Help me see clearer about the last one...

[Sindy_0311]

Well here I am at the station, waiting 30 minutes for my train to arrive. I left, because there was nothing, no real effort from his part and I felt uneasy. I told him I don’t feel it and I just went… such a waist of time… @Batya33you were right. I just had to listen to my intuition… 

[rainbowsandroses]

Sorry Sindy. 😞

Try and look at it this way; it wasn't a waste of time because now you know for certain, won't be second guessing and can move on with a clear conscience that you made the right decision. 

That's how I look at things anyway.  Keeps me from becoming bitter and jaded.. 

All the best moving forward! 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

. I left, because there was nothing, no real effort from his part and I felt uneasy. I told him I don’t feel it and I just went

Sorry this happened. What happened? Yes it was definitely a red flag that he wanted you to do all the footwork and travel to his area.

It's good you cut your losses and left. With so much trepidation beforehand, there was no point in staying or trying to make it work.

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. What happened? Yes it was definitely a red flag that he wanted you to do all the footwork and travel to his area.

It's good you cut your losses and left. With so much trepidation beforehand, there was no point in staying or trying to make it work.

Nothing really happened, but when we met conversation was not easy, and he was more absorbed by what was happening around than by me. then we began to dance a bit, getting closer, we had a drink and at one moment, i was looking around, much of people I started to feel uneasy and he said “you seem lost”. But didn’t try to make me feel more comfortable, even though I told him I struggled with crowds. That when I told him I don’t feel it, I’m going to leave. He thought we would leave together, he walked me out of the festival, and I told him that I didn’t feel it, and I want to go home. He was surprised but said text me please when you get home. Don’t know if I have to do this… 

[Sindy_0311]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Sorry Sindy. 😞

Try and look at it this way; it wasn't a waste of time because now you know for certain, won't be second guessing and can move on with a clear conscience that you made the right decision. 

That's how I look at things anyway.  Keeps me from becoming bitter and jaded.. 

All the best moving forward! 

 

Ok. Now at least I know it wasn’t it. But still a waist of time as I had another optional date for tonight. 

[Batya33]

I think you should text him simply to let him know you got home ok since you left so abruptly and he's probably confused. I am truly sorry you felt so uncomfortable.  

[Sindy_0311]

53 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think you should text him simply to let him know you got home ok since you left so abruptly and he's probably confused. I am truly sorry you felt so uncomfortable.  

I came home, one hour a half after leaving him. I’m pissed off. I won’t text him. He asked me out to the date, he showed NOTHING. I don’t own him anything I already gave him enough time. That’s it. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I came home, one hour a half after leaving him. I’m pissed off. I won’t text him. He asked me out to the date, he showed NOTHING. I don’t own him anything I already gave him enough time. That’s it. 

Ok - your choice of course -you don't have to -I personally would since it's no real effort and then you don't have to deal with him texting you.  Fine either way. I think you weren't into the plan before you even got there.

[boltnrun]

I'm a bit confused, what is it you expected him to do that he didn't do?

Did you tell him you're not comfortable going to festivals before you two agreed on this activity for your date?

[rainbowsandroses]

14 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He asked me out to the date, he showed NOTHING.

What do you mean?  I'm confused about what you expected him to "show."   

Do you mean he didn't show up for the date? 

Can you provide a bit more context?

You sound so upset.  Perhaps if we knew what happened, we could help you navigate through it.

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm a bit confused, what is it you expected him to do that he didn't do?

Did you tell him you're not comfortable going to festivals before you two agreed on this activity for your date?

Yea In fact I told him I have acrophobia.

[Batya33]

Just now, Sindy_0311 said:

Yea In fact I told him I have acrophobia.

Is he a person who is like an expert in this? Did you tell him the specific ways you would need support if you didn't feel comfortable at the event?

[Sindy_0311]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Is he a person who is like an expert in this? Did you tell him the specific ways you would need support if you didn't feel comfortable at the event?

I told him on Monday that I struggles when there is much of people etc… but I like to party. But tonight, I don’t know, i didn’t feel good and I think it’s also because he was a bit distant in the beginning… 

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Yea In fact I told him I have acrophobia.

May I ask why you agreed to meet him then, if you were uncomfortable with it? 

Acrophobia is a fear of heights, not sure how that would apply here. 

I'm not judging or being critical, just confused. I think I may have missed something. 

[Sindy_0311]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

May I ask why you agreed to meet him then, if you were uncomfortable with it? 

Acrophobia is a fear of heights, not sure how that would apply here. 

I'm not judging, just confused. 

Because I already went to that festival a few years ago, and it was great. But tonight, Saturday night it was to much… I was anxious 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Because I already went to that festival a few years ago, and it was great. But tonight, Saturday night it was to much… I was anxious 

So with total respect I think your expectations of how he was supposed to behave at a crowded festival was a bit unrealistic -and therefore he likely was very confused and perhaps concerned you weren't well when you left by yourself.  That is why I suggested the courtesy of a "got home ok" text.  He did show up and it sounds like you already were not in a good mindset.

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Because I already went to that festival a few years ago, and it was great. But tonight, Saturday night it was to much… I was anxious 

OK but how would that be his fault?  You agreed, right? 

I'm still confused about what you expected him to do that he didn't do.  And how your fear of heights plays into this?

In any event, sorry it didn't turn out the way you hoped it would and that he was distant.

I can certainly understand your discomfort about that.  

It makes things very awkward. 

 

 

[Sindy_0311]

16 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

You sound so upset.  Perhaps if we knew what happened, we could help you navigate through it.

I guess it was just not a good plan to go there… but he likes to party. Me also but tonight there was way to much of people, and he didn’t make me feel good. He was like nonchalant, no holding hand to cross the crowd… idk 

 

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So with total respect I think your expectations of how he was supposed to behave at a crowded festival was a bit unrealistic -and therefore he likely was very confused and perhaps concerned you weren't well when you left by yourself.  That is why I suggested the courtesy of a "got home ok" text.  He did show up and it sounds like you already were not in a good mindset.

I texted him I arrived home. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

texted him I arrived home. 

Good I'm glad you did so -IMO it was the right and kind thing to do. 

[Sindy_0311]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Good I'm glad you did so -IMO it was the right and kind thing to do. 

He replied, good, have a good night. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 I started to feel uneasy and he said “you seem lost”. But didn’t try to make me feel more comfortable, even though I told him I struggled with crowds. That when I told him I don’t feel it, I’m going to leave. 

It almost seems like you had a panic attack from the agoraphobia. That combined with your overall misgivings about his intentions, seems like the perfect storm.

All you can do is calm down and try to relax. Unfortunately he seemed somewhat attentive but with your fear of crowds and being turned off already by his suggestion to drive to him, you did the right thing just leaving.

All you can do next time is pick out something closer to you and a bit more relaxed and simple.

Unfortunately you can't really get a crystal ball about someone's intentions, but be assured that nothing you don't want to happen is going to happen if you play it safe.

Meaning pick a place near you and keep it low-key and just go home after dates until you're much more comfortable.

If general anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia are starting to interfere with things, please see a physician.

[Batya33]

Just now, Sindy_0311 said:

He replied, good, have a good night. 

Yes- so that's that and you don't need further contact -you two are not a good match.

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

agoraphobia

Yes that's the correct terminology for fear of large crowds, thanks Wiseman2.  Makes much more sense. 

Fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment.

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It almost seems like you had a panic attack from the agoraphobia. That combined with your overall misgivings about his intentions, seems like the perfect storm.

All you can do is calm down and try to relax. Unfortunately he seemed somewhat attentive but with your fear of crowds and being turned off already by his suggestion to drive to him, you did the right thing just leaving.

All you can do next time is pick out something closer to you and a bit more relaxed and simple.

Unfortunately you can't really get a crystal ball about someone's intentions, but be assured that nothing you don't want to happen is going to happen if you play it safe.

Meaning pick a place near you and keep it low-key and just go home after dates until you're much more comfortable.

If general anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia are starting to interfere with things, please see a physician.

Thank you so much, you are so wise!! 
It wasn’t a panic attack, but I did feel bad, and just wanted to go home. I think I’m not willing to go to festivals anymore. I’m 40 and I just want a quiet relationship… he might not be at the same point, and its fine. 

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yes that's the correct terminology for fear of large crowds, thanks Wiseman2.  Makes much more sense. 

Fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment.

I had to wait for 10 minutes for him to arrive at the station. I saw all these people arriving to the festival, and my anxiety just went worse. We went to a spot and there was so much people, I was sweating and couldn’t even breath… definitely was a poor plan… I learnt something again…