Roommate is planning to leave the country and leave her son behind.

[MissCanuck]

16 minutes ago, Cynder said:

The whole concept of per-engagment seems pointless

And it sounds like something teenagers playing make-believe would do. It speaks to their very emotionally-immature mindset. 

It's not going to result in her relocation abroad. That much is for sure. 

[Cynder]

9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

And it sounds like something teenagers playing make-believe would do. It speaks to their very emotionally-immature mindset. 

It's not going to result in her relocation abroad. That much is for sure. 

When she said they were pre engaged the first thing I thought was "Wow... do people still do that?"  Then I realized the last time I heard anyone say they were pre engaged was when I was in high school.  A few of my classmates had long time boyfriends and they decided they were getting engaged after graduation, etc.  So yea, definitely seems like something teenagers do. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Cynder said:

When she said they were pre engaged the first thing I thought was "Wow... do people still do that?"  Then I realized the last time I heard anyone say they were pre engaged was when I was in high school.  A few of my classmates had long time boyfriends and they decided they were getting engaged after graduation, etc.  So yea, definitely seems like something teenagers do. 

Like a promise ring right? When I was in high school the thing guys gave their serious girlfriends was an ankle bracelet but on a long chain you wore around your neck -wasn't "pre engaged" but in that vein.  I had one from my HS sweetheart.

[Cynder]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Like a promise ring right? When I was in high school the thing guys gave their serious girlfriends was an ankle bracelet but on a long chain you wore around your neck -wasn't "pre engaged" but in that vein.  I had one from my HS sweetheart.

I look back on the one relationship I was in in high school and thank the Gods I didn't end up with him long term. 

My brother and his wife started "dating" when they were in 6th grade.  Neither of them have ever been in another relationship.  Now they are in their 30s, married and have a 5 year old son.  That is a truly rare thing. 

[Blacksheep09]

The first step is to urge your friend to talk to her ex about this. After all if her plan is for him to take him then he needs to know that she plans to leave the country, no? 

You need to voice your concerns to her and be very firm that you think she is making a big mistake, she will do what she pleases with that information but you have to speak your truth. 

Then once the cat is out of the bag and everybody knows the plan, you will be able to see where the cards may fall. This "plan" of hers could completely backfire anyways. Don't panic until you know it's actually happening. 

Also, if you're really close to the kid make sure you express that to her and the dad. The more a child is loved the better. And if he the dad knows how truly close you are then it would make it harder for him to up and leave the area. 

 

 

[tattoobunnie]

On 10/9/2022 at 3:29 AM, Cynder said:

I know.  I mean realistically speaking ...  she's known this guy 6 weeks and never met him in person.   What are the odds of her actually leaving?  And she's also a convicted felon so she might not even be able to go live in England.  

She's 39 years old. I'm surprised she's not more skeptical of something so full of red flags.  

My MIL did this to her son, my hubs, several times over the years.  Move for a guy she never met in person, and she dumps him where she can till she comes crying back how it didn't work out.  I am mentally hugging your nephew with all my might.  SHE SUCKS.  Please let the dad know.  He's not safe with her.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Blacksheep09 said:

After all if her plan is for him to take him then he needs to know that she plans to leave the country, no? 

You need to voice your concerns to her and be very firm that you think she is making a big mistake, she will do what she pleases with that information but you have to speak your truth. 

I would do this only if the mom asks Cynder for advice.

[Cynder]

On 10/11/2022 at 11:46 AM, tattoobunnie said:

My MIL did this to her son, my hubs, several times over the years.  Move for a guy she never met in person, and she dumps him where she can till she comes crying back how it didn't work out.  I am mentally hugging your nephew with all my might.  SHE SUCKS.  Please let the dad know.  He's not safe with her.

She originally moved in here in 2018.  In 2020 she moved out without even saying anything.  Like, I came home one day and she was gone.  And it's not like that was a huge deal.  She moved in with her then boyfriend.  It just struck me as a little odd.  Like, we are friends, and you've been living in my house.  But instead of tell me, "Hey, Jason asked me to move in.  It's been awesome living here.  I will get all my stuff cleaned out so you can rent the space again.  Thanks for giving me and my son a home for two years."  She just left.  She left most of her stuff here and moved it out slowly over the next few months.  And instead of getting in touch with me and setting times to do this, she would just show up whenever.  In the middle of the night, etc. 

She got engaged to that guy after about 6 weeks too.  And then when it didn't work out she came back to my house literally crying and screaming in the middle of the night saying she just needed a place to crash for a few weeks.  She's still here. 

And from what I've heard, that guy she lived with in 2020 was really mean to my nephew. 

So, I'm glad she's not taking him with her (assuming she even moves at all.)  Because it's toxic for him to be in that situation with some guy his mom barely knows. 

I'm serving her eviction papers as soon as I get all the legal stuff taken care of.  That way when it doesn't work out with this guy she doesn't show up at 2AM having a meltdown on my porch.  This is a 39 year old we're talking about.  She's never lived on her own. She's a parasite.  

[Cynder]

On 10/11/2022 at 10:31 AM, Blacksheep09 said:

The first step is to urge your friend to talk to her ex about this. After all if her plan is for him to take him then he needs to know that she plans to leave the country, no? 

You need to voice your concerns to her and be very firm that you think she is making a big mistake, she will do what she pleases with that information but you have to speak your truth. 

Then once the cat is out of the bag and everybody knows the plan, you will be able to see where the cards may fall. This "plan" of hers could completely backfire anyways. Don't panic until you know it's actually happening. 

Also, if you're really close to the kid make sure you express that to her and the dad. The more a child is loved the better. And if he the dad knows how truly close you are then it would make it harder for him to up and leave the area. 

 

 

I can voice my concerns all day.  She won't care what I think. 

I do plan on talking to his dad, though.  I'm just trying to decide when and how.  His dad might not know of her plans yet.  I don't want to be the one he hears it from.  Not only would that just be crappy on all levels, but then I would get blamed for any drama that follows.  And considering she has been violent with me in the past, she might physically attack me over that. 

[Seraphim]

She isn’t moving to the UK. 1. She doesn’t have enough together to execute the plan. 2. She has a criminal record. 3. Even if she gets there after a few weeks he will dump her in the street then how is she getting back to the US. This is pretty much a non starter .