Forever Alone?

[TheRideNeverEnds]

So, it seems I will always be lonely, and never find love because of my disability. 

I'm often bedridden, and too tired to do much in life. 

I'm also suffering from chronic pain. The question is why do some people claim anyone can find love? 

How if you can't be an asset to a future partner but a liability? If you have no money, no own place (care facility) no energy, no health, no special looks, nothing? 

That's my question, why do some people insist anyone can find love? 

[Tinydance]

31 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

So, it seems I will always be lonely, and never find love because of my disability. 

I'm often bedridden, and too tired to do much in life. 

I'm also suffering from chronic pain. The question is why do some people claim anyone can find love? 

How if you can't be an asset to a future partner but a liability? If you have no money, no own place (care facility) no energy, no health, no special looks, nothing? 

That's my question, why do some people insist anyone can find love? 

Well it's a hypothetical comment I suppose. I mean technically any type of person can find love and I truly do believe that. But not every person maybe WILL find love. There's a YouTube channel for example called Squirmy and Grubs. They are actually really popular and have something like two million followers. It's a married couple where the man has quite severe physical disabilities and he's married to this attractive able bodied woman. She actually does all his personal care for him. So this is just the way this man's life turned out that he happened to meet this woman who happens to have no problem with his disabilities or being his carer. 

At the same time there are people with no disabilities or deformities or anything who for some reason didn't actually find anyone. Some of it can be luck and being in the right place at the right time. Or it's just a connection between people. Like for example someone might have a disability but they just really hit it off with somebody else who can overlook their disabilities in favour of the connection they have.

What kind of disability do you have? Do you have carers helping you? What about trying to meet someone else who is lonely or also has a disability? I honestly do believe that everyone can fund someone but I think you need to consider what options you might actually have. Like, what kinds of people you might have a chance with.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

5 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well it's a hypothetical comment I suppose. I mean technically any type of person can find love and I truly do believe that. But not every person maybe WILL find love. There's a YouTube channel for example called Squirmy and Grubs. They are actually really popular and have something like two million followers. It's a married couple where the man has quite severe physical disabilities and he's married to this attractive able bodied woman. She actually does all his personal care for him. So this is just the way this man's life turned out that he happened to meet this woman who happens to have no problem with his disabilities or being his carer. 

At the same time there are people with no disabilities or deformities or anything who for some reason didn't actually find anyone. Some of it can be luck and being in the right place at the right time. Or it's just a connection between people. Like for example someone might have a disability but they just really hit it off with somebody else who can overlook their disabilities in favour of the connection they have.

What kind of disability do you have? Do you have carers helping you? What about trying to meet someone else who is lonely or also has a disability? I honestly do believe that everyone can fund someone but I think you need to consider what options you might actually have. Like, what kinds of people you might have a chance with.

 

Chronic hea issues, I'm in pain everyday and always tired so I probably wouldn't have the energy for a relationship anyway.

I tell you my life is utterly miserable, but above all else extremely boring. 

Maybe there's a cure one day, but doubt it.

Anyway there's no point in trying to date in this state, I'm sure. 

Not do i try, since what do i have to offer? 

[SherrySher]

28 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Chronic hea issues, I'm in pain everyday and always tired so I probably wouldn't have the energy for a relationship anyway.

I tell you my life is utterly miserable, but above all else extremely boring. 

Maybe there's a cure one day, but doubt it.

Anyway there's no point in trying to date in this state, I'm sure. 

Not do i try, since what do i have to offer? 

Have you ever joined a site for people with disabilities looking to make friends?

Quite often people search for friends, and accidentally find love.

There are a lot of people out there in this world who feel exactly the same way as you.

They are struggling with health issues, loneliness, and would love to find love.

You have friendship, love, comfort and emotional support to offer someone.

Those are the most important components in this world and outweigh anything else someone has to offer.

You just need to find someone who is living a similar life to you, and you will be able to give love to one another that you both are searching for.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

4 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Have you ever joined a site for people with disabilities looking to make friends?

Quite often people search for friends, and accidentally find love.

There are a lot of people out there in this world who feel exactly the same way as you.

They are struggling with health issues, loneliness, and would love to find love.

You have friendship, love, comfort and emotional support to offer someone.

Those are the most important components in this world and outweigh anything else someone has to offer.

You just need to find someone who is living a similar life to you, and you will be able to give love to one another that you both are searching for.

 

Why similar life? Such a person would be in another facility most likely, we wouldn't be able to see us, visit us or anything, since this person would also suffer from chronic fatigue and pain, also you really can't have a serious relationship in such facilities. 

And purely online relationships aren't relationships at all. 

 

[SherrySher]

Unless you find someone in your facility, then it will be a tough go to meet someone in real life.

Why similar life? Because of compatibility.

I am just being honest with you, to find someone healthy who wants to date someone not healthy, would be difficult. (I say this as someone who has health issues as well).

It doesn't work.

Healthy people want to be out and about, and leading a life.

Don't discount how much friendship, and love you can find with someone online.

You can message each other all the time. You can be on Facetime together, it brings a lot of happiness.

One of my very best friends (whom I was best friends with for over 8 years, lived in a different country to me).

They passed away from Cancer, and I never met them in person, not even one time.

Didn't stop us from being the very best of friends, or spending heaps of time together on Facetime.

With having health issues to this extent, because you have so many restrictions, you have to adjust your dating and expectations to the life you have right now.

I'm assuming you have already tried finding someone to date who is not unhealthy and who is someone you can see in real life.

But I am also assuming it hasn't gone well.

No harm in trying something new and seeing how it goes?

[TheRideNeverEnds]

3 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Unless you find someone in your facility, then it will be a tough go to meet someone in real life.

Why similar life? Because of compatibility.

I am just being honest with you, to find someone healthy who wants to date someone not healthy, would be difficult. (I say this as someone who has health issues as well).

It doesn't work.

Healthy people want to be out and about, and leading a life.

Don't discount how much friendship, and love you can find with someone online.

You can message each other all the time. You can be on Facetime together, it brings a lot of happiness.

One of my very best friends (whom I was best friends with for over 8 years, lived in a different country to me).

They passed away from Cancer, and I never met them in person, not even one time.

Didn't stop us from being the very best of friends, or spending heaps of time together on Facetime.

With having health issues to this extent, because you have so many restrictions, you have to adjust your dating and expectations to the life you have right now.

I'm assuming you have already tried finding someone to date who is not unhealthy and who is someone you can see in real life.

But I am also assuming it hasn't gone well.

No harm in trying something new and seeing how it goes?

 

First of all such relationships are forbidden in such facilities, second, those people are too old. 

Third a purely online relationship is not a relationship, you can't have a real love relationship that way, and you know that very well deep down.

Fourth, that why I accepted my fate. 

[Tinydance]

21 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Why similar life? Such a person would be in another facility most likely, we wouldn't be able to see us, visit us or anything, since this person would also suffer from chronic fatigue and pain, also you really can't have a serious relationship in such facilities. 

And purely online relationships aren't relationships at all. 

 

Well I'm not trying to be rude but right now you don't actually have any relationship. So maybe an online or video call relationship would at least be a step up from that.

[Tinydance]

29 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Have you ever joined a site for people with disabilities looking to make friends?

Quite often people search for friends, and accidentally find love.

There are a lot of people out there in this world who feel exactly the same way as you.

They are struggling with health issues, loneliness, and would love to find love.

You have friendship, love, comfort and emotional support to offer someone.

Those are the most important components in this world and outweigh anything else someone has to offer.

You just need to find someone who is living a similar life to you, and you will be able to give love to one another that you both are searching for.

I second this whole post. I actually have direct proof that people with disabilities find love and companionship with other people with disabilities. I know this because I worked as a disability worker for ten years. And some people I worked with were dating or married to other people with disabilities. One couple with disabilities was together for 16 years.

[SherrySher]

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

Third a purely online relationship is not a relationship, you can't have a real love relationship that way, and you know that very well deep down.

I know that very well deep down? No, I don't know that deep down.

I am being honest with you, I feel that a person can find a very strong connection with someone online.

Are you discounting the friendship I had with my best friend? Because I won't even bother to argue, I know you're wrong.

Does it suck being sick? YES, Does it suck to have all of these restrictions? YES.

But you even said so yourself, that you are too tired and not capable of doing much in real life anyhow.

Online is a good option.

But hey, if you don't want to even bother that's totally up to you.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

First of all such relationships are forbidden in such facilities.

Please talk to some of the facility caretakers about your concerns and loneliness and boredom.  See if there are activities and programs within the facility to help you. It's unclear why you think dating would be a solution. 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I'm not trying to be rude but right now you don't actually have any relationship. So maybe an online or video call relationship would at least be a step up from that.

I'd rather be alone that having a fake depressing relationship. 

[Tinydance]

I just find it interesting how many people come on this forum saying their life sucks and there will never  be any hope. Then when people try to come up with advice and solutions, the person gets upset and is like: "No you wrong, how dare you say it's possible to have a better life." It's like the person us only posting here because they want others to confirm their life will always suck and they don't like anyone being positive.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please talk to some of the facility caretakers about your concerns and loneliness and boredom.  See if there are activities and programs within the facility to help you. It's unclear why you think dating would be a solution. 

I don't think dating would be a solution. 

I also know if there isn't a cure soon I won't live much longer due to worsening health, so I won't have to endure this much longer I think. 

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

I'd rather be alone that having a fake depressing relationship. 

Well I think it's becoming clear the primary reason you're alone isn't your disabilities but your bad attitude about your life and other people. There is always someone posting here with literally exactly the same story. They don't accept any positive comments or solutions and the post just drags on until it gets locked.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

8 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

I know that very well deep down? No, I don't know that deep down.

I am being honest with you, I feel that a person can find a very strong connection with someone online.

Are you discounting the friendship I had with my best friend? Because I won't even bother to argue, I know you're wrong.

Does it suck being sick? YES, Does it suck to have all of these restrictions? YES.

But you even said so yourself, that you are too tired and not capable of doing much in real life anyhow.

Online is a good option.

But hey, if you don't want to even bother that's totally up to you.

 

Whats the point of this? I was asking how to learn to finally make peace with lonileness etc. Nothing more. 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I think it's becoming clear the primary reason you're alone isn't your disabilities but your bad attitude about your life and other people. There is always someone posting here with literally exactly the same story. They don't accept any positive comments or solutions and the post just drags on until it gets locked.

 

I would like to see your additude if you Had constant severe pain and are often nearly bedridden. 

[SherrySher]

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

I don't think dating would be a solution. 

I also know if there isn't a cure soon I won't live much longer due to worsening health, so I won't have to endure this much longer I think. 

TheRide, I am sorry that your health is this bad, truly I am.

I hear frustration, anger, loneliness, depression and a great deal of upset.

Anyone would be in your position.

Life can be very unfair.

You must feel like life has been stolen away from you and you have a lot of anger over that.

I don't blame you, I really don't.

I wish I had words to comfort you, but I don't.

Chronic long term illness, is terrible.

No one knows how bad it is unless they live it.

And yes, I speak from experience.

What can you do in the meantime, well why not try to chat to people online as friends if nothing else, just to be able to chat and have any kind of connection.

You don't even have to look for love, but to at least chat to people.

It will help with the boredom if nothing else.

I'm not even going to suggest a therapist, or counsellor or anything like that, because I know that in your specific case (illness), that it won't fix anything.

The only thing that would fix anything, would be to have your health and your life back.

I know.

Sending you a million hugs. You're not alone.

[Tinydance]

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Whats the point of this? I was asking how to learn to finally make peace with lonileness etc. Nothing more. 

Well it's totally up to you if you would like to make peace with it. Do you have friends? I think there are different types of relationships in life. I think any relationship has value but there are just different things you can get from different relationships. I think that unless someone is lying to you online, then if they're completely themselves then it's a real relationship. Like, it's real in the sense that the conversations and connection is real. And at the end of the day it depends what exactly you want from a relationship. For example, some people are asexual so their relationship might be more like a friendship or companionship. You said yourself that you're limited physically so wouldn't an online relationship provide you with an option where you don't physically exert yourself?

[TheRideNeverEnds]

3 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

TheRide, I am sorry that your health is this bad, truly I am.

I hear frustration, anger, loneliness, depression and a great deal of upset.

Anyone would be in your position.

Life can be very unfair.

You must feel like life has been stolen away from you and you have a lot of anger over that.

I don't blame you, I really don't.

I wish I had words to comfort you, but I don't.

Chronic long term illness, is terrible.

No one knows how bad it is unless they live it.

And yes, I speak from experience.

What can you do in the meantime, well why not try to chat to people online as friends if nothing else, just to be able to chat and have any kind of connection.

You don't even have to look for love, but to at least chat to people.

It will help with the boredom if nothing else.

I'm not even going to suggest a therapist, or counsellor or anything like that, because I know that in your specific case (illness), that it won't fix anything.

The only thing that would fix anything, would be to have your health and your life back.

I know.

Sending you a million hugs. You're not alone.

 

Thank you, the only reason I didn't kill myself is my faith. And also I'm not sure if God would send me to Hell if I killed myself, it's possible. 

I'm not suicidal though. Well usually I'm not, but it's hard to have any motivation to live this way. 

[Tinydance]

3 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

I would like to see your additude if you Had constant severe pain and are often nearly bedridden. 

I'm sorry if I came across harsh but I was simply saying that it still doesn't mean you can't have a relationship or at least some kind of companionship. There are many people with disabilities or chronic illness in this world and many of them do have relationships. You seem to think that only people without disabilities can have a relationship but that's not actually the case. In my own experience working with people with disabilities I definitely realised that the disabilities didn't necessarily stop them from dating.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Thank you, the only reason I didn't kill myself is my faith. And also I'm not sure if God would send me to Hell if I killed myself, it's possible. 

I'm not suicidal though. Well usually I'm not, but it's hard to have any motivation to live this way. 

Are you speaking to any counsellors about this? Do you have friends and family?

[TheRideNeverEnds]

2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I'm sorry if I came across harsh but I was simply saying that it still doesn't mean you can't have a relationship or at least some kind of companionship. There are many people with disabilities or chronic illness in this world and many of them do have relationships. You seem to think that only people without disabilities can have a relationship but that's not actually the case. In my own experience working with people with disabilities I definitely realised that the disabilities didn't necessarily stop them from dating.

 

Actually most severely disabled don't have relationships in my experience. 

 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

7 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well it's totally up to you if you would like to make peace with it. Do you have friends? I think there are different types of relationships in life. I think any relationship has value but there are just different things you can get from different relationships. I think that unless someone is lying to you online, then if they're completely themselves then it's a real relationship. Like, it's real in the sense that the conversations and connection is real. And at the end of the day it depends what exactly you want from a relationship. For example, some people are asexual so their relationship might be more like a friendship or companionship. You said yourself that you're limited physically so wouldn't an online relationship provide you with an option where you don't physically exert yourself?

First of all such a relationship wouldn't be acceptable due to my religious beliefs. 

The only acceptable love relationship would be marrying a woman but that means I would also have to have children. 

[SherrySher]

9 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Thank you, the only reason I didn't kill myself is my faith. And also I'm not sure if God would send me to Hell if I killed myself, it's possible. 

I'm not suicidal though. Well usually I'm not, but it's hard to have any motivation to live this way. 

Totally!

I get that completely.

Like, why bother when it's just going to be another day of pain and sadness, right?

But you know what? Those things are going to be there anyway, so why not make the most of what you can do?

I paint, I write, I chat online.

Hey, it's better than sitting and crying, you know?

Limitations aren't great, and yes, it's hard not to be angry at God, the world, people who have their health.

But just keep in mind that it's not anyone's fault.

It's just crap luck and how your life story went.

Do I know why yours went that way, or why mine has gone this way? Nope.

But as long as I am still on this earth, I'm going to try to do something half decent with the life I still have left.

Despite what you're going through, I can still hear a lot of determination in your words, a lot of feisty-ness.

You've got a lot of spirit in you yet!

Find any activity that brings you any kind of happiness, doesn't matter what it is.

Could be music, watching your favorite shows, or movies, try painting or writing! 

Write about your experiences with Chronic illness.

You have no idea how much that is actually interesting to some people and how much it helps others who are struggling like you are.