why has he ghosted me?

[Ellie56]

I wish i knew whats happened ! iv known him for years but a few years ago decided to go our seperate ways as we have tried to work things out and it works better as friends or so i thought, its not been a brilliant relationship over the years but we do get on as friends and talk daily about most things , we had a big fallout in march over something i said and he stopped talking for a few months , but in june we spoke and started seeing each other as friends with benefits, he said he cant give me anything more , fast forward 3 weeks ago he said his jacket had a rip in it and blamed me , this isnt the first time hes accused me of damaging his stuff {which iv never done} anyway we got past that and all was ok i saw him the saturday and things were ok , we spoke as usual the following days , then nothing since, no calls, no messages and no answering my calls ect, i dont know whats going on , he usually says if he doesnt want to continue , so im baffled .. iv given up asking . But its bugging me..

[Andrina]

He's not a decent friend, no longer wants to be in a FWB with you, nor is he your boyfriend. You must think all you deserve is toxicity, and being ignored, since that's what you're accepting.

Block and delete, and then work on your self-love, or you will continue living your life as a masochist.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Ellie56 said:

but in june we spoke and started seeing each other as friends with benefits, he said he cant give me anything more. i saw him the saturday and things were ok , we spoke as usual the following days , then nothing since, no calls, no messages and no answering my calls ect,

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately when you accept FWB and casual hookups but in your heart would prefer a relationship, heartaches can happen. Step back and reconsider investing in someone like this. 

Is this the same man?:
https://www.enotalone.com/topic/450920-i-stupidly-thought-we-could-remain-friends/#comment-5708220

 

[Kwothe28]

Dont worry, I am sure he will contact you when he wants a quick sex lol

Anyway, what you see is what you get. His treatment of you wont be better because you agreed for him to treat you like he is. Like a passing thing, where he can do anything and you would go back to him anyway. And as a result of that, he treats you like an afterthought, somebody where he can do anything and you would still give him a call for a sex. 

Start appreciating yourself more and dont allow men to treat you like that.

[MissCanuck]

31 minutes ago, Ellie56 said:

he usually says if he doesnt want to continue , so im baffled .. iv given up asking

How much longer are you going to waste your time with this? 

It sounds utterly unsatisfying. I would not worry about why he's disappeared, and instead work on emotionally-detaching from him. You two don't want the same things and you're going to be the one who winds up hurt. Again. 

[DarkCh0c0]

And, you are interested in this kind of man because... ?

Honestly, your bar is way too low. There's no relationship here. You're just at his disposal for when he needs sex. All he has to do is say the right words and you jump back into his pants within seconds. He takes you for a fool and you've proven to him that indeed you will behave as he wants.

I think it's time YOU stop talking to him and reflect on why you keep such unavailable toxic man in your life. You don't think you can do any better? Where's your self respect and self worth?

In any ways, move on and go back to the dating pool to find serious men who will treat you right and be on the same page as you. Move forwards and not backwards. I'm sorry, but you need to let go and be a healthy adult.

[SooSad33]

7 hours ago, Ellie56 said:

i saw him the saturday and things were ok , we spoke as usual the following days , then nothing since, no calls, no messages and no answering my calls ect, i dont know whats going on

If all you are is a fwb, you don't really expect anything more.  He see's you as this- then he'll reach out when he's in the mood. 

It doesn't sound like a 'basic friendship' at all.  Sadly, this may have damaged all of that, considering you've crossed that line ( and is often very challenging to going backwards...most time's we come to realize it's done, with friendship thing).

 

[catfeeder]

Maybe it's time to recognize that you can never get any wasted time back to re-live over again?

How much of your life do you want to keep sinking into this bad habit?

Don't you want and deserve a real relationship with someone who loves you and treats you like his person?

Head high, honey, and move FORward to build a better future for yourself.

[smackie9]

Turn a new leaf...ditch this guy for good. There is plenty of opportunity for yourself to find a nice partner. You just have to put yourself out there, and raise your standards. Have a checklist of what you want, stick with it, drop giving anyone the benefit of a doubt, make your expectations clear, don't ever settle for anything less.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

... put yourself out there, and raise your standards. Have a checklist of what you want, ...

What You Want is key. You haven't told us what you are looking for. Maybe you don't know what that is because you're too focused on this guy, and constantly taking inventory of what he doesn't give you?

That's a distraction. Consider why you waste your time with it.

It's natural to be afraid of the unknown, and plenty of us have gone through periods of zero clarity about what we want for our own future.

But if you can identify at least SOME things you want for yourself, maybe we can discuss creative ways to help you get there?

[HeartGoesOn]

On 11/26/2022 at 1:43 PM, Ellie56 said:

we had a big fallout in march over something i said and he stopped talking for a few months , but in june we spoke and started seeing each other as friends with benefits, he said he cant give me anything more

That translates to he doesn't want to give you anything more.  I''m sorry but he sees you as someone who is disposable, and is up for settling for crumbs.  Does this sit well with you?

Stand up for yourself and raise the bar.