Slept with my best friend, betrayed our other friends?

[AlessiaB]

Basically exactly what the title says.  We both feel like crap but now I'm confused on what to do because I think I may actually like him.

So I made a pretty tight knit group of friends at the start of the school year a few months ago.  There's 4 of us, me and my best girl friend and two guys who are also best friends. We hangout all the time, pretty much all day everyday.  One of the guys likes me, but I wouldn't be his girlfriend because I realized after messing around a few times that I just don't feel that way.  I felt like I was being selfish so I told him straight up we couldn't date and that it would be best if we didn't spend too much time together (even though I love him like crazy as a friend) alone to avoid problems.  I don't know if he even listened to me because he still tells me to this day that he'll wait for me if I change my mind.  My girl friend has recently developed a huge crush on the other guy and they flirt, but they both said they aren't dating.

Now before this, I'm pretty sure we had zero attraction to each other.  I always thought he was cute but I don't think either of us ever considered getting involved.  But since our group hangs out so often, he and I would end up alone sometimes.  Recently, he came with me as my plus one to a wedding (which my girl friend gave permission to even though they aren't dating).  We ended up dancing the whole night and we slept together when he came over to my house that night.  It felt so amazing in the moment but I felt terrible the morning after and made him leave.

We've met up a few times since then and he's basically said that what happened has to mean something because it's something we never would've done 6 months ago when we met and that there are obvious feelings there.  I keep avoiding the conversation because I feel terrible and so does he, but he said he's willing to be the one to tell them and take the fall for it.  He wrote me a letter saying that falling in love with me was the last thing he expected but that he wants to give it a try or else we'll regret it.  

I feel so conflicted.  Our friends know something is up because we haven't been hanging out with them.  I'm scared of their reaction-even though I know I fully deserve it.  Like yes, technically all of us are single but I knew she liked him and I still slept with him.  I know I did a really crappy thing, I Feel like I betrayed them in a way.  I don't know if I should tell them and try it out with him or just bury this completely.

[Jaunty]

Oh well.  You haven't known any of them for very long.  Hanging out in a group of 4 people "all day every day" is not sustainable.  Sooner or later one or more of you will get a job, go to school or something.   

What do you want to happen with the guy now?  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, AlessiaB said:

 I knew she liked him and I still slept with him.  I don't know if I should tell them 

You seem like a close-knit group. That's ok but you are all still individuals.

Maintain good boundaries and keep your sex life to yourself.  

This guy is no one's property and can sleep with whoever he wants. 

While it's probably better to date outside this friend group, you can't undo this.

So let the dust settle and don't talk about your sex life or make it obvious to others that you're hooking up.

[Kwothe28]

Yeah, this aint "The Friends" TV show. You friendzoning one man and then sleeping with his best friend who is your best friend crush, even though technically isnt cheating by anyone, will gona have a consequences on the group dynamic. You will have to accept that neither of them would be "cool" with what happened. And accept the consequences this would have on the future of your friendships. 

You should be the one telling your best friend. You at least owe her that much.

[Batya33]

It  was hard to keep this straight but seems to me the issue is creating a situation where you have to ask "permission" to go alone to a wedding with a plus one from a woman who is not dating him let alone his partner.  That sets it up as a disaster waiting to happen.  No need to discuss your sex life. If you and this man decide to properly date then your friends will see you going on dates -no discussion, no dramatic "confession" needed. 

Since this man is in love with you and has told you that if you now want to do the right thing either date him properly -get to know him, perhaps wait to hook up again until you decide if you feel the same or could- or do not be romantic or intimate with him as that is leading him on.

[Seraphim]

You don’t owe friends an explanation of your sex life or individuality.  

[smackie9]

It was going to happen eventually. Those guys are hanging out with you because they are attracted to you. Being so young, there's always going to be competition. Obviously you are the more attractive one between you two because you now have the both guys pining for you. Your friend is going to take it hard but it's just part of life. The guy ended up liking you more you can't help that. It is what it is. Oh well if your friend can't handle it, so what, you can make new friends. 

[AlessiaB]

Thank you for the replies.  

I really wanted to stay single, if you click on my profile I think made a post not too long back about my first boyfriend who I was stuck on for a long time.  Because of that relationship, I haven't wanted to date anyone because of how heartbroken I was, so this is the first time I'm considering it since then.  I will absolutely tell my friend, I'm just being a coward about it.  Deep down, I think I really like him, but I don't know if it's worth losing her over it.  I keep thinking maybe we could just keep this is a secret, and I'll still say single and just keep doing what I'm doing in college. 

[Betterwithout]

5 minutes ago, AlessiaB said:

 I keep thinking maybe we could just keep this is a secret, and I'll still say single and just keep doing what I'm doing in college. 

Seems like a good plan.  College is for "experimenting" for lack of a better word.
Having a serious relationships is usually reserved for after college.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Betterwithout said:

Seems like a good plan.  College is for "experimenting" for lack of a better word.
Having a serious relationships is usually reserved for after college.

I mean sure some people do that or see it that way.  I know of many serious relationships that started in college and proceeded to long marriages.  It's a great way to meet people. When I was in college my two serious boyfriends were men who were a few years older who I did not meet in school -one through a personal ad! - and one through a high school friend.  I ended things with my high school sweetheart when he started college (well he ended it).  He met his future wife in college.  It depends on the individual.

OP for sure you can stay "single" and have casual sex with people if that works for you.  I'd only tell your friend if you think she's going to be more upset if she finds out another way.  i guess. I would not have casual sex with him unless you too see serious potential -as he does.