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Texting "Etiquette" (aka help out the older generation)


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4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So blowing a whistle into the phone when they call at rude hours is out then? 🤣📲

LOLL.  One time my husband got a business call just when we were in the middle of taking care of our then infant -he was supposed to feed him I think to give me time to bottle-wash or some such.  So my husband answered the phone, trying to get off the phone ASAP and I took the bottle out of the baby's mouth knowing on a count of three you'd hear the loudest wail -worse than a whistle.  It worked.  

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17 minutes ago, mylolita said:

One persons 6pm dinner time is another persons 8pm dinner time, one persons breakfast at 6am is another’s at 9am. I’m a late eater myself so I’m not personally sitting down to anything at 6pm. I eat early with the kids 5:30pm because they are young, but often if it were up too me, I would do like the Italians and eat late and stay up late so; you can’t always keep track of when all your friends might be sitting down to dinner either. Just ignore your phone if it bothers you right? Just silence it at meal times. I agree, it’s a lovely time, sitting down with family and eating without distraction, I get it, but it wouldn’t annoy me in the slightest if a friend had text me at 8pm when I was having my hot chocolate and pancakes 😉

 

But I think after reading this I must be a very relaxed kinda person when it comes to these things, I really don’t mind either way anyway!

Love this -very helpful and interesting to see other peoples' insights! I do silence at certain meal times.  I think growing up with a landline (which was just called -a phone) -and no answering machine maybe I'm brainwashed to jump at a ring or a ping!  I remember when my son was a baby I took him to see his grandmother in a rehab center. Along with my father in law, husband and typically some family friends.

  Because of my son's nap times we had limited time to spend there- like under 2 hours -and we had the car ride there and back.  I remember being so annoyed when my father in law's cell phone rang during lunch -which was really the main time he could see his grandson who he loved to the moon and back - it was his sister calling.  He spoke with her all the time.  He took the call and spent most of that lunch on the phone with her. 

I felt like all my prep time getting baby ready and traveling so grandpa could see him -what a waste.  I am not relaxed at times like those. I don't like (although this is tangential to my original query) - when people take nonessential calls when we're together unless warned in advance or when for example my friend interrupts me mid sentence during a phone call to take and respond to a text from her adult daughter asking if 3 day old mac and cheese is safe to eat.  I don't like that slave to the phone attitude. 

I try to keep my phone out of sight when I am with people or if I can't I explain why in advance and still then only look for that reason.

If my husband had gotten me a smartphone before I was pregnant I would have told him to return it. I had a flip phone for a month in 2003 and hated it and returned it.  Got another one in 2009 in my last month of pregnancy because then i saw it as essential.  We got smartphones in 2015.

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15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I used to do that to phone sales people until I started feeling sorry for them. So instead I switched to "I know your job totally sucks, but stop calling me". 

Now with my new phone I have this cool Google screening service that plays a recording asking the caller to state their name and why they're calling. That always just hang up. It's so fun 🙂

Bolt, I find this rude actually!

 

If I get a sales call I either just hang up straight away without comment (wastes none of your time and none of theirs) or say no thank you I’m really not interested sorry and they give up.

 

My husband did his time from the age of 15 - 19 in a call centre making cold calls and sales calls. It’s a perfectly decent and normal job that normal people have. Lots of people will do it for a large chunk of their life, some of them don’t hate it. They might think your job sucks right? No need to outright say it! One mans grain is another mans gold. I don’t think people need sarcasm, especially if their job really was terrible, surely you would want to either not be sarcastic or even understanding and sympathetic?

 

Or is that just me? 
 

x

Edited by mylolita
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I never answer sales calls. Half of the nuisance  calls are scams so I don’t bother even picking them up . I only answer numbers I recognize. I have do not disturb from 9-9 and at important functions or events I have my phone and watch on no sound. The only people who can ring through my don’t disturb, my mom, my husband, my son, my brother and my best friend . Everyone and everything else is muted . 

Edited by Seraphim
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22 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

My devices are all set to "I'll get back to you when I get to you". 😋

Wiseman,

 

I don’t find this funny or clever at all. Not only is it totally obvious you’ll get back to someone, if you are going to get back to them, when you get back to them, but it’s sarcastic, rude, and self important.

 

I’m kind of thankful when anyone texts or calls that they would be thinking of me. I appreciate it. People don’t need sass like you are oh so important.

 

Sorry, I don’t like that attitude , and if I knew someone who gave me that automated robot reply at any text or call, well, I wouldn’t be bothering their hectic and oh so important life much longer! 

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When I've asked to be taken off their call list multiple times and the caller promises to remove my name and number and yet they keep calling...I am not the one being inconsiderate. I've even said that I asked to be removed and have been told yes, that's in the notes but they decided to call anyway in case I changed my mind.

Plus, companies that buy my contact info without my consent also will not be treated considerately. 

If I signed up, then yes I will take the call, no problem.

Sorry @Batya33for the debate on your thread!

Edited by boltnrun
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12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Love this -very helpful and interesting to see other peoples' insights! I do silence at certain meal times.  I think growing up with a landline (which was just called -a phone) -and no answering machine maybe I'm brainwashed to jump at a ring or a ping!  I remember when my son was a baby I took him to see his grandmother in a rehab center. Along with my father in law, husband and typically some family friends.

  Because of my son's nap times we had limited time to spend there- like under 2 hours -and we had the car ride there and back.  I remember being so annoyed when my father in law's cell phone rang during lunch -which was really the main time he could see his grandson who he loved to the moon and back - it was his sister calling.  He spoke with her all the time.  He took the call and spent most of that lunch on the phone with her. 

I felt like all my prep time getting baby ready and traveling so grandpa could see him -what a waste.  I am not relaxed at times like those. I don't like (although this is tangential to my original query) - when people take nonessential calls when we're together unless warned in advance or when for example my friend interrupts me mid sentence during a phone call to take and respond to a text from her adult daughter asking if 3 day old mac and cheese is safe to eat.  I don't like that slave to the phone attitude. 

I try to keep my phone out of sight when I am with people or if I can't I explain why in advance and still then only look for that reason.

If my husband had gotten me a smartphone before I was pregnant I would have told him to return it. I had a flip phone for a month in 2003 and hated it and returned it.  Got another one in 2009 in my last month of pregnancy because then i saw it as essential.  We got smartphones in 2015.

Batya I am the same, I don’t even bring my phone out when I go out with friends to eat, or for drinks. If I’m with my husband I know he has to have his phone on him for work so, I know if it was urgent my parents would just call my husband to get hold of me. 
 

I give my full attention to people in real time! I do get that. That is common curtesy. But if someone had a 14 year old daughter at home and they took the call because it could be anything then I wouldn’t be mad in the slightest. Doesn’t bother me. 
 

I have a friend who is a slave to her phone, big time, she lives on that thing. When we go out, she does reply to the odd text over drinks and our meal but she always says “Sorry Lo can I just respond too this?” She has her own buisness and a 6 year old boy at home so I get it. I wouldn’t do it but I understand. 
 

I understand peoples frustration and annoyance with cold calling. I think people who cold call in call centres are easily the most verbally abused people on this planet! They have to have the toughest skin! They are just doing their job. Like Seraphim says just don’t answer if you know it’s one of those calls or say no thank you then hang up, no need to be rude back. They aren’t personally out to ruin your family time 😘

 

Batya - I get your frustration with the business calls in family time and the grandparents but, I wouldn’t make or allow my baby to cry on purpose just to prove a point or manufacture a situation to change in the direction I preferred it!

 

I also would’ve just mentioned to the grandparent in a nice way, it’s a shame we don’t have much time and you have to take phone calls, is there a better day to come? 😉

 

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15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't like (although this is tangential to my original query) - when people take nonessential calls when we're together unless warned in advance or when for example my friend interrupts me mid sentence during a phone call to take and respond to a text from her adult daughter asking if 3 day old mac and cheese is safe to eat.  I don't like that slave to the phone attitude. 

It’s already a long time ago, but I did walk out on a former colleague once that I met at a shopping center. We were not friends, just a former colleague that I had not seen for many years. We did not even have each others contact details. Anyway, we starting talking, just general stuff, and her phone rings. She answers it and I am standing there. She continues to talk and talk, it was clearly a private call that could have waited, or she could have said “Can I call you back” and I looked at her and she makes this hand gesture as if she wants to stop me from saying anything, while she is still talking on the phone. I decided to walk away and continue my shopping. Never seen her again.

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9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

When I've asked to be taken off their call list multiple times and the caller promises to remove my name and number and yet they keep calling...I am not the one being inconsiderate. I've even said that I asked to be removed and have been told yes, that's in the notes but they decided to call anyway in case I changed my mind.

Plus, companies that buy my contact info without my consent also will not be treated considerately. 

If I signed up, then yes I will take the call, no problem.

Sorry @Batya33for the debate on your thread!

Yea but Bolt your issue is with the company and management, not the small fry who sits day after day just doing their job so they can pay their rent and put food on the table. It’s not that person personally who needs your frustration, sarcasm or irritation surely? It has nothing to do with them. They haven’t personally sold your info and are getting all the profit. They wish they were probably! But they are on basic and the majority of their very low salary comes from commission. It’s a tough job, hardly anyone can do it long term.

 

It’s actually quite surprising how normal, seemingly nice members of our community, if you ask a student say who’s done a stint in a call centre to pay off loan debt or something, will say, lovely Middle Class respected mother of 4 married to the good Dr. Smith Mrs Smith told me to f**k off! 
 

Actually I think it reveals a lot about your personality, how you treat a complete stranger on the phone who you will never see again or speak too. I would hate to think that person is having a horrible hard day, maybe something has happened on their life; and I am the 50th person that day to give them a bad attitude. I don’t know, maybe that’s just me being soft. I say no thank you I’m sorry but I have to hang up because I don’t want to waste your time (so they can get on with the next call they need to make).

 

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14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

When I've asked to be taken off their call list multiple times and the caller promises to remove my name and number and yet they keep calling...I am not the one being inconsiderate. I've even said that I asked to be removed and have been told yes, that's in the notes but they decided to call anyway in case I changed my mind.

Plus, companies that buy my contact info without my consent also will not be treated considerately. 

If I signed up, then yes I will take the call, no problem.

Sorry @Batya33for the debate on your thread!

Batya adores a debate!

 

Am I right or am I right Batya!? ☺️
 

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5 minutes ago, Blue_Skirt said:

It’s already a long time ago, but I did walk out on a former colleague once that I met at a shopping center. We were not friends, just a former colleague that I had not seen for many years. We did not even have each others contact details. Anyway, we starting talking, just general stuff, and her phone rings. She answers it and I am standing there. She continues to talk and talk, it was clearly a private call that could have waited, or she could have said “Can I call you back” and I looked at her and she makes this hand gesture as if she wants to stop me from saying anything, while she is still talking on the phone. I decided to walk away and continue my shopping. Never seen her again.

I get that Blue,

 

That was very rude of her, I understand why you did that, especially if the person was not a close friend or family member, it shows a lack of respect your way completely.

 

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27 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Batya - I get your frustration with the business calls in family time and the grandparents but, I wouldn’t make or allow my baby to cry on purpose just to prove a point or manufacture a situation to change in the direction I preferred it!

 

LOL - it was a two second wail - we were desperate- my infant cried quite often for any reason at all -not complaining -yes- I see where it seems harsh - but I promise the bottle went right back in!  Oh I did it another time - I was waiting in line at customer service at a big box store.  Long line with my toddler in the shopping cart getting impatient. 

Cause he's a toddler.  Anyway this guy I saw kept inching closer trying to cut us in the line - it was so obvious I'm just so wise to it.  So with my toddler getting more frustrated and a little louder/more fidgety I made sure the cart was right up close to him so that if he dared to try to cut the line he'd have to put up with loud toddler-talk right in his manipulative ear.  Yes it worked.  I promise I didn't make my toddler fuss that time!

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21 minutes ago, mylolita said:

She answers it and I am standing there. She continues to talk and talk, it was clearly a private call that could have waited, or she could have said “Can I call you back” and I looked at her and she makes this hand gesture as if she wants to stop me from saying anything, while she is still talking on the phone. I decided to walk away and continue my shopping. Never seen her again.

You know I may have done something very similar.  Depending if it was a first time offense, what was going on, etc.  I only take essential calls or if my friend needs to take a call I will then look at my phone.  Almost ten years ago my mother in law died after a long illness.  (I loved her, I still miss her, think of her).  My husband was often so upset and distracted during this time -of course!  I made up my mind right then -if he was willing to talk with me, share with me -whether about his mother or whatever - I would if at all humanly possible put everything aside and make eye contact.  Including no phone no computer no TV.  I wanted him to see me turned toward him, focused on him, prioritizing him. 

After that time and after the grief subsided -I still do this.  Unless he knows I'm teleworking so my attention is divided I stop.  I listen, I make eye contact -so he feels and knows he is important.  My priority.  I've had my phone ping, etc and if at all possible it is ignored.  And this is in our home -not when we're having a meal, etc.  I think it's important.

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10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You know I may have done something very similar.  Depending if it was a first time offense, what was going on, etc.  I only take essential calls or if my friend needs to take a call I will then look at my phone.  Almost ten years ago my mother in law died after a long illness.  (I loved her, I still miss her, think of her).  My husband was often so upset and distracted during this time -of course!  I made up my mind right then -if he was willing to talk with me, share with me -whether about his mother or whatever - I would if at all humanly possible put everything aside and make eye contact.  Including no phone no computer no TV.  I wanted him to see me turned toward him, focused on him, prioritizing him. 

After that time and after the grief subsided -I still do this.  Unless he knows I'm teleworking so my attention is divided I stop.  I listen, I make eye contact -so he feels and knows he is important.  My priority.  I've had my phone ping, etc and if at all possible it is ignored.  And this is in our home -not when we're having a meal, etc.  I think it's important.

Of course it is. Your phone is your slave, you it’s master, not the other way round. You use it how you see fit. 
 

People facing you right there should always be given full respect and attention - of course! Whether it’s my husband, my kids, my friends or family, I just don’t look or answer my phone. I don’t have anyone needing me for emergencies. 
 

I will say this, to anyone who doesn’t ever want to answer a 3am phone call…

 

over Christmas, Christmas Day exactly, Christmas night, to cut a major long story short my husband collapsed and I had to call an ambulance and had to do cpr and compressions on him. It took half an hour for the ambulance to get there. He stopped breathing and I broke his rib and the doctor told my husband if I hadn’t of done what I did he would have died, for sure. So it takes ages for the call to go through to 999 I am in absolute total panic mode as you can imagine so while I am talking to my husband who is completely unresponsive, drooling, hardly breathing, lips turning blue I take his phone whilst mine is on hold to the ambulance, and frantically, unthinking, call up my Dad - this is about 3am - I don’t know what I was thinking, I was thinking maybe I could scream at him to call another ambulance as well so one might get there quicker.

 

Straight to voice mail. Well, I never had time to click off. The next morning my Dads voice mail has recorded a large part of the ordeal. Me pleading out loud saying this can’t be happening, me crying to the emergency call worker whilst they were telling me what to do to keep him alive that he’s a father, we’ve just had a baby, dear God please no - you can imagine. Anyway, it wasn’t important, my Dad lives a half hour away he isn’t in the medical profession he couldn’t have done anything when every minute counted at that time. 
 

My Dad checks his voice mails in the morning. Well, you can imagine. He said it was the most harrowing thing he had heard. I thought my husband was dead or dying. 
 

But just food for thought. I called him at 3am. I never call him then. He had his phone off.

 

x

Edited by mylolita
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4 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Of course it is. Your phone is your slave, you it’s master, not the other way round. You use it how you see fit. 
 

People facing you right there should always be given full respect and attention - of course! Whether it’s my husband, my kids, my friends or family, I just don’t look or answer my phone. I don’t have anyone needing me for emergencies. 
 

I will say this, to anyone who doesn’t ever want to answer a 3am phone call…

 

over Christmas, Christmas Day exactly, Christmas night, to cut a major long story short my husband collapsed and I had to call an ambulance and had to do cpr and compressions on him. It took half an hour for the ambulance to get there. He stopped breathing and I broke his rib and the doctor told my husband if I hadn’t of done what I did he would have died, for sure. So it takes ages for the call to go through to 999 I am in absolute total panic mode as you can imagine so while I am talking to my husband who is completely unresponsive, drooling, hardly breathing, lips turning blue I take his phone whilst mine is on hold to the ambulance, and frantically, unthinking, call up my Dad - this is about 3am - I don’t know what I was thinking, I was thinking maybe I could scream at him to call another ambulance as well so one might get there quicker.

 

Straight to voice mail. Well, I never had time to click off. The next morning my Dads voice mail has recorded a large part of the ordeal. Me pleading out loud saying this can’t be happening, me crying to the emergency call worker whilst they were telling me what to do to keep him alive that he’s a father, we’ve just had a baby, dear God please no - you can imagine. Anyway, it wasn’t important, my Dad lives a half hour away he isn’t in the medical profession he couldn’t have done anything when every minute counted at that time. 
 

My Dad checks his voice mails in the morning. Well, you can imagine. He said it was the most harrowing thing he had heard. I thought my husband was dead or dying. 
 

But just food for thought. I called him at 3am. I never call him then. He had his phone off.

 

x

I'm so sorry you went through that.  My husband is bad about having his phone on/hearing it, etc so that one time I was locked out of our building when I'd recently told him to please have his phone on if I need to reach him, etc.

We went hiking last fall out west.  It was freezing out.  And really windy. I was underdressed.  Husband and son went on a hike and I stayed behind for what should have been a half hour at the parking lot.  I didn't have the car keys.  But unlike all the other hikers who returned after about a half hour because of the wind they stayed over an hour. I was shaking and numb and texting him to beg him to come back.  And so frustrated.  He never got the texts until after they returned to the parking lot and they felt badly.  Cell phones can be really unreliable!

My phone is off at 3am. Husbands is on. I know someone who missed several calls from a hospital that her father had passed away. So -you wrote that your phone is often off so wouldn't a similar thing have happened if someone tried to reach you? Again I'm really sorry you went through that. 

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7 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I will say this, to anyone who doesn’t ever want to answer a 3am phone call…

I am sorry to hear about your ordeal.

But this is exactly why I think an etiquette is not a bad idea. My phone is always on at night and not muted, so if I receive a phone call in the middle of the night, I expect it is an emergency and I am more than willing to take the call and will not be upset. That’s why I never call after 10pm and if I do, I do have an emergency.

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I'm so sorry you went through that.  My husband is bad about having his phone on/hearing it, etc so that one time I was locked out of our building when I'd recently told him to please have his phone on if I need to reach him, etc.

We went hiking last fall out west.  It was freezing out.  And really windy. I was underdressed.  Husband and son went on a hike and I stayed behind for what should have been a half hour at the parking lot.  I didn't have the car keys.  But unlike all the other hikers who returned after about a half hour because of the wind they stayed over an hour. I was shaking and numb and texting him to beg him to come back.  And so frustrated.  He never got the texts until after they returned to the parking lot and they felt badly.  Cell phones can be really unreliable!

My phone is off at 3am. Husbands is on. I know someone who missed several calls from a hospital that her father had passed away. So -you wrote that your phone is often off so wouldn't a similar thing have happened if someone tried to reach you? Again I'm really sorry you went through that. 

Thank you Batya,

 

All is okay now but it was - what a situation. I was just thankful the kids never woke up to see my over their father doing chest compressions on Christmas Day. 
 

My phone is never off on a night actually I just don’t look at it, I often put it on silent always but I am aware it could vibrate. If anyone needs me urgently they know to call my husband who always has his on 24/7. This has happened before with my Dad again actually, my Dad needed to speak too me and he didn’t get me straight away so he called the hubby and he passed his phone onto me, so I was talking too my Dad. 
 

I just always have my phone on silent and have it often in another room, I check it every hour probably for a text or call, normally there’s nothing I don’t know that many people, I don’t text a lot of people at all, for my generation I’m not into it but, I do totally get the emergency situation and when you really need that person to answer the most the twist of fate often is - they don’t answer!

 

I totally can feel your cold on that day! An hour can feel like 4 if you are waiting and freezing! Yes I am like your husband totally annoying and don’t pay attention that much! When my Grandma was sick in hospital I had my ringer on all the time. That was unusual for me but I knew I might get a call. I called her often, she loved to talk on the phone.

 

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2 minutes ago, Blue_Skirt said:

I am sorry to hear about your ordeal.

But this is exactly why I think an etiquette is not a bad idea. My phone is always on at night and not muted, so if I receive a phone call in the middle of the night, I expect it is an emergency and I am more than willing to take the call and will not be upset. That’s why I never call after 10pm and if I do, I do have an emergency.

I getcha BlueSkirt,

 

I would never call someone at 3am unless Y’know, I have some friends who stay up real late like me and I enjoy a late night phone convo with them! 
 

Texting I see different during anytime of day because to me it’s like popping a postcard in the virtual post - you just see it and answer when. If someone has an emergency I always imagine they would call right and not text? Maybe that’s me being dumb!

 

I have contacted my Dad twice in a crisis and both times I called and never texted - I needed his response there and then, I didn’t have time to text both times. I see texting as different but maybe I’m wrong girls maybe I’m wrong! ☺️

 

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Lo,

I realise, that I see my cell phone still very much as an emergency device. I mean, I grew up without one. (And I feel so blessed for that). My first cell phone was a very thick Nokia with an antenna, lol. I obviously have a smart phone now, but I mainly used it for phone calls and for e-mails when I am out for business. I don’t use it as a general chit chat text device.

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Just now, Blue_Skirt said:

Lo,

I realise, that I see my cell phone still very much as an emergency device. I mean, I grew up without one. (And I feel so blessed for that). My first cell phone was a very thick Nokia with an antenna, lol. I obviously have a smart phone now, but I mainly used it for phone calls and for e-mails when I am out for business. I don’t use it as a general chit chat text device.

Blue!

 

Probably the most sensible and sanity keeping way of using one!

 

I wish I could take a leaf from your book!

 

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Sorry ladies, but this debate brings this movie scene up instantly in my head.

 

Mild mannered, early rising, etiquette concerned ladies of this debate… is this… you? 🤣🤣🤣

 

 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Probably the most sensible and sanity keeping way of using one!

Haha, I am not so sure. Sometimes when I walk in the city, and I see all these smartphone zombies walking on the streets, I think, am I the crazy one here, or are all the other people? LOL

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6 minutes ago, Blue_Skirt said:

Haha, I am not so sure. Sometimes when I walk in the city, and I see all these smartphone zombies walking on the streets, I think, am I the crazy one here, or are all the other people? LOL

No Blue, they are, and wasting their lives as well looking down instead of up.

 

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14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Lolita- I haven't been recertified in CPR for a few years now (thank you covid) but aren't you so grateful you chose to be trained?  I'm so glad all worked out.

Hey Batya,

 

I was never trained to do CPR I know nothing of first aid! When I called 999 the person answering the call described what to do and stayed on the phone with me to talk me through it whilst I did it. They gave me verbal commands I had no choice until the paramedics could take over.

 

I will say after that experience everyone should learn first aid it was terrifying. I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn’t of told me what to do over the phone! It wasn’t anything I did! Apparently if you do it right you do end up breaking a rib. He had a broken rib after the ordeal for quite sometime but they can’t do anything for a broken rib, you just have to let it heal. 
 

It was worse because it was all my fault. But that is a story for another day.

 

You do well to be trained in CPR Batya. I have never felt panic like it in my life. The paramedics said if I had been a minute later in starting it he would have died also. I have never ran so fast in all my life down a flight of stairs to open the doors to let the ambulance guys in, I had to stop CPR to go unlock the front door, I can’t remember too much but I think I jumped half the flight I can’t tell you how panicked I was.

 

The best thing is my husband has absolutely no memory of being unconscious or even five hours before he passed out. At the time I so desperately wanted to write it in my journal but I was so shocked I think I went into self preservation mode and almost tried to forget it had happened.

 

Anyway there you go, sorry for the random twist 😅 but I did make a late phone call - HA! Oh man! 
 

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