Depression/Weaning off Cymbalta

[Dannysgirl]

I took an overdose of temazepam and trazodone last November and ended up in the psych unit for three days. I was put on 60 mg Cymbalta at that time. Since then I have generally been feeling better. My relationship with my husband has generally gone downhill though. He says that the Cymbalta has turned me into a different person. He says I do and say 'weird things' that make me seem 'mentally retarded.' He says he wants his wife back and I need to get off all of this stuff if we are to have any kind of future. None of my friends or coworkers have said anything about my behavior and I have no consciousness of it. However it's obviously something that really bothers him so I have weaned down to 20mg and am planning to start taking  three quarters of those capsules next week, half the week after etc. The problem is, what do I do then? I've started taking St. John's Wort at breakfast and lunch to help keep my serotonin levels up. I am also working out most days and eating healthily for the most part. 

The thing that really bothers me about my husband is that he has no patience or tolerance for any of this. Every time a brief ray of light comes in and I start to feel a bit better, I tell him this along with some positive steps I plan to take. Instead of just saying "ok great!"  It's "Ok, great, you NEED to do that because...." and then I have to hear a long laundry list of all of my faults. This completely extinguishes the light and I feel even worse than I did before. I told him this when we had another big fight about it the other day and he said he would stop doing it. We had another fight yesterday and he said "you just need to get over all of this." So Now I feel pretty crappy again. I get that dealing with depression in a marriage is very frustrating especially when you haven't experienced it yourself, but these negative remarks don't help. I don't know if he thinks it's tough love or whatever but it makes me worse. Coming off Cymbalta can be a nightmare for people, thankfully I haven't been on it that long.  My question is, what now? Clearly I need to get some kind of hobby or find out what my purpose is but how? I'm not good at art or crafts, I can't get into running or anything because I had a hip replacement when I was 37. I just don't know what interests me and feel completely lost helpless and alone. All I do is go out for walks and cry and never feel any better afterwards.  

[Seraphim]

I would suggest a new husband . Sorry, but someone who has no patience for mental health and uses disgusting ableist words like the R word needs a kick down the front steps .

This weaning should have been done by a doctor not a yappy ignorant of mental health husband. 20 years ago my husband cold turkeyed off meds and cut his wrists and ended up in a psychiatric ward for a month for them to re regulate him. 
 

Listen to a doctor not someone with no understanding of mental illness or compassion. 

[Dannysgirl]

I have thought about that and when he goes away on business I feel partly relieved as it's the only time I don't have to hear constant nagging and self righteous speeches about how I should be more like him. The problem is, I have very little life experience. We got married when I was 24 and have been together almost 20 years. He has insisted on doing everything with regard to finances, bill paying etc since we've been married as he's very OCD. As a result we are in excellent shape financially. Here's the problem, I would have absolutely no idea where to start as far as ANY of that stuff if we were to split. I also don't drive, so that's another issue. It's probably not a good idea to attempt to lean as I may have epilepsy. Also, he's not a bad guy generally he's just fed up of this and part of me doesn't blame him. I have nothing to be depressed about. We own our home and car, I have a good job that I love, we live in a beautiful area and want for nothing. Neither of us drink and he's never hit me.  What is wrong with me? 

If we do split up am I going to realize I've made a terrible mistake? What if it's the depression that's making me feel that way? 

[SooSad33]

Sorry for your struggles 😕 

But, I feel he's just kinda frustrated and done with it all.  He doesn't sound too happy in all of this - do you agree?

When we end up having to end things and leave, we do also have to learn to do it on our own pretty fast.  Been there a few times 😉 .

But, sometimes, that is what's needed.  Not to live a life of negativity or feeling so crappy all of the time.

Do you have friends you confide in.. or hang with sometimes?  Is there family you can depend on?  Maybe consider going to them for a bit as you work through the idea of separation/divorce?

 I highly suggest you do NOT completely stop your meds- unless your doctor is aware and agree's.. Not for the sake of your marriage.  If you need this to function, then don't stop it!  as for the st john's you take, good!  I also go more 'natural' with some things, myself .

 

[Dannysgirl]

I do have some friends yes, but they all have their own stuff going on at the moment and I don't want to add to their load. That's why I decided to come here to let it all out. I emigrated from the UK to Pittsburgh PA in 2004. My Dad moved out here for a bit but ended up having to move back again because he had some health issues. My mother, brother and I are no contact due to abuse from them when I was growing up. I think if I get out of my own head and find something to occupy my time I will feel much better. The problem is, the only thing I really enjoy is reading and that's very solitary. I'm an introvert so the idea of joining clubs etc doesn't appeal. I know I really should try and have more of a social life though. 

[Seraphim]

40 minutes ago, Dannysgirl said:

I have thought about that and when he goes away on business I feel partly relieved as it's the only time I don't have to hear constant nagging and self righteous speeches about how I should be more like him. The problem is, I have very little life experience. We got married when I was 24 and have been together almost 20 years. He has insisted on doing everything with regard to finances, bill paying etc since we've been married as he's very OCD. As a result we are in excellent shape financially. Here's the problem, I would have absolutely no idea where to start as far as ANY of that stuff if we were to split. I also don't drive, so that's another issue. It's probably not a good idea to attempt to lean as I may have epilepsy. Also, he's not a bad guy generally he's just fed up of this and part of me doesn't blame him. I have nothing to be depressed about. We own our home and car, I have a good job that I love, we live in a beautiful area and want for nothing. Neither of us drink and he's never hit me.  What is wrong with me? 

If we do split up am I going to realize I've made a terrible mistake? What if it's the depression that's making me feel that way? 

Yup, he is a bad guy in general, he is a bully and mocks people with mental health issues and disabilities.  To me that is an awful person in general. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Dannysgirl said:

I took an overdose of temazepam and trazodone last November and ended up in the psych unit for three days. I've started taking St. John's Wort at breakfast and lunch to help keep my serotonin levels up. Coming off Cymbalta can be a nightmare for people, thankfully I haven't been on it that long.  My question is, what now

You need to be in close contact with your physician psychiatrist and therapist. Suicide attempts are serious business. It would be much better to discuss side effects and treatment options with a qualified therapist. Do not pay attention to your husband's assessment of your mental health.

Do not mix home remedies with appropriate medications. It's dangerous. Particularly St. John's Wort. You're doing a lot right so keep that part up. As far as your husband ignore him. You're not in a position to leave financially, physically, mentally or otherwise, even though he's mentally abusive.

You could join a support groups or other mind/body classes such as yoga, tai chi, etc. In the US there is a national mental health line you can call when in distress. It's 988. put it in your phone.

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to be in close contact with your physician psychiatrist and therapist. Suicide attempts are serious business. It would be much better to discuss side effects and treatment options with a qualified therapist. Do not pay attention to your husband's assessment of your mental health.

Do not mix home remedies with appropriate medications. It's dangerous. Particularly St. John's Wort. You're doing a lot right so keep that part up. As far as your husband ignore him. You're not in a position to leave financially, physically, mentally or otherwise, even though he's mentally abusive.

You could join a support groups or other mind/body classes such as yoga, tai chi, etc. In the US there is a national mental health line you can call when in distress. It's 988. put it in your phone.

Agreed talk to your medical doctor and a mental health line and mixing supplements with medications and or other supplements can be dangerous. Talk to a pharmacist about that. 

[Wiseman2]

https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/st-johns-wort-and-depression-in-depth

[Dannysgirl]

I sat him down this morning before work and said "I'm going to talk and you're going to listen until I'm finished." I then let it all out, things that I've been holding in for years. I told him I wasn't taking responsibility for all that's wrong in our marriage anymore. It is NOT all my fault. He agreed with me and said we both have things we need to work on, we may go to therapy. I'm feeling much better and more hopeful about things than I have in years. I'm going to try and get in with my therapist this week and talk everything including the medication stuff over with him. We'll go from there. Thanks to everyone for your responses. It really helped to get all this stuff off my chest. 

[Seraphim]

2 hours ago, Dannysgirl said:

I sat him down this morning before work and said "I'm going to talk and you're going to listen until I'm finished." I then let it all out, things that I've been holding in for years. I told him I wasn't taking responsibility for all that's wrong in our marriage anymore. It is NOT all my fault. He agreed with me and said we both have things we need to work on, we may go to therapy. I'm feeling much better and more hopeful about things than I have in years. I'm going to try and get in with my therapist this week and talk everything including the medication stuff over with him. We'll go from there. Thanks to everyone for your responses. It really helped to get all this stuff off my chest. 

Great job speaking up for yourself . 

[reinventmyself]

Please go to individual therapy first.   

Your story resonated with me.  I was anxious and depressed and couldn't figure out why.  I had a husband who kept telling me to *get over it and tell me how I should feel and how I should be. 

After seeing my primary physician a few times for antidepressants, he asked if my husband could come in for my following appt.  During that same appt my Dr asked to see me the following day.  The next day he shared with me he was concerned about what was going on in my home and referred to me to therapist.  The rest is history.

It becomes one of those "what comes first, the chicken or the egg" riddles.  You wonder if your emotional state is challenging your relationship with your husband. Or is your husband challenging your emotional state?  It's difficult when you are so close to problem, it's hard to step back and be objective about what's really going on.

Couples counseling is a good idea, but I strongly suggest you get the support from an individual therapist.

The comments about you saying crazy things while on the antidepressant sounds very much like gaslighting.  I'm glad you spoke up. 

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't be surprised if your husband, the way he treats you and your dependency on him is the cause of much of your depression.

What do your therapist and medical doctor say when you tell them how your husband talks to you and the insulting names he calls you? I certainly hope you aren't hiding these things from them.

 

[Dannysgirl]

On 8/22/2022 at 10:51 AM, reinventmyself said:

It becomes one of those "what comes first, the chicken or the egg" riddles.  You wonder if your emotional state is challenging your relationship with your husband. Or is your husband challenging your emotional state?  It's difficult when you are so close to problem, it's hard to step back and be objective about what's really going on.

 

I agree 100%. That was part of my problem, not being able to see clearly because I was so close to it. It was only when I came here and purged all of it that I was able to recognize what I was really feeling. I believe I read somewhere that unexpressed emotions like anger and frustration that are constantly 'stuffed down' eventually become sadness. I can certainly believe that. I got into the habit of doing that because my mother is a controlling abusive narcissist. She expected total obedience when I was growing up. I was expected to agree wholeheartedly with every nasty thing she ever said about me. If I were to so much as change my expression (from the meek one I was always forced to wear) to indicate that I were not fully in agreement with whatever she was saying, I would be repeatedly hit and dragged around my room by my hair. Despite the fact my husband has never hit me or become remotely threatening, old habits die hard. That is something I need to work on. 

I feel so much better now after all of this. My mood has been great ever since. These issues may well have been the underlying reason for my depression in the first place. I still need to keep going to my individual therapy sessions (I have one today after work) and continue to work out daily and practice my meditation at night. All of these things will keep me positive. My husband and I have also discussed taking some classes together as well. We trained daily for a 12 mile Tough Mudder for two months ten years ago and completed it together. That was probably the closest we've ever been. Until then we were best friends. In past five years or so we somehow became disconnected and we must do all we can to remedy that. 

Thank you for your advice, you've been all been extremely helpful. 🙂 

 

 

[Dannysgirl]

He got back from a business trip on Saturday and we went and had what I thought was a really nice dinner. Apparently I was "completely checked out and my eyes were all glossed over like I was on drugs or something."  It's getting to the point where I feel completely paranoid about whether I'm being 'me' or not. Last night he waited until we went to bed to blow up at me. Basically if I don't agree that I have a problem then we're at an impasse and should just get divorced. How do I 'admit there's a problem' when I don't know what he's talking about? Whenever I say that he accuses me of not believing him or accusing him of lying. I'm not doing either of those things. I just have zero consciousness or what he's referring to. He likes to say that I say stuff like "Yeah, uh-huh, I BET!" when he's talking.   That drives me nuts because I have no recollection of saying those words. It makes me feel like I'm going insane. Last night when I asked for further detail on what I said that in response to he said "well you didn't say those exact words."  That tells me that maybe I haven't been saying that at all and I'm NOT crazy. However, if I so much as suggest that perhaps I'm not the problem, and the issue is HIS or even BOTH of ours then he's going to lose his mind. Things are rarely ever his fault, they are usually my fault. I came off the Cymbalta completely about two weeks ago. Apparently my 'weird tics' such are humming and whistling to myself have stopped. I always felt like I've done that to a certain degree but I'm told they started when I started taking Cymbalta. I'm also not acting 'artificially happy' the way I did when I was taking it. So, I'm more myself but still having these episodes of not being me.  None of my friends or coworkers ever say anything about my behavior. Ok I spend 85% of the time with him so yes he would get to observe me much more than they would. 

Here's another thing, I am not the only one that has weird ticks. He has a habit of repeating the word 'D**khead' under his breath over and over again when he gets anxious. As well as talking to himself quite frequently. Sometimes I'll ask him if he's ok when he does that. He never wants to confide in me about WHY he's doing that though. All I'll usually get out of him is that it's something to do with work. Yet there's perfectly normal and just a weird thing that he does. Whereas mine as indicative that I'm nuts.  

Since Covid began we haven't been away anywhere and I suggested that we plan a trip or start doing new things to get a change of scenery. He's not up for that as he doesn't know "who he's getting" from one day to the next. Therefore we have to fix the root problem FIRST or nothing changes.  So what do I do? How do I 'fix' something I have no consciousness of by myself? I just feel so completely helpless and terrible.   

[boltnrun]

46 minutes ago, Dannysgirl said:

I just feel so completely helpless and terrible.   

Do you understand that it's your husband who's making you feel this way?

A spouse is supposed to be loving and supportive. They're not supposed to insult you and call you names and put you down constantly.

Let me ask you, if your husband continues to speak to you this way for the next 40 years would that make you feel warm, supported, secure and loved? Or "completely helpless and terrible"?

[Seraphim]

Please call a lawyer, like pronto. This man is severely abusive with bad mental problems. 

[catfeeder]

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

... if your husband continues to speak to you this way for the next 40 years ...

Yeah, no. I wouldn't put up with that for the next 4 minutes, forget years.

OP, how many of us need to clarify for you that this guy is abusive and not healthy for you to be around?

If you want to fix the problem, get away from this man, and you'll be amazed.