Will we ever get back together?

[chloelinadan]

My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. we have have been together for 2 years. our story is a bit more different than the usual ones. we lived together for 1.2 years until he graduated and moved back to his home country which is a 40 minute flight and did long distance for a couple months. our relationship has been great but there were some flaws just like in any relationship. Exactly a year ago he broke up with me because i was too jealous and putting too much pressure on him it wasn't healthy but it was different because we lived together still sleep in the same bed even tho this period was so toxic. after a 3 weeks we got back together and been great ever since. a year later the same thing happens he breaks up with me again, yes ti was because of some same issues that came back from side but also he accumulated it and instead of talking about it to me he didnt communicate and just decided he had enough. ofc at first i begged for another chance but he didn't care.. i told him i respect it at the end and stopped texting hi. after 2 days he made first contact and asked how i am doing and if we can catch up and if i think i am able to rebuild a friendship with him. in his point of view he doesnt want to commit but still have me in his life, he wants to be just friends see how it goes and "maybe" get back in the future.. the conversation was pretty dry i didnt let it continue for long. after a few days i texted him and told him i dont see how this friendship is going to work because for me its either we are in a relationship or nothing as its kind of selfish from his side, he was very understanding but was leading the conversation asking how my week has been, i could not resist as i missed talking to him and it was the first time since we broke up where we had a proper catch up, flowy conversation. i am very conflicted on what to do. my end goal is to get back with him i know its low of me but i am not willing to give up on this relationship even tho he is. i can tell there is something going on as hes been more shut than usual, always home barely hangs out with his friends. i dont know if i should completely stop talking to him and see if that helps him realise something and come back (i know there is a low chance but i am still hopeful) or i keep being a friend and prove him this way that i am actually working on my issues and becoming better.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, chloelinadan said:

after 2 days he made first contact and asked how i am doing and if we can catch up and if i think i am able to rebuild a friendship with him. in his point of view he doesnt want to commit but still have me in his life, he wants to be just friends see how it goes and "maybe" get back in the future.

Sorry this happened. You're right that on/off relationships tend to be toxic, but keep in mind half of that comes from him and incompatibilities.

Don't allow him to demote you to FWB with "catchups" and friends without commitments and string-along talk about future reconciliation.

He seems manipulative. Set yourself free and make a clean break so you can be with men who treat you well and don't play these games.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you were reacting to your feelings of jealousy by acting in a controlling way and it sounds like you two in general have an unhealthy dynamic so how is it that you two would be compatible for a friendship anyway? I'm sorry you're upset.

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, chloelinadan said:

i dont know if i should completely stop talking to him and see if that helps him realise something and come back (i know there is a low chance but i am still hopeful) or i keep being a friend and prove him this way that i am actually working on my issues and becoming better.

You should do neither of these things. 

What would be better is to let go of him completely and accept that you two cannot be a couple, now or in the future.  On-off relationships don't last. Eventually, they are off for good. That's where you are at, and should be at. 

This isn't going to end the way you want. It's better to let go now so you can heal and find someone with whom you can enjoy a mature relationship. This guy isn't it. 

[smackie9]

Sorry but you see that this relationship doesn't work for you or him. It's ran it's course. He gave you a second chance and you went back to being intolerable with your jealousy and him possibly creating it. You both are toxic for each other. When there is no trust, there is no relationship. Right now his offering is him getting whatever out of you while he starts to move on. It's best to throw in the towel and cut all contact. 

[SooSad33]

On 10/22/2022 at 4:48 PM, chloelinadan said:

after a 3 weeks we got back together and been great ever since. a year later the same thing happens he breaks up with me again, yes ti was because of some same issues that came back from side but also he accumulated it and instead of talking about it to me he didnt communicate and just decided he had enough.

So, he has some communication issues- yup, that causes problems .

And he has been the one to BU both times... a year ago, as well.  Is this his 'solution' to challenging times?

 

On 10/22/2022 at 4:48 PM, chloelinadan said:

at first i begged for another chance but he didn't care.. i told him i respect it at the end and stopped texting hi. after 2 days he made first contact and asked how i am doing and if we can catch up and if i think i am able to rebuild a friendship with him. in his point of view he doesnt want to commit but still have me in his life, he wants to be just friends see how it goes and "maybe" get back in the future.. the conversation was pretty dry i didnt let it continue for long. after a few days i texted him and told him i dont see how this friendship is going to work because for me its either we are in a relationship or nothing as its kind of selfish from his side,

Exactly, it's either all or nothing.

One cannot work on accepting, healing & moving on if they can't cut all ties, in order to do so.

On 10/22/2022 at 4:48 PM, chloelinadan said:

my end goal is to get back with him i know its low of me but i am not willing to give up on this relationship even tho he is.

Read this again - HE is!  He has pulled away twice already.. so, you're okay with a 3rd and 4th?  😕 .. that is damaging to you & this relationship.

 

On 10/22/2022 at 4:48 PM, chloelinadan said:

i dont know if i should completely stop talking to him and see if that helps him realise something and come back (i know there is a low chance but i am still hopeful) or i keep being a friend and prove him this way that i am actually working on my issues and becoming better.

So, is the BU again, due to YOUR insecurities?  If so, YES, is time to work on you now.  No expectations from him.

I say no to 'friends'.  Leave all alone now and actually spend some serious down time on your own.  For sure, work on yourself.  Sounds like you've got some underlying issue's going on.