relationship (big life changes were coming and I got the whole ‘somethings missing’ line - I think he basically just ran off from house/engagement plans that were coming up despite him initiating them) Anyway, as time has gone on I’m now no longer the anxious heartbroken mess I was (but admittedly would still like to repair things and still have some sadness over it all) I’ve been super busy with study, friends, work, hobbies etc. lost 10kgs and looking good. Been on a handful of dates and enjoyed myself but no where near ready to open up my heart or feel the ‘excitement’ of it so I’m going to dial back on dating for a while… Onto my ex…..I don’t think he’s seen single life quite how he thought it might turn out. He was heard lamenting at work how he’s destined to be a lonely old bachelor and a few weeks ago I’d heard he’d been out at some club (he’s 45 and likes quiet pubs) was horrendously drunk to the point he was thrown out and was trying it on with girls 20 years younger than him who rejected him……(might have brought the old ego down a notch or two - I was quite pleased to hear it actually) Anyway, last week by chance we finally ended up alone in each others company at work and finally ended up having the most lovely conversation joking about work, asking about families, Xmas etc. I didn’t want it to end. I sent him an email afterwards just to say how lovely it was and would he like to meet me for a beer to have a proper catch up. He replied saying he agreed but wanted to interact with some more chats at work first before meeting up? A little bit confusing….what do people make of that? Im going to continue putting one foot in front of the other and ride this out (it’s all I can do) but would dearly love for him to come around to thinking we could try again. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 4 minutes ago, WintersDay said: I sent him an email afterwards just to say how lovely it was and would he like to meet me for a beer to have a proper catch up. He replied saying he agreed but wanted to interact with some more chats at work first before meeting up? It's nice you can feel more relaxed at work and be civil to each other. However he seems to be enjoying single life so please stop chasing him. 1 Link to comment
WintersDay Posted January 20 Author Share Posted January 20 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's nice you can feel more relaxed at work and be civil to each other. However he seems to be enjoying single life so please stop chasing him. I’m not ‘chasing him’ whatsoever but Thankyou. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 2 minutes ago, WintersDay said: I’m not ‘chasing him’ whatsoever Please don't pursue him by emailing him and asking him out. Unfortunately as you noticed, he's not interested. 1 Link to comment
WintersDay Posted January 20 Author Share Posted January 20 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Please don't pursue him by emailing him and asking him out. Unfortunately as you noticed, he's not interested. Again, I am not, and have not, been ‘chasing’ him as you so bluntly put it. Please take your negativity and lack of empathy somewhere else, it’s not appreciated - it’s not the first time I’ve seen you react to other posters this way and they haven’t appreciated it either judging by their replies. I emailed him afterwards to say how lovely it was we could talk and he agreed. It’s been an absolutely horrible time to go through this with a man who basically ran scared. It’s called mending broken bridges and I don’t think there is anything wrong with me being friendly and attempting to do so. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 2 minutes ago, WintersDay said: . It’s called mending broken bridges and I don’t think there is anything wrong with me being friendly and attempting to do so. Agree. That's exactly what I stated . It's great you can feel more relaxed at work and be civil to each other. However your question was why did he defer the invitation to have a beer. 1 Link to comment
WintersDay Posted January 20 Author Share Posted January 20 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. That's exactly what I stated . It's great you can feel more relaxed at work and be civil to each other. However your question was why did he defer the invitation to have a beer. He didn’t say no, he said he wants to talk more first before we see each other outside - that’s what my question was about. Sometimes mending things takes time and is done slowly, especially I think on a fear based breakup (lots of stories following that path on this very forum) Like I say, I haven’t chased him and will not chase him further but continue to forge the friendly interactions when we do see each other at work (they are few and far between luckily) all I wanted was a bit of advice on how to proceed - it is the ‘getting back together’ forum after all. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 He knows you want more than friends. And you know it too. Nothing confusing -he declined your invitation for now. I'd respect his wishes and since he knows you're interested in meeting up leave the ball in his court and be friendly -but dial it back -at work. Don't tell yourself it's confusing because of his maybe in the future tenative thing. Take that as a NO. Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Well, now you know. He's not interested in getting back. 1 Link to comment
WintersDay Posted January 20 Author Share Posted January 20 He didn’t say that and nor did I ask him that question. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 5 hours ago, WintersDay said: Anyway, last week by chance we finally ended up alone in each others company at work I sent him an email afterwards just to say how lovely it was and would he like to meet me for a beer to have a proper catch up. He replied saying he agreed but wanted to interact with some more chats at work first before meeting up? A little bit confusing….what do people make of that? You asked for opinions, but you've negated all the opinions you've received. I'll be the echo chamber: He broke up for whatever reason. We can say fear, you can laugh at how he's getting rejected by the 20-somethings, we can say whatever we want. But the bottom line is, he broke up, and it hurts. I get it. You happened to end up alone together, and he was cordial. As were you. Awesome. When you bought up getting together outside of work, he came up with an excuse. He was being polite. Again, you asked: "What do people make of that?" What I make of that, is just what I said: He was caught off guard being alone with you, and decided to take a high road and have a pleasant, polite conversation, and be pleasant and put you off at the mention of getting together for a beer. When someone is into you, you'll know it. If not, you'll be confused. I've been there before, and I know how much it hurts, and I'm sorry. But this confusion you have means he's just not interested. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but he was just being polite. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 He didn't have to say that. Anything short of true enthusiasm to see you one on one is a NO. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 5 hours ago, WintersDay said: what do people make of that? It's a soft rejection because he doesn't have the heart to come right out and say no. But you need to consider his dodge a "no." 5 hours ago, WintersDay said: It’s called mending broken bridges and I don’t think there is anything wrong with me being friendly and attempting to do so. Your bridges are already mended, though. You manage to have civil interactions at work, and it would be too painful for you to be friends with him when he isn't giving any indication that he wants to reconcile or even be friends again. 3 hours ago, WintersDay said: He didn’t say that and nor did I ask him that question. He isn't dim. He no doubt knows you want him back. He likely doesn't want to make things awkward and give you false hope by having a "friendly" beer to "catch up." He can read between the lines, Winter. 5 hours ago, WintersDay said: all I wanted was a bit of advice on how to proceed There is nothing more for you to do. He was the dumper, and he obviously realizes you are still interested. He would need to be the one to initiate some sort of path to reconciliation - but he hasn't done that. 6 hours ago, WintersDay said: He was heard lamenting at work how he’s destined to be a lonely old bachelor Ouch. You do realize what this implies about his lack of desire to rekindle with you, right? You really need to let go, girl. He is not coming back. 1 Link to comment
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