Looks like I have to lie :(

[midnightdeirdre]

Long story short: I'm meeting up with a high school guy friend for dinner tomorrow night. We want to get a room after. Of course, I told my mom about the dinner part, and I told we're just friends. (We are. We just want to do a one-time thing.) He and I will do dinner. But we want to be intimate after. Obviously I can't tell my parents that. I have told my mom that we will see a movie at a neighboring town. 

I was thinking this: "Mom, a movie sounds too boring. We want to do something more fun. We were thinking we might find a place where we can hang out. Any ideas?" Then I would casually mention that he's willing to have us check into a room where we can watch old movies, and I'd be home by midnight.

I know...it's ridiculous that I'm almost 40 and this is the way it is. But I'm autistic and still live at home. 

[Kwothe28]

Yes, and your mom is so naive that she doesnt know what happens when two person are alone in hotel room. 

Just tell her that you would watch a movie and go for dinner. If you would be home by midnight anyway, it doesnt matter. 

[Seraphim]

Yup, going to dinner and a movie mom, bye. 

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Yup, going to dinner and a movie mom, bye. 

I agree.  As long as you know this person and he is safe to be alone with -including if you decide after all not to be sexual/have sex then no need to share details with your mom.  Also please stay sober in case you have to be the designated driver.

[Tinydance]

Do you have any friends? If you do, you could just say you'll be sleeping over at a friend's place? If you're paying for a hotel room, it seems a shame to just leave the room at 11:00 p.m. and go home if you have the room for the whole night. Some hotels even have a pool and spa which you could use (if they have one). And you could go to the buffet breakfast or at least go out for a coffee in the morning.

Also why do you have to lie to your parents about what you're doing? Are you severely autistic to the point you are not able to make reasonable decisions? From the way you write here it sounds like you're higher functioning. So maybe just tell your parents, I'm meeting my high school friend for dinner and then we're getting a hotel room. I mean yeah it's awkward but you're a 40-year-old adult. You're allowed to have sex. 

I'm assuming you know about safe sex so you're all good to go lol

Also why would you be like; "We want to do something fun after the movie Mum, any ideas?" Who cares what ideas she has, this is YOUR night! You don't need to ask her what she thinks or get her permission. Also why do you have a 12 a.m. curfew? Why can't you go out all night? 

You know in my job I work with people with disabilities and most of them have intellectual disabilities, although some are more mild. Some of them are married or in a relationship. Just because you're on the spectrum doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a life or a sexuality.

If you're 40 and this guy is a high school friend, you've obviously known him for about 25 years or longer. If you were just meeting a stranger from Tinder then that might be dangerous, but this is your friend. I think you should be fine.

[boltnrun]

Do you work and pay rent to your parents? 

Have they forbidden you to date and/or have sex?

Are you on reliable birth control? Will you be bringing condoms with you?

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

 I'm almost 40 and this is the way it is. But I'm autistic and still live at home. 

Are they your legal guardians? I can't encourage you to lie. Why not just have a date for now?

[midnightdeirdre]

3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Are you severely autistic to the point you are not able to make reasonable decisions? From the way you write here it sounds like you're higher functioning. So maybe just tell your parents, I'm meeting my high school friend for dinner and then we're getting a hotel room. I mean yeah it's awkward but you're a 40-year-old adult. You're allowed to have sex. 

I'm assuming you know about safe sex so you're all good to go lol

Also why would you be like; "We want to do something fun after the movie Mum, any ideas?" Who cares what ideas she has, this is YOUR night! You don't need to ask her what she thinks or get her permission. Also why do you have a 12 a.m. curfew? Why can't you go out all night? 

You know in my job I work with people with disabilities and most of them have intellectual disabilities, although some are more mild. Some of them are married or in a relationship. Just because you're on the spectrum doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a life or a sexuality.

If you're 40 and this guy is a high school friend, you've obviously known him for about 25 years or longer. If you were just meeting a stranger from Tinder then that might be dangerous, but this is your friend. I think you should be fine.

I obviously am severely autistic, hence the situation. 
 

My friend’s name is Tom. He actually said he doesn’t want to do dinner, just get a room and have sex. (Thinking about him got me through a tough time in high school. I’ve been meaning to tell him that. Now I think it’s kinda pointless.)

[midnightdeirdre]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Do you work and pay rent to your parents? 

Have they forbidden you to date and/or have sex?

Are you on reliable birth control? Will you be bringing condoms with you?

I work as a cashier full time. I don’t pay rent. They haven’t forbidden me to date. I’m on birth control. I would think he’d bring condoms.

[Starlight925]

I feel for you in this situation.  You don't want to tell your parents the truth, because it will invite unwanted questions.  Yet you don't want to lie, because in your heart, you know a lie is wrong.  That's why you came to us for advice.  😀  You should be commended for asking advice about a lie.

I agree with the others, just say dinner & a late movie.

My questions to you:

1)  Is this something you really want?  Do you feel pressure?  Who is "driving" this bus, you or him?

2)  Have you ensured the use of protection?

[midnightdeirdre]

I agree, it is something I want. He said he is bringing protection.

[Batya33]

16 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I agree, it is something I want. He said he is bringing protection.

You also bring condoms with spermicide -do not depend on him.  

[Batya33]

If he is your friend why does he just want to meet up to have intercourse?

[midnightdeirdre]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If he is your friend why does he just want to meet up to have intercourse?

He said he doesn’t want to date. I do want to tell him that personal thing and make love with him. But I’m also afraid of something bad happening. 

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

He said he doesn’t want to date. I do want to tell him that personal thing and make love with him. But I’m also afraid of something bad happening. 

But you said you are friends.  If he is your friend why doesn't he want to hang out before he puts his penis inside of you in a hotel room? I wouldn't tell him anything personal because he's told you he doesn't want that sort of personal contact.  His purpose in meeting up is to put his penis inside of you until he orgasms.  It's not making love.  If you are afraid of something bad happening I would not do this as it's not worth the risk of you feeling icky physically after you are treated like a receptacle for his semen.  He's already told you that's how he sees this evening. He's not meeting to make love to you.

[boltnrun]

37 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

He said he doesn’t want to date. I do want to tell him that personal thing and make love with him. But I’m also afraid of something bad happening. 

What are you afraid of? What "bad thing happening" do you fear from this alleged friend?

Do you feel OK with this guy basically using you to get off? 

[midnightdeirdre]

16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What are you afraid of? What "bad thing happening" do you fear from this alleged friend?

Do you feel OK with this guy basically using you to get off? 

I guess I’m afraid that it won’t turn out as good as I hope. And if I get in trouble somehow I’ll have to admit to my parents that I lied.

He said he won’t do anything I’m not comfortable with.

[boltnrun]

If your parents haven't forbidden you to date why do you have to lie to them?

[midnightdeirdre]

30 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If your parents haven't forbidden you to date why do you have to lie to them?

Well because it’s not really a date. He says he wants to meet up in a hotel room, have me tell him that personal thing, and then have sex. He said we will kiss and do whatever positions I want.

That personal thing I want to tell him is this: when I was a senior in high school, I went through a really tough time with my grandmother dying, and my dad in the hospital. (My dad is still alive and doing fine.) The guy friend I want to meet up with tonight is named Tom. He is a handsome boy, Especially in high school. Thinking about him during my senior year when I was going through those tough things made me feel better. I want to tell and thank him for that. I even warned him I might get teary-eyed when I tell him. 
 

should I let it go at this point?

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Should I let it go at this point?

Yes. You can confide in friends without hotels, lying or getting in trouble with your parents. 

[MissCanuck]

19 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

"Mom, a movie sounds too boring. We want to do something more fun. We were thinking we might find a place where we can hang out. Any ideas?" Then I would casually mention that he's willing to have us check into a room where we can watch old movies, and I'd be home by midnight.

Mom didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. She is going to know exactly what is going on if you mention a hotel room. 

Before you go through with this, ask yourself this: how will you feel if you have sex with this man, and then he doesn't talk to you anymore? 

Also, I realize you knew each other in high school, but does he know the extent of your autism? I am a bit concerned about why he is propositioning you this way. 

[Seraphim]

So you are up for being used as a booty ? Why?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Well because it’s not really a date. He says he wants to meet up in a hotel room, have me tell him that personal thing, and then have sex. He said we will kiss and do whatever positions I want.

That personal thing I want to tell him is this: when I was a senior in high school, I went through a really tough time with my grandmother dying, and my dad in the hospital. (My dad is still alive and doing fine.) The guy friend I want to meet up with tonight is named Tom. He is a handsome boy, Especially in high school. Thinking about him during my senior year when I was going through those tough things made me feel better. I want to tell and thank him for that. I even warned him I might get teary-eyed when I tell him. 
 

should I let it go at this point?

Yes. Do not meet him. Your expectations are wildly unrealistic and you will feel like a piece of trash.  He doesn't deserve your thanks.  Not in a hotel room where he then gets to feel better about himself ejaculating inside you then taking you on home. I'm really sorry about your grandmother.  I'm glad thinking about a handsome boy was a pleasant distraction.  He likely will find your personal thing strange and odd and be more focused about getting naked and getting off.  He won't get it.  Because he is not your friend. If he cared about you as a friend he wouldn't want you to share something like this -something "personal" in a seedy hotel room where you're there for sex.  He might be good at putting on an act and hugging you as you get emotional but his goal is to have an orgasm.  Please don't fool yourself.  I'm sorry.

[Seraphim]

You are being used . Period. 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Well because it’s not really a date. He says he wants to meet up in a hotel room, have me tell him that personal thing, and then have sex. He said we will kiss and do whatever positions I want.

 

Was it your kind of autism on spectrum that takes everything literally?

Your "friend" just wants sex. Which is fine because you want that too. But he doesnt care about "tearjerkker" story about high school or anything. He just wants sex and does everything so that will happen. He likely doesnt care about you and thinks about you in a way you do about him.

Have you thought what would happen after? Would you still continue to have sex? Do you think he would still be friend? Did you even hang out in high school or was he just some "McDreamy" guy you fantasized?

I am sorry, I know you are on the spectrum. But that is just some stuff you would need to think about. Also yes, I would bring my own contraception and not relly on the other. Again you are way too trusty in this situation.