Texting "Etiquette" (aka help out the older generation)

[Batya33]

Oh my goodness -and good for you!  I did a Red Cross infant/child CPR training when my son was a baby - and then a couple of years later one of my coworkers did the training on the side -and just charged low cost of materials so I went to his training a couple of times -also had first aid component.  I've never used it but it helps me feel more comfortable/confident.

[reinventmyself]

At my former job, those of us in operations not only did the CPR training, but next level, First Responder.

It was a 2 day certification.  You were also well versed in the liability/risk aspects and to be honest, made you second guess whether you were able to set that knowledge aside and provide aid for someone to begin with.  I worked in the very litigious work environment and everyone walked on eggs shells, avoiding certain buzz words that could be misconstrued, etc.  So the liability part of it was carved into our little brains.

Now I sometimes see the AED defibrators in places such as airports and think to myself " I am trained, but do I really have the confidence to bust that thing out and be a superhero?"  After 2 years, my cert has expired anyway.  But in the moment, I'd like to think I'd be of some help.  

About the cell phone thing.  I see texts as not much more than a slight priority over an email. I am neither sitting in front of my pc all day.  Depending on what it is and who it be might will determine how quickly I respond.  

I do not text after 9 or early mornings.  And those that are repeat offenders, I will let them known how I feel about it 😛   I do have my phone to automatically silence calls and texts after a certain hour, but when my mom was alive I wouldn't have done it, in the event I missed an emergency. 

My bf still has both of his elderly parents and he doesn't silence his phone for obvious reasons.  He's not tech savvy enough to make the changes for only certain calls to call through and I am not well versed in Iphone features.  Unless he asked me to help him, we endure 2 am group chats from his softball team.  Grown men that go on like teenage girls. . lol   It can be pretty funny, depending on what time it is.

One friend of his who's very needy and has serious boundary issues thinks nothing of calling him on Friday and Saturday nights, either at dinner or later, knowing full well that we are together mostly on weekends.  I no sooner show up for dinner and we can count on Mike calling like clockwork with our plates in front of us..  Unlike like me, my bf is a lot nicer and won't say anything.

But it drives me kooky when I am woken up by an insomniac friend who thought it ok to send me or my bf some random meme at 2 am and now I can't get back to sleep.                                                                           

[Carnatic]

I've never had any qualms about texting regardless of the time. My phone beeps constantly and I'm able to not be especially disturbed by it going off, nobody has ever requested that I only text at sociable times, though to be fair I don't text all that often and even less for social reasons, I normally use Facebook or Whatsapp for stuff like that but have no qualms about that either. If someone did say, can you only message me at certain hours then I would restrain myself, and I guess I already do this around people who I know are older and more likely to see a text as requiring immediate attention, such as my parents.

[mylolita]

36 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

I've never had any qualms about texting regardless of the time. My phone beeps constantly and I'm able to not be especially disturbed by it going off, nobody has ever requested that I only text at sociable times, though to be fair I don't text all that often and even less for social reasons, I normally use Facebook or Whatsapp for stuff like that but have no qualms about that either. If someone did say, can you only message me at certain hours then I would restrain myself, and I guess I already do this around people who I know are older and more likely to see a text as requiring immediate attention, such as my parents.

This is exactly my same etiquette Carnatic!

 

How old are you by the way? Mind if I ask?

 

x

[Carnatic]

58 minutes ago, mylolita said:

This is exactly my same etiquette Carnatic!

 

How old are you by the way? Mind if I ask?

 

x

I'm 39.

So round about the time texting was becoming common and people were worrying about txtspk and such, I was 16 (turned 18 in 2000). Strange to think really that the kids who were being talked about when newspapers articles were worrying about declining language skills, attention span, etiquette and so on are now in their late thirties and early 40s. I looked up the median age of the UK, it's 40.5 which means that over half of the UK population would have been able to send texts to their mates as teenagers.

[Jibralta]

17 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

Strange to think really that the kids who were being talked about when newspapers articles were worrying about declining language skills, attention span, etiquette and so on are now in their late thirties and early 40s.

I read through a lot of old newspapers on account of my genealogy hobby. What I find really funny is that people have been complaining about these same exact things since the 1800s 🤣

[Carnatic]

14 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I read through a lot of old newspapers on account of my genealogy hobby. What I find really funny is that people have been complaining about these same exact things since the 1800s 🤣

Yeah, I wonder if the complaints remained as static over a period of over twenty years back then. By which I mean people still associate the things millennials did as kids as being 'kids these days' even though 'kids these days' now often have millennial parents. I think our ageing population, longer life expectancies, increasing retirement age and changing economic circumstances for young adults means that the people who were complaining back then, instead of being close to retirement now and being replaced by millennials and older Gen Xers with their own 'kids these days' complaints are often still working in the same positions they were twenty years ago. It's a similar case with Gen Xers as even though some of them are knocking on 60 the stereotype of the Gen X teenager (apathetic burnouts, like... woah whatever) is still part of the general stereotype society has of 'the youth'.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Carnatic said:

I've never had any qualms about texting regardless of the time. My phone beeps constantly and I'm able to not be especially disturbed by it going off, nobody has ever requested that I only text at sociable times, though to be fair I don't text all that often and even less for social reasons, I normally use Facebook or Whatsapp for stuff like that but have no qualms about that either. If someone did say, can you only message me at certain hours then I would restrain myself, and I guess I already do this around people who I know are older and more likely to see a text as requiring immediate attention, such as my parents.

Yes I hear you. The beeps disturb me sometimes- although I likely should set up more text beep tones like I did for my husband.  I get concerned it’s the school or an urgent work situation. I’ve never asked someone to limit texting. I have a couple of friends who will say they didn’t text at a bad time and I’ve down the same. I won’t text my friends when I assume they’re sleeping for example or if they told me they’re going on vacation.  My friend has been texting me less while I’m out of town and will text that there’s no urgency to get back to her efc. It’s thoughtful!

I’m 55. I started instant messaging in my 30s but didn’t have a cell until I was in my early 40s and it was a flip phone. Texting for me was more a thing in 2015 when we got smartphones. I had a blackberry with only email starting in 2005. I now like the convenience of texting a lot and I have some friends where texting is much easier than calling given our schedules. 

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, Carnatic said:

Yeah, I wonder if the complaints remained as static over a period of over twenty years back then. By which I mean people still associate the things millennials did as kids as being 'kids these days' even though 'kids these days' now often have millennial parents. I think our ageing population, longer life expectancies, increasing retirement age and changing economic circumstances for young adults means that the people who were complaining back then, instead of being close to retirement now and being replaced by millennials and older Gen Xers with their own 'kids these days' complaints are often still working in the same positions they were twenty years ago. It's a similar case with Gen Xers as even though some of them are knocking on 60 the stereotype of the Gen X teenager (apathetic burnouts, like... woah whatever) is still part of the general stereotype society has of 'the youth'.

This is insightful Carnatic!

 

You are a similar era to my husband, who is 40, 41 in May. 
 

I feel like with every generation we get dumber. But maybe that has been said for all of time; as you and Jibralta rightly say, I think it has as well! Is it true? Just keeps getting slightly and slightly more cr***y?! 🤪 I hope not! 
 

I dislike phones and phone obsession and constant texting and constant social media and 24/7 taking pictures of everything really mediocre 12 times over all slightly different images or selfies (noooooo!!!!!!) but, I have to say, I go through phases where my screen time is pretty shocking! Once the kids go to bed and if the hubby is working away - wow, I can really go down a rabbit hole on the internet. Never feel that good after it. 
 

I am dreading what too do when my kids get to that age. Kids are getting a smartphone really so early now. It’s a minefield! 
 

x

[Batya33]

My son is 13. No phone yet because no need.  Some kids need them because they’re driven all over to activities by sitters or other parents after school etc. our son is not. The risks of him having a phone now outweigh the benefits.  There’s no reason to give a child a phone based on what his peers are doing.  I think it should be an individual decision. 

[mylolita]

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My son is 13. No phone yet because no need.  Some kids need them because they’re driven all over to activities by sitters or other parents after school etc. our son is not. The risks of him having a phone now outweigh the benefits.  There’s no reason to give a child a phone based on what his peers are doing.  I think it should be an individual decision. 

I completely agree with you there Batya!

 

Our gut reaction is, as late as absolutely possible!!!!!! 
 

I also dread the whole internet access thing! Jesus the things I got up too in my Dads study when I were 15! I would wait till they all went to sleep then go online chat with a guy I didn’t even know! Crazy to think I even did that. I knew it wasn’t love and I had no intention of ever meeting him but, I think I just enjoyed the secretive rush and the attention of, not knowing what was at the other end. So dangerous though. My Dad learnt his lesson when he found my face lit up by the glow of a screen at 1am abs he intercepted all our stupid chit chat. Called the guy up and everything. I was beyond embarrassed. 
 

Okay another long story short sorry to digress 🤪 but don’t you find for safety with children, technology is an absolute minefield?! Does your son ever ask you for a phone? Does he have his own computer? Do you apply parental controls? 
 

This is me needing advice for THE FUTURE! 🥲

 

x

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, Carnatic said:

I think our ageing population, longer life expectancies, increasing retirement age and changing economic circumstances for young adults means that the people who were complaining back then, instead of being close to retirement now and being replaced by millennials and older Gen Xers with their own 'kids these days' complaints are often still working in the same positions they were twenty years ago.

Yes, interesting... although we also have more rapid technological changes than they had in the 1800s. Just related to the internet: DVRs, MP3s Amazon, social media, smartphones, online dating (swiping?!), Venmo, Google Pay, Apple Pay, The Cloud, various alternatives to texting (WhatsApp, SnapChat), cryptocurrency, cord cutting of phones and TV.... In my industry the shift from hand drafting to CAD has had massive repercussions that are still being sorted out as technology continues to change and become more complex. So, maybe some complaints remain static, but others spring forth out of nowhere, and some die before they have much of a life.

[bluecastle]

I started writing a reply to this when it was posted, then got sidetracked, then decided I had nothing to add, then questioned that decision. That's happened a few times now, clearly, before writing these words. All of which I share because it's basically how I handle texts, texting, and more or less what I expect in return.

Not sure if that counts as etiquette, but it seems to be the norm in my orbit, which I'd describe as pan-generational, diverse in marital status, kids vs no kids, time zones. I'm 42, feel somewhere between 17 and 65 depending on the day, have plenty of friends in their 30s, some in their 20s, and a mother in her 70s. Can see how my mom treats texts a bit more like urgent matters that need responding to than I do, but, all in all, it seems a medium where etiquette is determined more in one's social circle than in one's generation. 

All in all, similar to @mylolita, I think of texts as something you send whenever while being cool with them being responded to whenever. If something is urgent, I expect someone to let me know that and have lived long enough to know that urgent matters don't stay in the shadows long. If they don't, I'll reply when I see fit.

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

I feel like with every generation we get dumber.

As for this part of the discussion—oh, I've thought this plenty.

Then again, speaking in broad brushstrokes, we have older generations to thank for things like not allowing women to vote, segregated schools, the creation of and deployment of nuclear weapons, economic systems that enrich few and impoverish many, climate change, and other award winning examples of mentalities and ways of being that have been wildly destructive and are now pretty universally considered embarrassing.  

And we have younger generations, by and large, to thank for seeing those errors and pushing civilization to be more civilized. Never a straight line, all that, with plenty to bemoan. There's a string in my back that, when pulled, can go on an interminable rant about social media, smartphones, the atrophying of patience, and so on. But I do think the kids, so to speak, always have a lot to say, something worth saying, and something worth listening to. If only (showing my age here) it wasn't so often so thoroughly hash-tagged! 

 

 

[mylolita]

28 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I started writing a reply to this when it was posted, then got sidetracked, then decided I had nothing to add, then questioned that decision. That's happened a few times now, clearly, before writing these words. All of which I share because it's basically how I handle texts, texting, and more or less what I expect in return.

Not sure if that counts as etiquette, but it seems to be the norm in my orbit, which I'd describe as pan-generational, diverse in marital status, kids vs no kids, time zones. I'm 42, feel somewhere between 17 and 65 depending on the day, have plenty of friends in their 30s, some in their 20s, and a mother in her 70s. Can see how my mom treats texts a bit more like urgent matters that need responding to than I do, but, all in all, it seems a medium where etiquette is determined more in one's social circle than in one's generation. 

All in all, similar to @mylolita, I think of texts as something you send whenever while being cool with them being responded to whenever. If something is urgent, I expect someone to let me know that and have lived long enough to know that urgent matters don't stay in the shadows long. If they don't, I'll reply when I see fit.

As for this part of the discussion—oh, I've thought this plenty.

Then again, speaking in broad brushstrokes, we have older generations to thank for things like not allowing women to vote, segregated schools, the creation of and deployment of nuclear weapons, economic systems that enrich few and impoverish many, climate change, and other award winning examples of mentalities and ways of being that have been wildly destructive and are now pretty universally considered embarrassing.  

And we have younger generations, by and large, to thank for seeing those errors and pushing civilization to be more civilized. Never a straight line, all that, with plenty to bemoan. There's a string in my back that, when pulled, can go on an interminable rant about social media, smartphones, the atrophying of patience, and so on. But I do think the kids, so to speak, always have a lot to say, something worth saying, and something worth listening to. If only (showing my age here) it wasn't so often so thoroughly hash-tagged! 

 

 

Bluecastle! 
 

Fabulous point! You are basically the same age as my husband! (He is nearly 10 years older than me but we forget that all the time).

 

It’s funny because if I take 24 hours to reply to just any old text he thinks I’m being rude and it really irritates him! Even though, it is just between me and my friends or, not even friends, people I see around and know - more than an acquaintance, but not a friend. Is there a word for that?! 
 

Anyway, great point. Not everything new is bad and not everything old is great. I still wish I lived in a past era though. Please, with Batyas consent l, I would love to hear this rant!!! 🥳

 

I’m a little bored of being the only one going off on tangents round here! 🤪

 

x

[mylolita]

43 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Yes, interesting... although we also have more rapid technological changes than they had in the 1800s. Just related to the internet: DVRs, MP3s Amazon, social media, smartphones, online dating (swiping?!), Venmo, Google Pay, Apple Pay, The Cloud, various alternatives to texting (WhatsApp, SnapChat), cryptocurrency, cord cutting of phones and TV.... In my industry the shift from hand drafting to CAD has had massive repercussions that are still being sorted out as technology continues to change and become more complex. So, maybe some complaints remain static, but others spring forth out of nowhere, and some die before they have much of a life.

Jib, again, very good point - you are right. Our little minds can’t keep up, we can’t evolve fast enough. 
 

I can’t tell you though, I would rather write someone a letter or call someone up over most of the texting I do. I think, now, is this just me, please say you and others do this too but; I find texting a real time version of the written letter? Near enough? I almost treat it sometimes like a kind of running novella. Friends joked that they needed time to catch up from me talking too myself.

 

That sounds very bad doesn’t it! Running commentary?! I am probably a weird friend to have as a text partner 🤣 if a random thought pops into my head and I think it’s loosely relevant to someone I know I’ll just ping it off without thinking too much about whether they wanna hear it or not - LOL! Am I terrible? My texts are hardly ever anything practical. More like a bunch of thoughts, feelings, ideas. I even start discussions over text. Learnt from that one but it’s taken years to get through too me. 
 

Oh man. Is it just me? Please someone else tell me they do this? But I don’t really like the idea of talking on the phone but if someone calls me I relish it and won’t let them off the line 🤣🥲

 

x

[Kwothe28]

I think its a generational thing. Few months ago I had a post on some other site about how me and lots of my generations(millenials) prefer call because its quicker. Message is fine to send, for an example a picture. Its a convenient way for stuff like that. Before I needed to just show it to somebody who I come in touch, now I can just send it in a second or publish on social network. But for a conversation, its actually a lot quicker to use phone call as I can call my best friend, talk nicely for 10 minutes for whatever we want, and be done with it. With texts, i would have to ask something, wait for answer, answer and maybe ask again something else etc. Phone call is quicker if its not just to ask "Ho are you doing?". 

Anyway, post got a bit traction so, a lot of way younger people said how its actually an annoyance to answer a phone call. Text is preffered because they can answer whenever they want instead of having to answer at the exact time. So they actually preffer texting as its way more convenient to them. 

As for timezones, its just a polite thing to do. I dont do calls after certain time as people may be asleep. Friends also rarely call in the evening unless its something pre-planned like going out. Message is OK because lots of people are kinda lenient with that. Meaning they will answer when they see it as in in the morning, or next day etc. Lots of times friend sends me something funny but I see it in the morning or vice-versa. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I think its a generational thing. Few months ago I had a post on some other site about how me and lots of my generations(millenials) prefer call because its quicker. Message is fine to send, for an example a picture. Its a convenient way for stuff like that. Before I needed to just show it to somebody who I come in touch, now I can just send it in a second or publish on social network. But for a conversation, its actually a lot quicker to use phone call as I can call my best friend, talk nicely for 10 minutes for whatever we want, and be done with it. With texts, i would have to ask something, wait for answer, answer and maybe ask again something else etc. Phone call is quicker if its not just to ask "Ho are you doing?". 

Anyway, post got a bit traction so, a lot of way younger people said how its actually an annoyance to answer a phone call. Text is preffered because they can answer whenever they want instead of having to answer at the exact time. So they actually preffer texting as its way more convenient to them. 

As for timezones, its just a polite thing to do. I dont do calls after certain time as people may be asleep. Friends also rarely call in the evening unless its something pre-planned like going out. Message is OK because lots of people are kinda lenient with that. Meaning they will answer when they see it as in in the morning, or next day etc. Lots of times friend sends me something funny but I see it in the morning or vice-versa. 

I love all the tangents ! And this above is exactly what my post was about. Thanks and a big thanks to all the tangential discussions. So interesting!

[Batya33]

So Lolita - kids and safety is a huge deal to me too. He has his own gaming laptop and also a school issued laptop. The worst he’s done is download discord when we told him he couldn’t have it because of safety. His friend unintentionally outed him because he said something out loud (I have no idea how discord works ) and our son forgot to mute him. 
For his home computer we have the main password. We tell him the rules of what’s appropriate. He’s a bad liar so we know when he’s broken them.
 

His school tracks his online activity and sends us reports. Of all of it. He’s apparently never broken any rules. 
he has no social media. He chats on roblox but again it’s all in the realm of appropriate. He knows not to give personal info of any sort. 

He zooms with real life friends so no issue there.  All good kids. 
And yes of course it’s scary and he does refer to his online gamers as “friends” but he totally knows the difference.  We have filters on Google which sort of work.  But it does feel like letting him loose in a wild world. But at least no phone yet. He’s a good kid in general. Wants to do the right thing. So far so good. 

[mylolita]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So Lolita - kids and safety is a huge deal to me too. He has his own gaming laptop and also a school issued laptop. The worst he’s done is download discord when we told him he couldn’t have it because of safety. His friend unintentionally outed him because he said something out loud (I have no idea how discord works ) and our son forgot to mute him. 
For his home computer we have the main password. We tell him the rules of what’s appropriate. He’s a bad liar so we know when he’s broken them.
 

His school tracks his online activity and sends us reports. Of all of it. He’s apparently never broken any rules. 
he has no social media. He chats on roblox but again it’s all in the realm of appropriate. He knows not to give personal info of any sort. 

He zooms with real life friends so no issue there.  All good kids. 
And yes of course it’s scary and he does refer to his online gamers as “friends” but he totally knows the difference.  We have filters on Google which sort of work.  But it does feel like letting him loose in a wild world. But at least no phone yet. He’s a good kid in general. Wants to do the right thing. So far so good. 

Batya!

 

These are good tips. I’m sure by the time my son and two daughters are up and old enough to be doing the things your son is, everything will have changed as technology is moving fast but, it still fills me with a touch of dread!

 

You have done a very good job bringing your son up. It sounds like he respects your rules and abides by them and understands why. It makes me realise what a nightmare kid and teenager I was! I never did drugs or smoked, still haven’t but, I put myself in plenty of situations that I knew deep down were so unsafe but I rationalised it and never told my parents. I was pretty sneaky and would dream about the say of independence and breaking free, even though, they never really enforced that strong of a hold over me. You feel very dramatic sometimes about things at that age 🤪

 

Maybe I never grew outta it! HA!

 

The school monitoring is interesting, I never knew they did that. At the moment, my kids don’t even really know what to do with a phone or how to do anything on a laptop. I am keeping them away as long as possible. I have had friends tell me I am stunting them in a technology fuelled age. That they will be behind all their peers. I think they are turned on enough to get to grips with it easily when the time comes. Like yourself and probably your son, me and my kids are real book worms for the most part. I’m happy about that over the technology for now. 
 

My husbands sister is a primary school teacher with a girl and a boy. They live in a very small village and know everyone there. All the Mums decided together to let all their children have a phone once they turned 10. It seemed young to me, this was 4 years back. I think the idea was, no one was left out of the friend group without a phone. But our niece, who is a shy and geeky kind of girl, revealed to her Mum a year later that she was being bullied over group chats on WhatsApp. So not only was she getting it at school, but she couldn’t escape once home either. What a minefield!
 

But I hear of 6 year olds having their own smartphones and iPads! 

 

The gaming thing as well… oh man! I don’t feel good about that but I realise it’s an outlet. When I was about 11 to 13 I went through a real phase of playing The Sims obsessively on my Dads laptop. Me and my sister would take turns desperately and because she was younger I would sometimes con her into thinking her time was up! I know I know! Bad form! It was addictive, for me anyway. Now and then I can still recall the calm and all consuming feeling that would wash over me when I lost myself in that game. I would probably still feel the same way now if my kids started it! I’d be going, c’mon! Let your Mammy have a go! I wanna build a beach house and get them married by noon!!! 🤣

 

A new age ladies 🤣 What to do, what to do! 
 

X

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

I’m sure by the time my son and two daughters are up and old enough to be doing the things your son is, everything will have changed as technology is moving fast but, it still fills me with a touch of dread!

I pondered this thought myself, before I realized I didn't want kids. I felt like there was an enormous generation gap between my generation and our parents, and I realized it would only get bigger with the constantly changing technology. It filled me with dread. I mean, if we could fool our parents without computers, with zero texting, and zero social media, what were kids of the future going to be able to do?!?!

Jesus. 

I remember bringing this point up to a group of high school friends. Between the four of them, they had 9 kids aged 4 - 20. They just looked at me blankly, like what do you mean? I was like, ok, well if it's not a worry for them then it's not a worry for them. But I know myself and I would be half mad trying to predict the kind of trouble my kid could get into.

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I pondered this thought myself, before I realized I didn't want kids. I felt like there was an enormous generation gap between my generation and our parents, and I realized it would only get bigger with the constantly changing technology. It filled me with dread. I mean, if we could fool our parents without computers, with zero texting, and zero social media, what were kids of the future going to be able to do?!?!

Jesus. 

I remember bringing this point up to a group of high school friends. Between the four of them, they had 9 kids aged 4 - 20. They just looked at me blankly, like what do you mean? I was like, ok, well if it's not a worry for them then it's not a worry for them. But I know myself and I would be half mad trying to predict the kind of trouble my kid could get into.

Jib - tooootally! 
 

As you know I am not at all technologically minded but even me, in my simplicity, think - uhh ohh! 
 

Gonna have to cross that bridge when we come too it I guess! 
 

x

[Batya33]

I mean we were 42 when we had him. Imagine the gap. We used electric typewriters and manual too. I made prank phone calls to people and pay phones from landlines. We had to wait for grad and college admission letters and standardized test results by snail mail. 
its mind boggling 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

We used electric typewriters and manual too. I made prank phone calls to people and pay phones from landlines. We had to wait for grad and college admission letters and standardized test results by snail mail.

Same!

Snail mail. For everything. Pen pals. Subscriptions. Bills. I used snail mail when I applied for graduate school in 2006. I applied through the mail, got my acceptance through the mail. I still use snail mail to pay my rent, believe it or not. 

I remember electric typewriters, used one briefly when I was 12. We got a used word processor when I was about 15. It was like a type writer with an 8" screen. I remember doing my reports on it into the wee hours of the morning when I was in high school. I actually had the patience to figure out how to use the  thing!

God, I miss that. Patience 🤣

When I first got to college, they had Word Perfect in most of the computer labs, and I think the other labs were all Mac. Within  year or two, MS Word seemed to replace everything.

And yeah, prank phone calls. In the days before Caller ID. So guilty. Sooooooo guilty.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Same!

Snail mail. For everything. Pen pals. Subscriptions. Bills. I used snail mail when I applied for graduate school in 2006. I applied through the mail, got my acceptance through the mail. I still use snail mail to pay my rent, believe it or not. 

I remember electric typewriters, used one briefly when I was 12. We got a used word processor when I was about 15. It was like a type writer with an 8" screen. I remember doing my reports on it into the wee hours of the morning when I was in high school. I actually had the patience to figure out how to use the  thing!

God, I miss that. Patience 🤣

When I first got to college, they had Word Perfect in most of the computer labs, and I think the other labs were all Mac. Within  year or two, MS Word seemed to replace everything.

And yeah, prank phone calls. In the days before Caller ID. So guilty. Sooooooo guilty.

So we (15 year old girls having sleepovers)figured out the number of a pay phone in front of a really popular fast food restaurant that was hopping on Saturday nights post partying.  So we’d call and try to see if we could trick people into ordering food or claim we were watching them lol.  Oh and of course the calls to Mr Ah Choo who would say his name when we asked and we’d then say “bless you !”  Can you imagine anyone giving their name to a random stranger who calls the cell???

[Batya33]

On 4/2/2022 at 12:49 PM, Batya33 said:

I have a friend who has called me many times when she knows that it is almost never a good time for me to talk.  So I do the auto message "can't talk right now" and I call her back within a day for non-emergency (or tell her when I can call) but she inevitably will ignore and call again -sometimes twice. 

Update - it did get better with this friend over time.  Mostly because I "taught her how to treat me".  I did not respond at times bad for me and now I silence my phone if at all possible during times I don't even want to hear a ping or a ringtone - typically during meal prep/meals. 

Lately it's been awful and I am practicing strong boundaries and wanted to share that it's stressful to do so! The last couple of weeks she's had a legal/financial matter. I cannot help her with either nor do I wish to (meaning I don't want to be involved in giving advice on stuff outside my area of knowledge). 

She basically is needing a sounding board for how to then communicate with a professional.  It is absolutely not an emergency- she is doing ok and it's something she wants to improve in her lifestyle.  Which is ok as it goes. 

What's not ok is she will call twice if I don't answer right away -and at one time the second time was less than an hour after the first time plus during my typical "phone on silent" time.  For that second time I quickly texted -cannot talk now might be able to later." (And when she called the day before I'd written the same -so this was 3 calls in the space of a day).

Yesterday I had time to talk to her twice and I wish I hadn't -it's never just a few minutes although I will cut her off if needed or go back in a noisy room of our apartment.  After the second long call which ended around 5 she called again a couple minutes later -missed call no voicemail. I decided to treat it as a mistake call and will tell her that.  We were done talking.  I'd told her I had to go. And it was coming up on time for clean up and dinner prep.

Lately she's done really thoughtful favors for us -lending us books for upcoming travel etc.  She has done this fairly regularly.  I really appreciate it and these are not favors I ask for except one, around 6 months ago to borrow camping supplies for my son (since returned and I showed great appreciation as I did!). 

I believe she loses all sense of boundaries when she's anxious about a situation which she is now.  I feel I am doing a good job simply not responding right away and ending calls when I need to.  I don't like how stressed I feel when I see her name on my phone again.  I wish I could just be chill since I've decided to have these boundaries. I am not comfortable "confronting" and telling her she cannot call this often.  I'm sure others would -on balance I'd prefer simply to do the phone boundaries thing than have a full on talk with her. I'm hoping her current situation will be resolved soon by professionals as it should be.  She's thanked me a lot -it's just ..... too much.

Thanks for all who "listened" -luckily for now it's just she.  The friend who routinely texts when I've told him my phone is off/about to be off for the night -that's fine - I don't expect him to remember and it's just a text and just stuff that can wait or fun stuff. I realize now that's life with a phone LOL.