Working with my Ex - Mixed Signals

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, TrappingWire said:

Possibly, but I’m confident that if anyone else here seen with their own eyes the in work interactions, they’d be just as confused as me. I’m the type of person that would have to see a lot of interest before I’d believe something. I’m not one of those guys that thinks because a girl smiled at me, she wants me.

But none of it means she wants to go on dates with you as opposed to enjoying flirting at work - which is what you say you want (you want to know if she is interested in dating you - not whether she is interested in a work flirtation).  No confusion.  I probably would not ask her out given her actions but if you do you will have your answer.   

[TrappingWire]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But none of it means she wants to go on dates with you as opposed to enjoying flirting at work - which is what you say you want (you want to know if she is interested in dating you - not whether she is interested in a work flirtation).  No confusion.  I probably would not ask her out given her actions but if you do you will have your answer.   

Ultimately I’d love to date her, but at this stage I’d rather get to a point where we are interacting outside of work and figure out if there is actually that chance of dating again in the future or at least if she isn’t, that I can get closure once and for all and move on. 
 

 

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, TrappingWire said:

I’d rather get to a point where we are interacting outside of work

That's just it - she is not very open to communicating with you outside work. 

If you didn't message her, do you think she would reach out to you? 

[TrappingWire]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

That's just it - she is not very open to communicating with you outside work. 

If you didn't message her, do you think she would reach out to you? 

No she wouldn’t. It’s always been me that initiates the messaging and I’ve often gone a week or more without sending anything. That being said, she is always quick to reply to me when I do and I’ve never got the sense she’s avoided replying to me or dislikes hearing from me - she’s just indifferent to it. 
 

Part of me feels like it’s a possibility I’m down the pecking order on her phone life if she’s interacting with other guys, but since I’m there in front of her in work, I’m the main person there. Maybe she is just giving me enough to hang on to if she doesn’t find someone better than me? 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, TrappingWire said:

It’s always been me that initiates the messaging and I’ve often gone a week or more without sending anything. 

Then I think you need to read the writing on the wall that she's not interested the way you are. 

I'm sorry. I would focus on meeting someone else who is enthusiastic about you. 

[Rose Mosse]

53 minutes ago, TrappingWire said:

I think she’d be avoiding flirting altogether as I’m clearly misconceiving it at least to a certain degree if she does indeed not want to date me again and also considering we haven’t actually talked about the breakup or seen talked privately at all since then. 

You’re still reading into it quite a bit and this exercise is like trying to read tea leaves. 

There’s likely a very good reason she broke up with you and reason to stay broken up. Second, if she had no good reason she’s flighty and shifty. A person like that will decide to let go on any given day depending on a mood. None of this sounds very good and I’m puzzled why you’re attracted to a woman like this in the first place.

 

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, TrappingWire said:

... I’ve never got the sense she’s avoided replying to me or dislikes hearing from me - she’s just indifferent to it. 

Unfortunately, indifferent is not interested.

Quote

... Maybe she is just giving me enough to hang on to if she doesn’t find someone better than me? 

Not 'better' than you, there is no such thing. A better match for her--that's the qualifier.

Why would you want to hover in the hope of getting scraps from someone who will only withdraw them as soon as she finds her own definition of a better match?

That's the perfect way to get your heart broken.

Rejection means that someone doesn't own the capacity to recognize and appreciate your unique value. That speaks of their limits rather than of any reflection on you.

There is someone else who would make a better match for you, and you're missing her because you're too focused on one who is seeking someone else.

Head high, and consider using dating apps to meet other women. You will thank yourself.

[tattoobunnie]

On 7/1/2022 at 5:42 AM, TrappingWire said:

when I text her outside of work, she barely responds and maybe only gives one or two word replies to anything I send. She never messages me first.

Not a mixed message - she is clearly not interested.