Viagra

[Laylainlove]

I (32F) have finally found the one I want to marry (38M). We've been dating for about 6 months and have started making plans to move in together. I was at his house taking a shower when I noticed a little white pill on the floor. Curiosity got the best of me (he's a healthy firefighter and EMS worker so seeing a random pill on the floor was completely uncharacteristic) so I looked what the pill was on google and found out it was a form of viagra. I couldn't help but be devastated. My initial thought was why hadn't he mentioned this before then my mind went to me not being enough for him. I don't like secrets and it made something that was potentially innocent and relatively normal for men seem like something more. He explained to me that it was something his friends talk about using and he just wanted to try it and see what happened but I just don't like the fact he was on medication without telling me. Should I feel this way? Can someone say something that will reassure me about this situation? Do alot of men his age take medication like this or could he possibly be stress?

[catfeeder]

You've only been dating for 6 months. Do you believe that this man has learned in that short amount of time every single spec of detail about you with nothing possibly left to discover? I mean, if he were to find a PMS tablet on your floor, should he be floored by this?

[Batya33]

I agree with Catfeeder.  I might be concerned if this is  prescription med and he's experimenting in an unsafe way but it sounds like he wanted to try it.  None of your business unless he's consuming a substance that would affect how he drives while you are in the car for example. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Laylainlove said:

 then my mind went to me not being enough for him. He explained to me that it was something his friends talk about using and he just wanted to try it and see what happened.

Please try to slow down. After 24 weeks dating you're still learning about each other and there will be surprises. Some good some not so good.

It's good you talked about it.There's a lot of misuses for Viagra including thinking it is an aphrodisiac or enhancer.

Try to get to know each other better before you move in and come across more surprises.

[Andrina]

8 hours ago, Laylainlove said:

my mind went to me not being enough for him.

Well, that's one thing likely false, as why wouldn't an attractive firefighter who probably has no problems finding women to date just break up with you if you weren't enough?

Since you don't know whether to take him at face value or believe he could have another reason that he's hiding from you, it's a case in point that you have a lot more to learn about him before making major decisions like moving in together after only 6 months.

What's your big hurry? You're only a few months beyond the honeymoon period. It takes time to learn if there are any skeletons in the closet if there are any, and if a person treats you well or not in the long term. Never make major decisions until knowing a person at minimum, a year, and preferably longer. Because it's much easier to break up, if warranted, when you're not living together.

It takes a strong foundation to withstand the new step of living together, which might sound fun, but adapting to that new norm can be stressful and be a make or break situation.

I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

[MissCanuck]

Please don't turn this into a measuring stick of his love. 

You two have not been together very long, so I can understand why he's chosen to keep some personal medical information to himself.  It seems you two are rushing this a bit and thus you have a premature sense of entitlement to his personal issues. 

13 hours ago, Laylainlove said:

Can someone say something that will reassure me about this situation?

Better question: why is this triggering your insecurity? 

[catfeeder]

11 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Better question: why is this triggering your insecurity? 

Yeah, this is what I don't understand, either.

If it were possible for one's partner to be 'good enough' to compensate for all the things that can cause a man to want to enhance his performance, there would be no need for the drug to be on the market.

Why not spin your narrative to being flattered that BF would want to perform well for you?

[Laylainlove]

Thank you for all the advice it does put things into perspective. I have autism and sometimes don't know whats a normal way to act. I've never lived with someone before and when he suggested it I didn't see the issue because I thought it would be easier to see each other with me being in nursing school and him working so much. He also wants so make it easier for me to go to school and not have to worry so much about bills. 

[Andrina]

29 minutes ago, Laylainlove said:

I've never lived with someone before and when he suggested it I didn't see the issue because I thought it would be easier to see each other with me being in nursing school and him working so much. He also wants so make it easier for me to go to school and not have to worry so much about bills. 

None of those things are good reasons to rush too quickly into moving in together. Better to accept the challenges you two presently have in dating each other, as far as busy schedules and bills, than to go to another level you're not ready for yet. Enjoy missing each other when apart, making the time together that more special, and get to know one another at minimum another six months before moving in together if everything continues going well. 

What's his relationship history been like during his 20 years of dating? What do your family and friends think of him?

[shouldhavelearned]

Talk to him

[Batya33]

23 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Talk to him

Sorry misread -I see she already asked him.  I agree with Wiseman.

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Talk to him

Since you already spoke with him about it and he explained it all you can do is accept his answers and slow down to get to know each other better. 

19 hours ago, Laylainlove said:

He explained to me that it was something his friends talk about using and he just wanted to try it and see what happened 

 

[smackie9]

I suggest you wait and get to know him better first. Living together is waaaaay different than playing house on the weekends. Discussion of finances, who manages the bills, chores, who cooks, who cleans, boundaries with each other, with each other's friends, what happens in the event of pregnancy, or loss of interest in the relationship, before breakup, after breakup etc. must be considered.

[shouldhavelearned]

Oops, missed that

He's 38

 

Nothing wrong with trying it out 

[MrMan1983]

He might get some performance anxiety and needed the help, or as above just fancied trying it. No big deal. Definitely don't spring to the 'am I not enough' thought process though as it's very rarely that.