Diary of a recovering exboyfriend

[juicyfruitmama]

I'm having a strange, almost mournful day today. I want to call him. Why? Well, I miss him and I've felt I've gotten a bit of clarity. I seem to get a little clingy in relationships when they get a bit more involved. After being intimate esp. I feel that a part of me has been taken/given away and I feel almost vulnerable...needing a little reassurance. Now, I'm being honest when I say that I know that I wasn't excessive in these actions, but perhaps a bit over the top.

 

As I'm sitting here typing my thoughts out, I'm thinking realistically, it's probably a bad idea for me to call. I'm wanting him back plain and simple. What can I possibly say that will convince him to come back? They say absense makes... blah blah blah, but with him, the more I'm out of his life, the more likely he's willing to forget. He hasn't called since our break-up to arrange to get his other things.

 

I did make one call to his best friends (a married couple) the other night. I got along extremely well with them and it was a very hard call to do. Thankfully, I got their voice message and said that they probably know by now that he and I are no longer together. The reason for me calling was to thank them for opening up their lives to me... that I really appreciated getting to know them and perhaps a few months down the road we can reconnect in a different way. I said I wasn't going to lose their number and just wanted to express that I thought they were great friends to have esp. for him and then I said goodbye. I also indicated in the message that I had some things of his and may call them in a few weeks to drop them off. I know now I won't though and will refrain from any calls to them…-because they are after all his friends and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable with this situation. I did feel a call to them was okay just to say "thanks"…

 

I've been told by my friends to keep his things for a bit and if he doesn't claim them, don't put the effort out to bring them back...-just chuck them. See...that's one thing I'd do though... is go out of my way to make sure he got his stuff (intact of course).

 

Is this where the respect from the guy diminishes... because I don't act like a cow? When he came over to break up with me last week, I gave him all his things (esp. the gifts I gave him the week prior on his bday?. Hell, I even had one gift that I hadn't given him that I put in with the rest of his things). I'm such an idiot. Here, this guy was breaking up with me and I'm like "Did you remember to get everything? Oh, don't forget this nice sweater I bought you... and this book. Oh! How about this $40 kitchen utensil that I had to order esp. for you... can you carry that on your bike?" - ARGH! I'm just so angry at myself? I should have booted him out the door and kept everything. But... I'm not vengeful. I don't believe in treating people that way.

 

Sigh. I'm in a dilemma... - wanting him to know i'm not a pushover but knowing that if I break NC, I'm asking for more trouble (for myself).

 

me.

 

ps. Rion... excellent profile.

 

pps SexySadie... more than welcome to talk to you one on one!

[perseverance_rules]

juicyfruit,

 

We all do things that in hindisight seems pretty pathetic. As in my case, my ex-wife gave me back the weeding ring i bought her while we were seperating, and a few weeks later (when i found out she was pregnant) i gave it back to her really only hoping wed get back together in the end. never did i get that ring back again (it cost me 4,500 dollars btw). Today I just remind myself of that. If they are leaving they are leaving, if they want it back they will get it back...if they dont call to get it back, either one, they dont care for it, or two they dont want to confront you at all.

 

Ive been dealing with seeing the ex at the office much better these days. Now she comes to me to small talk and such, telling me about her dad, and just chit chatting, but it honestly makes me uncomfortable to talk to her like that....as if nothing ever happened...I know she thinks of me now...she has been talking with her friend that told on her. she wont go to her house because my exgf's new BF says its a bad idea...once again getting in the way of what she wants.

 

one other thing that pissed me off was that her new BF is starting to run her life, something my exgf NEVER let anyone else do. If he calls her and she dont answer the phone he repeatedly calls her again. He is the guy who she cheated on me with,...KARMA playing a part here? Her friend melissa (my great friend now) told me they wont last because she cheated on me with him and he will never trust her now.

 

my ex asks about me to melissa a lot when they talk, and ask if were together now, melissa replies with "well, thats none of your business, but NO. melissa and I have been going out together once a week or once every two weeks, and hanging out together and talking as much as we get the chance to. my friends that know her tell me I should seriously start something serious with her, but its not right for me to date someone my friend dated and that she was in love with....but they say, do what you want to do, do what YOU feel is right.

 

Melissa and i have talked about this, and said basically its off limits to date like that, but that our friendship now is great and neither one of us wants to ruin that. theyve told me that in time well get together, they were sure of it....

[rionmccloud]

There's a staring match with life going on in all of our lives. The trick is not to blink. If I can do it anyone can. Be strong evrybody. We often don't realize the strength we have. Unfortunately it takes great pain to bring that strength out sometimes.

 

And who cares the exes think anymore? They lost the right to have an opinion when it all ended. It's about you now, not them. And shoulda, woulda, coulda doesn't make a damn bit of difference in the world, so just move forward.

[SexySadie7]

did i write i was wearing A cotton dream really??? LOL. i meant to say i was wearing a cotton dress. It was a cute dress.. it's cute way low in the back.. and it's got such a keyhole in the middle of the back

,that was why i couldn't wear a bra.

I figure while i'm still pretty tan I might as well wear it...

Oh.. Riomn.. now I know what you mean about not drinking too much.. it does make you misty.. i cried half the way home..I guess part of it is damn it.. i still miss the ex.. well. i just am tired of being alone... it sucks, truly.

I was thinking though.. my ex was in a weird not-to-friendly mood on that last date & really wasn't very nice to me while we were there..I was looking around last nite & noticing how loving all the couples were to each other.. Crap, when we walked in there, my ex wouldn't even hold the door open for me... he just walked in ahead of me..... i'm not sure what is worse... being treated shabbily by someone or going alone.. I think Alone is better actually...

I had an alright time last nite.. not great time though.. everyone who went though was part of a couple & i didn't have anyone to go with...

The concert was just okay.. they've done better concerts.... oh well.. i DIDN'T see the ex.. did see a few guys looking at me though.. for whatever that means....

it wasn't a bad crowd though.. it could of been more unpleasant... i sat next to a really friendly couple who didn't make me feel so odd being there alone...

Had about 3 drinks which is alot for me.. i'm a cheap date, lol!~ : )

There was a nice friendly couple in front of me too.. at least people around me were kind...

I just felt so odd after the concert, having no one to talk with & driving home Alone.. I tried to find gas at decent price too & had problems..

aRGGGH, gas is $3.20 again.. I cried about half the way home then starting listening to the new ART BELL program on the radio.. His program was so scary I forgot about being sad.. Maybe horror films are the answer to getting over someone... who knows.. you are too scared to death to be sad about anything, ya know???

I had to turn down small assignment at my new job today cuz with the high gas prices it just didn't pay for me to go out there.. now i think they've deleted my account from the system & I NO LONGER have job with new company!~!~!~

Life is just NOT fair sometimes.

Crap, double crap.. it was crummy paying job anyway.. I tried to explain I'd be doing so much driving & getting paid so little I'd be working below minimum wage when all said & done.

Then i went into my other job with my old company & while on my break has Small electrical fire in the car with the cell phone charging cord.

Is someone sticking pins in me these days???

 

I stopped at fire station on way home just to have them look over the car... they were really nice.. firemen are such wonderful people.

well.. i gotta go bed.. i gotta work tomorrow too. & i'm exhausted.

thanks for readin this stuff Riomn... i'll hAve to check out your profile manana.

it's the sandman for me now....

adios everyone

[SexySadie7]

In her Joan River's voice, Juicyfruitmama, we need to talk!~

LOL.. man.. could we ever trade war stories here girlfriend..

Please don't kiss this guy's okole.... (back side) for some reason they DON"T appreciate it.. you were probably too nice for him & he's taken it for granted unfortunately...

I went & borrowed A CD after our last date together.. partly cuz i reallly liked the music of the concert we went to see & partly cuz it was a reason to stay in touch with him.

when i went to go return the CD.. i had called his house & his PHONE was DISCONNECTED.

Now. i knew he was leaving town shortly to go work out of state but after all the time we hung out.. & how he poured his heart out to me.. and spent hours & hours on the phone with me.. i thought i would rate at least a "HEY, I'M LEAVING TOWN CALL!"

Then he called me up from out of state & wanted me to mail the stupid CD to him.. at my expense of course!~ i had scratched it cuz he never gave me the case for it.. so i went & bought HIM A BRAND NEW CD... just to be nice...

juicyfruit.. don't over do it... he knows where you are .... maybe if you do NOTHING he will start missing all the good vibes you poured on him.. if he doesn't you have not hurt your dignity being so nice to some one who may NOT appreciate it....

I know you are a good person.. but he needs to realize it.. and sometimes being too nice makes people NOT appreciate you.. it's sad it's like that.. but it's human nature....

[rionmccloud]

Well ladies and gents. This thread has reached another milestone. Over 5000 reads. I wonder how many are geniune, because I often read back over what is written more than once. Sometimes it's nice to look back on everything and see where I've come from to truly appreciate where I am. One thing I do know is that you all are essential in this. Even if you didn't post a reply simply seeing that people were reading this helped me. Ediefy, SexySadie, and Perseverance Rules I thank you all the most.

 

Ediefy and P Rules have been reading and posting for almost as long as I have in this thread. I always look forward to hearing how you are doing, offering advice when needed, and maybe just sharing thoughts on the world in general.

 

Sexy Sadie, I think we got off on the wrong foot, but now it's like seeing an old friend when I read your posts. Ediefy, P Rules, and myself are here when you need us. I don't presume to speak for them, but I'm sure they feel the same.

 

And that goes for everybody else. Even if you posted only once, I read it. For those who this has helped along the way to your own recovery I am glad to help. I don't claim to be any better off than anybody. My heart still aches. I still lose sleep. And girls still scare the hell out of me, but I know when I need to vent or ask for advice you guys are there for me. And for that I love you all.

 

All right enough of the touchy feely crap. Get back to helping other people and finding help for yourselves. Break's over!

 

'Nuff said.

[TIGRONETTE]

Greetings form France once again,

 

After your last message I shall give myself a virtual pat on the back ( an e-pat ??). Just one extra thing, remember that most of us only post on here when the going gets a bit rough (ie me at the moment). We tend to forget all those days in between where life may not be the most wonderful thing on the world but it's ok - that's to say our friends make us laugh and food doesn't tatse like cardboard.

 

But yeah, sometimes i just feel like a complete loser (ie now), and my future love life is erm...hazy at best. Unlike most of you who seem to have enough patience to keep things in perspective, I've given in a few times and been with some really desperate guys. In the long run, this doesn't really solve anything so I'm a bit in the dark as to what to do with myself. It doesn't help that the ex sends me emails every day and wants us to meet up (seen what he did to me I think that's a little premature).

[SexySadie7]

Gee... Riomn... thanks so much.. your post really made my day!~

Yeah, i think we did get off to the wrong foot... i was goign to write you a PM about that... guess we were both in bad moods when we posted one day.

and BTW you are a cute guy.. i had no idea.. the way you write about yourself I would imagine some totALLY geeky, hair slicked bar coke glasses type of guy!~ LOL

i think you sell yourself short sometimes Riomn.. Oh, damn.. now i'm sounding like my ex... he used to tell me that..

Course that didn't stop him from dumping me like a hot potatoe either... so if I was so great, why didn't he stick around? all this stuff sure knocks the stuffings out of one's self esteem.. doesn't it?

I think that's my biggest battle now.. just getting my head together again & somehow reclaiming ME, or my self esteem...

Oh. well.. no time to finish posting today... another long day today..

I'm working at a place where the manager runs the place like a staff sargeant...

She was even being totally rude to some young customers yesterday cuz they were a bit rambutioius... i was shocked listening to her running them into the ground. Now wonder she is so rude to me... she's rude to alot of people obviously.

Luckily this is not my permanent assignment.. but it pays well.. so i gotta zip my lip so to speak..

I'm not good at that at all.. cuz she makes up lies about my job performance in negative way & then I have to stick up for myself & i'm hired to be most polite by my employer.. Well, shoot, when someone is making up lies about me... I HAVE to say something!

I'll just put it on the report what she said... really.. i sort of feel like i'm behind enemy lines working there... I think i will turn down any assignment they give me in future... it's not worth the stress!

[ediefy]

My theory on this (after 4 months of NC) is that _one_ of the people involved in the breakup has to have some class, and it might as well be you. If the guy wants his stuff, he knows where to find you. If he's having second thoughts, he knows where to find you. He clearly doesn't need for you to take care of him in any way (and we females tend to be caretakers)--clearly, he's taken care of himself first in all of this and doesn't need your help. If he can't put you first, then he's not worth the effort, as much as you may like him, want to be around him, think there may never be anyone else in your life you'll like as much.

 

Think about it--if you really care about a guy, you'll put him first, right? Don't you deserve the same in return? No matter how screwed up someone's early life may have been, at a certain point we're all responsible for ourselves and our lives and the choices we make and the way we behave.

 

I've really shifted my perspective in the past week, now that I hear that my ex is back doing online dating, still pining after his ex-girlfriend (the one married to someone else now), and thinking of calling me and asking me out for dinner. I mean, how completely pathetic! The guy hasn't bothered to get in touch with me since the day he dumped me (via email, followed up a very short phone call), and he thinks I'll want to go out to dinner, knowing he's been skanking around in bars trying to pick up women and probably sleeping with half of the women he meets? Ick. He blew it, and I can't imagine that he could do or say anything that would ever make me think he'd be a good risk again.

 

I keep imagining how he'd start off the phone call asking me out. And then I have this great fantasy of going to dinner with him, ordering an expensive lobster dish, and dumping the plate of lobster, butter, and incredibly hot baked potato right in his lap and walking out. How's that for a revenge fantasy?

 

So, stay strong, juicyfruitmama. NC is a good thing. Hard to do, but, in the long run, it'll give you the time you need to really get past all of the "what ifs" and "if onlys" and all the sentimental feelings you may still have for the guy. Really. I never thought I'd think so little of my ex as a person (I mean hold him so low in my estimation) as I do now. It's very helpful, and it just took time and not being in touch with him to get me to this point.

 

And good for you for going to the concert. All of those people around you who were so nice were there to help--the universe does provide, one way or another. (And I, too, have cried a lot driving home from various things--dates, dinner with friends, etc.--it sucks, but it means you're getting better, believe it or not.)

[perseverance_rules]

Went out to the bar to see the band last night. Went over to melissas for little pre-party with her and some friends.

 

The night started out Great, the band was great, saw some more friends there that I hadnt seen in awhile. Melissa and her friends were just good to be around last night, everything was just nice.....UNTIL....LOL

 

Well later in the evening Melissa and I went and danced for awhile, and she told me that she couldnt keep from me that my exgf is in love with the guy shes seeing now...which I could have gone all year without hearing that...truth hurts, but damn, i didnt need to hear that when I was drinking and totally not in the right state of mind.

 

A few hours later we leave and go to Melissas to wind down and spend some time in the hot tub. I didnt have any swim trunks, so I had to get in with my skivvies on...LOL, the women didnt mind i must say...LOL

 

well, after an hour or so in there my friend calls Melissa for some reason and she doesnt andwer, but calls him back and he dont answer,...later on he SHOWS UP UNANNOUNCED, and melissa goes on to tell him to leave, she didnt ask him to come over, and she was trying not to see him anymore....

 

Later on something gets to me, and the liquor in me made me finally get some things off my chest I had been steaming with for quite some time with him.

 

He is seeing a friend of ours sister, and Melissa, and three other women at the same time, and pretending to tell me that they all know of each other which I know is a lie...

 

BAsically, I told him to grow up, quit treating women like trash, and stop saying its ok because they say its ok, I told him to be a better person than them,...hes just playing on their emotions, getting women pregnant three times now, and he already has three kids...and he has gotten abortions for all three of the latest....he has been a friend to me since I was 3 years old. Now I feel as if he doesnt care enough about himself, to treat others with a caring mind...i know this is long, but its totally in my mind all day and I needed to vent, Ill share more later.

[rionmccloud]

It's raining in Louisville tonight. It's the nice rain where it's enough to pool into small puddles. I like to step out in it and just close my eyes, letting the rain fall over my face. I think about nothing, just clear my head and let it fall on me. It's nice to step out of life for even a minute sometimes.

 

So many things are uncertain in life. So many random events converge on one life, deciding what is to come. Doors open and close to us at every turn. It leaves me a bit disconcerted to have so little control over life. Things hang in a very fragile balance right now, and the slightest tremor down the line could send everything I know tumbling into the abyss below.

 

But the rain is real and now. The cold drops keep me in the moment alone, washing away thoughts of the past and future. I know no matter what, if it's raining I have control. I can step in out of the rain, or stay outside in it. At least there's one thing that can be certain in life. I can always come in out of the rain.

[SexySadie7]

I hope we get rain here too... i think we might be in the path.. i just planted some pansies in the yard.. i don't get out in yard much lately as my neighbors are VERY unfriendly & it just doesn't feel too comfortable. this is also 3rd time that me & my dog have almost been run over by 3 different people on this street walking down the street.

 

we don't have sidewalks here & our neighbors aren't

too careful about going the 25 mph speed limit either... Maybe it's time to call police again & ask them to patrol our street... come to think of it... as the recent thefts i've not seen them at all & they said they would keep an eye on our place...

I had a rough weekend.. had to work like 20 hours in last 2 days.. no wonder i'm whipped.. had electrical fire in the car... then last nite right before i left work started to get really bad chest pains... really bad ones... i think it was all the stress over the car, (which started smoking while i was driving along)

I've got car parked far from our place, if it catches fire, let it burn the neighbor's house down instead, lol... He's so hateful to us anyway~!

Do.. think it will be okay.. had mechanic pull fuse on where it was smoking but still it seems hot in the area where it was smoking AFTER i've driven aways.. maybe it's just heat from firewall of engine.

[rionmccloud]

I was talking to my ex yesterday on AIM. It was a nice discussion, just sort of catching up on things. I enjoyed it. I miss us talking like that, but to avoid starting problems I try not to get to involved in anything with her. During the course of the conversation she asked about Amy. I was honest about everything she asked. I was taken aback at one question though.

 

"Have you slept with anyone yet? I don't know why, but I was just wondering."

 

I had to laugh at this point. I was honest and said no. I continued to explain why she was wondering, despite the current situation. Deep down she still loves me. If we are both sleeping with other people it really puts a nail in the coffin for our relationship.

 

"I won't just jump into bed with the first person I find." I explained. I told her that no matter how she feels now she doesn't want the answer to be yes. "It will hurt. Make no mistake about it." I told her in all honesty. I think she knows this, but is waiting to see if it will hurt badly. I think it will. I almost wonder what will happen when that answer becomes yes.

 

Will she hurt? Will she grow wistful of things that have been when the reality that it is really done hits her? Will she reconsider things when she sees that I am truly moving on by dating someone else?

 

I'm scared of this moment to be truthful. It will put bury the past for me. I don't know if I'm ready to fully move on. I know I should, but I still love her so much I don't want to move on yet. I still feel like there's hope, despite all signs pointing to the contrary. Until she is married to somebody I don't think I'll truly ever lose hope. I don't know if that shows the strength or folly of love.

 

I still love her very much. I still hurt for her. I still lose sleep sometimes. I still cry. It's almost seems like some big joke, ya? You love somebody so much you can hardly function properly without them, and yet they never return. Maybe one day she will. You can't predict the future, after all.

 

I'm scared to fall in love again. I have been seriously wounded and scarred by all of this. I don't know if I'll trust as much as I once did. It's a very scary thought to think even if you love someone you may never trust them fully, possibly poisoning the new relationship. Even if I do seriously date someone, will I ruin it by not being able to bury the past? Will I even allow myself to feel love for someone else? Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating by talking to women.

 

Deep down maybe there hasn't been as much progress as I originally thought, ya?

[SexySadie7]

No.. not necessarily I don't think Riomn.. i can relate MORE than you know... even if she gets MARRIED.. i think if you truly truly love someone... somewhere in the back of your mind.. you still think.. well... maybe they will break up.... you know that expression.. hope springs eternal...

I think true love is sort of like a huge tree you have grown in your yard, you can cut the tree down but there are still going to be roots below the surface for sometime.

but your conscious mind of course won't allow you to think in these ways..

You tell yourself it's over because it's the only way you can go on & function. it's natural i think to feel the way you do.. i feel very much the same, i feel scarred by my experiences with the Ex too, sometimes I wonder if I'm even the same person I was before I met him.

I'm afraid of being suspicious too of the next guy i get involved with, just due to the stuff my Ex has put me thru..of never feelng the same way about another guy the way I felt about him, i i think it's just human nature, don't you?

 

I think though.. whether you act on these suspicions or are just aware they are there can be a CONSCIOUS EFFORT on your part too though.. you DON'T have to sabotage your next relationship if you make yourself aware of these little skeletons in the closet so to speak.. maybe skeletons is NOT the wrong word.. but you know what i mean i think.

Even people who've been married a long long time who get divorced Riomn & KNOW their spouses have S.O. still harbor feelings & hopes that one day they will get back with their ex-spouses... so don't beat yourself up about it..

I think perhaps it is just part of the journey of healing.. course i'm no shrink but this is just my gut reaction....

I think this might be on long process but I don't think to hurry it really accomplishes much. you can't force yourself to feel or not feel a certain way.. it will just come about naturally.....

I think considering All you have had to cope with..it's SO difficult to end a relationship when it involves a child, you are doing quite well actually.. You are able to at least hold your stuff together.. You aren't turning into some nasty player type guy who beds 10 women in a month just to feed his own ego & get over his Ex... you aren't playing head games on some innocent unsuspecting woman..you've been able to maintain a reasonably civil relationship with your Ex.....you haven't decked out the BF yet! : )

I think you Are to be commended really on your admirable behavior

[rionmccloud]

Thanks Sadie. I always feel like I'm doing the right thing with all of this, but it's nice to hear it from others.

 

It's just not in my nature to be a player. I've tried, sad to say, but it's just not me. I've tried picking up women in bars. Not me. I've tried hitting the clubs. Still not me. I've tried talking to random women. Ain't going to happen.

 

The trust issues will work themselves out, methinks. If I find love again I don't think it will be a problem. I'm not a jealous person, despite sometimes thinking it could have changed how everything turned out.

 

As far as holding things together, that's debateable at best. lol I know it will take one false step to drop this whole load right on top of me. Then again, that's how Ilive my life. Always right on the edge of disaster, it seems. At least it keeps things interesting.

 

I'm just trying not to set myself up for another fall. The fact she asked me that does show me there's still something there. No matter how small it's there. That's hard to forget about. I just wish I could have made things better when I still had the chance. It's all simply too late, but not too little in this case.

 

But as I'm known to say, shoulda, woulda, coulda doesn't make a difference in the world. It's what we DO in life that defines us. Wanting to do things differently is admirable but a bit stupid, since you can't.

 

I maintain that I have come far from where I was. The changes she so desperately wanted have been made. Another chance, not a chance to do things over but to start again, is all I've wanted. Maybe, some day, I'll get that. I'll just keep living my life and hoping that I'll get that.

 

This ship runs on smiles, so no frowning anymore.

[rionmccloud]

And yet, I still feel so hopelessly lost without her. Her irritation with me cuts to the core. She has the ability to make a good day great or horrible. If only she would use her powers for good alone.

 

She comes to get out son today and the new BF is with her. I said "He stays in the car, he's not coming in." She acts like this is really horrible and immature. If she could rationalize this as my way of keeping things smoothed out it would help. There's no problem if I don't have contact with him. I'm sure he feels the same. If not he's a monkey. All the genes to be human, but not smart enough for it.

 

I guess I just wish she could be as understanding as you guys on things. She's never been on this side of a breakup. Not after the time we've been together. I believe in karma, but then again I wonder what I did so bad to deserve the problems I have now. I'm a decent guy. I'm not being c***y, just acknoledging the truth.

[juicyfruitmama]

Hi Rion,

 

I'm sorry you're still feeling like sheizer with your ex. It's impossible to do NC because of your son of course... but from the few posts I've read, and I know you'll correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like your ex is stringing you along... keeping you there in case her current beau doesn't work out.

 

As I have briefly viewed your other past posts (I haven't read them all I admit), you seem to be getting stronger but then regress in a bad way. Is it because of your constant contact with her? Ja, of course you need contact for the welfare of your son, but really, do you need this much communication? It's obvious it doesn't seem to be helping you move on. You even admitted you are hoping that one day it will work out. What if you wait around for months or even years... allowing amazing women to come in and out of your life, someone who would treat you with respect and love you & all that you have to offer...even your quirks, JUST BECAUSE OF THE "HOPE" YOU STILL HOLD FOR YOUR EX?

 

Is she giving you false hope or solid/strong indications that her dating someone else is only temporary? Even if her relationship is temp., how is that fair to you? I don't think it was fair of her to even ask if you have slept with someone else. I mean, come on! She has no right to ask that! To me, that's totally leading you on (that there's a chance)... hell, I would think there was if Daniel did that with me. I mean, she broke up with you right? - She has no right to know what's going on with your sexual/personal life at all except again, when it concerns your son. Seriously...

 

I feel you are allowing yourself to be so vulnerable with her...as she knows you still love her. I think it's cruel for her to even entertain your hopes esp. when she's doing what she wants to do. I feel she's keeping you there as a side dish...so that if her main course is unappetizing, she'll at least have something else to nibble on (until something else comes along).

 

I apologize if this seems a bit hard (I probably don't know all the facts)... but you remind me of Daniel. He's recovering like I said before, from a 6 year relationship, and that takes time to get over. Meanwhile, his ex has definitely moved on but he cannot. I mean, I have no chance when his head is still in the past.

 

Your heart takes time to heal and like SexySadie said, you do have a great profile (and you are cute) so there's no worries in attracting other women.

 

You just have to start being brutally honest and ask yourself how this ex of yours enhanced your life... made it amazing... put you in the best light... made you feel successful...

 

If she is as great as you say she is, then why isn't she in your life now? I mean, if she was great (amazing girl), she wouldn't be asking you these STUPID questions about other women in your life or if you're sleeping with other people. It's a game she's playing and well, she's obviously NOT thinking of you or your feelings. I mean, come on. You even said that you feel like you're cheating on her by thinking of other girls. Rion... SHE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!! - How is that worse than what you are "thinking" about?! - It's an indication of how she has you wrapped around her finger.

 

That's not a great person in my books. It's a manipulative, immature person who is only thinking of themselves.

[rionmccloud]

It's always funny when people give me advice on this. I know these things in my head, but my heart is winning out. I cut down contact to a bare minimum. I don't call her unless I need to talk about something of relative importance, never for idle chitchat. She contacts me at times just to talk, and I willingly allow it.

 

I don't think she's intentionally stringing me along. She's nosy, that's ultimately why she asked. The rest is really just speculation on my part, which shows the hope I syill carry with me.

 

I'm not passing by on great women, I think. I'm not meeting many women, but the few I do I like enough to consider a relationship with. I've dated, and enjoyed myself. I am open to meeting someone else, and welcome it. But I do still love the ex too. I think when I find someone I care about enough to seriously date this will not be a problem.

 

I do let myself grow too much hope. That's my mistake, but I'm getting better about it. Like I said, I don't think it's intentional on her part, but she does it nonetheless.

[SexySadie7]

it's just a tough spot right now i think for Riomn... course if you had met someone special you'd be doing the "what if", "should I be doing this" thing too..

It's just life... you have to go on, but you can't help look back either at what have might have been if things were different... i think it's just human nature.

I've realized too as much as I really care for my Ex, he knows where i live, how to get in touch with me & it's not happened yet, nor do i hold out hope it will.....

I really don't think he gave us a chance REALLY... course he had major issues to deal with too.. bad timing is just that, bad timing..

I think i'm a great girl. I'm funny, sweet, smart, caring, cute, not bad to look at, a very honest & kind & unique person... but i can't crawl inside someone's head & make them love or care about me again. i'm just a girl, not houdini...

I think alot of our problems stem from the fact we hold unrealistic expectations hoping we'll reconcile with the Ex & when those don't materialize, we are deeply disappointed & start to beat ourselves up.

I don't want to waste any more of my time beating myself over my Ex.. he's not worth that much energy, & frankly, if he can't see what a wonderful person I am, then he's the fool, not me.

Life is short.. no one knows when our time is up.. i hate to spend months and months more of my time about someone who clearly doesn't care about me anymore...

I am starting to feel better about myself i think. I notice myself laughing at stuff more, and crying less..... I don't know, maybe i'm deceiving myself, but how much energy does anyone want to spend on someone who doesn't return our affections?

It just becomes pointless & a total waste of time.

Plus too.. carrying a touch for someone else is sure not VERY attractive feature for a woman to have, what do you think guys?

 

Well.. i'm not sure that Riomn's ex was being manipulative or stringing him along at all Asking if he's slept with anyone yet... I think possibly she was either just curious... or maybe even hoping you've got a GF Riomn.. that way she feels less guilty about her having a BF & can relax more knowing that you are now happy & in a satisfying relationship.

Course.. this is all speculation.. i don't know Riomn's ex.. so he's sure a better judge of that than I am.

I alwAys get irritated when people think they know ALL CUZ they are sitting in front of the magic computer screen!~ lol

I used to get really hurt too Riomn when my ex would use that annoyed/irritated tone of voice with me.. too... I never knew why he used it either... i think sometimes he would just take his bad moods out on me when I did nothing to deserve it... Like i said.. he had lots of issues to work out... at least he's not taking his crud out on me anymore... let the new girl do that... i don't have the time or patience for his nonsense anymore.

[rionmccloud]

On a completely unrelated note Sarah says I'm officially cool and a friend. Yay!

[rionmccloud]

I was talking to Amy today. She mentioned how she could never date a guy who wasn't confident enough to approach her. This led to probably the most intelligent conversation I've had with her.

 

I said "Girls scare me." She asked why. I really had to think a moment about this answer. I realise it's fear of the reaction you get. Not just in asking a girl out, but in simply walking up and saying hello. What if they are rude? What if they ignore you? It's hard to make yourself think "What if they are really nice?"

 

Being too laid back is my failure, I think. Going with the flow is fine, but sometimes you have to prod life with a stick to get it moving again. Why am I afraid anyways? Have I really been rejected? Not really. No girl as yet has given me a flat NO to my face. Caroline said yes. Twice. I've only asked out one other girl, and she didn't say just didn't really say yes either. Is that a rejection? I think not.

 

So why exactly am I so unconfident? I don't know. I'm a decent guy all around. Not too bad looking either, if I do say so myself. And I do. Amy even said "If I wasn't dating somebody I'd date you." Did I forget to mention that earlier? She's dating somebody. I still think she's likely a bit of a slu*, but I guess knowing an attractive girl feels that way helps.

 

I think I had a point when I started, but I lost it along the way. I'm not very good at closing these things out anyway.

 

Fin

[perseverance_rules]

hey rion, greetings bro. Im in the health insurance busines, I know Ive stated that before, but one thing I have found in my shyness towards people is that if I dont speak up, and say hello, and smile...I get those "looks" or sometimes people think I am stuckup or not too sociable which makes them think maybe IM not interested in them.

 

Another thing Ive found is that if I didnt ask someone out, or at least talk to them, they bring it up to me later on....maybe even years later. As in to say, Why didnt you talk to me back then, I had such an eye on you, but you acted as if I didnt exist. It works both ways man. id give you all the link to my profile too, but Im not sure I should...maybe later I suppose if anyone is interested.

 

The problem I am dealing with right now is whether or not to confront melissa about me having feelings for her other than friendship. I think she has those feelings as well, or she wouldnt call me so much, and she wouldnt still be friends with me as much as she is. We click so well, we both have LOADS in common, which is why I think were such good friends now. She has 3 kids already, and cant have anymore, but at t his point in my life Im not as keen on having kids as I once was. I just want to be with someone who respects me for me, and understands me fully, and she does, more than any other woman ever has.

 

At her place Saturday night she kissed me, on the lips no doubt, and I knew it was from a little bit of drinking, but I had to ask myself why not just a hug...is she acting out on her emotions? Or was it just a case of those emotions coming out for me in general...threw me for a loop.

 

SHould I tell her of my feelings for her, or should I keep that to my self for awhile??? If I dont tell her and she meets someone special, I still have that friendship with her. If I do tell her, which I know she knows my main cares for her, will she back off from me and feel uncomfortable? We have talked in great detail about the possibilities of us being together and basically what was stated is that "Its against the rules"...but every time we see each other something comes up about us breaking those rules, and I think she truly wants to but doesnt want to ruin the friendship we have....and the possibility of her not totally getting her friend back in the end (my exgf).

 

These are just a few things that have been haunting me the last few days now that I just cant seem to get out of my head.

[rionmccloud]

Rules? What ruls? I have yet to see a rule book on love. All's fair, ya?

 

You have two options in this P Rules. You can tell her how you feel and find out what WILL happen, or you can say nothing and never know what COULD'VE been. In the latter case you could miss out on someone that sounds very special, possibly the love of your life, and years later she'll look at you and say..

Why didnt you talk to me back then?

 

As I said, sometimes you have to prod life with a stick to get it moving. Friends are great, but if you really feel like she feels the same then go for it. Only by taking chances can you truly live. Sure she may say no, it's possible. But what if she says yes? What if she's waiting for you to say something.

[perseverance_rules]

Exactly what I am wondering Rion, what is she says YES. I get those vibes constantly. GRRR, why cant it be easier?

 

One main thing is that she was in love with my best friend, and she was the best friend of my exgf. My friend she was in love with and I have talked about me dating her. He tells me to go for it, maybe it would get her off his back. I know that sounds harsh, but she has constantly said she would stop talking to him, then BAM, she calls him and they "hook up". She calls me in the mornings to ask for advice, she calls me late at night for the same thing.

 

A few of my other friends have said the same thing to me...."GO FOR IT". HE wont care, he may be glad. I truly feel like I could give her what she has been looking for...even though some may think its wrong, I dont think so, but I am balking at the idea of it. Maybe things will happen that way in the end, who knows...but one thing is for certain, I have to get my feelings out in the open to her. That way at least she knows I am interested in her that way. I know she is of me, shes told me that....it was her main reason in telling on my exgf, that My ex had exactly what Melissa wanted but she failed to see it that way...now were great friends because of it. I dont feel as though I owe her anything, I just know what type of person she is now, not that she is perfect, but that I know shes a very caring woman.

 

On a different note, the girl I had been seeing as "friends with benefits" called me and told me she had found someone else and that even though she loves me, she cant possibly wait until Im ready to be with me. I told her I wished her luck and that I told her I was glad she was honest with me since I was with her. A few weeks back I told her that I wasnt ready for anything serious, and that if we could see each other, be friends, and sleep together that would be all I wanted, she agreed with that. I was totally honest with her at that time and I appreciate her honesty in return. I do hope she has met that someone, she is a very kind person, I just couldnt see myself with her in the future, and I told her that. So we remain friends with no animosity towards each other, which is the way it should happen IMHO.

 

Thanks rion.

[rionmccloud]

Be honest with yourself and others. That's the way to go. Why are you asking anything about this anymore, ya? You know what you should and want to do. Now do it.

 

'Nuff said