Weird Feeling at Work

[Alex39]

I keep getting these weird vibes at work. I don't know if it's just me, or if I should listen to my gut. 

1. I keep feeling as if I need to leave and get a new job, even though I am mostly happy with my job, the people, and environment.  

I've made a few good friends of all ages. We have flexible schedules.  I work at home a few days. Can come and go when I want. The health and retirement benefits are amazing. 

But I don't 100% like what I'm doing. It's not enjoyable to me. I like bits and pieces, but a large chunk of my job is teaching clients in these classes and I hate teaching. I constantly feel judged by clients and my department if I don't do a good job. I try hard at it. I'm not bad at it. But I don't enjoy doing clients training classes. I do 2 to 5 a week. It's not for me. It sucks the life from you. And I feel vastly underpaid and used. I'm teaching 250 people per year by myself. In another department, others with my job split the clients to only 50 to 75 per person a year, are getting the same or more pay than myself. In another department, the workers are higher than I, make more money, and I'm doing the same amount of work, but because my title and status is lower, I'm not seen as they are. 

2. I keep feeling like I can't trust my immediate supervisor. 

Some background. My boss started right before me. Then immediately went on maternity leave. While she was gone, I found out that she was thrown into that job, had little experience,  was overwhelmed by it, and was applying to other jobs at the company. She was older than me. But I had been working in that job type for 5 years, she had no experience and came from a different industry. The company threw her into the role when someone else left and they needed a person. She is a very nice woman and we get along. 

But she won't stop talking. She's always running to our bosses chatting about what she's doing. We went to a lunch with me, her, and our high boss. I was excited to share what I had to say but she wouldn't let me get one word in. It was a horrible lunch. I pride myself on professionalism and she was not professional. She kept yapping on and on about her, and complaining. I planned on going there and promoting all the good things I've been doing and remaining positive. I think she yaps on and on to gain sympathy and so she doesn't get blamed if things aren't good. 

I commend her on one thing. She stuck it out and learned the job. I taught her a lot and I've learned from her too. But I think she sometimes takes my ideas and shares them like they are her own. I tell her everything I'm up to. She only shares bits and pieces of her work with me. Then when we get together around others, she'll mention something and I'll try and participate, but I don't know any details and look like I'm out of the loop. 

Occasionally I've noticed that if I go share an idea above her, that she doesn't seem happy that she didn't know about it or that I planned to present it. 

We get together with other colleagues from another department monthly to chat. These people are all way older than I.  They chat it up like best buds. My boss sucks up to them. They are all obnoxious and intimidating. I feel like a little girl. I feel inadequate. I hate feeling this way. I feel judged and intimidated. My boss chums it up with them. I stay more quiet. 

I feel like maybe I can't trust her. She talks a lot to people to charm them and I question if she talks about me. And I know she only boosts herself up to be valuable. We are supposed to be a team, but I feel like sometimes it's fake. Again, she is super nice and kind to me. But I just have this weird feeling like she's judging me or something. 

I don't like that she didn't let me speak at the lunch with out boss. I almost wonder if she's not also intimidated by me. I've been doing this type of job for 10 years. She knows I know my stuff. Maybe I scare her, so she has to talk herself up? 

I had such a weird overwhelming feeling of gut instinct today that was negative. It came out of nowhere. Am I valid in my feelings?

[Batya33]

Well feelings aren't facts. All feelings are valid.  How you choose to react is the issue.

I would compartmentalize into categories -category 1 - the aspects of your work you do not enjoy.  category 2- office politics/social concerns/issues you have.  For category one I'd see if that situation can be changed somewhat.  In about 1997 or so I wanted to gain a new skill at a job. 

To do so I had to be proactive-I found out someone who did that type of job was going on his honeymoon.  I spoke to him, asked if I could fill in for him so I could learn -he actually said he was tired of that role so he was happy to have me take over.  I then asked my boss.  I was a junior person more or less and your age you are now. I explained to my boss why I thought it would be good for my development. 

He agreed and it was a great experience. 

See if there are other roles that are available and perhaps you can get a lighter training/teaching load if you take on other work?  Sometimes it requires a lot of proactivity.  

With number 2 it depends whether you can develop a thicker skin and ignore most of the office politics/social issues given the positives of your job.  You sound a bit too intense about the environment as if it were more of a school setting than a work setting.  IMO. 

Sorry you are struggling.

[Alex39]

I guess I'm just feeling defeated. I talked to a woman in another department today. She teaches only 50 clients a year. 50! Makes way more money than me. She does do other work too.  Then complains today how she asked for a raise and was denied. And I'm sitting there. I make nothing compared to her. I'm teaching over 200 a year. I tell her I'm jealous that she has so much help, so she doesn't have to teach so many trainings. And how in our department it's just me. 

And she demeans me by saying "yeah but your job is just to teach trainings isn't it?" 

No, I do other things too.

Then she starts bragging to me how she and other colleagues are going to this awesome conference across the country. Asks if I'm going? My boss walks in. I tell her and ask her if we can go too and she says no, because we can't afford it in our department. 

Then my boss tells me that she's signed up for a cheaper conference that she's attending. This is the second or third time that my supervisor signs up for a conference, doesn't tell me, or tells me too late- right before it, and then says "well you can go if you want"

If you were signing up for a conference, wouldn't you say to your one employee- hey want to go to this conference I'm going to go to?

But no. Literally a few weeks ago, she went to one, told me less than 24 hours before. Then tells me "well if you want to try and come, you can see if they will sign you up"

I didn't go. It required travel and I couldn't stress myself trying to book things in a day. And she wasn't going to make a plan with me to tag along with her. She had her plan set. I wasn't going to be trekking through a big city I didnt know well all alone. 

I just feel defeated and frustrated. It's not that I'm treated badly. I'm treated well. I have great benefits and schedule. But I felt so embarrassed today, frustrated by the woman in the other department complaining to me that she deserves a raise. She lives in a waterfront home and was bragging about her 10k engagement ring to me. Here I am, in a small tiny fixer upper home, trying to make ends meet, and not getting a raise. 

[Alex39]

I don't feel like a team. I will say, at my old job we were a team. Conferences were offered to everyone, we talked about such things together. 

I feel like my boss is only out for herself, making herself look good, and promoting her own professional skills. That's not a good leader. 

If I were to lead, I'd want to boost up myself and my team to be the best. Offering them opportunity, the best information,  and make sure we are on the same page. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Alex39 said:

.  I work at home a few days. Can come and go when I want. The health and retirement benefits are amazing. 

You can always keep working and have an updated CV and browse for jobs. It's unfortunate that you like the perks and benefits but the office politics are getting to you. All you can do is keep getting a paycheck and perks until you find something else.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You can always keep working and have an updated CV and browse for jobs. It's unfortunate that you like the perks and benefits but the office politics are getting to you. All you can do is keep getting a paycheck and perks until you find something else.

I agree.  Simple solution is to stop talking to people who brag and make rude comments. Remember life is not fair.  This can also be true -maybe especially so -in a work environment.  That's one reason it's work and not play. Repeat as needed -life isn't fair.  

On your coworker with the blingy ring - I've had my engagement ring for many years.  I have no idea what it costs but I can guesstimate. It's not huge at all, one center stone plain setting -didn't want lots of bling/big rock but it's perfect quality or however that's evaluated.  People have admired it over the years because of it's quality I guess.

In all these years I cannot imagine, ever, commenting on how much it cost or implying any such thing.  How tacky -especially at work! Avoid people -personally I mean -you have to work with people -who feel the need to act in that tacky, showy thoughtless way whether about their accessories, jewelry or what raise they got or want.

The more you keep things on a professional level the more you won't need to unhear hurtful info and "feel defeated."  

Also is this conference a place to network or you mean you just want the opportunity to travel, socialize, etc? If former I understand if you feel held back.  On the latter -well -business travel is not all it's cracked up to be IMO!

[Jaunty]

I think you need to sort out your issues.  

First you say you basically like your job.  "Mostly Happy" is good.  

Then you cite a thing you don't like about your actual job.  Notably, the burden of training clients. 

But ... then you spiral into your complaints about other people and how they act (in personal ways - "suck up," "charm," "bragging,"  etc.)  Taking it all personally and running with it.

My advice:  Definitely get your CV updated and keep your eyes open for other jobs.  BUT, also work on maintaining your own boundaries and professionalism.

You CAN and I think you should go to whomever you report to and discuss the training situation.   You might be able to change this.  This would be appropriate and it relates specifically to your work and your job description.

The whole rest of the post though is, IMO, just your go-to behavior of judging other people and then basing a whole chain of your own reactions and behaviors on your negative judgements.  It's basically a big boundary issue you have in your life.

I've seen the same thing in your other threads.  

It's something that is holding you back and will continue to drag you down as you get older unless you learn how to recognize when you are on that path and how to make a positive detour away.

 

[boltnrun]

What other people are paid and what their job duties are is not really relevant to your job. What is relevant is getting proper support and fair compensation. So go to your manager with a list of what you do personally (NOT a list of job duties). Ask for more support if you need it and be specific (More equitable division of tasks? Additional staff to assist?) Also come armed with what you feel is fair and deserved compensation. You never know unless you ask. 

If you want to attend conferences, ask to be notified in advance of any conferences the company is willing to pay for you to attend. If you want to attend training, ask! 

Never mind about what perks you think others are getting or what they talk about at lunch or their personal possessions. None of that is relevant.

And finally, if you really dislike what you're doing (teaching classes) and if you're unhappy enough with other aspects of your job to want to make a change, update and polish your resume and start sending it out. 

[catfeeder]

How long have you been on this job?

Your immediate supervisor may have done you a favor by drowning you out in front of her boss, as it speaks volumes about her. Has her behavior changed recently, or has her lack of support been true from the start?

Are you assuming that the gossiping coworker makes far more than you, or did she tell you her salary outright?

Have you reviewed your HR's job listings to learn whether there may be an opening elsewhere in the company that you might enjoy more?

[Alex39]

On 2/25/2023 at 12:38 AM, catfeeder said:

How long have you been on this job?

Your immediate supervisor may have done you a favor by drowning you out in front of her boss, as it speaks volumes about her. Has her behavior changed recently, or has her lack of support been true from the start?

Are you assuming that the gossiping coworker makes far more than you, or did she tell you her salary outright?

Have you reviewed your HR's job listings to learn whether there may be an opening elsewhere in the company that you might enjoy more?

I have been doing this job for 5 years. Her lack of support, I find is her way of not doing more work herself. 

Originally, I was hired and only teaching about 200 a year. 3 to 4 times a week. It wasn't bad. My boss also had me assisting her on some of her trainings. 

 Then mine became 225 then 250, then 300. I was doing 6 or 7 a week. Then one extra a week for her.  At that point, I spoke to her and told her I needed to hand her training back to her because I was up to my eye balls with my own.  She didn't like this and told me that I either keep her trainings or come up with other work I must do on the side. I chose other work to her dismay. 

 

At one point, she tried getting me to switch jobs with her. She keep her cushy office, title, and pay, but does my work. And I keep my lower title, office,  and pay and do her work. She tried to frame it as that I was better, more experienced, and enjoyed her work more. And she likes doing trainings. I turned her down. 

I did other work and trainings for a while. Then after about a year she got on this kick telling me just to focus on my trainings and nothing else. 

That's how it's been ever since. We meet every week. She checks in on me. I tell her all I'm doing. She tells me nothing much but is friendly. We chat here and there nicely. She comes to me when she wants my creative ideas. I'm down to 200 trainings a year. I do other work too on my own accord. 

[Alex39]

On 2/25/2023 at 12:38 AM, catfeeder said:

How long have you been on this job?

Your immediate supervisor may have done you a favor by drowning you out in front of her boss, as it speaks volumes about her. Has her behavior changed recently, or has her lack of support been true from the start?

Are you assuming that the gossiping coworker makes far more than you, or did she tell you her salary outright?

Have you reviewed your HR's job listings to learn whether there may be an opening elsewhere in the company that you might enjoy more?

When I started the job, my boss was applying to other jobs and trying to get out of the job. She applied to a few jobs internally, that's how I found out. People talk. But she was denied from all the jobs. I think she knew she was in over her head and she was unhappy. But she then realized she couldn't get a better job, so she stayed for the money and benefits. Her husband is a workaholic. They have three kids. He expects her to care for their kids mostly. And they just built a huge new 500k home. So she needs the money and benefits. 

[boltnrun]

57 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Her husband is a workaholic. They have three kids. He expects her to care for their kids mostly. And they just built a huge new 500k home

None of this is relevant to your situation.

If you're unhappy, polish up your resume and start sending it out. Don't expect your coworkers to "change".

[Jaunty]

Alex39:  Are you aware of your tendency to spin out into negative character dissection on people involved in any situation where you are not happy?  

You've done it with that wedding you were a part of, your social group, family.   Now you are indulging in it with your job.

You can't make good moves coming from this place.   

If your job is not where you think you need to be, take steps.   These can be addressing the issues in your job with your superior to enact changes,  or leaving.  Get a different job.  But you can't make good decisions and certainly can't advocate for  yourself in a professional way when your head is filled with noise about what you think is going on in your boss's mind,  their finances, kids, etc.  

[Kwothe28]

Everything you described is standard corpo stuff. People dumping more work on you. People taking your ideas. People not treating you the best. Its a standard stuff in corporation environment. Something that happens a lot.

Anyway, we have a choice in a matter. Especially with how people treat us. Do you want to not teach 4 times the people for same money? Be more assertive and ask a lighter work shedule. If it doesnt work, maybe try switching departments. If that doesnt work and you are still not happy, hey, maybe even seek a different job. We maybe are not influencing some stuff and maybe bad things happen. But we choose how to react on them. If you are unhappy and think you would get a fairer conditions somewhere else, you should do it. There is always a choice made by us that is responsible for some stuff. Yours is to stay and do nothing. And as long as it is that, you will be stuck with heavy work schedule and bad conditions. So, make some changes if you really want that to change.

[Batya33]

My assistant told me after I gave birth that everyone assumed I'd return to work 4 days later.  (Because I was a hard worker/dedicated).  I went back to working outside the home 7 years later and had always planned on that barring extreme circumstances. I did not share that with my colleagues or really share any of my plans or financial situation at home, etc.  None of their business.

My point -stay in your lane.  You think you know all this stuff and even if people share it with you you assume you still don't know.  People change their minds, their situations change and they won't share that with you as a colleague- why should they?? Mind your own business. 

I laughed at the notion I'd return 4 days later -I wasn't upset at all at the comment - but my point is - stop this interference -even internally -and judgments of what you think is going on in someone's personal life -who you work with.  You don't.  And if you do or think you do -remind yourself it has zero to do with you and mind your own business.  I think you'll benefit greatly from changing your habits and mindset and have a much much better work experience.

[Alex39]

I think I just feel confused. I like the benefits at the job. I've met some nice people. Even my boss is nice. She doesn't nag me, or micro-manage me. I need and love that. I just hate teaching trainings. I'm not a teacher. I hate it. I don't think I can do this for the rest of my life. 

But I'm afraid to leave. I work in one of the best departments at a very sought after company. People want to come work in our department.  I've heard horror stories from other departments. 

I don't feel I'm using my best skills. That's why I add extra projects into my job. I don't have to, but if I don't, I think I will go out of my mind. 

I'm creative and business minded. I have high business degrees, and I love marketing. So I come up with all this cool creative stuff to do in our office. I love that. I wish I could do that more and trainings lless. I'm good at new ideas and big picture stuff. I'm good at events and getting new clients in the door. I like creating new processes and seeing the positive results. But my job is 80% teaching trainings.

And, I work at home two days a week.  I go in to do trainings three days a week and can essentially leave if I want and work at home when I want. I love it. It helps me manage my home and life better. I fear I won't have or find that anywhere else. 

 

[boltnrun]

What's stopping you from going on Indeed and seeing what's out there? 

[Alex39]

25 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What's stopping you from going on Indeed and seeing what's out there? 

Every time I look, the jobs don't offer flexibility, as good of benefits, etc

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Every time I look, the jobs don't offer flexibility, as good of benefits, etc

So I'm not sure what your goal is.

If teaching is an integral part of your job, you can either just continue on or ask to be moved to another role. If moving to another role isn't an option, you can either stay while looking around for other jobs or quit over having to teach when you don't want to.

One thing that definitely won't be helpful is focusing on what other people are doing and/or their personal lives. Those things are completely irrelevant. 

Also, I'm fairly certain everyone has some aspect of their job they don't like. Only you can decide if the benefits outweigh the negatives. 

[catfeeder]

10 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I'm creative and business minded. I have high business degrees, and I love marketing. So I come up with all this cool creative stuff to do in our office. I love that. I wish I could do that more and trainings lless. I'm good at new ideas and big picture stuff. I'm good at events and getting new clients in the door. I like creating new processes and seeing the positive results. But my job is 80% teaching trainings.

How might you bring these talents into your classes to motivate your groups and yourself to enjoy your experience together?

Whenever I onboard people or facilitate groups, I like to view it as our introduction to working creatively together. I want to support their work in an ongoing way rather than just being a one-and-done with them. I view our meeting as kicking off a long relationship. What's to not enjoy about welcoming people and turning them on to ways that I can help them?

Another consideration, create a video tutorial of your core messages. Send the link for your trainees to view prior to your meeting. Then you can make your time together more about Q&A and fun stuff.

Old fashioned in-person trainings aren't really standard anymore. Look into ways that you can expedite the experience to reach the same goals, and you may end up with a great reputation out of the deal. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Alex39 said:

. I hate it . I love it. 

It seems like there are good aspects to your job and duties you don't like so much. Perhaps you can sit down with your higher ups and discuss your job role and if you can expand in other areas and decrease the aspects you dislike?

Most jobs are not custom made for our specific talents and preferences, so some element of taking the good with the bad is usually present. But you could try to redefine your role, if possible.