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I keep messing up relationships. I don’t know what’s wrong with me

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So sick of feeling like this. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this. I don’t know where I’m going to live. Staying in the same city would be too hard, I don’t want to have to see her around. I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to find a new place. Being here surrounded by all of our stuff while she is staying at a friend’s is just so difficult for me 😞 

I’m feeling so much sadness and feeling anger towards her for putting us in this position. We didn’t even get a chance to move in and actually start living together. She didn’t give us that chance and now it will be a whole lot of money and time wasted. I feel angry. I just wish we would have had time to try and work through this. 

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She gave you another chance and by your own admission you continued to do the same things that drove her away the first time. If anything, she should be angry. 

Did you promise her things would be different this time?

I encourage you to confide in your friend about how you're feeling. And make sure you don't skip your doctor appointment.

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2 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

You’re right. I did promise that. I meant it when I said it but I’ve felt like I meant it before and never seem to follow through.

So she did not put you in this position, did she? She did give you a chance, didn't she?

You have to stop this mindset that you're a victim of her. I mean, don't you think she's hurt and disappointed?

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Yes I know she is.

It just hurts cus even though I’ve messed up I brought other good things to the relationship. I just wish she would’ve believed in me and had some patience. She was the one who wanted us to get married anyway. I don’t know why you wouldn’t have a little patience with someone you want to marry.

The last relationship I was in was for nearly 6 years and when that ended I was not feeling nearly as bad. She is a truly special person and I just hope that someday maybe things can be different. I don’t have high hopes for meeting somebody like her again

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I don’t think I will. I just feel no hope. I know I want her to be happy but currently the thought of her happy in the future with me as another horror story from her past is very painful. And I feel resentful that she has a support system of friends and family that I just can’t rely on.

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I had my first appointment with a new therapist and I really like them. I’m going to continue weekly. They mentioned that they do couples therapy if we ever wanted to that. That was one thing we agreed to do and never did back in the winter. Even though we are not a couple I wonder if it would be a good idea to propose that after some time has passed.

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Please don't try to get your ex to attend couples therapy. Please do this for yourself.

I'm really glad you like the therapist. But do they know you and your ex are broken up? I hope you didn't present yourself as still in the relationship. Therapists can only help if you're honest with them. It's fine to say you hope to get back together. 

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An ethical couple’s therapist won’t work with either one of you separately. They are never supposed to allow themselves to be positioned to keep any secrets on behalf of one partner from the other.

If your therapist doesn’t practice this way, I’d question his or her motives.

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On 7/13/2023 at 10:56 AM, Looktothesky said:

 I feel resentful that she has a support system of friends and family that I just can’t rely on.

Focus solely on your own physical and mental health and wellbeing. Ask the therapist for tips on letting go and moving forward.

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I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. Remember, we all make mistakes, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. You deserve happiness and peace, and it's never too late to learn and grow. Take a deep breath, try to forgive yourself, and consider seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor. There's hope for brighter days ahead, and you're not alone in this journey

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