Fwb and the girl?

[Merrilsilverste]

3 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

Ok, I'll bite since OP isn't responding to relevant questions.

OP, he loves you and will never cheat on you even though he only has eyes for your coworker.  He is so into you that he wants to sleep with your coworker.  He loves you so much that he would kick you to the curb in a millisecond if she said she would drop trou for him.  This does not sound even remotely BF-like, more like FWB, like the title of your post.  I think you are the soon-to-be-ex FWB and she is the soon-to-be-new-FWB, if he gets his wish.

Srsly, he obvs is not into relationships, he only wants s-e-x so why do you even care what he/she/they is/are up to?  It's him that has the issues.  You are giving him s-e-x but he still wants h-e-r.  How much more information/input/feedback do you need?  Get a real BF not a FWB.

I told you guys already that he has refused a relationship with her too but insists on chit chat?

He's told her he's not her friend, not her acquaintance, they don't know each other much but when she said she will back off knowing he has someone he refuses saying no they will continue talking

[Merrilsilverste]

On 4/21/2023 at 3:24 PM, boltnrun said:

Why not? Why do YOU think he's hiding his involvement with you from her?

He's told her he's not her friend, not her acquaintance, they don't know each other much but when she said she will back off knowing he has someone he refuses saying no they will continue talking

[Merrilsilverste]

On 4/21/2023 at 4:32 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Did he or did she tell you this?  How do you know she is not telling him? Do you know every call or message on his or her phone besides overhearing them? 

He's told her he's not her friend, not her acquaintance, they don't know each other much but when she said she will back off knowing he has someone he refuses saying no they will continue talking

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said:

 when she said she will back off knowing he has someone he refuses saying no they will continue talking

Did she tell you this or did the man? Would you like them to stop talking? Why not ask him to be exclusive if that is what you would like?

[Merrilsilverste]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did she tell you this or did the man? Would you like them to stop talking? Why not ask him to be exclusive if that is what you would like?

I spied on them. 

I have but he said he's not looking for anything serious.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

 I have but he said he's not looking for anything serious.

If you would like exclusive dating and he doesn't, you're incompatible. Rather than spying or wondering what he's talking to others about, why not free yourself from this and date men who want what you want?

 

[Merrilsilverste]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you would like exclusive dating and he doesn't, you're incompatible. Rather than spying or wondering what he's talking to others about, why not free yourself from this and date men who want what you want?

 

I'm interested in knowing why he's insistent on talking to this girl whenhe has flat out rejected her for everything?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I'm interested in knowing why he's insistent on talking to this girl ?

Have you asked him? 

[boltnrun]

36 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I'm interested in knowing why he's insistent on talking to this girl whenhe has flat out rejected her for everything?

How do you know he "rejected her for" sex? Why else would he pretend he's got nothing going on with you?

Have you asked him why he pretends to her that he doesn't have anything going on with you?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I told you guys already that he has refused a relationship with her too but insists on chit chat?

He's told her he's not her friend, not her acquaintance, they don't know each other much but when she said she will back off knowing he has someone he refuses saying no they will continue talking

He insists on chit chat so he’ll keep her interested as a potential sex partner. You have no idea what he’s told her. You do know he continues to speak with a woman he is sexually attracted to and who is sexually attracted to him.  You don’t know what he said. Even if she said she will back off if he “has someone “ that’s vague. And he doesn’t. You two are not exclusive so there’s no information to share. Even if she would back off. 

[Merrilsilverste]

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How do you know he "rejected her for" sex? Why else would he pretend he's got nothing going on with you?

Have you asked him why he pretends to her that he doesn't have anything going on with you?

Because he told her they aren't friends, acquaintance,  don't know each other and nothing. This means no interest ?

[Merrilsilverste]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He insists on chit chat so he’ll keep her interested as a potential sex partner. You have no idea what he’s told her. You do know he continues to speak with a woman he is sexually attracted to and who is sexually attracted to him.  You don’t know what he said. Even if she said she will back off if he “has someone “ that’s vague. And he doesn’t. You two are not exclusive so there’s no information to share. Even if she would back off. 

The girl already told him she wants a relationship and won't put out. He knows that.

[Batya33]

50 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I'm interested in knowing why he's insistent on talking to this girl whenhe has flat out rejected her for everything?

He hasn’t rejected her. He’d have sex with her if she’d be willing to have a sexual interaction. He simply doesn’t want a relationship with her. Or with you. He wants to date you without exclusivity and hang with a woman he’s interested in having intercourse with. She could change her mind today. 

 

2 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

Because he told her they aren't friends, acquaintance,  don't know each other and nothing. This means no interest ?

He’s interested in putting his penis inside her. He’s hoping she changes her mind. He can put his penis inside her without being friends or acquaintances. She could change her mind tomorrow. 

[Merrilsilverste]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He hasn’t rejected her. He’d have sex with her if she’d be willing to have a sexual interaction. He simply doesn’t want a relationship with her. Or with you. He wants to date you without exclusivity and hang with a woman he’s interested in having intercourse with. She could change her mind today. 

 

He’s interested in putting his penis inside her. He’s hoping she changes her mind. He can put his penis inside her without being friends or acquaintances. She could change her mind tomorrow. 

It's been almost 2 years. She didn't give him what he wanted and even said she was strictly romantically interested and not in hooking up

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said:

It's been almost 2 years. She didn't give him what he wanted and even said she was strictly romantically interested and not in hooking up

Oh well. He’s holding out hope. So you can tell yourself obviously she’ll never change her mind but focus on him. You’re dating someone who is holding out hope and acting on it by chatting with her and also not being exclusive with you so the second she gives the green light he’s ready to go.  If that’s cool with you so be it. 

[Merrilsilverste]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh well. He’s holding out hope. So you can tell yourself obviously she’ll never change her mind but focus on him. You’re dating someone who is holding out hope and acting on it by chatting with her and also not being exclusive with you so the second she gives the green light he’s ready to go.  If that’s cool with you so be it. 

Do you actually think by flat out saying he has no interest, she will seduce him???

[boltnrun]

31 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

Because he told her they aren't friends, acquaintance,  don't know each other and nothing. This means no interest ?

Have you asked him why he pretends to her he has nothing going on with you?

You keep not answering this question. I think it's because you know the answer but wish you didn't. 

[Merrilsilverste]

18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Have you asked him why he pretends to her he has nothing going on with you?

You keep not answering this question. I think it's because you know the answer but wish you didn't. 

I dont know why. But his refusal for anything shows he don't like her so I'm confused?

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I dont know why. But his refusal for anything shows he don't like her so I'm confused?

Again you didn't answer the question.

Have YOU asked him why he won't tell her he's got something going on with you?

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I dont know why. But his refusal for anything shows he don't like her so I'm confused?

He may not like her. What’s not confusing is he is talking to a woman who is highly attracted to him and he is sexually attracted even if he doesn’t like her in other ways.  So if you focus on the actual facts then decide if dating him meets your personal standards. Is it fun to spy on them ?

[Merrilsilverste]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

He may not like her. What’s not confusing is he is talking to a woman who is highly attracted to him and he is sexually attracted even if he doesn’t like her in other ways.  So if you focus on the actual facts then decide if dating him meets your personal standards. Is it fun to spy on them ?

It is confusing because when he doesnt like or care then why insist on talking?

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said:

It is confusing because when he doesnt like or care then why insist on talking?

He apparently doesn't have to "like" or "care" about someone in order to want to have sex with them.

Have YOU asked him why he won't tell her he's got something going on with you?

[spinstermanquee]

1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said:

It is confusing because when he doesnt like or care then why insist on talking?

You are asking the wrong people, you need to ask him.

[Merrilsilverste]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

He apparently doesn't have to "like" or "care" about someone in order to want to have sex with them.

Have YOU asked him why he won't tell her he's got something going on with you?

I wrote it's been 2 years

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

I wrote it's been 2 years

My sense is you want to evade the actual situation here. To justify continuing to date this person and settle for what he is offering.