Is he just not that into me

[PunkPixie89]

I met a lovely man online, the only issue being he stays quite a distance from me, we in different cities. We have had a thing for 4 months and in that time have spent some time together which is always lovely, we have an amazing connection, we have so much in common, get along so well and everything just feels so natural and he has opened up to me emotionally, which I appreciate. However, things the past month have taken a bit of a turn, he's in a very bad place finacially and has taken on a second job which does take up a lot of his time which I understand. We eventually had that "Relationship" convo, he unfortunately said he can't be in one now or carry on with this as he has a lot on his plate right now and needs to focus on getting his life on track. I told him I understand and asked him if the distance wasn't a factor if things would be different and he said "The Distance can be very hard. Let's see how it goes. Thank you for understanding " I know he does like me, but I am assuming he does not like me enough... in my mind if you really like someone you try make it work, but maybe I'm thinking too much with emotions and not logical? Is he just essentially letting me down easy because he does not want to hurt me and realised he does not like me enough? We haven't spoken in a few days, and I do miss him which really sucks, a part of me want to tell him I miss him but I won't do that. Any advice would help. I am carrying on with my life and keeping busy, it's just really tough because I keep thing of how things could've been. 

[boltnrun]

How much time have you two spent together physically in person?

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, PunkPixie89 said:

in my mind if you really like someone you try make it work

Not always. There are cases where someone just doesn't have the emotional bandwidth for a relationship. This might be one of those cases. 

In any event, whatever his reason, it doesn't really change anything for you. The end result is still the same, even though it hurts. He doesn't want to continue. Try not to take it personally (easier said than done, of course) 

[Lambert]

I think the best thing you can do is focus on moving on. 

He may like you and all but he is not in a good place. 

Some times the timing is off. Let go now. Don't make it awkward. Take him at his word. Walk away with your head high. Spend time with your friends and family.  In time you will meet someone else. 

And who knows - you may mmeet him again in the future but that isn't something to focus on now. 

[PunkPixie89]

58 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How much time have you two spent together physically in person?

We have spent a total of about 2 weeks in person, we were supposed to see eachother next week but due to finacial reasons we could not, our plan was to see eachother every 2 months for 2 weeks.

[boltnrun]

Financial issues don't usually go well with trying to get a relationship going that involves travel. 

It would be better to focus on dating men who live within a reasonable distance, such as no more than 30 minutes away by car.

In time you will feel better and will be able to move past your natural disappointment.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, PunkPixie89 said:

We have spent a total of about 2 weeks in person, we were supposed to see eachother next week but due to finacial reasons we could not, our plan was to see eachother every 2 months for 2 weeks.

Sounds like a case of wrong timing + wrong logistics = wrong match.

Probably best to keep dating to a local enough radius to make getting to know someone in person a natural progression. This allows for sharing aspects of your lifestyles in small, manageable dates over time.

Long distance forces togetherness in ways that can suffocate and force a premature living-together experience. Plus, they’re expensive and create a ‘vacation bubble’ that can’t include everyday life aspects that are so important to building a realistic future together. When you consider that most people are NOT our match, this is a huge investment in every stranger who you don’t even know well enough to offer that kind of investment.

Try setting up a bunch of quick meets over coffee each week on your way home from work. The goal is to screen OUT bad matches instead of creating premature intimacy that would have you falling in love with a stranger. Allow yourself to get to know people over t.I.m.e. In small doses.

Agree to 20 or so minutes to check one another out, with neither asking the other for a real date on the spot. Either can invite the other afterward, and if the answer is no, then no response is necessary. This bypasses squirmy rejection stuff, even while you move forward to the next quick meet with someone else.

So you don’t form imaginary crushes on strangers, and you don’t bond prematurely. You learn whether someone shares the same goals and values, and whether there’s a potential for simpatico—and that’s all you know until you learn more from one another in a gradual and organic way.

Head high, we all learn as we go.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, PunkPixie89 said:

We eventually had that "Relationship" convo, he unfortunately said he can't be in one now or carry on with this

This is all you need to know.

If he cant be in relationship from whatever reason, that means you stop contact and seek somebody else.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, PunkPixie89 said:

We have spent a total of about 2 weeks in person, we were supposed to see eachother next week but due to finacial reasons we could not, our plan was to see eachother every 2 months for 2 weeks.

Sorry this is happening. It seems like he cares about you but unfortunately realized that distance relationships are difficult, stressful, lonely, expensive and frustrating. 

It isn't that "he's not into you", it's that it's better to set each other free while on good terms so that you can move forward in peace.

[Andrina]

If he's the one who contacted you first online, please know that some people who seek out long distance relationships do so just because they DON'T want a long term relationship. They get what they want during a honeymoon stage and then exit when the relationship should go to the next level with longterm daily effort needed. And getting out seems easier to them since the person lives far away and might be less likely to come around pleading, etc.

I'm not saying this was definitely his way of operating, but you're taking bigger risks with LDRs versus local dating.