Family and Life Updates

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Sounds like you had one of those sleeps where you can feel your body healing ...that's the best. It's amazing what a good sleep can do as far as how we feel. 

I agree. When I'm not thinking clearly from lack of sleep it's amazing how I still have to remind myself of that - it's not always obvious in the moment! And when I do get decent sleep -huge difference.

[boltnrun]

So of course I slept lousy last night 😕

[boltnrun]

Still no memorial service scheduled. I'm starting to suspect her husband is not following through with the church. He has been avoiding her side of the family for a while now for reasons. So I'm wondering if he's just going to do nothing and hope we just don't ask. I would like to say goodbye but we can't force him to do anything.

[Seraphim]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Still no memorial service scheduled. I'm starting to suspect her husband is not following through with the church. He has been avoiding her side of the family for a while now for reasons. So I'm wondering if he's just going to do nothing and hope we just don't ask. I would like to say goodbye but we can't force him to do anything.

I can guarantee he is doing nothing. Churches don’t do this about funerals. It is him. 

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I can guarantee he is doing nothing. Churches don’t do this about funerals. It is him. 

Unfortunately I tend to agree. I remember when my mother died and the mortuary contacted the church. We were provided with a list of dates and times we could choose from. And it only took a couple of days to hear back from the church. The cremation was paid for last week so I can't imagine they would still be waiting to hear back from the church.

If he doesn't want to do the service at the church I'm sure the mortuary has a chapel. 

I just feel it would be comforting for their child to have a nice service to say goodbye to his mom. And it would comfort the other family members too.

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Unfortunately I tend to agree. I remember when my mother died and the mortuary contacted the church. We were provided with a list of dates and times we could choose from. And it only took a couple of days to hear back from the church. The cremation was paid for last week so I can't imagine they would still be waiting to hear back from the church.

If he doesn't want to do the service at the church I'm sure the mortuary has a chapel. 

I just feel it would be comforting for their child to have a nice service to say goodbye to his mom. And it would comfort the other family members too.

Absolutely, funerals are for those left behind. 

[boltnrun]

He isn't responding to my brother's messages. It bothers me that he can't just say "I'm having a hard time, please give me some time to figure out what we want to do." Instead of ignoring everyone's messages. 

It's also worrying. This man already attempted suicide. We need to know if he's at least physically OK. He was OK Saturday because he was posting memes on Facebook about his favorite sports team and some joke memes. But still.

[boltnrun]

So he did respond. He's still saying he's waiting for the church to get back to him. He's either fabricating an excuse or the church office person is being extremely insensitive and unprofessional. Which possibility is more likely? My brother said he may offer to call the church himself. We'll see how he reacts to that suggestion. 

If he doesn't want to have a memorial service I wish he would just say so. Instead of continuing to try to invent delays. 

[boltnrun]

I got up at 4:00 am (!) So I could get to work in time to attend a very early meeting my skip level manager scheduled for today. I get here and find out the meeting has been postponed. Even better, the manager sent the notification out at midnight last night AND everyone else except my direct manager seemed to know as none of them are here. The skip level manager often "forgets" to include me in vital communications. I know she was in favor of eliminating my position and just having the engineers do their own data entry but they pushed back very strongly on that suggestion. So she likely sees me as a budget waster. 

So I'm annoyed, but this just means I get to leave work a half hour earlier than usual today 🤷‍♀️

[boltnrun]

Not impressed with the new doctor I tried. She didn't get into the room until 45 minutes after my appointment time. And was obviously focused on getting out by 5:00 pm so she rushed. Talked over me and even rolled her eyes at one point when I was explaining why I thought just taking pain medication wasn't really solving the issue. Why is it so hard to find a decent doctor? I have had great doctors in the past but an equal number of doctors with bad bedside manners or who come across as uncaring. 

My cousin's memorial church service has finally been scheduled. 

[boltnrun]

Oh, and they had me fill out all this paperwork detailing my medical history. And she hadn't read any of it. She also took notes on a paper napkin. Guess they were out of actual paper. 

What really bothered me was the eye rolling. I'm a middle aged woman, don't treat me like I'm an idiot or like you're annoyed that I'm advocating for my own health. 

[itsallgrand]

Oh I'm so sorry. That kind of thing makes me so angry. It's a vulnerable position to be in when trying to get health care. Like we are literally trusting you with our health and care!! I can't believe how crappy she treated you, just gross! 

It's so hard finding a good doctor here too...or any doctor!! Our Healthcare system used to be great. To put it mildly, it sucks now. 

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Oh I'm so sorry. That kind of thing makes me so angry. It's a vulnerable position to be in when trying to get health care. Like we are literally trusting you with our health and care!! I can't believe how crappy she treated you, just gross! 

It's so hard finding a good doctor here too...or any doctor!! Our Healthcare system used to be great. To put it mildly, it sucks now. 

The problem is they're rewarded financially by the insurance companies not for the quality of care they provide but for how many patients they can squeeze in. My appointment was for 4:00 pm and I got her for fifteen lousy minutes, from 4:40 until 4:55. And she talked over me when I was trying to explain my health issues. 

I've had four or five really great doctors. The one I had where I used to live was fantastic. Unfortunately he's 300 miles away in the next state over. And my insurance won't cover out of state primary appointments, only emergencies while traveling. 

[Seraphim]

Here it is a 10-15 minute appointment TOPS, unless it is an annual. Plus you are allowed ONE topic of discussion. You want to talk about more make another 10 minute appointment for another day. 

[boltnrun]

I went on an amazing, relaxing trip over the weekend into Monday. It was exactly what I needed. Although very difficult to come back.  I am comfortable at home but it was such a beautiful and peaceful place. I didn't want to leave.

My cousin's memorial service is finally scheduled. 

[Seraphim]

I am glad you got away and that the service is finally scheduled. 💜

[boltnrun]

Vacation laundry...ugh.

Yes, the service is tomorrow. Several cousins have already said they can't come. I hope there's a decent turnout. I think it would be comforting to her child if as many as possible are there to honor her memory. 

[Seraphim]

In time he won’t remember the service. My step sister lost her mom at 10 years old. By the time she was an older teen she barely remembered her and now in her 40’s she only remembers what her mother’s mother told her about her mom. ( which is all lies , but , nothing would convince her otherwise so we don’t bother)

It is very sad but unless a child is an adult they are going to forget that person even if a parent. I was 13 when my grandmother died, I have a few memories of her but they fade the older I get. My grandfather died when I was 8 and he is just a feeling to me now.

It might be comforting at the time or it might not. I remember my grandmother’s funeral as horrifying because I was still in shock, she had died in my arms a few days before. I remember all kind of people I barely knew hugging me and saying how sorry they were etc etc and I wanted to run away screaming. 
 

At the same time closure is very important. Death has to be accepted to move forward. So going to funerals I think is important closure for children. It is for those left behind. 

[boltnrun]

My son lost two of his grandparents when he was three years old and he still has clear memories of both of them. He also remembers their services. 

My cousin's child's life has been so full of turmoil the past couple of years. I think it will be comforting to him to know he has a dozen or more cousins who love him dearly and are here if he ever needs us. 

[Seraphim]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My son lost two of his grandparents when he was three years old and he still has clear memories of both of them. He also remembers their services. 

My cousin's child's life has been so full of turmoil the past couple of years. I think it will be comforting to him to know he has a dozen or more cousins who love him dearly and are here if he ever needs us. 

I think sometimes it depends on the person. My son barely remembers his great grandmother now. She died when he was four. His other great grandparent he was 15 when he died and he was an adult when his grandfathers died. My foster sister also lost her mom at 9 years old. She is 25 now and has almost no memories of her. 
 

Chaos causes a disruption in memories . It doesn’t let memories end up where they should in the brain. It is so great that this little boy will have support. Sending him prayers and love . 

[boltnrun]

Service was today.  One of my other cousins and I are having a lot of the same reaction.  Anger.  Confusion. Combine those with grief and it's a lousy way to feel.

One thing that bothered me was how they had one of the younger priests say the service who didn't know the family.  My cousin's dad volunteered at that church for AT LEAST 30 years.  And she and her brother had gone to that church their entire lives (until they got into their 30s-40s). So many people knew their family well.  And they couldn't get anyone who could say more than the generic "I know you miss her, but she's with God now"?  And they didn't invite anyone to speak.  Although I would have wanted to, but I couldn't have gotten through two sentences without breaking down and I wouldn't want to make it about me.

Very tough thing to go through.

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Maybe -you and that cousin can meet up and share memories? Like a one on one "redo" -a mini memorial service?

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry that happened. Much love to you and your family . 

[boltnrun]

Thank you.

I will never understand but that doesn't mean I refuse to believe it or that I don't realize this is what happened. It's just lousy.

[boltnrun]

I would feel a lot more comfortable if the phlebotomist drawing my blood would wear gloves. That's all.