Does Anyone Ever Feel This Way?

[daisy215]

Here is my situation: My ex and I broke up 3 1/2 months ago. Basically he wasn't sure if I was the "one" for him and he never told me that he loved me (we dated for a year). He told me he wanted to tell me many times, but something was holding him back. He told me he only planned on saying it to one person and he wanted to wait until things were "perfect" before he said it. He also said that he worried that we didn't have enough things in common - basically I'm not a party girl or a bar girl and he is. Now I don't mind going out to the bar, but I'm not a big drinker, so if I didn't get an alcoholic beverage I'd get Coke or something, but I still talked to people and socialized I just didn't drink. I think that that bothered him and he'd always say "it just seems like you're not having a good time." I just thought when it came to the important things like goals, career, family, etc. we were on the same page. I think he made to big of a deal out of this not enough things in common because I never told him not to go out and when I was in town I always went with him and had fun.

Anyways....sorry this is so long! I guess I'm worried that I'm never going to meet anyone. It's really hard to meet people and again I'm not into going to the bar and I'm really not a party girl. My ex really hurt my feelings, I'm afraid guys won't think I'm fun. It's like my ex attacked my personality. I'm just worried I won't be able to find somebody. If you gave me the choice of going to dinner and a movie vs. going to the bar or club all night - I'd pick the movie! He made me feel boring!

[socalguy123]

there are plenty of guys who'd love to go to a coffee shop and have conversation, rather than go to a bar and mill about with alcohol. if you feel you were having fun, but he was uncomfortable--he's just uncomfortable, and nothing you can do.

 

 

you're fine. movies, coffee shops, etc.. there are plenty of guys who would do that, rather than muck it out in a dark bar, having to yell to the person sitting next to you because the speakers are too loud. you may not have been bored with him, but he definitely didn't see you as "his" type. and that's not a bad thing--you want a guy who's going to be impressed with you and what you like to do...

 

Best!

[lifeiscash]

Well when it comes to your problem you are understanding that little things matter in a relationship. It's okay not to drink, it's okay to not be a bar/party girl. Different people are into different things, and yes, your not the only one out there. Don't let the fear of not being able to find anyone scare you, there are going to be endless possiblities for that. I just see your pride hurt. Put yourself in other situations so you can enjoy the things you like to do and in time you will find someone that is right.

[duchesstigerlily]

Everyone feels like they will never have a relationship again when they break up with someone. The wife of a friend of my fiance's just up and left him after 2 years of marriage (really...just out of the blue...) and he is going through a lot right now worrying that he wont find anyone ever again and he will die alone and so on (he calls me fiance *a lot* more then he ever did for reassurance and so on). I think this a very, very common feeling, however, there is no truth to it.

 

I'm exactly like you. I dont drink and I'm not a party girl. I would rather go to a movie any day then hang at a bar (when I did go to the bar, I never met any decent guys anyway). I'm certainly not boring...either are you. Everyone is different and I am sure there are some people who hang at bars, who dont like but assume its the only way to "meet" people.

 

Just be yourself and when you do meet someone, hopefully it will be someone who appreciates your for who you are and will care about you regardless of what you like to do in your spare time (seems silly really, to break up with someone because they dont like to hang at bars). My fiance plays drums in a band and is obsessed with watches...I suppose I could ditch him because I dont play drums and I dont care about watches but because I love him I share in his interests....and he shares in mine...its more fun that way

 

I could see two people breaking up over fundamental differences but it seems petty to lose interest in someone over what you do in your spare time...especially when its so easy to compromise over something like that.

 

So, in short...you are NOT boring...you are you and dont stop doing what you like to do or change yourself for anyone.

[Mr Meh]

Definitely his problem, not yours...I've dated women who altered themselves to please me (or so they thought) and it really isn't exciting or flattering in the least. Be yourself ALWAYS and there will never be a problem, or at least never be a point where the 'real' you emerges and surprises someone. Meeting people is hard, but meeting people at the bar is only easier because alcohol is involved and people's guards are down, hardly an authentic way to gauge attraction. People are generally shy and my theory is that since I usually look at someone 'secretly' and then look away -never making eye contact- they are probably doing the same! There are way more people interested in each other than we think...

[daisy215]

Thanks for the comments and advice.

 

Deep down I think I know it's him. It's just so frustrating. You're right, my pride is hurt, but it's like "what is wrong with me?" "How could he not want to be with me?" It's just so disappointing when you really feel for someone and you start to think that maybe they're the one and then it doesn't work out.

 

Thanks again!