Wife's family drives me crazy

[Mammalyssa]

Well I am going to be the bad one here as I won't agree with the others on this one.... 

Your comments such as "that level of idiocy" etc (there's more than one occasion) shows a disrespect for someone who holds a different opinion to you. That in itself is an issue. People can have different opinions to each other without being disrespectful. I get it that if they're on a tyrade and you're one against a whole group, you can't really have a healthy, respectful and friendly debate. 

But regardless of the topics at hand, the point of respecting different opinions applies to absolutely everyone. 

My whole approach to life is to give respect to others, but also expect respect in return. If they are disrespectful toward you, this is reason to be unhappy with them. However if you are disrespectful in the way you share your opinion when that time comes, then you are simply receiving what you're dishing out. 

Be grateful for people that question the norm. Science is based on testing and questioning theories. Opposing political teams have a job to question and oppose the other side. Progress in society is only made through questioning,  oppositing and testing. Having a heard mentality and never questioning anything is the cause of complacency and tyranny and third world issues. 

 

There is nothing wrong with saying to them..  I hold a different opinion to you, but that's okay because we are free to hold our own beliefs and co-exist respectfully.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Distressedmamma said:

There is nothing wrong with saying to them..  I hold a different opinion to you, but that's okay because we are free to hold our own beliefs and co-exist respectfully.

I agree.  The problem is they don't care if there are differences in opinion because it's either their way or the highway.  They'll rant anyway and unless you're deaf, you'll hear it anyway.  Sure, you can voice your differences without specifying for peace's sake but not everyone will shut up.  They'll tell you what you don't want to hear anyway especially at family reunions and holiday gatherings.  It's best not to engage,  learn to ignore and then go home.  Or, get busy conversing with someone else and don't be near irritating people.  Or, make visits less or don't visit at all.

I don't like my obnoxiously rude BIL (brother-in-law) and my sister will forever defend her meal ticket.  My husband, sons and I will visit my local MIL (mother-in-law)'s house and my husband's local relatives this year instead.  We're currently in the process of coordinating the potluck as I type. (Everyone's been vaccinated,  double boosted, tested negative, etc.)

[Wiseman2]

On 11/3/2022 at 10:03 AM, bungalo said:

I am to the point where I don't want to be in their presence anymore.  

 Dinner reservations. Why subject yourself to this year after year? There's no law that says you have to go there or invite them. 

Some people like debates at dinner but 'debates' are more genteel than this. Personally listening to anyone regurgitating the lastest 24 hr news channel opinions or social media misinformation would give me indigestion.  Why listen to this when anyone can read news for themselves?

In this case you're camped in opposite corners, you already know this and you already know how it will go.

 

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

The problem is they don't care if there are differences in opinion because it's either their way or the highway.  They'll rant anyway and unless you're deaf, you'll hear it anyway.  Sure, you can voice your differences without specifying for peace's sake but not everyone will shut up.  They'll tell you what you don't want to hear anyway especially at family reunions and holiday gatherings.  It's best not to engage,  learn to ignore and then go home.  Or, get busy conversing with someone else and don't be near irritating people.  Or, make visits less or don't visit at all.

Yes. I agree that it's fine to question the norm, fine to share that you're not going to simply follow the science because you want to do your own investigation, but not when it's about giving unsolicited input about how I should live my life.  I never approach people and tell them to put on a mask if there is any way I can protect myself and/or my child from the unmaksed person. 

Yes I have strong views on masking (especially when covid was raging in my area) but even when I'm with people I know I'm not going to share those views unless asked and even then I'll do everything to avoid -just because I have strong opinions doesn't mean I need to share them -especially in a sensitive situation like a family gathering.  And if I did yes I would be openminded to hear the response. 

Yes, I did text a family member that I was not going to let her and her children visit my elderly mother in her home even to use the bathroom when there were no vaccines available yet and there was a lockdown in 2020-21.  Why? Because my mother was too nervous to speak up and say no to her family visiting.  That's when I'm going to give the unsolicited input.  No one else would do this in my family so I did -and this person backed down immediately and the meeting was all outdoors.  I didn't tell her off, or share my opinions about covid I kept it simple and  to the point to accomplish my goal of protecting my elderly mom.  

I was not grateful for people who acted on questioning the norm by putting my mother's life at risk. Likewise, at some point I'm not grateful for people who insist on questioning the norm by using a social gathering, a family gathering, as a place to get on their soapbox with extreme views of any sort that they know will make their guests uncomfortable.  

[Kwothe28]

I had a colleague full of Russian- Ukranian war propaganda. So I had to listen to him every day babbling about it, how Russia is winning etc. So I understand the sentiment.

I do understand that you as an SJW find it hard to listen to other side as it is not your echo- chamber, its theirs. But what you need to realize is that engaging with somebody like that would be even the worst thing for you. As you are both extremes and wont ever find a middle ground. So, the best thing to do is just to practice "Hear on one ear, let go on other" technique. Meaning that its really not important what they say and that it can just pass through your ears and not stay in your brain. 

[boltnrun]

4 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

you as an SJW

I had to LOL. Where did the OP say this? An opposing opinion doesn't mean someone's an "SJW". 

I do agree with refusing to engage because it's pointless. They're not going to change their mind and neither are you. So it's a waste of time and oxygen.

[Kwothe28]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I had to LOL. Where did the OP say this? An opposing opinion doesn't mean someone's an "SJW". 

 

He is a "proud progressive". Parroting the same talking points of his side, even calling his nephews racists. You do the math.

I am center left. But I learned the talking points of both extremes. His is undoubtetly extreme left. Complaining about "racist midwest", Trumpo(they always have to mention him lol) and his supporters, those are all the signs of his extreme side. If he tried talking about genders, antivax, how he doesnt believe in science, that is the other side. I think we had some on some other thread. He is not complaining just because the other side is extreme, he is complaining because he is on diametrally opposite side and cant stand them. 

[Mammalyssa]

@Kwothe28 is exactly on the money... my post was formed out of the language used.. clearly the OP is upset that they have a DIFFERENT opinion. Doubtful that anyone saying he should ignore them is the advice he is looking for. He's looking for people to agree with HIS opinion and back up his rage that such opposition exists. 

Nobodies advice here is going to be taken on board. 

[Coily]

I initially considered a thoughtful response; but re-reading the framing it was clear that the OP only wanted an echo chamber to bash in-laws they don’t agree with. Seeking a license to lambast them as rubes, while seeking a sympathetic audience to advance their opinion.

Not going to happen from me. You dislike a wildly different opinion, we get it. Whether it’s Trump or Red Army Faction is irrelevant; it’s a matter of how you conduct yourself. If you want to wallow in filth or rise above and politely disagree is completely within your hands. Stop looking to others to justify belligerent behavior towards your in-laws; they could be from the mid-west or Brooklyn and still be ignorant jerks. Be an adult and behave as such; or throw a tantrum because someone disagrees; but at the end of the day it’s all a reflection on you. 

[Wiseman2]

On 11/3/2022 at 10:03 AM, bungalo said:

I am to the point where I don't want to be in their presence anymore.  

Then don't be. Clearly just trying to ignore it is like saying just ignore the chainsaw outside your window and go back to sleep.

You'll need to make some changes, but not in their or your political leaning or feelings.

Politics really isn't the point here. 

It's not being in lockstep with people you find this annoying.

[Lambert]

I think it's important to tolerate other people. As in you can't change people.  But you can decide to limit or eliminate contact. 

Focus on the relationship you do care about, mainly your marriage. Talk to your wife about the solution. Try to be open to any solution. Digging in to your own stance isn't helpful.