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Triggered by a friend - stop or go?


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Hello everybody, i'm glad to be back here after so many years of absence.

I have a friend, much younger than me (like most of my friends), it is just an info like another. I am being triggered by what he says regularly. I stopped the relationship twice. And I'm still being triggered over futilities often just very childish. I take friendship very seriously. He and I are like "family" to each other but still, I don't want to be triggered and/or say unpleasant things to him especially when it's just futile.

I was suspecting he was having "romantic" feelings for me and that it unconsciouly triggered me... but now I'm not sure what it is and why it is so. 

I never every bicker or get into "fights" with anybody. But I do cut people off when I feel it is toxic.

What do you think?

Thank you all in advance.

 

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I'm afraid you would have to be more specific to get some meaningful responses. Otherwise there's no way to know if it's incompatibility or something that could be actually worked on. Or both.

How long have you've been friends? What's your age gap? Why did you end the friendship twice and why did you decide to pick it up again? What kind of statements trigger you? What do you mostly bond over with them? Do you consider setting a boundary as "fighting" or are you able to freely and calmly express yourself? Do you see them purely as a friend or is there something more on your side?
etc.

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1 hour ago, Drym said:

I was suspecting he was having "romantic" feelings for me

How long have you been 'friends'? It sounds like he is an orbiter and you have friendzoned him, to his dismay. It's not a good idea to lead anyone on. Step away if you think he has a crush on you.

What do you mean by "triggered by"? If your relationship is antagonistic or "toxic", you're neither friends, "like family" or anything else other than sparring partners.

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I had to cut off a friend who was like family for many many years.  The toxicity -and I almost NEVER use that word -was overwhelming the good stuff (I'd known for decades) and we had a last straw moment where she emailed me a harassing email because I'd shared with our childhood friend the state where my friend now lived in (it's a huge state) and possibly that she was married (which was public record) -no other info or contact info.  This apparently was trigger to unleash on me in an email.  After all she'd done to me over the past years I was done.  She emailed me about a year later when she heard I had a baby.  I politely responded by email and requested no contact as I moved onto life with a new husband and newborn.  She respected this.  A couple of years later I heard she had a baby and I sent her a polite FB message to wish her the best to which she politely responded. I miss certain things about her. Overall it was a huge relief.  I share this to show I relate and it can and should be done at times.

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2 hours ago, Drym said:

I was suspecting he was having "romantic" feelings for me and that it unconsciouly triggered me... but now I'm not sure what it is and why it is so. 

 

Some may feed off of that like a compliment or use it to manipulate another person. The issue is you don’t feel the same way if he has a crush on you so don’t hang around him as much. He may be saying nonsense because he’s way too involved and sounding alarm bells for you because what he says is inappropriate. 

I see you’re trying hard to rationalize your gut instincts. It’s ok to just listen to them if they’re that strong.

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