My friend (f) abused me how can I (f) deal with it ?

[Dndk]

 

Hello, I lately enraged a close friend, the reason is not relevant… I wanted to apologize to her and she told me that I could visit her. When I was there we had a brief conversation and suddenly she tried to kiss me. I was shocked and also intimidated since she’s also way taller than me… but of course I freaked out and it ended that she sexual abused me. I wont talk about details but it was long. And she did in a nasty way that my body “ reacted“. I’m not traumatized but the problem is that she hurt my pride since I think that s… before marriage is not normal, at least for me ( I am bosniak/ turkish but I live in Europe now) and I am also homophobic. So she it did to humiliate me because she knows both of it…. My boyfriend made a marriage proposal to me    but I can’t even look in his eyes.. she tried a few times to phone me but I didn’t react… I also feel disgusted from myself because somehow she did “ confuse“ me… any advices except therapy?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Dndk said:

 she did in a nasty way that my body “ reacted“. My boyfriend made a marriage proposal to me.

Sorry this happened. Discontinue all contact with her. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

You could talk to a physician about what happened. Not therapy, just a checkup and some tests. You could confide in your BF, but wait until you are ready and have a clearer understanding of what happened and how your body reacted.

[Batya33]

This situation sounds bizarre.  When you enraged her were you physical with her?  I would not assume you are a lesbian or bi based on this situation.  Something isn't quite right here and I think the reasons you enraged her probably matter a great deal.

[Capricorn3]

8 hours ago, Dndk said:

I lately enraged a close friend, the reason is not relevant…

The reason is very relevant. Why did you enrage a close friend? What did you do?

I agree with Batya above - this situation sounds bizarre.

[Coily]

As she sexually asaulted you, if it is still recent (1-2 days) you may want to get a medical examination and then press charges. This is extremely serious and disturbing.

While why you "enraged her" may add context; she still sexually assaulted you. Cut her entirely out of your life.

 

[Don_]

Sexual abuse is a very broad term that can cover many, many things. In reality some can be serious some not so much; not to say their not serious to you. Your body “reacted”? It lasted a long time? Your not traumatized about it? Is it possible that you didn’t “dislike” what she did as much as you thought but your confused because your traditionally homophobic? Seems to me that the reason you enraged her is definitely relevant here. You feel disgusted because she “confused” you, and you can’t look your boyfriend in the eye. With anyone I know I would think that someone with such thoughts might have some feelings that they’re  not being honest with themselves about. At minimum I would try to be 100% honest with yourself without the interference of cultural bias. If it’s possible for you. Good luck.