Popular Post Sindy_0311 Posted July 28, 2023 Author Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2023 Good evening y’a all. Its 2am here in Switzerland, and I though I might give you a little update as I know you like it… I had my 5th date tonight with ´festival guy’. As always, it was great. He picked me up, we went for diner, he invited (no, I’m fact he paid while I was in the restrooms) then we came back home. We cuddled, talked, laughed a lot and then had sex. (Of course…) Tonight was a bit different. I noticed he was more affectionate, smiling all the time. He has been talking about our anniversaries to come, saying we will celebrate together, also he spoke more about future plans… we agreed I’m going to visit him on Sunday because both our weekends are busy. i have a good feeling. It’s all so simple and he is so sweet and tender. I feel so good with him… I told him jokingly, you seem less embarrassed than the other night (after sex) he explained that he wasn’t sure I liked it, hence the embarrassment of the other night… Well, we will see how it develops, but I have to confess that I really like him, each time more… and I honestly think he genuinely likes me too… we will see. No pressure 💪😁 7 Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 15 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: Good evening y’a all. Its 2am here in Switzerland, and I though I might give you a little update as I know you like it… I had my 5th date tonight with ´festival guy’. As always, it was great. He picked me up, we went for diner, he invited (no, I’m fact he paid while I was in the restrooms) then we came back home. We cuddled, talked, laughed a lot and then had sex. (Of course…) Tonight was a bit different. I noticed he was more affectionate, smiling all the time. He has been talking about our anniversaries to come, saying we will celebrate together, also he spoke more about future plans… we agreed I’m going to visit him on Sunday because both our weekends are busy. i have a good feeling. It’s all so simple and he is so sweet and tender. I feel so good with him… I told him jokingly, you seem less embarrassed than the other night (after sex) he explained that he wasn’t sure I liked it, hence the embarrassment of the other night… Well, we will see how it develops, but I have to confess that I really like him, each time more… and I honestly think he genuinely likes me too… we will see. No pressure 💪😁 This is dating. And I am so glad you both stuck it thru after that festival date. 4 Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 38 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: Good evening y’a all. Its 2am here in Switzerland, and I though I might give you a little update as I know you like it… I had my 5th date tonight with ´festival guy’. As always, it was great. He picked me up, we went for diner, he invited (no, I’m fact he paid while I was in the restrooms) then we came back home. We cuddled, talked, laughed a lot and then had sex. (Of course…) Tonight was a bit different. I noticed he was more affectionate, smiling all the time. He has been talking about our anniversaries to come, saying we will celebrate together, also he spoke more about future plans… we agreed I’m going to visit him on Sunday because both our weekends are busy. i have a good feeling. It’s all so simple and he is so sweet and tender. I feel so good with him… I told him jokingly, you seem less embarrassed than the other night (after sex) he explained that he wasn’t sure I liked it, hence the embarrassment of the other night… Well, we will see how it develops, but I have to confess that I really like him, each time more… and I honestly think he genuinely likes me too… we will see. No pressure 💪😁 💛 💛 💛 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 Glad you had fun! Sounds like a good person and someone you want to see again -and it's mutual! Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 Good morning y’a all. I went to visit the festival guy yesterday. I arrived to his place at 3pm. I was happy to go but a bit after I arrived, as I noticed he didn’t really planed to go out and was more willing to cuddle and watch tv on the sofa, my mind kinda shifted… I was disappointed he didn’t plan anything. At 5pm we went on the terrace for a cigarette and talked a bit but he sensed that my mood wasn’t on top, he asked whether I was ok and whether I wanted to go eat something outside, so we went to a restaurant in the center. My mood was still down. He then told me to go back home for coffee and he asked me what was going on… I told him that I felt weird just staying home watching tv, that I wasn’t used to do it. We then had a deep conversation were I told him I sometimes have a hard time in early stages to open up and that it often makes me feel uneasy. He also shared important things about him. He never had a relationship that lasted more than 3 month. Never lived with someone (he is 39) he also said that the “ I love you word “ isn’t something that comes out easily (also my case) we had a really deep, good conversation also about our insecurities, and he asked many questions about me etc… I really like him, but I’m so afraid to open up. So afraid to be disappointed again. It’s been a month and a week now that we know each other. Yesterday was only our 6th date. Later in the evening we went to brush tears together like a cute couple (he made me sit on his laps while brushing) went to bed and I was all fine again. And this morning when we had coffee he was kinda lost in his thoughts, so I decided to leave and let him get prepared for his work day… On Thursday he will go visit his parents in Portugal for 10 days. And we didn’t agree to see each other before he goes… now the question is, should I tell him I want to see him again before he leaves, as a way also to reassure him of my interest towards him, or should I just wait, maybe let him go and see whatever happens during these 10 days. Maybe he needs some time to think about what happened yesterday… idk… Insights? Also I still don’t understand why I shifted like that. I mean this guy is a good man, he is totally my type, there is nothing wrong about him until now… before we went to the restaurant I told him I had to go pick something in my car as an excuse to just take 5 minutes to calm down and try to reset. I stayed five minutes in my car, cursed a bit and then went back… what happened? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I speculate that while you tell yourself you can compartmentalize sexual intimacy in fact it impacts you far more than you care to admit - because you have fun having casual sex and don’t want to give up the fun and pleasure. But you’re feeling like in some way you’re now like a married couple but as he told you - likely so as not to lead you on- he’s never had a serious long term relationship at age 39. A bit unusual. I think it’s typical for feelings to change early on. I think you’re already a bit bored with him and the confusion on his end about the sex plus now you know anything long term isn’t likely might be throwing you off. Plus again I’d reevaluate how you react to sex with someone you see potential with. Good man doesn’t mean right for you. Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 31 minutes ago, Batya33 said: I dont think I’m bored, on the contrary. I think that in fact I see high potential and am somehow starting to develop feelings for him. But am afraid it’s not reciprocated… he never had long term relationships, neither likes casual flings… in fact he said that his main objective now was to establish with someone long term. He also said that he suffers from always being the single one with his friends and family and wonders if there is anything wrong with him. I have a friend who is exactly the same. He is always the single one, but is a really good guy… a rear pearl as we call them. And it’s funny because when I met festival guy, he immediately reminded me of this friend. again, these are only words but he didn’t confess everything right away. It was yesterday during this special moment when we were having this deep conversation. Yesterday he explained himself about the embarrassment after the intercourse, he said that he was expecting me to say something about it, like saying if I enjoyed it or not, but as I am used to have casual sex, it’s not something I generally talk about with men. We do it and there’s no need to have a whole discussion about whether we liked it or not… I guess this is what made him feel uneasy… Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said: Thursday he will go visit his parents in Portugal for 10 days. And we didn’t agree to see each other before he goes… now the question is, should I tell him I want to see him again before he leaves, It would be fine to get together before he goes, but try to have something more concrete planned so you don't get upset about just hanging out. It's ok to have feelings for someone you're seeing, why wouldn't you? Isn't that the point? Try to enjoy getting to know each other, maybe scale back on the heavy-duty talks. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I think it’s common when sex happens early between two people who don’t know each other then there’s more risk for misunderstandings because in that sense the people are still mostly strangers. I understand he wants long term. It’s interesting that at 39 he’s not yet explored ecen with a professional why what he says he wants and reality don’t jibe. For sure part is luck and timing but only part. I’d proceed with caution as far as long term potential with him. Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 52 minutes ago, Batya33 said: I think it’s common when sex happens early between two people who don’t know each other then there’s more risk for misunderstandings because in that sense the people are still mostly strangers. I understand he wants long term. It’s interesting that at 39 he’s not yet explored ecen with a professional why what he says he wants and reality don’t jibe. For sure part is luck and timing but only part. I’d proceed with caution as far as long term potential with him. I also think it’s weird he never had something long term. He told me that he is seeing a therapist for hypnosis sessions to help him with his sugar/food addiction. He suffers diabetes. He also said that this therapy helped him get out of his comfort zone. He has been working in the same office for 15years and decided to change, he will start a new job in September and this causes him some anxiety… Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 39 and never had anything long term. Is this actually a red flag? Or at least orange? Link to comment
Jaunty Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 Yes, 39 with no long term is a bit weird but people are different from each other in all kinds of ways. From reading your posts I get the impression that you are pretty unique yourself. There are things that you've described about how you tend to function in relationships that would scare some people off, do you agree? Yet here you are, trying. Another "different" type of person, different in a unique way from your own way, might be the one that will fit you best. Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 2 minutes ago, Jaunty said: There are things that you've described about how you tend to function in relationships that would scare some people off, do you agree? I agree… I’m not easy at all… what exactly would scare some people away in your opinion? 4 minutes ago, Jaunty said: Another "different" type of person, different in a unique way from your own way, might be the one that will fit you best. Are you talking about him? Link to comment
Jaunty Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: I agree… I’m not easy at all… what exactly would scare some people away in your opinion? Your whole pattern of getting obsessed but not being available or even remaining interested for the "real" parts. That would be a big red flag don't you think? 2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: Are you talking about him? Maybe. I don't know. I wasn't hopeful when I read your description of how it went when the two of you were at the music event. But you really seem to like each other ... and you're both quirky. Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 7 minutes ago, Jaunty said: Your whole pattern of getting obsessed but not being available or even remaining interested for the "real" parts. That would be a big red flag don't you think? Maybe. I don't know. I wasn't hopeful when I read your description of how it went when the two of you were at the music event. But you really seem to like each other ... and you're both quirky. Tank you for the quirky 😁 but yeah i agree. I also feel more at ease with somone who has flaws, might be my Scorpio side… i asked him what he planned for tomorrow, because tomorrow is Independence Day her in Switzerland. I asked whether he wanted to go see the fireworks together. He replied that he couldn’t make it because him and his friends booked to go to a place, some kind of chalet in the mountain, a long time ago… see, the thing is I will consider it serious thing only once I will met his family and friends… we went to eat yesterday at the restaurant in his neighborhood. Afterwards, we walked in the streets, we passed beyond another restaurant, he waved to some people he knew on a terrace, still holding my hand… and for me this little thing means a lot… it might sound silly, but for me it’s something important. So yeah, I think I’m quirk too… Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 41 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: I agree… I’m not easy at all… what exactly would scare some people away in your opinion? Are you talking about him? I avoided men who enjoyed casual sex and had many casual partners (especially after college) particularly if they expected me to be comfortable having sex early on or judged me for my values and strong preferences. I didn’t relate to men who could compartmentalize the way you say you can. But I was happy to be friends with them. Just not a good match for me romantically. Also like you said you’re generally mistrustful and suspicious more than what would be typically building up trust in a new dating relationship. Depending on how that manifested I might be scared off. And I was In analogous circumstances. I am not judging you just pointing out two atypical things. It’s somewhat atypical for a woman especially to treat sexual activity as you do. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 In my experience you meet the family after getting serious, not before. Didn't you say you always lose interest after the initial "honeymoon period" and start pursuing someone new after the excitement wears off? 1 Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 When he was embarrassed after intercourse, I basically said that sex Isn’t something that changes anything for me in the sense of knowing each other, developing feelings or compatibility etc, that I don’t give it that much importance… which is true btw… I also told him yesterday that what makes me bound with someone is intellectual chemistry. I guess I often get annoyed because of the lack of this chemistry. But with him there is something different. He loves talking about architecture, interior design, graphic design, esthetics. We have this in common… I work for an architecture company, leading their art gallery and am also independent graphic designer, and he also has a job in which he deals with architecture. We talk a lot about our likes and dislikes in esthetics… and this for me is something precious… we were walking in the streets yesterday and he showed me a interior design store (only the window because on Sunday it’s closed) and we watched it and commented on it… he showed me some items he liked etc… among many other things, this is something we share. And for me this is so precious… 2 Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 19 minutes ago, boltnrun said: Didn't you say you always lose interest after the initial "honeymoon period" and start pursuing someone new after the excitement wears off? Yea I did say. I guess it’s because none of these men were capable of giving me the mindgasm I need… Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said: Yea I did say. I guess it’s because none of these men were capable of giving me the mindgasm I need… Why do you need that level of excitement though? Do you ever feel excited just by getting to know someone -what makes them tick, their view of the world, their perspective, their sense of humor, intellect etc? Maybe he found your perspective on sex a bit cold? Since I waited to have sex until we were in love and seriously committed (with one exception which I regret) sex was a way we showed our love and commitment, and enhanced what we already had. So I would have been upset if it wasn't meaningful in that way to my partner. I know that is not likely to be the case when you take your approach -early on -before you know each other well but maybe even though he obviously is comfortable with casual sex it's emotionally meaningful to him and your perspective came across as cold to him even if not meant that way. Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 The thing is that sex is the the cherry on the cake for me… I don’t want a partner to have sex with… I expect more than that. But I also need to test drive to see whether there is potential on that level (in terms of foreplay, size, compatibility etc…) see, I’ve been married for 10 years, sex was correct, but there was lack of intellectual compatibility… I felt bored and don’t want to experience this ever again. That’s why physical intimacy is not the most important thing for me, because I need something more than that to envisage a relationship… My concern now is my new guy planned something for tomorrow with his friends and didn’t think of including me into it or change his plans to spend a last evening with me before he leaves… would it be me, at this point, i would have asked him to join me and my friends for diner or asked to meet later.. he didn’t. No big deal… just I sense that I might have to lower my expectations again and meet the others guys that I planned to meet this week… right? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: The thing is that sex is the the cherry on the cake for me… I don’t want a partner to have sex with… I expect more than that. But I also need to test drive to see whether there is potential on that level (in terms of foreplay, size, compatibility etc…) see, I’ve been married for 10 years, sex was correct, but there was lack of intellectual compatibility… I felt bored and don’t want to experience this ever again. That’s why physical intimacy is not the most important thing for me, because I need something more than that to envisage a relationship… My concern now is my new guy planned something for tomorrow with his friends and didn’t think of including me into it or change his plans to spend a last evening with me before he leaves… would it be me, at this point, i would have asked him to join me and my friends for diner or asked to meet later.. he didn’t. No big deal… just I sense that I might have to lower my expectations again and meet the others guys that I planned to meet this week… right? He doesn't know you well at all and he may not want the very different dynamic with bringing along a brand new person. I agree about intellectual compatibilty, compatible sense of humor -and I love mindgasm but seems to me you expect a heightened level of excitement as if getting to know an "ordinary" human isn't exciting enough. He may have felt your test-driving vibe when you had sex with him. If he wasn't test-driving you it may have been off putting (for me it would have been impossible -I wouldn't have enjoyed casual sex and since I had no particular fetish or requirements I knew for sure that if we had chemistry when we kissed and were romantic and sexual that having sex would be good - if not good the first time then good after - I didn't care if it was awkward the first time as we already were committed and in love). Perhaps your guy picked up on your test drive and it made him nervous. And might still. He might still feel like he's being tested in various ways. (Again I realize you and I have valid -and very different approaches -just sharing for context). Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 So you think he was inconfortable because I test drived him… oh please… he is a man after all… Fist time was not a success to be honest, but second and third….were way better. This morning was great, even if I sensed again that he had a hard time keeping the rhythm… i have been making some research about diabetes and it’s complications, and it appears that it affects libido in various ways. As I also mentioned he has some complications due to overweight. He weighs more than 240pounds for 80 inches.. he also has heart condition which makes him take pills every day… I don’t think my “sexual spirit” so to speak made him feel uneasy… I have two other dates planned for this week… so I it doesn’t really matter… Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 39 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: I have two other dates planned for this week… so I it doesn’t really matter… That's a good idea. Hopefully they'll be fun. Try not to worry about festival guy this much. It's ok he didn't invite you to premade plans with friends before his vacation. While he's away, perhaps reflect that this was the second panic attack you had in his presence. Once at the festival and then running down to your car yesterday. He has some complex medical issues so clearly sex will be affected. And perhaps he's self conscious about that and his weight. He may check a few boxes but it's ok to keep your eyes and mind open. 1 Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: While he's away, perhaps reflect that this was the second panic attack you had in his presence. Once at the festival and then running down to your car yesterday. Yeah. In fact I came home this morning, it’s my day off, so I made some laundry and then went for errands. When I came home, I just felt overwhelmed and couldn’t control it. I just released this panic attack I had yesterday… I think there is something inherently wrong and I’m feeling it. I trust my inner gut and I can’t deny it… I’m not able to tell exactly what is wrong but there is something… so I decided to no longer entertain this relationship… didn’t explain anything yet to him… I will just let it fizzle out as it tends to… but thank you @Wiseman2for pointing out it was a panic attack… 1 1 Link to comment
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