My(32M) girlfriend(28W) broke up with me out of nothwere after 1,5 years. I need advice how to handle my current situation.

[s12be206040406]

For context: Been together for 1,5 years and living together since 6 months.
We had one big problem early in our relationship where she met up with a guy behind my back.
But it's confirmed that nothing happenend besides talking in public and she confessed it to me without any need because she instantly regreted it which i believed her.

So we moved together and since then we never had any argument that lasted longer than maybe 2 hours because we promised eachother to never go asleep angry on eachother in the same bed.
We even talked about getting a dog, kids , marriage etc. in the future. Those topics where always brought up by her but I was also thinking about it.

About the breakup:
2 weeks ago she opened the front door already crying, which happens from time to time since she is very sensibel and has a lot of stress with her work and hobby , as usual I jumped up to hug her which usually calms her down. But this time she avoided me and started talking about how she doesn't feel like she loves me anymore at the moment, that she already talked with her mother and closest friend about it and after trying to avoid this conversation for 2 weeks she now has to end the relationship.

This caught me totally offguard and i was overwhelmed by the situation.
I asked why she didn't talked to me first so we could together find a solution for the problems we seem to have but I wasn't able to see. I begged her to not throw our relationship away at the first opportunity without even trying to fight for it. I asked what I did wrong and promised to improve on my part.
She just answered that I did nothing wrong and she doesn't have the power to fight for our relationship at the moment.

We agreed that she would move to her parents for the next few days to think about it and maybe reconsider her decision.
Since then she came home twice and we talked for about an hour both times.

First conversation:
I told her that I talked to my mother and my closest friends, who were all shocked since everybody felt like there was something special between us, and all of them asked me if there might be some other guy behind it. So I asked her "Did the feeling you had for me just dissappear or did they move to another person?". She remained silent for a minute and then said there might be somebody at her working place who helped her just by talking and texting to keep a clear head while she considered breaking up with me. But that was not part of the reason she broke up with me. The main reason was that the feelings are just not there for her atm.

Second conversation:
Probably the first talk where I had my emotions under control and where able to talk without tears in my eyes.
She talked about how she actually misses some things about me and us already but those feelings aren't strong enough yet to come back. She said she doesn't know why she feels like she needs to get out of a relationship which she always considered as beautiful and that I am acutally excatly what she has always been looking for.
But she also said that she gets happy when thinking about being able to live only for herself and enjoying life.
For context: She was in a relationship 8 years and one year later we met and came together. So she never really experienced to be single for a long time.
So basically the reasoning behind the breakup changed.

I told her that the chance to enjoy single life doesn't disappear in the next months. But what would might disappear is the chance to fix our relationship since I will need all of my power to move on instead of fighting for her in case she doesn't decide to come back.
So if she comes back now we might have the chance to solve our issues and grow maybe even closer together than before. But if we won't be able to fix our problems we can atleast say that we both tried and it just wasn't meant to be.
If she doesn't come back and realises in a few months that she made a mistake it might be to late.

So the advice I am looking for is:
How would you handle my current situation?
Am I blinded by love and fighting for something I already lost or maybe even never had since she started talking/texting to other guys twice behind my back?
Is it a good or bad sign that she needs such a long time to make her final decision?
On the one hand I feel like that shows that there is still something in her that loves me which just needs to be digged up again on the other hand I feel like the longer it takes my chances get slimmer.

TLDR:
Girlfriend broke up out of nowhere after realizing she doesn't have feelings for me atm.
Never had any big issues. Feels like she doesn't know the real reason why she broke up herself or just don't want to tell me.

[Kwothe28]

Close the door. Its fine that she wants to live and be on her own if she wants that. Or to explore her feelings to somebody else. Hurtful, but fine. What isnt fine is you waiting for her until she makes a decision. She decided its over so let her go and dont take her back later if she decided other options werent so good. 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, s12be206040406 said:

 living together since 6 months.".  said there might be somebody at her working place who helped her just by talking and texting to keep a clear head while she considered breaking up with me. 

Sorry this is happening. Give her some space. Unfortunately she's already talking to "somebody at work", about your relationship and breakup. She also seems to have started to drift away after moving together.

Take some time for yourself to reflect. It doesn't seem like a problem you can "fix", because it's driven solely by what's going on in her head or with her new confidant.

[s12be206040406]

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Close the door. Its fine that she wants to live and be on her own if she wants that. Or to explore her feelings to somebody else. Hurtful, but fine. What isnt fine is you waiting for her until she makes a decision. She decided its over so let her go and dont take her back later if she decided other options werent so good. 

Thanks for your input.
I tried to convince myself to shut the door on my own and move on.
But I feel like i need to know how her decision will look after taking some time to think about us.
I have some short moments where I feel strong enough to reject her when she want to come back but feel like i won't have the strength face to face.

 

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Give her some space. Unfortunately she's already talking to "somebody at work", about your relationship and breakup. She also seems to have started to drift away after moving together.

Take some time for yourself to reflect. It doesn't seem like a problem you can "fix", because it's driven solely by what's going on in her head or with her new confidant.

Also thanks for your input.
My friends gave me a similar advice.
Don't beg for her to comeback.
Leave her alone and if she doesn't decides for you on her own she doesn't derserve you aniways.
No point in trying to convince her.
 

[Batya33]

Yes -never convince anyone to be with you.  No trying - you just take the actions of keeping your distance from her at this time.  I'm sorry you're so upset and disappointed. Any analysis of "why" should be left to her if she feels like analyzing herself or seeking outside analysis. Distance yourself from that too.  Waste of your time and it won't help ultimately and might hurt more. Again I'm sorry and I hope you feel better.

[Andrina]

She doesn't know--doesn't have the good ethics to be a monogamous partner. She keeps showing this with her repeated behavior of communicating with love interests. And as for her male co-worker, she could be in an emotional affair with him, as they are so close that she confides with him about serious matters. How would she have liked it if you confided about her to a female co-worker?

She's not good gf material, and you will realize this after time and distance passes with no contact.

If there were actual problems, a partner who truly cares will communicate this so problems will be resolved. When a person bails without that step, it means they don't care. That's the most important info you need, though of course, hurtful.

I'd never take her back, as past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She likes a male harem, so you just go back to the pack, in one form or another.

I'd go no contact so you can eventually move on, with your heart free to bond with someone who knows how to be a decent gf. Take care.

[boltnrun]

Both of you would have to want the relationship.  Currently she doesn't.

I agree with your friends.

[kctiger]

I think it speaks volumes about her character and her piss poor communication that she was talking about your relationship and the potential for breaking up with a coworker…all the while, you didn’t have a clue about any of this. That’s a major red flag. 

I know you’re hurting and this is a sucky situation. But don’t continue to beg, plead or stay in contact with her. Not much you can do but turn the focus around on your own healing and coping. That means you’re going to need to be selfish and put yourself first. Make yourself the priority and treat this like a death in the family. Trying to analyze the why’s, although completely understandable, is futile. 

[s12be206040406]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes -never convince anyone to be with you.  No trying - you just take the actions of keeping your distance from her at this time.  I'm sorry you're so upset and disappointed. Any analysis of "why" should be left to her if she feels like analyzing herself or seeking outside analysis. Distance yourself from that too.  Waste of your time and it won't help ultimately and might hurt more. Again I'm sorry and I hope you feel better.

 

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

She doesn't know--doesn't have the good ethics to be a monogamous partner. She keeps showing this with her repeated behavior of communicating with love interests. And as for her male co-worker, she could be in an emotional affair with him, as they are so close that she confides with him about serious matters. How would she have liked it if you confided about her to a female co-worker?

She's not good gf material, and you will realize this after time and distance passes with no contact.

If there were actual problems, a partner who truly cares will communicate this so problems will be resolved. When a person bails without that step, it means they don't care. That's the most important info you need, though of course, hurtful.

I'd never take her back, as past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She likes a male harem, so you just go back to the pack, in one form or another.

I'd go no contact so you can eventually move on, with your heart free to bond with someone who knows how to be a decent gf. Take care.

 

1 hour ago, kctiger said:

I think it speaks volumes about her character and her piss poor communication that she was talking about your relationship and the potential for breaking up with a coworker…all the while, you didn’t have a clue about any of this. That’s a major red flag. 

I know you’re hurting and this is a sucky situation. But don’t continue to beg, plead or stay in contact with her. Not much you can do but turn the focus around on your own healing and coping. That means you’re going to need to be selfish and put yourself first. Make yourself the priority and treat this like a death in the family. Trying to analyze the why’s, although completely understandable, is futile. 

Thanks everyone for their input.
Seems like distancing myself from her as far as I can is the play here atleast for now and maybe ultimately.
Going no contact isn't really possible since her two cats still live her with me because they can't stay at her parents house for now. So if I don't update her about their well being she will show up aniways.
But I will continue to stop myself sending her any messages that involves more than updates about her pets.






 

[MissCanuck]

Limit your contact as much as possible, or you are going to be devastated when you find out she's dating this other guy at work. 

That's what is coming eventually. I'm really sorry. 

[smackie9]

Only time will tell. Lots of people find a way to navigate back to each other if it truly was meant to be.