Should I Cold Call?

[Whirling D]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I agree. Even him sending an offer to help moving wouldnt maybe change much because

a) for all intended purposes this person is a stranger

b) would maybe be misconstrued as "too eager" and maybe even "creepy" as he would basically offer to visit her at her new home

Admittedly I dont think it matters as she doesnt want to continue further anyway. Its just that if they like you initially, it basically doesnt matter that much what you send. If they dont, you could be as smooth as a baby cheek and still land nowhere. 

Also, he met her on a dating app. As Ive said, as an average man, he would have to get used to that. Not answering messages, ghosting after few messages, its all very much normal experience there. He would have to go through bunch of people like that to even get a date. 

More proactivity and meeting more people(in real life) would land him better results in terms of dating. As well as more chances to connect and less chances to be ghosted.

I am doing what I can to make my own opportunities.  I stood at the line of the café of the local supermarket and chatted up three different ladies but I didn’t even know. Only one of them seemed interesting, though, and she didn’t seem interested enough to go beyond a quick banter.

I don’t really spend a ton of time writing long bantering texts to girls I don’t really know, like Batya has been saying.  For example, with the girl I was supposed to go out with a week and a half ago from the dating site, who I probably should have clarified with prior to date night, and it got messed up, I think I only went back-and-forth with her twice before I asked her for a meet and greet. She was pretty responsive to that assertiveness.

I kind of wish that I was a bit more assertive clarifying about our date, but I figured it was clear when she said she would text me the next day where we would meet. And then she didn’t, which seems low interest. I don’t want to blow that off, but I haven’t gotten back to her after that, because she said “why don’t we just wait until after Thanksgiving“ that was 10 days ago. I didn’t have a lot of interest in waiting around for her. I’m not sure we had a ton in common. I should probably revisit that one, lol.

 

 I should probably revisit that one, though.

interestingly, a lady was standing at the café with an English accent, and I began to talk to her a little bit about where she was from… She said that her and her husband, who is a Yank,  have been living near where I am in the northeast United States for a little while, and she said she hates it here. She said she feels that people are really unfriendly, and that if you just start talking to them randomly while standing in a line, people will treat you as if you are a weirdo. She said she has been incredibly lonely and can’t wait to go back to England .  So, that’s exactly the experience that I have… Which makes me think I’m not imagining this stuff… 🙂 

My parents moved here from Canada and lived here for four years, and I stayed here after they moved back to Canada… To this day, my mother says that where I live is the most unfriendly of the many places we lived all over North America while I was growing up. Just saying.

that’s why I often somewhat think that I am caught between cultures here… I have very much a non-American personality within a very American culture. It’s just a different way of spinning in the world, I think.  
 

I have learned to navigate to some degree, but still feel like a huge outsider, and I don’t think it’s because of my inability to connect with people. If I can be so bold, I think it’s because of many other people here having a difficulty connecting with other people. 

 

[boltnrun]

I'll gladly have a conversation with a stranger in a public place but I would not give them any contact information. I'm not at the grocery store or coffee house looking for dates. I would reserve that for an actual social event like a wine tasting, dance mixer or something similar. I also would be willing to engage with someone I met while volunteering or on a coed sports team. 

But I think it's a great idea to have casual chats with people you encounter like you did today. It's good practice being social and also can add a pleasant spark to your day. 

[catfeeder]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'll gladly have a conversation with a stranger in a public place but I would not give them any contact information. ...

But I think it's a great idea to have casual chats with people you encounter like you did today. It's good practice being social and also can add a pleasant spark to your day. 

Yes. Given that you're outgoing enough to chat with strangers despite living in an area where the reception isn't warm, I admire you for keeping to your friendly nature in this regard.

This can be where servicing any kinds of non-profit, civic or volunteer groups can open pathways to further communication. I kept cards that offered my grant writing, web design and marketing services to non-profits, and I handed one over if I hit it off with someone. While I did land some good portfolio-building assignments this way, I also gained some great friends.

What I like about (old fashioned) cards is the quick and neat bypass of awkward exchanges of numbers into phones. That's fine when two people are equally committed, but as Bolt said, strangers in line aren't going there. 

You'd be surprised how many people are associated in some way with a local club or group or cause that might be able to use your help if you offer a service to them. It could prove to be a fine avenue for making friends...and this can lead to mixers, fix-ups and even direct dates.

[Wiseman2]

58 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

considering all of the guys that are on there, which outnumber women about 10 to 1, if I remember correctly. 

That is why the 50+ sites would benefit you. They are closer to 50/50. Get off sites where you just get lost in the shuffle.

[catfeeder]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That is why the 50+ sites would benefit you. They are closer to 50/50. Get off sites where you just get lost in the shuffle.

Yep, I think those sites are even more weighted with women than with men.

[Whirling D]

Well, all of these ideas are good ones… thank you… But not necessarily ones I haven’t tried before.

I was helping with my daughter’s theater group prior to Covid, in fact I even ran a theater group a handful of years ago at my school, and I would work with, and even oversee, plenty of women, but they were all married, or partnered, and almost always with taller and more financially able men than I would ever be. 
 

Right up until Covid, I was helping serve a free community dinner once a month in my town, but there weren’t a lot of single women, if any that I found.

There’s also the fact that I am non-religious, and many of the ladies that I encountered are way more religious, even considering the last two women that I dated were much more religious. It’s not a dealbreaker for me, as it wasn’t for them, but it does create a little bit of a chasm that may at some point add complications.

Here’s another story that I was telling my daughter today, when we were talking about relationships… She’s 14, so I thought it might benefit to hear that she’s not the only one that struggles with people treating her meanly.

About 20 years ago, in the early days of online dating, when nobody had pictures… I began chatting with a lady about my age that lived a bunch of towns over.  We bantered for about a week back-and-forth (this is kind of before I knew better…) and she began to get quite enchanted… She was saying things like, “we sound like we’re almost made for each other… I can’t wait to meet you… I think we’re going to have so much in common and I expect to know you for such a long time“.

Even back then, I sensed that this wasn’t what it probably looked like… she seemed way too eager… But I put 1 foot in front of the other, and I arranged a date at a restaurant that I knew…

The time came for us to meet at the restaurant, and I got there before she did… I watched this lady come in to the restaurant, and look at my direction, and from the nanosecond she laid eyes on me, I could tell that her heart sank, and I could even sense that a feeling of anger came over her quite strongly. 

I took her to our table, and we sat down, and I could tell from the second I looked in her face that it was not going to be a good thing. I sat across from her for about half an hour, and tried my best to keep a conversation going, to be light and easy and funny, and be attentive… But this woman wanted no part of it. She barely spoke, had nothing but a pissed off look on her face the entire time, and when the dinner finished, I paid for the check, and she literally pretty much just stood up and walked away without even acknowledging the effort I put in. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach to even think of that night. I even wrote her a note later that night thanking her for getting together and hoping that she had a nice night. Didn’t ever hear a word from her again.

Still think I am imagining these things in my head? I have multiple more of these kinds of stories.

So if you think I’m exaggerating when I am saying that I don’t easily attract women, particularly high-value women, maybe you’ll stop and think that maybe I could be telling you the truth with the stories.  Just saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

high-value women

I don't understand what you mean by this. Can you please describe what you define as a "high-value" woman?

[Batya33]

How many times have you asked married people you meet at these volunteer opportunities or just in life to introduce you to single women who might be a good match?

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

Well, all of these ideas are good ones… thank you… But not necessarily ones I haven’t tried before.

You seem to think that nobody believes you, but I haven't read disbelief from anyone here.

I didn't see anything in your story about handing an occasional business card to people you connect with in person--who have already seen you.

How that equates to being rejected on a blind date, I dunno.

It's a simple way to bridge the gap between banter and potential future connections without trying to 'get' a phone number from people.

I can see that you are hell bent on thwarting any positive suggestions in favor of clinging to your own self-fulfilling prophesy, and I'm really sorry to see that. You sound like a wonderful and intelligent human being, and it's unfortunate that you are firmly and squarely positioned against your own darn self.

I could easily pull a negative story out of my azz in response to any and every helpful comment I've seen in these threads--but that's not my goal. We're here to encourage one another, not to embed ourselves deeper into some sad-sap routine.

So yes, I believe you already, and I'll stop enabling you. Good luck with that.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Whirling D said:

,  I am saying that I don’t easily attract women, particularly high-value women, 

You don't have to attract what you call "high value women" (which means better looking and more well off than you?)

 But the less you read/watch pickup artist and 'dating coach' rubbish and think for yourself, the happier you'll be.

Try not to confide your dating woes and insecurities to your child. Even if you are lonely and want someone to talk to, a child isn't a therapist or confidant.

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Can you please describe what you define as a "high-value" woman?

Its a "manosphere" stuff. And how you need to be "high value man" so you could attract a "high value woman". Which in theory is fine but the criteria is sometimes bonkers and people more often then not overvalue themselves. For example, took this from most popular youtube video on topic what "high value woman" should be

Quote

 

1. You are an asset to your partner and to those in your circle

2. Natural beauty and fitness

3. Ability to raise strong children and flourishing family

4. Comforting character and guiding light

5. Youth

6. She is desired by many high value men for marriage

7. Irreproachable reputation

8. Visibility and fame

9. Exuberant and inspiring

10. Self aware, discerning and she knows she is enough

11. Surrounded by high value women

12. She comes from an elite family or has achieved elite status in her career

13. Can both lead and support

14. In control of her mind and emotions

15. Loyal and focused on the long term goals

 

 

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

 what "high value woman" should be.

Sounds like a unicorn hunt. 🦄.

Yes I suspect a bit of overdosing on PUA and other myths.

All you can do is have realistic expectations and step away from "what can they do for me?" And more into what do you have to offer them.

For example, seeking out this well-heeled older woman from the tony side of town, but you won't even offer to be helpful or friendly to her, just to break the ice. Interestingly you were ready to ask her to hop in your car, but that's not presumptuous?

If you want to stand out from the crowd, try to do so in an unusually  good way. For example, be that guy who at least offers to help people rather than the all too common "life's a drag, too bad for you, glad I'm not in your shoes" attitude.

Be eccentric in a good way rather than wearing your hair straggly or poverty as a badge of honor. It doesn't cost a dime to offer to be helpful to people. However that's rare these days when people tend to be more smug about things. Feeling sorry for yourself is easy. Having compassion is hard.

[Whirling D]

I guess in my definition, a high value woman is one that has enough good things going on that she has many many men chasing after her, and has plenty of choices…

And as I mentioned quite a bit earlier, as Dr. Ruth would say… A high value woman doesn’t need to settle for someone with no money and is not overly attractive by western standards.

Ironically, I’ve had many girls say that they think I am attractive and they don’t understand why I don’t have many more women interested… Although my mother likely wears rose-colored glasses, she says the same thing… 🙂 When I look in the mirror, I see a pleasant face, that conveys easy and approachable energy. Sadly, I just don’t think it’s this kind of face that most women find attractive in a partner.

it shouldn’t be surprising for me to say that I read a lot of psychology studies, and particularly regarding attraction… And I always fall in the lower categories of what women find attractive in these studies. For example, women are attracted to masculine characteristics… Like a square jawline, and broad cheekbones. They are almost always attracted to taller men, and broad shoulders.  These findings are almost universal. Obviously, there will be some women that prefer different characteristics, but they are a very small portion, and they would also have many choices in front of them.

The scientific take away from these studies is that women choose these kind of characteristics either from cultural beliefs, or a biological conditioning to look for men who would be strong physical and economic providers for potential families. Now, I’m too old to fall under those categories, but from a cultural standpoint, if women are conditioned to think that tall broad shouldered man with a lot of money are the bees knees, that’s not likely to change as they grow older. 

I do have a vision for the kind of lady that I would like, and it’s not Cindy Crawford or Elle Macpherson. It’s not like I have my bar set way too high, but clearly, it must be set higher than I am able to reach, since I can’t even come close to reaching my own goals.

I appreciate cat feeders encouragement and positive attitude, but those things won’t change what is… There are just too many high value women, and way too many higher value men chasing after them. It’s really a Numbers game. It’s a game I don’t seem to be able to possibly compete with.

As for asking married women who they may know who are single… I don’t really feel that it’s appropriate to do that unless I know these married women well, which I don’t. I see them in a business context, so it would probably seem really weird if suddenly, after talking about business, I say to them, “oh, by the way… Do you know any single women you can set me up with?“ It seems weird and opportunistic. 

I like the business card idea, and I almost thought of doing something like that years ago.  I thought about going out and getting a business card made that said something like… “You seem really nice and attractive, and I’d like to chat with you to get to know you… Here’s my Facebook page and my email address should you be interested in knowing who I am“ or something like that. I could hand them out rather randomly to people that I saw that maybe I had a little bit of contact with, or perhaps even strangers. 

In theory, that seems like a brave idea, but in practicality, it seems desperate and coercive. Clearly, I haven’t done that.

As far as meeting people when my band plays, we are still playing smaller places that are typically filled with heavy drinkers, and that’s not typically at all my scene.

It was highly unusual for those two women to come into that place that we played at a few weeks ago, and I was fairly proactive to go up to them and actually ask her for her number, a lot of good it did. It was probably one of if not the first time I have encountered somebody when I play out that I thought I could really like. So much for that.

Hopefully, if this band starts playing more reputable places, I may start seeing more girls that might be available. Typically, when I go out to these places, the girls are there with their all American boyfriends. Not much for me to see there.

So, I’m not really feeling a lot of hope that there are avenues for me to pursue, unless I go somewhere and start waving a flag, or I am constantly going places I wouldn’t normally go, just to meet women… And I don’t really see myself doing that. I already try to put myself in situations where I would meet women, and it’s just failing. Maybe you would call this a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I call it 40 years of experiencing the same kind of thing over and over.  So it’s getting to a point that I almost wonder if it’s even worth the effort.

Yet I still try.

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

as Dr. Ruth would say… I read a lot of psychology studies. The scientific take away

It doesn't matter what psychological studies suggest. That sounds like a cop-out, dangerously close to incels rhetoric.

What matters is who you are, making the best of that and being realistic about the type of women you can meet.

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

For example, took this from most popular youtube video on topic what "high value woman" should be

Youtube is a really bad source on this topic. Just saying.

[boltnrun]

35 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

I guess in my definition, a high value woman is one that has enough good things going on that she has many many men chasing after her, and has plenty of choices…

So you determine a woman's value by how many other men are "chasing" her? That's really odd.

Sounds like you're yearning for women you have little chance of getting a date with. Kind of like the bassoon player in the school band hoping to go to prom with the head cheerleader. Sure, it's "safe" as you won't get hurt because you never actually have to take the risk of asking a potentially compatible woman out and being told "no".

I can only conclude you would rather just not date at all. Otherwise you would make some changes to increase your chances of finding a like minded, compatible woman who would actually be interested in dating you.

[Whirling D]

20 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So you determine a woman's value by how many other men are "chasing" her? That's really odd.

I can only conclude you would rather just not date at all. Otherwise you would make some changes to increase your chances of finding a like minded, compatible woman who would actually be interested in dating you.

I am not at all saying that a woman, at least to me, has higher value with a lot of guys chasing her. I’m just saying she is considerably less available to someone like me.

I just don’t see Women who I think are more like me in my environment. Actually, I do, and they are with tall broad shouldered guys making a lot of money, living in nice houses with a large boat in the backyard, and two or three kids to support.  But then again, they must not be a lot like me, because they probably wouldn’t be all that interested in that kind of lifestyle, but it seems that maybe they are.

I couldn’t tell you. But, yes, I would rather not date at all then to date someone that I don’t feel that interested in, or that I am not that attracted to. I have to own that.  

I know that somewhere out there there must be someone that thinks like I do, and that I could date. I’m just not finding them. Maybe I’m blind, who knows.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

I guess in my definition, a high value woman is one that has enough good things going on that she has many many men chasing after her, and has plenty of choices…

And as I mentioned quite a bit earlier, as Dr. Ruth would say… A high value woman doesn’t need to settle for someone with no money and is not overly attractive by western standards.

Ironically, I’ve had many girls say that they think I am attractive and they don’t understand why I don’t have many more women interested… Although my mother likely wears rose-colored glasses, she says the same thing… 🙂 When I look in the mirror, I see a pleasant face, that conveys easy and approachable energy. Sadly, I just don’t think it’s this kind of face that most women find attractive in a partner.

it shouldn’t be surprising for me to say that I read a lot of psychology studies, and particularly regarding attraction… And I always fall in the lower categories of what women find attractive in these studies. For example, women are attracted to masculine characteristics… Like a square jawline, and broad cheekbones. They are almost always attracted to taller men, and broad shoulders.  These findings are almost universal. Obviously, there will be some women that prefer different characteristics, but they are a very small portion, and they would also have many choices in front of them.

The scientific take away from these studies is that women choose these kind of characteristics either from cultural beliefs, or a biological conditioning to look for men who would be strong physical and economic providers for potential families. Now, I’m too old to fall under those categories, but from a cultural standpoint, if women are conditioned to think that tall broad shouldered man with a lot of money are the bees knees, that’s not likely to change as they grow older. 

I do have a vision for the kind of lady that I would like, and it’s not Cindy Crawford or Elle Macpherson. It’s not like I have my bar set way too high, but clearly, it must be set higher than I am able to reach, since I can’t even come close to reaching my own goals.

I appreciate cat feeders encouragement and positive attitude, but those things won’t change what is… There are just too many high value women, and way too many higher value men chasing after them. It’s really a Numbers game. It’s a game I don’t seem to be able to possibly compete with.

As for asking married women who they may know who are single… I don’t really feel that it’s appropriate to do that unless I know these married women well, which I don’t. I see them in a business context, so it would probably seem really weird if suddenly, after talking about business, I say to them, “oh, by the way… Do you know any single women you can set me up with?“ It seems weird and opportunistic. 

I like the business card idea, and I almost thought of doing something like that years ago.  I thought about going out and getting a business card made that said something like… “You seem really nice and attractive, and I’d like to chat with you to get to know you… Here’s my Facebook page and my email address should you be interested in knowing who I am“ or something like that. I could hand them out rather randomly to people that I saw that maybe I had a little bit of contact with, or perhaps even strangers. 

In theory, that seems like a brave idea, but in practicality, it seems desperate and coercive. Clearly, I haven’t done that.

As far as meeting people when my band plays, we are still playing smaller places that are typically filled with heavy drinkers, and that’s not typically at all my scene.

It was highly unusual for those two women to come into that place that we played at a few weeks ago, and I was fairly proactive to go up to them and actually ask her for her number, a lot of good it did. It was probably one of if not the first time I have encountered somebody when I play out that I thought I could really like. So much for that.

Hopefully, if this band starts playing more reputable places, I may start seeing more girls that might be available. Typically, when I go out to these places, the girls are there with their all American boyfriends. Not much for me to see there.

So, I’m not really feeling a lot of hope that there are avenues for me to pursue, unless I go somewhere and start waving a flag, or I am constantly going places I wouldn’t normally go, just to meet women… And I don’t really see myself doing that. I already try to put myself in situations where I would meet women, and it’s just failing. Maybe you would call this a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I call it 40 years of experiencing the same kind of thing over and over.  So it’s getting to a point that I almost wonder if it’s even worth the effort.

Yet I still try.

 

 

 

Why all the references to chasing ? Why should anyone chase?  I asked men out and I wasn’t chasing them nor was I being chased by men who asked me out. Those who were aggressive in that way likely didn’t have a balanced healthy relationship in mind. 

[Kwothe28]

50 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Youtube is a really bad source on this topic. Just saying.

I took that from a very reputable page. Its literally what google reccomends first on topic. Its not some "he said, she said" stuff. Google doesnt put you there unless you are highly optimized. Meaning big and reputable enough to do such thing. 

Just saying that both sides do that thing. "Chasing unicorn" while not being realistic. "Manosphere" stuff tells men not to settle unless its "high value woman" and "womansphere" tells women "OMG girl, dont settle unless its millionaire and treats you like a Queen". While both sides fail to look at themselves in the mirror.

So we get unrealistic expectations. Where here a guy thinks he should chase some "high value woman" that already has 10 men already after her. Or on the other thread a woman that has over 100kg. Complaining about her date physique.

You dont have to settle for scraps. Or for somebody who treats you bad. That is at least bare minimum. But both side overestimate themselves in their ability to attract that "high value" they chase. 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

I am not at all saying that a woman, at least to me, has higher value with a lot of guys chasing her.

But you did say exactly that:

2 hours ago, Whirling D said:

I guess in my definition, a high value woman is one that has enough good things going on that she has many many men chasing after her, and has plenty of choices…

You also said this:

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

I would rather not date at all then to date someone that I don’t feel that interested in, or that I am not that attracted to. I have to own that.  

So you admit that the women who are attracted to you, you are not attracted to because they are not, by your definition, "high value".

I stand by my conclusion. You are setting yourself up to not date by pursuing women who you believe have a lot of men "chasing" them and deciding you're not attracted to the women who DO want to date you. And that's fine, but don't be upset about not dating when you could be with just a few adjustments.

Maybe some of those women you don't consider "high value" would be perfect for you, but unfortunately they don't have lots of men pursuing them so you're not interested.

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Whirling D said:

I thought about going out and getting a business card made that said something like… “You seem really nice and attractive, and I’d like to chat with you to get to know you… Here’s my Facebook page and my email address should you be interested in knowing who I am“ or something like that. I could hand them out rather randomly to people that I saw that maybe I had a little bit of contact with, or perhaps even strangers. 

Oh, ghaaad, no. Handing one woman a card like that says you've used the same card with a few hundred other women.

Just get a card for your band with your name, number and email on it.

You don't even need to discuss the band, the card speaks for itself.

When you hit it off with someone, you can just say that it was so nice speaking with you, and hand the card before you depart.

People pass business cards all the time. Don't over-think it.

[Whirling D]

10 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Oh, ghaaad, no. Handing one woman a card like that says you've used the same card with a few hundred other women.

Just get a card for your band with your name, number and email on it.

You don't even need to discuss the band, the card speaks for itself.

When you hit it off with someone, you can just say that it was so nice speaking with you, and hand the card before you depart.

People pass business cards all the time. Don't over-think it.

But what’s really the point of doing that if you don’t expect to ever hear from them or see them again? Is it in the one and 1000 chance that they’ll actually contact you?

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Maybe some of those women you don't consider "high value" would be perfect for you, but unfortunately they don't have lots of men pursuing them so you're not interested.

Yep, exactly. How can we each consider ourSELVES so unique while broad brushing an entire gender into some creepy mass marketing campaign?

The right person for you will hold the unique capacity to view you through the right lens.

That's supposed to be a 'market' of ONE, and the point of dating is reductive.

Mass marketing is a mental pretzel job to appeal to the masses, and then the woe-is-me stories begin to support why this doesn't 'work'.

Of course it doesn't work. That treats people like cattle to buy your product, even while claiming that you're too unique to ever be able to sell anything.

It makes no sense. 

 

[catfeeder]

Just now, Whirling D said:

But what’s really the point of doing that if you don’t expect to ever hear from them or see them again? Is it in the one and 1000 chance that they’ll actually contact you?

Again with the mass marketing. You're not posting flyers on windshields. You have a card or two on hand in the event that you connect with someone in person.

Just a simple way to avoid the awkwardness of asking for a phone number. That's all. no magic, no marketing, and of course, no guarantees.

Who ever promised you those?

[Whirling D]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

But you did say exactly that:

You also said this:

So you admit that the women who are attracted to you, you are not attracted to because they are not, by your definition, "high value".

I stand by my conclusion. You are setting yourself up to not date by pursuing women who you believe have a lot of men "chasing" them and deciding you're not attracted to the women who DO want to date you. And that's fine, but don't be upset about not dating when you could be with just a few adjustments.

Maybe some of those women you don't consider "high value" would be perfect for you, but unfortunately they don't have lots of men pursuing them so you're not interested.

No, I don’t think that’s at all it. The last two ladies that I’ve dated over the last three years we’re not at all what I would call high value. One was high value within her circle, I guess.

I guess the point that I’m trying to make is that I am not waiting for princess charming. Just someone kind of like me, really. I don’t think it’s any more complicated than that. I just don’t see anyone like that.  Almost never. And if I do, they are with guys that are not like me. Seems almost like a conundrum.

interestingly, I remember about five or six years ago, I was in Toronto over the holidays, and my family up there was going to the Royal winter fair, which I think happens there every year…

there were hundreds of people there, and as I looked around I noticed something almost eerie… There were people there that looked surprisingly like me, and had my physique, and my hair and skin color, and my “less than masculine“ appearance… Longer hair… I felt like my tribe was up there, and I was seeing where I came from and why I don’t fit in as much where I am.

not only that, but it almost seemed like there were girls like me up there, as well… and they often seemed to be with guys that looked more like me than almost anyone down here does.  People were much easier going, simple in their soul, and probably don’t come from a lot of money… Just like me. It was almost strange, and it was certainly disheartening.

maybe someday I will move back to where I believe my tribe is, but right now I have a daughter down here that’s not going anywhere, and she may not be going anywhere anytime soon, so for quite a long while I have felt stuck here. Amongst a tribe in which I don’t feel I belong.