Girlfriend about to abandon me

[guyguy420]

The other day we got into an argument where she told me she doesn’t care, isn’t the same as me, and things will never work. She kicked me out crying and laughed in my face.

She’s returning fully to other men, and just told me whether I like it or not she’s going to continue doing cocaine and I “need to respect her decision.”

Anything else I’ve already typed and posted.
I know it’s my fault for not leaving. I know it’s my fault things ended up this way. I know I never should have tried to change it.

But now I cry everyday all day and still don’t know if I can leave her. This was the only place I could talk to anyone about anything. 
 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, guyguy420 said:

. She kicked me out crying . she’s going to continue doing cocaine and I “need to respect her decision.” I know it’s my fault for not leaving. 

It's a blessing. Stop hanging out with people who use drugs. Focus on your work and schooling and settling in with your father. Delete and block this trouble maker before you get arrested when the cops come to her place and find drugs. Yes it's your fault for choosing this, so take responsibility for that.

[boltnrun]

You're only 19. You don't have to live your life this way. She is the cause of your sadness, not the solution to it. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, guyguy420 said:

She’s returning fully to other men, and just told me whether I like it or not she’s going to continue doing cocaine and I “need to respect her decision.”

 

You should have said "OK dont let the door kick you on the way out".

You deserve beter then some cocaine floozy so dont be too sad about this one. She doesnt deserve it.

[Coily]

When people are young they make mistakes, this is one of them for you. Take it as lesson learned and run for the hills. She's doing you a favor in showing how cruel and unstable she is.

You need not put up with abuse, drug use, and you don't need to respect anyone's decision that you find repulsive.

[SooSad33]

Ohh, drugs are so not good!  You dodged a bullet. In time, you'll come to realize this, believe me.  My first ex was an alcy and it came to a rough end.  

What you NEED is someone who doesn't do stuff like this.  It's okay to go out for drinks to a bar on occasion, but not to live by it.

If she has chosen a drug over you, sadly, it's saying she has an addiction and it will only become more & more challenging for her.  She will continue to search & rely on it - in order to 'get her fix', she'll do unimaginable things.  This is how they roll.

So, you may not be there yet, but in time you'll be glad she's no longer in your life!  You do not want to be involved with addicts.

Not sure how long you've been involved ( but if you are only 19?),  All will be okay!  you work through your emotions over all of this and you move on.

Someday you will meet a gal who is nice and giving and much more compatible for you 🙂 .

Hang out with some friends or family .  Go out for some fresh air and exercise, etc.  Do ya have a hobby etc?  Work on that.  Give it time, you'll be fine.

 

[MissCanuck]

47 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Ohh, drugs are so not good!  You dodged a bullet

Have a read through his other threads. It sadly gets even worse. 

 

[boltnrun]

22 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Have a read through his other threads. It sadly gets even worse. 

 

But fortunately you are a teenager. You can decide NOW to change the trajectory of your life by leaving this girl in your past.  Permanently.

[guyguy420]

I’m sorry everyone I know the bit is old but I just don’t know why I can’t leave her but I’m starting to come to terms that this extreme anxiety I have could be the result of trauma and that I’m afraid to lose her regardless of the abuse. But still I can see her struggling and maybe even very deep down inside she is trying but regardless I can’t leave. I’m a loser.

Yesterday she spent an hour at her drug dealers house, who I’ve come to learn is a 15 year old child with tattoos who threatened to my brother with a gun and robbed him. I begged her up and down for days not to do coke anymore, and when I found out who she was buying from I told her that even if it wasn’t extremely personal, he was not a good person and I don’t want her near him much less spending any time with him and giving him money.

 She ghosted me until she got home.

She got home and we bobbled back and forth with points, and though she’s only done this drug a few times, she talks like she’s been addicted for years. She cannot give me a straight answer on why she needs it this bad or why she is willing to put herself at risk for something, the only reasons she provided for consumption is “to feel mellow” and so she “doesn’t do pills.” I told her that she is not in a position to take hard drugs, if anyone ever is, and that it’s making me uncomfortable beyond anything and if she is going to take such a huge risk constantly against my wishes I wanted her to not go to weird people, HOPING my point would prove itself that there are only bad people in drugs. When I told her this, she gave up and told me I don’t want her to do coke because I “don’t respect the fact it’s her body.” 
 

I didn’t say it like this, but I told her that was a heaping pile of horse*** because multiple people in both of our families have been destroyed by cocaine use, and she is predisposed to cocaine addiction by way of her mother and me asking her not to do drugs and not to buy drugs from degenerate, violent children is an insane thing to call “not respecting the fact it’s her body.” 
 

idk. I think we’re going to break up today. If we do I’m probably done posting here. Life is way too confusing

[guyguy420]

Also, yesterday after a while she had told me she was “tired of explaining herself and just wants to be able to experiment and do drugs freely.” She never once tried explaining herself. She has exclusively justified it with just the fact she wants to and thinks it’s apparently better than other hard drugs and she also believes she has more control and restraint over herself, even thinking it was okay to mention my family members struggling with addiction as “not being able to handle it like she can.” 
 

She continued to ignore my points and just respond with “Lol” so I asked her if it was coke or me which would she choose because I’ve stop I can’t take this anymore so much and she never stops, to which she started yelling at me and changed the topic to telling me how I never let her say anything. I also hate that recently she has started to say I “only talk about how bad she makes me feel,” which just isn’t fair to say. I talk about the things she does and how they make me feel and then she will laugh in my face, ignore me, or call me names.

 

idk I’m crying right now and again just have no one else in my life she made me cut off many of my female peers and I fell out with everyone else either to be with her or because she had a theory they were evil . Everyone else I cut off on my own accord bc of something they did. And now I literally have nothing besides work sleep and playing video games by myself, because the only girl I have ever loved hated me with a passion and wanted to do coke and fantasize about ***ing dogs more than she ever wanted to be near me and every time she told me she loved me and was going to be there forever she was lying and I just wasn’t enough

[Coily]

Sorry, but this woman is trash, she chooses trashy people, and you are the only one in her circle that isn't a loser. You need to pick yourself up and flee this abomination. If there is a men's shelter near you please seek their help, you need to see your own value and get some serious help.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, guyguy420 said:

 she spent an hour at her drug dealers house, who I’ve come to learn is a 15 year old child with tattoos who threatened to my brother with a gun and robbed him. giving him money. I don’t want her to do coke because I “don’t respect the fact it’s her body.” 

She's correct. Stop playing drug counselor and cop. If she wants to destroy herself and hang out with thugs, stay away from her. If you don't want to be around drugs and gangs and guns, stop hanging out with her.

[guyguy420]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She's correct. Stop playing drug counselor and cop. If she wants to destroy herself and hang out with thugs, stay away from her. If you don't want to be around drugs and gangs and guns, stop hanging out with her.

This is fair. Something for me to consider heavily. Thank you.

I just don’t know what changed. She used to be very concerned about each of these issues but the past two weeks, it’s like everything she said she doesn’t like or wouldn’t do was secretly something she was, wanted, or was planning to do. 

[boltnrun]

She's on drugs. It's not surprising she wants to focus on getting high.

I would permanently end this toxic mess and reconnect with the people you chose to break away from before you got entangled with that girl. Maybe consider stopping the "420" if it's affecting your judgment. 

You're way too young to throw your life away like this. There have got to be healthier people you can spend time with. 

[catfeeder]

She doesn’t do pills but she’ll snort unknown powders directly into her brain?

It doesn’t matter whether she breaks up with you or not, she’s already gone. Either she’ll drop from something cut with Fentanyl or something else will turn her into a zombie.

 I get that this isn’t what you want to hear, but you have a whole future to build into wonderful experiences if you’ll stay away from drugs and people who do them.

It’s a decision.

 

[MissCanuck]

You are wasting your time trying to reason with her, explain yourself, or seek explanations from her. 

She is very troubled individual who is not going to suddenly become logical and caring. She seems hell-bent on screwing up her life, and she's right that you can't tell her what to do. 

Just as we can't get you see reason and leave this toxic person, you can't get her to see reason and give up drugs (and all her other bad choices) 

[guyguy420]

I understand if this thread become and remains dead but to avoid posting too much I am going to continue using this as a place for me to update and vent about the situation until I find my conclusion. Thank you for insightful words and returning characters in my threads.

I have spent my most recent time continuing to look for help and advice, most recently speaking to my father and many people online who follow similar relationships to me while continuously trying to talk to my Girlfriend and solve our issues. I know it seems like a fruitless effort, but I still want to try even though every day I become more disillusioned and more aware of what I need to do. 
 

We had a conversation again about cocaine usage and I made some progress, albeit after and hour of being called horrible names. And at some point, I had tried to tell her that she needs to choose coke or me because this was tearing me apart and I couldn’t live like that, which only made her scream at me about how dumb I am and for a moment she started to laugh at and taunt me telling me she doesn’t give a *** if I leave her and that I can either shut my mouth and stay or leave. For the most part, just a repeat of what I’ve detailed as she listed very superficial reasons to be taking drugs although she called me a ***head and said she “needs a man and not some fag who will freak out whenever she wants to have fun.” I began crying, and told her how badly her words hurt me and that I would never understand why it was so easy for her to abuse me and knowingly attack my confidence.

For a moment, she took down her walls and explained to me how she’s been feeling, how her medical and home issues have been effecting her, how our relationship has been effecting her, and how she is struggling and admittedly wants to take the drug because it makes her feel warmer and happier for a while. This only made me bawl more and more as I pleaded with her to explore something else with me, to try something else,  to talk with me and continue to tell me how she’s feeling. She began to be agreeable, listening to me as I listed the several reasons it was unhealthy and a bad idea. 
 

A detail I have failed to mention in my past posts is that my girlfriend becomes very detached though I’m sure many of you can tell. It drives her to say things that she doesn’t mean and causes her to become extremely defensive when under pressure. In the past, she had made efforts to reassure me whenever this happened, to apologize and take back what she said and it also was never quite as mean. But when I started posting, it was because these remarks had increased and she no longer apologized or ever even mentioned them again. So this moment was very nice, and set us up for a good night. 
 

doesn’t entirely matter though, she still went to the park to pick up from her drug dealer. 
 

and today, she went out to eat with her two co workers who have both put hands on her. One of them, is the notorious one who said he wanted to *** her. The other, is a childhood friend of hers who is gay, but a few months ago grabbed and held her against her will and took her phone to force her to share her location. I told her just now, as she’s at work, that I’m not comfortable with this guy. She justified it saying that although it’s bad, it’s not the same as the other guy and it’s kinda okay since they’re friends. I told her no, and that using that as justification was beyond okay and still extremely creepy.

She said “K.” and ghosted me. 
 

I don’t know how to find the courage to do or say anything in any helpful way and I feel like no matter how I approach any issue she is angry at me and doesn’t want me to say my piece or have emotions about anything. She began screaming at me during our coke talk that I don’t want her to be near anyone and just stay home all the time. Which isn’t true, I don’t care what she does with her free time as long as she informs me anytime she goes somewhere dangerous and she doesn’t actively seek recreational time with bad actors. 
 

Because I don’t have this courage, I’m afraid I am the one who ruined our relationship. I’m afraid I don’t have any capability to help it. I’m afraid that, as many people say we must, that I won’t have the courage to break up with her. And if I did, I’m afraid I’d be just as feeble and stompable to another girl. 
 

I tried talking to my dad about it, and he kinda just told me it’s all my fault and I need to focus on other things and that this isn’t love, which I know it’s not, but it is the exact type of love I was shown growing up. 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, guyguy420 said:

I tried talking to my dad about it, and he kinda just told me it’s all my fault and I need to focus on other things and that this isn’t love, 

Listen to your family. You're trying to control her way too much. . Please get help:

https://www.nar-anon.org/our-principles

[boltnrun]

What in your background makes you think this sick, toxic entanglement is how love is supposed to be?

[guyguy420]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What in your background makes you think this sick, toxic entanglement is how love is supposed to be?

I don't think that's how it's supposed to be, I'm very aware this isn't how it's supposed to be. But it used to be very different and I believe I am going through some kind of stages of grief and continue to be in a complete denial. I'm AWARE of this denial, but perhaps just run my mind in a mound of layers of denial to continue on. But I also have no idea what love is supposed to be like. One of my earliest memories of my father was him smacking my brother around and him screaming in my face that I'm a *** and I'm going to *** up and fail. At least she treated me nice for a while before she started doing it. Mother is the same, only BPD and Alcoholic. My last girlfriend was an adult when I was an early teenager who groomed me and ended up cheating on me before saying "I don't love you anymore," and abandoning me. Besides that, I have no family.

I am a very lacking-in-confidence male and admittedly, have likely not experienced a healthy and helpful relationship besides a rare good platonic friend and the first few months of my current relationship.

I hate myself for all of this because I could have at any point just turned around at the first sign of these red flags and right now I hate myself more than anything for living in a constant delusion.

I told her I would never break up with her unless she cheated on me, which as retarded as it sounds, I still believe hasn't happened and will probably continue to stay with her until she does. 

 

[boltnrun]

Hating yourself is why you continue in this sick entanglement. Also your family background.

I'm sorry those things happened to you. But think about this...when you're a father at some point in the future do you want your children to have a relationship like the one you're in?

[guyguy420]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Hating yourself is why you continue in this sick entanglement. Also your family background.

I'm sorry those things happened to you. But think about this...when you're a father at some point in the future do you want your children to have a relationship like the one you're in?

If I do ever plan to be a father, no. 
People have brought this up before, and I'm not sure what to think about it. Obviously not, but I would like to think by anytime I do start to want children or put myself at risk for them (not like I get any sex lol), we or at least I would be past these issues. 

I'm no anti-natalist, but I do hate kids so not a huge concern.

[Cherylyn]

Anytime a person is adamant about no longer interacting with you,  their decision is unwavering and steadfast.  There is nothing you can do about it except keep moving forward and living your best life. 

I've found that whenever life or relationships had gone awry whether it was planned or unforeseen,  if you want vengeance for yourself,  you make your life better whether it be economically rising above everyone else,  surrounding yourself with very moral people or improving your lot in life in all areas.  It is what I had done and it really does work.  Take good care of yourself because it will pay off for your brighter future.  ☺️

[guyguy420]

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

Anytime a person is adamant about no longer interacting with you,  their decision is unwavering and steadfast.  There is nothing you can do about it except keep moving forward and living your best life. 

I've found that whenever life or relationships had gone awry whether it was planned or unforeseen,  if you want vengeance for yourself,  you make your life better whether it be economically rising above everyone else,  surrounding yourself with very moral people or improving your lot in life in all areas.  It is what I had done and it really does work.  Take good care of yourself because it will pay off for your brighter future.  ☺️

For a number of reasons, vengeance is the last thing I want in this life. I just want to feel safe and loved. 
Work and saving money are going to happen either way because I want a better life either way. I am just very attached to my life with her and as misguided as it is I cannot bring myself to forget her at her best.

[Cherylyn]

2 minutes ago, guyguy420 said:

For a number of reasons, vengeance is the last thing I want in this life. I just want to feel safe and loved. 
Work and saving money are going to happen either way because I want a better life either way. I am just very attached to my life with her and as misguided as it is I cannot bring myself to forget her at her best.

Vengeance was a metaphor as building your own resolve.  Sometimes these types of goals for oneself eclipses others so you'll have self satisfaction.  It's part of healing and recovery and it really does work.  Healthy distractions are very good so you can move on towards a positive direction. 🙂