Fwb and the girl?

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I wrote it's been 2 years

It's obvious you're either pretending to not understand my repeated question or you don't want to answer it because you don't want us to know the answer.

My guess is you feel threatened by this guy's obvious attraction to this woman and you're afraid. That makes sense since he won't commit to being in an actual relationship with you.

I wouldn't remain in this uncertain situation, but that's just me. 

[Merrilsilverste]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's obvious you're either pretending to not understand my repeated question or you don't want to answer it because you don't want us to know the answer.

My guess is you feel threatened by this guy's obvious attraction to this woman and you're afraid. That makes sense since he won't commit to being in an actual relationship with you.

I wouldn't remain in this uncertain situation, but that's just me. 

I really don't understand because how can anyone have sex with someone when they are rejecting someone? The gurl needs to be desperate to get with him?

[boltnrun]

What I don't understand is why you would choose to keep sleeping with a guy who is actively trying to "hook up" with someone else and who won't even tell that girl he's involved with you. 

Are you hoping he asks you to be his girlfriend?

[Batya33]

51 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I really don't understand because how can anyone have sex with someone when they are rejecting someone? The gurl needs to be desperate to get with him?

He's not rejecting her.  He hangs out with her.  Maybe she is desperate.  You seem desperate otherwise why would you settle for these scraps?

[Merrilsilverste]

22 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He's not rejecting her.  He hangs out with her.  Maybe she is desperate.  You seem desperate otherwise why would you settle for these scraps?

They only meet each other in passing. It's not like he's texting her to meet her because he doesn't.

[Batya33]

Just now, Merrilsilverste said:

They only meet each other in passing. It's not like he's texting her to meet her because he doesn't.

If so why did you feel the need to spy on them?

[Merrilsilverste]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If so why did you feel the need to spy on them?

Because he won't tell her and won't stop talking to her even if she offers to?

[Batya33]

Just now, Merrilsilverste said:

Because he won't tell her and won't stop talking to her even if she offers to?

Right so on the one hand you dismiss this as "only meet in passing" and on the other hand you're willing to stoop to spying on them because how they interact is obviously a huge concern to you.  Hmmmmmmm. 

I'd stop lying to yourself -are you that afraid of being on your own and meeting someone who isn't "meeting someone in passing" who he'd love to get naked with and put his penis inside? If she would have him? 

[Merrilsilverste]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right so on the one hand you dismiss this as "only meet in passing" and on the other hand you're willing to stoop to spying on them because how they interact is obviously a huge concern to you.  Hmmmmmmm. 

I'd stop lying to yourself -are you that afraid of being on your own and meeting someone who isn't "meeting someone in passing" who he'd love to get naked with and put his penis inside? If she would have him? 

He also has a weird obsession with her legs, always looking down at them even when wearing long dresses etc. He blatantly does it even when talking to her but when confronted denies even staring at her

[Batya33]

Just now, Merrilsilverste said:

He also has a weird obsession with her legs, always looking down at them even when wearing long dresses etc. He blatantly does it even when talking to her but when confronted denies even staring at her

So this person he sees only in passing you've seen him around her enough to observe this? You confronted him? Must have been a fun convo.  

[Merrilsilverste]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

So this person he sees only in passing you've seen him around her enough to observe this? You confronted him? Must have been a fun convo.  

They do talk. For a few minutes and yes I did and he got defensive saying hes never stared at her, was never gawking at her even though I had caught him multiple times. Once she wore a red dress, he was solving crossword puzzles and then decided to go back to his seat until he saw her and just stood there staring at her. After she saw him, he walked towards her and they spoke about work.

When I confronted him he said he never stared at her when I saw him myself.

 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

They do talk. For a few minutes and yes I did and he got defensive saying hes never stared at her, was never gawking at her even though I had caught him multiple times. Once she wore a red dress, he was solving crossword puzzles and then decided to go back to his seat until he saw her and just stood there staring at her. After she saw him, he walked towards her and they spoke about work.

When I confronted him he said he never stared at her when I saw him myself.

 

So now you know this is not some "oh it's just in passing thing" -this is a Big Deal to you.  Big enough for you to lower yourself to spying on him and confronting him about your thoughts that he stared at her legs/body parts.  

I'm pretty much done here as you can reread my posts on what to do -all the additional information you've shared either is you backpedaling/making excuses or you coming up with additional reasons he is sexually attracted to her.  My advice is the same -take or leave.

[MissCanuck]

 

36 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

you coming up with additional reasons he is sexually attracted to her.

That's probably because OP is her. 

I'm also going to see myself out. This thread is silly. 

[bluecastle]

When you're interested in connecting to another person, rather than competing, I doubt any of all this you're sprung on will be so interesting to you—least of all a dude like this.

But for the time being I think the best thing to do is look within, acknowledge that what interests you right now, which is a noncommittal dude who lies to other women about you while checking out their legs. Or, if you're the other women in this candy-coated yarn, looking at your legs while lying to you.

Either way, I say enjoy the ride. When you've had enough you'll know, no different than when I know when I've had enough candy.  

[boltnrun]

37 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I know when I've had enough candy.

Some people enjoy existing solely on "candy". I dated a guy who encouraged me to physically fight women he knew were attracted to him. He wanted to watch while we slapped and pulled hair. And when I refused he accused me of not really loving him.  Ridiculous. 

[spinstermanquee]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

This thread is silly. 

Feels a bit strange, like maybe the whole triad (if there is one) is 12 years old 😉  Have we been trolled?

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

Feels a bit strange, like maybe the whole triad (if there is one) is 12 years old 😉  Have we been trolled?

I'd put money on it. 

[Jaunty]

All the spying you're doing would, in many cases, be constituted as "stalking."   You probably should get some help for this before you end up getting in legal trouble.

 

[Merrilsilverste]

So she came to our study building and he saw her and when she was going downstairs (he was going outside), instead of going out straight away, he waited for a bit and then looked down wnd said hi to her and then went out

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

 instead of going out straight away, he waited for a bit and then looked down wnd said hi to her and then went out

Do you interact much with this BF? You seem to be lurking around spying on him more than talking to or hanging out with him.  

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

So she came to our study building and he saw her and when she was going downstairs (he was going outside), instead of going out straight away, he waited for a bit and then looked down wnd said hi to her and then went out

So are you studying for certification as a private investigator? Is this fun for you -how does it feel in your stomach/head/body when you do this monitoring of this guy you're dating? Were you at the study building to study or watch this guy's every move -and hers? If studying my suggestion is -if you need a break from studying do something relaxing -get a snack at the vending machine, take a brisk walk outside, text with a friend but not about your spying, etc.  This is a real waste of time and I'm older than you -but from my perspective it's not really good for your mind and body.

Yesterday around 5 my husband suddenly got a call and left the room. He was on the call a long time and he hadn't told me he had a business meeting -usually he doesn't at that time.  I was getting annoyed because it was getting close to dinner time and I was making dinner. 

I didn't want to disturb him especially if it was a business call.  Luckily he got off the phone in time. I asked him who it was -only because it was unusual -and he said a woman's name-it's our cousin.  I told him my concerns and he reassured me that he'd never stay on into the dinner hour.

My example-because in gazillion years I'd never assume he was doing anything inappropriate taking a call and leaving the room even though it had some unusual aspects.  I was just worried about burnt pizza lol.  He'd never assume that of me either.  It would never occur to me to check his phone to make sure it really was our cousin.  That's what's basically required in any dating relationship or marriage or committed relationship -basic level trust.  You don't have that so why bother dating him??

[Merrilsilverste]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

So are you studying for certification as a private investigator? Is this fun for you -how does it feel in your stomach/head/body when you do this monitoring of this guy you're dating? Were you at the study building to study or watch this guy's every move -and hers? If studying my suggestion is -if you need a break from studying do something relaxing -get a snack at the vending machine, take a brisk walk outside, text with a friend but not about your spying, etc.  This is a real waste of time and I'm older than you -but from my perspective it's not really good for your mind and body.

Yesterday around 5 my husband suddenly got a call and left the room. He was on the call a long time and he hadn't told me he had a business meeting -usually he doesn't at that time.  I was getting annoyed because it was getting close to dinner time and I was making dinner. 

I didn't want to disturb him especially if it was a business call.  Luckily he got off the phone in time. I asked him who it was -only because it was unusual -and he said a woman's name-it's our cousin.  I told him my concerns and he reassured me that he'd never stay on into the dinner hour.

My example-because in gazillion years I'd never assume he was doing anything inappropriate taking a call and leaving the room even though it had some unusual aspects.  I was just worried about burnt pizza lol.  He'd never assume that of me either.  It would never occur to me to check his phone to make sure it really was our cousin.  That's what's basically required in any dating relationship or marriage or committed relationship -basic level trust.  You don't have that so why bother dating him??

I'm just asking why would he stop to see if it was her then say hi?

 

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I'm just asking why would he stop to see if it was her then say hi?

 

Because he felt like it.  People move towards pleasure and away from pain.  It pleased him to stop and see if it was this woman and then it pleased him to greet her with hello.  Basic stuff.  

Is that really what you're just asking?  Doesn't seem so -obviously you care about why he chose to interact with her at that particular time.  What's it to you?

[Merrilsilverste]

29 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because he felt like it.  People move towards pleasure and away from pain.  It pleased him to stop and see if it was this woman and then it pleased him to greet her with hello.  Basic stuff.  

Is that really what you're just asking?  Doesn't seem so -obviously you care about why he chose to interact with her at that particular time.  What's it to you?

If he likes her or not??? She didn't even say hi but he did after seeing it was her

[spinstermanquee]

3 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

If he likes her or not??? She didn't even say hi but he did after seeing it was her

Dear Mods, has this thread run its course?