Help me see clearer about the last one...

[Sindy_0311]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Red flag to ask you to drive to his place both in the sense of laziness and in the sense of the date ending up at his house.

I agree on the red flag. So what do you suggest me to do? Go or not? 

[Sindy_0311]

I won’t go. So how do I decline tomorrow? Just sending a “I don’t feel the connection” text? 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I agree on the red flag. So what do you suggest me to do? Go or not? 

 It depends on how much you like him. If you're already turned off, reschedule something in your area that's less complicated or simply tell him you're not a match.

[Sindy_0311]

Just because I like him I should ignore the red flag? Wouldn’t he have avoided this ambiguous proposition if really he had good intentions? 

[Jibralta]

10 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Just because I like him I should ignore the red flag? Wouldn’t he have avoided this ambiguous proposition if really he had good intentions? 

He is creating an opening for a hookup. You have a choice. It can go either way. If you want a hookup, go to his house and take one car to the festival. If you do not want a hookup, meet him at the festival. This is easy to navigate. You just have to decide what you want.

[Sindy_0311]

6 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

He is creating an opening for a hookup. You have a choice. It can go either way. If you want a hookup, go to his house and take one car to the festival. If you do not want a hookup, meet him at the festival. This is easy to navigate. You just have to decide what you want.

I told him we would meet at the festival. I’m not going to his house, neither is he coming to mine tonight. 
I was not sure about meeting him again because of that. Because if his intention is a hookup it means he is not really interested in knowing me in the sense of trying to build a connection. We saw each other twice. I guess he already knows if there is some potential and what to do to not mess it up… I will see how he behaves tonight, If he tries to rush things or not… 

[Jibralta]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I will see how he behaves tonight, If he tries to rush things or not… 

Yes.

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Frankly it bothers me that he maid this suggestion. I don’t want to be considered as a hookup option. I no longer want to go to that date. 

Then honor your feelings- you don't need outside input for that.  It's like this for example -many years ago I messaged briefly with someone on an online site later in the evening. He asked me what I was wearing and mentioned he was in his pajamas.  I decided right then not to meet him. 

I can tell you for sure many women would have -nothing wrong with them either because it was one of those boundary comments/jokes - it was around bedtime so asking about pajamas/what are you wearing doesn't have to scream I ONLY WANT SEX but my personal standards - a man who wanted to get to know a lady for a potentially serious relationship would never risk offending her by initiating a message about clothing like that. 

Just like(again many years ago) the man who decided to tell me his favorite Sex and the City episode involved Samantha giving a blow job -yes we were referencing the show as it was popular then - and no of course he didn't have to describe oral sex to me on a first phone call when the show had many more "scenes" that were not as blatant.  But, again, I've had many examples of friends telling me they would have been ok with a comment like that or similar. 

If you sense something off about his request -even though he then agreed - go with not meeting.  Trust yourself.

[Sindy_0311]

Yea well, the "what are you wearing" and "the blow job" examples are a bit more pushy...I got a lot of "what are you wearing", or "can you send me a foto" or "look I am in bed just chilling...". 

After a few dates, some guys, my male friends for instance, love being home just to cuddle, talk and have a drink. That why it's difficult for me to decipher between he having bad intentions or just how he usually proceeds...

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Yea well, the "what are you wearing" and "the blow job" examples are a bit more pushy...I got a lot of "what are you wearing", or "can you send me a foto" or "look I am in bed just chilling...". 

After a few dates, some guys, my male friends for instance, love being home just to cuddle, talk and have a drink. That why it's difficult for me to decipher between he having bad intentions or just how he usually proceeds...

I was just giving examples and I know you enjoy getting to know someone sexually much sooner than I do so someone who prefers an at home date early on could work very well for you.  I meant more to honor and trust your feelings whatever they are - 

[Kwothe28]

11 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Just because I like him I should ignore the red flag? Wouldn’t he have avoided this ambiguous proposition if really he had good intentions? 

Eh, so so. Lots of men would try to "test the waters" to see how far they can go. But in general yes, If he "pushes" a lot for sex, that means he probably has only that in mind.

See how it goes otherwise, but if he wants sex dont think festivals(that are otherwise known for hookups) would stop him in pursuing what he wants.

[Sindy_0311]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

but if he wants sex dont think festivals(that are otherwise known for hookups) would stop him in pursuing what he wants.

To bad... he also suggested restaurant and I chose the festival.... Crap. Its in 4 hours and I still don't know if im gonna go... I can't decide. 

[Sindy_0311]

How about I tell him I finished work but feel tired tired to attend a festival tonight. And then I see how he reacts... 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Sindy_0311 said:

How about I tell him I finished work but feel tired tired to attend a festival tonight. And then I see how he reacts... 

You want to "test" him?

[Sindy_0311]

yea sort of 

Don't want to lose my time going tonight only to find out he tries to rush things... 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Sindy_0311 said:

yea sort of 

Don't want to lose my time going tonight only to find out he tries to rush things... 

You can say "no" if he pushes for sex.

Why not go with the mindset you're going to enjoy the festival?  And if the date goes well that's a bonus?  And if it doesn't go well at least you got to experience a festival?

[Sindy_0311]

I told him the other day that I don't really like crowds, and usually don't go to festival if I feel tired. 

I could just play that card and see how he reacts... 

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I told him the other day that I don't really like crowds, and usually don't go to festival if I feel tired. 

I could just play that card and see how he reacts... 

I don't know why you need to "play a card".  If you don't want to go simply say you've rethought and you've decided you aren't going to attend after all.

"Testing" someone isn't a caring thing to do.  So if you don't have caring feelings toward this man, simply cancel.

[Sindy_0311]

I remember one thing. On Tuesday, we were texting, joking about our short kissing on Monday and he asked joking whether that we my limits. I asked limits of what, and he replied: in terms of quantity... Red flagy pushy? 

 

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I remember one thing. On Tuesday, we were texting, joking about our short kissing on Monday and he asked joking whether that we my limits. I asked limits of what, and he replied: in terms of quantity... Red flagy pushy? 

 

I don’t think you cancel to test him and I don’t think it’s nice to cancel last minute. I meant trust yourself next time. Don’t make a plan if you feel uncomfortable or turned off. 

[boltnrun]

I agree.  If you feel the need to "test" a man he's probably not right for you.  In that case, simply decline the date.

[Sindy_0311]

37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don’t think you cancel to test him and I don’t think it’s nice to cancel last minute. I meant trust yourself next time. Don’t make a plan if you feel uncomfortable or turned off. 

Ok I won’t cancel. I’ll go… and if I sense he is just for a hookup maybe I’ll bring him back home LOL 

i feel super good tonight, my body is in shape, my hair looks good, my skin is glowing and I got a new outfit… I will just enjoy myself and have a good time!!!! 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Ok I won’t cancel. I’ll go… and if I sense he is just for a hookup maybe I’ll bring him back home LOL 

i feel super good tonight, my body is in shape, my hair looks good, my skin is glowing and I got a new outfit… I will just enjoy myself and have a good time!!!! 

That sounds like a perfectly good time for you! Hope it goes ok.

[rainbowsandroses]

Just had a chance to catch up with this thread, specifically the first guy, and find it eerily similar to @Alex39thread and  situation. 

Both of your mindsets are similar too - early infatuation, obsessing over a man you've known only a short time among other similarties. 

Not a judgment simply an observation.

Even what you posted below about him sending you a picture of his shoes?

>>one day he sent me a pictures of shoes he was about to buy, <<

Lol, is this a thing now?  Guys sending women pictures of shoes they're going to buy?  

@Alex39guy did the same thing! 😆

Never once have I had a man do that. 

Anyway, back to your sitch with second guy..  Don't blame a guy for trying for sex.  He's attracted to you and wants sex!  Pretty standard in my experience.

The important thing is he backtracked and agrred to do what YOU wanted, meeting at the festival.  He did not push for it.. 

Go on the date and play it out during the date.  Try to not allow your anxiety to govern your decisions, drive your ship.

Enjoy! 

[Sindy_0311]

46 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@Alex39guy did the same thing! 😆

Yes in fact there are many similarities. And her thread somehow helped me not invest so much in texting with the last guy. 
I’m in the train, going to the festival. He finally said he would take the train too… so maybe he didn’t have so bad intentions… will see. Thank you for commenting here. Your inputs always resonate with me.