Long Distance Relationship Issues

[Sarah Smith]

So I have a long distance boyfriend.

I lived abroad for a while and that’s where we met. I am planning to move back to be with him, I just have to finish some things back home, it will take about half a year.

we have been doing long distance for about 2 months, until now everything was fine but now I’m getting suspicious 

He was never a good texter and he doesn’t enjoy talking on the phone too much, and I’m okay with that, I got a busy schedule.

But now he texts back even less and he never really calls, and he got more free time than ever.

On the weekends he barely responds to me and he is always supposedly “hanging with the boys” but never tell me who they are.

Also he has started liking inappropriate photos on social media, something he never did before. And I’m suddenly not the person he sends snapchats to the most, for the first time in two months.

Is it rational that I’m starting to suspect cheating?

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Sarah Smith said:

he is always supposedly “hanging with the boys” but never tell me who they are.

How much you want to bet one of them is a woman?

Anyway, yes, he seems like he is detaching himself from some reason. Whether its some other woman or just "far from home, far from heart" reasons, its not that relevant. I still dunno what Snapchat score is, but it should be the person he is interacting the most. Which means he has time to interact with somebody else, just not with you. 

I wouldnt change my plans for somebody like that. If you can stay abroad and have better situation regarding jobs there, do just that. Because this by all accounts will not last that much, sorry. And you shouldnt make long- term plans with someone like this. Especially if he would be the major reason why you would move back.

How much you were together before you were long- distance?

[Sarah Smith]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

How much you want to bet one of them is a woman?

Anyway, yes, he seems like he is detaching himself from some reason. Whether its some other woman or just "far from home, far from heart" reasons, its not that relevant. I still dunno what Snapchat score is, but it should be the person he is interacting the most. Which means he has time to interact with somebody else, just not with you. 

I wouldnt change my plans for somebody like that. If you can stay abroad and have better situation regarding jobs there, do just that. Because this by all accounts will not last that much, sorry. And you shouldnt make long- term plans with someone like this. Especially if he would be the major reason why you would move back.

How much you were together before you were long- distance?

That is a very wise answer thank you! We were together more than 6 months when I left…

Yeah but do you think it’s likely he is cheating or could it be something else? That’s what’s bothering me, the not knowing 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sarah Smith said:

I lived abroad for a while and that’s where we met. I am planning to move back to be with him, I just have to finish some things back home, it will take about half a year.we have been doing long distance for about 2 months, 

Sorry this is happening. How long were you together in person? Why were you abroad? Work? School?  How old is he?

What is your plan to close the distance? As far as Visa, work, living arrangements etc. ? If he is a poor communicator how are you planning the move?  How does he he see this going forward if he's out partying and you're doing most of the planning and sacrificing?

[Sarah Smith]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long were you together in person? Why were you abroad? Work? School?  How old is he?

What is your plan to close the distance? As far as Visa, work, living arrangements etc. ? If he is a poor communicator how are you planning the move?  How does he he see this going forward if he's out partying and you're doing most of the planning and sacrificing?

I did my masters there. He’s 30. I got several visa options, we have looked into it. We were together more than 6 months.

I know that’s what bothers me. He keeps telling me to come back, but I have to be the one doing all the work and the sacrifices, and I don’t like that

We have an amazing connection irl, but it doesn’t translate well through phone

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Sarah Smith said:

 We were together more than 6 months. I have to be the one doing all the work and the sacrifices, and I don’t like that.

Do you actually want to uproot your entire life for some you dated 6 mos.? 

Take your time and think things over. Do you have a job or a place or anything lined up?  Moving to a different country to move in with him after dating 28 weeks seems problematic especially with no realistic plans.. 

It's easy for him to say "come back", but unfortunately he seems to view this as a casual fling. Don't commit to anything or anyone who's not committed to you.

[Batya33]

48 minutes ago, Sarah Smith said:

I did my masters there. He’s 30. I got several visa options, we have looked into it. We were together more than 6 months.

I know that’s what bothers me. He keeps telling me to come back, but I have to be the one doing all the work and the sacrifices, and I don’t like that

We have an amazing connection irl, but it doesn’t translate well through phone

If there's no plan to be in person together so you can see each other at least 3 times a month I would end this arrangement.  I mean a plan to live in the same city or close enough to travel for the 3 times/month to happen within the next few months -and not to live together -to be in the same geographic location.  How long were you two supposed to not date others with no plan to be in the same location?

[Kwothe28]

52 minutes ago, Sarah Smith said:

Yeah but do you think it’s likely he is cheating or could it be something else? That’s what’s bothering me, the not knowing 

Who knows? Maybe. If he is always busy with somebody that you dont even know, there is a good possibility.

But in any case, he has checked out from you heavily and doesnt even makes an effort. So that should be your que that this isnt worth pursuing, let alone changing countries for it.

[smackie9]

He's a lonely horny guy, of course he's gonna start doing stuff like that. Being together for just over 6 months and expecting them to be so committed is a bit of a stretch. Some people can do long distance and some just can't. I think he's getting to that point. 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, Sarah Smith said:

That’s what’s bothering me, the not knowing 

But you do know.  You know he's fading out, the reasons don't really matter, the writing is pretty much on the wall.

If I had to venture a guess, he has met another someone who's taking up his time.  But that's just a guess, it could be anything. 

Including perhaps he just got bored with it. Long distance relationships are extremely difficult to maintain.

If this were me, I'd do nothing and simply let him fade.  Your relationship was short term and sometimes imo, nothing needs to be said, especially when it's obvious it's done.

6 hours ago, Sarah Smith said:

He was never a good texter and he doesn’t enjoy talking on the phone too much, and I’m okay with that, I got a busy schedule.

Why were you okay with that?  How did you expect to maintain your connection long distance when you're not communicating? 

I mean, that's all you had since there was no in-person time spent together.

Honestly it doesn't sound like you're losing much.

Again, if me I'd just let it go, I'm sorry.

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Sarah Smith said:

do you think it’s likely he is cheating or could it be something else?

He might not be cheating, but it's very clear that he's losing interest and letting this relationship fizzle out.