asddd

A few months ago i had birthday. Im not really a social person and im shy so i only threw a small party for 5 of my closest friends. i knew then that doing that means that probably other people wont invite me to their parties but i didnt care at that time. but a few days ago i heard that one girl that i know (and didnt invite) is also having a birthday party and she invited all my friends except me (she’s making a party for like 30 people). at first i felt really bad about it, i felt excluded and that nobody likes me. but later i thought that maybe its because i didnt invite her. now its kind of an awkward situation, because i dont know how to act, be cool about it and act like its normal or avoid her because maybe she doesn’t like me that much. i do feel bad still and i wish i had made a bigger party. but my question is, am i making myself a victim here? it made me really sad for a few days , but maybe i just made a mistake and she is right not inviting me, also is it possible that its my fault because i didn’t invite her?? i know that this may sound ridiculous because its just a party and nothing big, but now i just feel so worse than my friends, i feel like a stranger that nobody likes, because not inviting to a party sometimes can mean that that person is not really liked….

i dont feel obligated i want to be in this relationship and im not misleading because in fact i want to meet him, also i said i feel like i was time but its only because hes not here

i just feel like wasting time because i was trying for a long time to make him notice me and it feels like i know him for a long time

because i met him and i liked him

well yes he didnt make me but he helped me to do it

for example, he made me go to psychologist and i wasnt there for him when he needed me. yes im allowed to date local men

i cant just leave him - i will hurt him after he helped me

but im attached too much to him to just be penpals

what if he did more good things to me and im the one hurting him and destroying that?

he doesn’t feel like a stranger to me, i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years and im 100% sure he is a real person

but he helped me a lot and i still care about him, i cant just let him go after what he did for me

no he doesn’t ask me for money and ive never sent him any money

now it is hard to travel from my country to his country, also we started to get closer just recently so we dont have detailed plans now, but we want to do it.

i am not in a dangerous situation, my parents know about him and they are okay with that, theres no trouble at home. i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years, i know who he is , i saw him i am 100% sure he is a real person who isn’t trying to scam me or something

no im not a minor and we have plans to meet each other. yes i have social life and friends in person

i am sure that he is who he says he is i have proofs

just most of the time i feel good with him and i dont want this to go away

no i didnt met him in person, we live in different countries, yes i go to school and live with parents. i mean like political views, we think very differently on these topics. by he doesn’t let me do stuff i mean that i broke his trust a few times so now he just doesn’t want me to do some things so i wont hurt him again. well he can’t enforce it on a distance, i just know i will feel bad if i hurt him again and i dont want him to break up with me so i just control myself now

but i also dont want to leave him

im in a relationship but ive been feeling like im wasting my time with him. i love him and i cant live him but just i feel like i am wasting all my teenage years on this one guy. i think im experiencing that because we have different beliefs and i hurt him in the past so he doesn’t let me do some things, and because we live far away from each other so we cant make the most of our relationship. i feel guilty for thinking about him in that way, like he is a waste of time… what should i do???