weird feeling …

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, asddd said:

he doesn’t feel like a stranger to me, i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years and im 100% sure he is a real person 

How he feels to you isn't relevant. He might be a real person -he also might be one of a number of people who type to you at different times. But this is not a real romantic relationship.  That requires meeting and dating in person.  Getting to know each other in person.  You have known him as an online penpal for 2.5 years.

[asddd]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's fine to stay online penpals.  Tell him you want to stay in touch as penpals or online chat buddies.  But keep your contact to a minimum and spend the time you have cultivating in person friendships and perhaps meeting people to date. in person.

but im attached too much to him to just be penpals

[Batya33]

Just now, asddd said:

but im attached too much to him to just be penpals

Right now you are.  As you decrease contact and increase your real life friendships and relationships you will become less and less attached.

[asddd]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right now you are.  As you decrease contact and increase your real life friendships and relationships you will become less and less attached.

i cant just leave him - i will hurt him after he helped me

[Wiseman2]

Just now, asddd said:

i cant just leave him - i will hurt him after he helped me

How exactly did he help you and how exactly did you "hurt" him?

It's good your parents know. Are you allowed to date local men? 

[asddd]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

How exactly did he help you and how exactly did you "hurt" him?

It's good your parents know. Are you allowed to date local men? 

for example, he made me go to psychologist and i wasnt there for him when he needed me. yes im allowed to date local men

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, asddd said:

i cant just leave him - i will hurt him after he helped me

You're not leaving him.  You are not "with" him -he is a person you type to and talk to online only.  He is hurting you now by being controlling and you consider him to be a waste of time -that is hurting him because you're leading him to believe that someday you will meet him in person and have an in person romantic relationship with him.  Let me tell you -people in healthy romantic relationships do not consider the other person a waste of time.  The exact opposite.  

You can say "thank you so much for helping me.  I realize now we don't have a lot in common anymore.  I think we can stay in touch from time to time online but I don't think it's a good idea to talk as much so we can both move on."

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, asddd said:

for example, he made me go to psychologist and i wasnt there for him when he rneeded me. yes im allowed to date local men

Staying out of guilt or obligation isn't fair to him.  He didn't make you do anything.  You went to a psychologist.  Please tell a therapist or a teacher about your attachment to this online person.  It's not safe what you are doing.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, asddd said:

, he made me go to psychologist 

Please tell your healthcare providers about this. Why won't you date local available men?  

[Cherylyn]

15 minutes ago, asddd said:

what if he did more good things to me and im the one hurting him and destroying that?

It depends on what good and bad things you are willing to accept.  If you truly feel that you're wasting your youth and time on a person regardless of who it is,  then yes,  you really are wasting your time and energy on a person. 

[asddd]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Staying out of guilt or obligation isn't fair to him.  He didn't make you do anything.  You went to a psychologist.  Please tell a therapist or a teacher about your attachment to this online person.  It's not safe what you are doing.

well yes he didnt make me but he helped me to do it 

[Batya33]

Just now, asddd said:

well yes he didnt make me but he helped me to do it 

Right.  Human beings help each other at times even online.  And it doesn't mean you're obligated to pretend you're in a romantic relationship.  You're not and anyway you find this a waste of time so you're misleading this online stranger to think that you're excited to meet him and be with him long term - because you find this a waste of time. and it's hurtful to be controlling which he is.

I will write again.  This situation for you is potentially very harmful even dangerous.  Emotionally and potentially financially or physically.  Tell a trusted adult today or at the latest tomorrow that you are feeling attached to an online stranger and feeling worried and guilty and have that person help you extract yourself from being in contact with this stranger who you imagine yourself to be romantically involved with -which you are not.  It's very very unhealthy and risky.  Get out ASAP and seek professional help if needed.

Now I'm done responding because I don't want you to get the impression at all I believe there's any reason for you to be in contact with him or ever meet him in person.

[asddd]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please tell your healthcare providers about this. Why won't you date local available men?  

because i met him and i liked him

[asddd]

20 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

It depends on what good and bad things you are willing to accept.  If you truly feel that you're wasting your youth and time on a person regardless of who it is,  then yes,  you really are wasting your time and energy on a person. 

i just feel like wasting time because i was trying for a long time to make him notice me and it feels like i know him for a long time

[asddd]

37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right.  Human beings help each other at times even online.  And it doesn't mean you're obligated to pretend you're in a romantic relationship.  You're not and anyway you find this a waste of time so you're misleading this online stranger to think that you're excited to meet him and be with him long term - because you find this a waste of time. and it's hurtful to be controlling which he is.

I will write again.  This situation for you is potentially very harmful even dangerous.  Emotionally and potentially financially or physically.  Tell a trusted adult today or at the latest tomorrow that you are feeling attached to an online stranger and feeling worried and guilty and have that person help you extract yourself from being in contact with this stranger who you imagine yourself to be romantically involved with -which you are not.  It's very very unhealthy and risky.  Get out ASAP and seek professional help if needed.

Now I'm done responding because I don't want you to get the impression at all I believe there's any reason for you to be in contact with him or ever meet him in person.

i dont feel obligated i want to be in this relationship and im not misleading because in fact i want to meet him, also i said i feel like i was time but its only because hes not here 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, asddd said:

i just feel like wasting time because i was trying for a long time to make him notice me and it feels like i know him for a long time

Listen to your gut instincts.  If you're uncertain and need to question whether or not you should be in a relationship with him,  it's not a normal, happy, "for certain" sign.  If you're unsure and feel like you're wasting your time with him,  then don't be with him.  Follow your intuition.  If you have your doubts,  then get out.

[MissCanuck]

So you feeling you are wasting your time, but also don't want to leave him. 

What advice can we possibly give you when you want things both ways? Life just doesn't work like that. This isn't a real romantic relationship, OP. You are not dating if you have never even been on a date with him offline. 

I'm sorry. You have gotten wrapped up in an unhealthy fantasy. The sooner you free yoursel from this, the sooner you can start really living your life and find a real partner. This guy isn't it. 

[Jaunty]

Yes, you are wasting your time.   I'm not particularly concerned about whether he's catfishing or anything like that, though your choice of words (he "makes" you do things is concerning.

The bottom line is that no teenager on Earth should be spending those years in a long distance, online relationship with a person that they have never met.

You are supposed to be growing and learning about yourself during your teen years.  Ths includes dating and coming to understand what kind of person is a good fit for you, how to conduct yourself in a relationship, what you want out of a relationship.  You can't do this.  

You're not going to end up marrying this guy - the chances are almost nil.  So how would this NOT be a waste of your time, even though your feelings are very invested?

[poorlittlefish]

You are very young and it's highly unlikely you'll stay with this guy forever. If you feel like you're wasting your time with him, then you're wasting his time too. Part ways so you can both meet other people. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, asddd said:

 ive been feeling like im wasting my time with him. . i feel like i am wasting all my teenage years on this one guy. like he is a waste of time… 

This is 100% in your control. Only you can determine what you spend your time on.

You could be spending it on school work, applying for colleges, sports and fitness, working, joining some groups and clubs and enjoying your life. You could be building a great life for yourself.

You could be planning your education and career as well as having fun enjoying different interests and activities. You could be out having real life fun dates with real-life people.

You seem unhappy and trapped and upset that you're missing out. But you're not in prison. You're free to do all the wonderful real-life, real people things everyone else around you does.  It's entirely up to you.

[smackie9]

You can stay friends and move on with dating other people. 

[Andrina]

Most people in their teens and twenties have many dating experiences before being ready to find a lifetime partner. In fact, that's beneficial to realize who is right for them, and who is not.

You're lacking must-haves with him, and as you see, love isn't enough by itself for a satisfying partnership.

Break it off, and give yourself solo time to mourn the end, and be able to heal. And don't feel like you always have to have a boyfriend to enjoy life. I made that mistake when I was a teen, and wished I'd embraced being single for long stretches. I would have probably done a better job in choosing a better first husband if I'd done that. My first marriage ended in divorce. Luckily, I chose wiser the second time around. Good luck.

[Batya33]

21 hours ago, asddd said:

but i also dont want to leave him

Often in life we have to do what is right -for us, for someone else for lots of someone elses instead of what we want.  Today my heart wanted to run across the park to pick up my son at school early because he facetimed me distraught -teenage hormones -about feeling excluded during field day at school (8th grade- remember that age?) - I wanted to. But I knew it was in his best interest to stick it out, figure it out, go to his teacher and tell him what the issue was. As his mama I knew he would feel better especially since lunch was almost happening.  So I took the tough love approach and told him he had to stay.  

I wanted to pick him up.  I chose not to do what I wanted in my heart because it would be bad parenting and a bad way to show my love for him. 

That's called LIFE and it's called being an adult.  So yes you "want" to tell yourself you have a boyfriend -a romantic relationship and you don't want to "leave" him even though there is no real relationship to leave -you can still type and talk to him as a chat buddy or penpal which is exactly what you are now for all reality purposes.  

Do the right thing not what you happen to "want"