Have I been used?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, MsBlonde said:

, he messaged today saying- 

‘Would really love to get another date in the diary soon, what weekends are you free?.

Patience is virtue. Enjoy the date. 

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, MsBlonde said:

Update….

after not hearing from him at all week, he messaged today saying- 

‘Would really love to get another date in the diary soon, what weekends are you free?’

😩😩😩😩

How do YOU feel?  DO you feel good and positive about him?  No resentment that he hadn't contacted you in five days?  

I don't think any of us can answer, because in a situation like this, putting ourselves in your shoes, only you know how you feel in your heart of hearts. 

Only to say IF you feel good and positive, then accept his invite and enjoy.  

If not politely decline and close this chapter. 

[boltnrun]

Well, I would think everyone who said he needs "space" to "process" wouldn't have a problem with him waiting five days 😛

The question is, are YOU OK with him waiting five days? 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Well, I would think everyone who said he needs "space" to "process" wouldn't have a problem with him waiting five days 😛

The question is, are YOU OK with him waiting five days? 

Yes and it sounds like he's not chomping at the bit -more like if he sees you soon or in a few weeks that's ok.  Seems a bit lukewarm to me.  I don't think he needed space to "process" or he'd have wanted you to know why he waited 5 days.  I think he was processing his other options.

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think he needed space to "process" or he'd have wanted you to know why he waited 5 days.  I think he was processing his other options.

Wholeheartedly agree!  Especially in light of his rather cavalier response.

[Coily]

Some things are better said in person, if he's still interested.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, Coily said:

Some things are better said in person, if he's still interested.

 

That's fair however IF he were processing his emotions to determine next step or he was just 'busy' (which if I were to venture a guess will be his reason for going NC for five days), do you think he would have sent such a nonchalant casual message?

Telling her he'd like to get something scheduled in his "diary" and asking what weekends she's free?

Obviously not this weekend.

I dunno his message sounded very cavalier to me, not a man interested in pursuing a relationship with substance and value which is what @MsBlondewants. 

Just what I'm sensing.

OP have you responded?

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

He may presume that since you had sex without determining any sort of commitment or even a discussion of exclusive dating, you'd be down for another hookup. 

[rainbowsandroses]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

He may presume that since you had sex without determining any sort of commitment or even a discussion of exclusive dating, you'd be down for another hookup. 

Fair enough, however even if he did presume that, a man highly interested in her and in pursuing a non-casual relationship with her would (1) not have waited five days to reach out and (2) had a more definitive plan.

Not tell he wanted to schedule something in his diary like she was one of many (ugh) and asking her which weekend(s) she was free so he could pick the most convenient one for HIM.

Again just my take, I have never had a man truly interested in me wait 5 days to reach out after first-time sex and when he did, ask to see me again in such a cool casual manner.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 1/18/2024 at 4:51 PM, MsBlonde said:

 he did message saying he can’t wait to see me again. He made many suggestions even after ‘sex’ that he wanted a weekend away together to explore and do some fun activities. 

And he kept his promise!  Please have more faith and confidence in yourself and the men you date. All this angst for nothing.  Please keep in mind, texting is not dating and perhaps he doesn't want to come on too strong. Overall he likes you otherwise he wouldn't ask you out again as he suggested on your last date. 

[Coily]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's fair however IF he were processing his emotions to determine next step or he was just 'busy' (which if I were to venture a guess will be his reason for going NC for five days), do you think he would have sent such a nonchalant casual message?

Telling her he'd like to get something scheduled in his "diary" and asking what weekends she's free?

Obviously not this weekend.

I dunno his message sounded very cavalier to me, not a man interested in pursuing a relationship with substance and value which is what @MsBlondewants. 

Just what I'm sensing.

OP have you responded?

 

 

 

If I were in his position, I would also be "cavalier." Not knowing the OP, but if things automatically went to I had to explain my every move, I would be trying to play as if everything were fine as before. Depending on the woman, we men have it in our head, not to chase too hard else we frighten off a woman by being overbearing.

It's a fine line. Also after 3 dates, it would be hard to get a feel either way about what the intentions of the relationship are.

[kim42]

While I think waiting 5 days to text you again is a little long, but some guys don't want to text too much so they don't seem needy. Or maybe he was waiting for you to text him first.

Did he suggest things to do or make any plans? 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, kim42 said:

While I think waiting 5 days to text you again is a little long, but some guys don't want to text too much so they don't seem needy. Or maybe he was waiting for you to text him first.

Did he suggest things to do or make any plans? 

It sounds like he asked to be put on the calendar in the next few weeks for a date. That would be too cavalier for me and too much of an act- especially on text.

[Sindy_0311]

20 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes and it sounds like he's not chomping at the bit -more like if he sees you soon or in a few weeks that's ok.  Seems a bit lukewarm to me.  I don't think he needed space to "process" or he'd have wanted you to know why he waited 5 days.  I think he was processing his other options.

Totally agree. OP you better be prepared for his 5 days of silence after meeting him again. If you do agree to see him again, make sure you both are going on a real date and not just going to hang out… remain skeptical about this guy. 

[rainbowsandroses]

@MsBlondeis there an update?  Have you responded?   Did you schedule another date?

Inquiring minds..... 😀

[MsBlonde]

Next update!!

I did message him back. I didn’t mention anything about the days of silence I worked myself up over. Skimmed over that and asked what he had in mind, which was dinner out so I sent some dates over. He offered some week nights that work for us both and due to our work schedules it will strictly be ‘just’ dinner. Which at this moment in time suits me fine. 
I’m open to seeing him again and if he puts the effort in than so will I. 
I’m certainly not going to push anything or put pressure on him but I won’t allow myself to just be an ‘option’ to him either.

Only time will tell with this one!! 

[rainbowsandroses]

Not trying to be a downer I promise but in his first message he asked you to let him know what "weekends" you were free.

I assume you gave those to him but then he gave you "weeknights" to choose from? 

Does he work weekends? 🤔 

Realistically, I think you probably are an option, I mean what do you think he's doing on the weekends? 

Which is okay, we are all options until we're not, in which case HE should be an option for you too.

Good luck @MsBlondeI hope it works out for you the way you hope.  

 

[Sindy_0311]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Not trying to be a downer I promise but in his first message he asked you to let him know what "weekends" you were free.

I assume you gave those to him but then he gave you "weeknights" to choose from? 

Does he work weekends? 🤔 

Realistically, I think you probably are an option, I mean what do you think he's doing on the weekends? 

 

 

I was thinking the exact same. Apprently he didn't want to see you this weekend as he didn't reach out sooner, asked for another one, but not specifically the next one. And now it's weeknight. It seems sketchy. But at least he offered to go for diner. And I truly hope he will invite you.

What day exactly will you meet? 

[LootieTootie]

It's great he reached out for a date. I think after having sex the first time with someone, it does affect people differently so I am also in the camp that its too early to say.

Just go with the flow and try to enjoy the date, even if its not this weekend. 

[kim42]

I personally wouldn't worry too much about the weekday or weekend thing, enjoy the date, and I hope the vibe is still there!

[catfeeder]

2 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I personally wouldn't worry too much about the weekday or weekend thing, enjoy the date, and I hope the vibe is still there!

Yes! Skip the micro-ANALysis, and enjoy! I also don't count days between texts. I never did that with phone calls or emails before texts were a thing, and I think there's too much social pressure for insta-responses that imply stuff that's just not necessary.

[rainbowsandroses]

Confirming I don't advise worrying about it either.  

The only reason I mentioned is because first he said weekends, then switched to weeknights.

I think a man's word is important. 

Anyway, probably not a big deal so yes agree, enjoy the date and try to not overthink things.

Store it all in your "observation bank" and continue observing. In these precarious early stages, it would be a mistake not to.

Choose wisely from the get-go and avoid disappointment and heartbreak later.

JMO. 😀

[Sindy_0311]

6 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Yes! Skip the micro-ANALysis, and enjoy! I also don't count days between texts. I never did that with phone calls or emails before texts were a thing, and I think there's too much social pressure for insta-responses that imply stuff that's just not necessary.

I'm sorry, but I don't think this micro analysis...  

It's ok for someone not being into texts or emails. but this guy was texting every day and pretty much prior to their first sex, so I assume he isn't being consistent on that level: red flag.

And he doesn't priorizes seeing her during weekend, at least he didn't ask her out this weekend. Another little red flag IMO.  

Some major signs a guy is genuinely interested in a woman are: consistency in communication and a willingness to see her on weekends... don't you think? 

[kim42]

10 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Yes! Skip the micro-ANALysis, and enjoy! I also don't count days between texts. I never did that with phone calls or emails before texts were a thing, and I think there's too much social pressure for insta-responses that imply stuff that's just not necessary.

I agree it's easy to get caught up in overanalyzing messages and how quickly someone replies, I struggle with it myself. 

I've realized that sometimes even my messages can seem to be 'cold', and it's just because I'm tired, and it has nothing to do with the person I'm texting with.

[kim42]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I'm sorry, but I don't think this micro analysis...  

It's ok for someone not being into texts or emails. but this guy was texting every day and pretty much prior to their first sex, so I assume he isn't being consistent on that level: red flag.

And he doesn't priorizes seeing her during weekend, at least he didn't ask her out this weekend. Another little red flag IMO.  

Some major signs a guy is genuinely interested in a woman are: consistency in communication and a willingness to see her on weekends... don't you think? 

I mean we didn't see the entire conversation so I'm not sure how they moved from 'weekends' to 'week nights' but I don't think it has to be a red flag.

Judging from personal experience - there's this guy who asked me out - he wanted to hang out this weekend but I already had plans. I also have plans for next weekend so I'll see him one evening on a weekday.