Dating is exhausting

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, kim42 said:

I like men who are smart, easy-going, with an open mind and a good sense of humor. And they should like travelling. I don't think I am too demanding.

Do you care about what his job is, what his educational background is, his religion, whether he wants marriage and/or a family? What about his weight/fitness level?  Do you care if he enjoys gambling and/or drinking a lot?  Where should they like to travel? Anywhere? Do you like adventure travel or more like cultural destinations or either? You are absolutely not too demanding and from your list I don't know what you're looking for as far as relationship goals - or totally fine if you don't care if the man has any goals but simply likes to see what happens and just date lots of people and see if someone special catches his eye.

[kim42]

48 minutes ago, dias said:

Only that? Ts ts ts you are aiming too low!

There are more qualities, I just didn't want to list them all 😄

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, kim42 said:

There are more qualities, I just didn't want to list them all 😄

Totally understand!

[kim42]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Do you care about what his job is, what his educational background is, his religion, whether he wants marriage and/or a family? What about his weight/fitness level?  Do you care if he enjoys gambling and/or drinking a lot?  Where should they like to travel? Anywhere? Do you like adventure travel or more like cultural destinations or either? You are absolutely not too demanding and from your list I don't know what you're looking for as far as relationship goals - or totally fine if you don't care if the man has any goals but simply likes to see what happens and just date lots of people and see if someone special catches his eye.

I'll try to answer all of these 🙂

I don't really care what his profession is (as long as it's not something illegal), I like educated men with good manners who like to read books and learn new things. 

Gambling is a no-no, drinking is okay I guess, if he's not an alcoholic of course. 

As for traveling he destinations don't matter that much, just someone who likes discovering new places and cultures. Just someone who sees traveling as an adventure. 

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, kim42 said:

I'll try to answer all of these 🙂

I don't really care what his profession is (as long as it's not something illegal), I like educated men with good manners who like to read books and learn new things. 

Gambling is a no-no, drinking is okay I guess, if he's not an alcoholic of course. 

As for traveling he destinations don't matter that much, just someone who likes discovering new places and cultures. Just someone who sees traveling as an adventure. 

Do you want someone who is interested in dating to find a long term committed relationship?

Is this kind of relationship important to you?

[kim42]

18 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Do you want someone who is interested in dating to find a long term committed relationship?

Is this kind of relationship important to you?

Yes, a long term relationship is something I look for.

[catfeeder]

10 hours ago, kim42 said:

Yes, a long term relationship is something I look for.

Good! You are self aware enough to recognize this, so bypass the whole poser position of trying to pretend that you are okay and open to 'casual'.

That's one fallback pretense of insecure people who actually want a good relationship but try to sound broad minded enough to include 'any one,' only to shoot themselves in the foot.

Screen OUT bad matches early by stating up front that you are dating to find a good match for a long term committed relationship, then ask whether he views himself the same way.

Any answer short of clear 'YES' is a no-brainer pass.

This isn't some moralistic finger-wag against casual people, it's just a practical use of your time and focus.

Head high, and zero in even more on What You Want, so you can bypass anyone who will never give that to you, no matter how much time you'd waste pretzeling to please them.

 

[reinventmyself]

It took me quite some time, but after wasting a lot of time I practiced not engaging men electronically indefinitely.  I found that there are a large number of people just looking for electronic attention that have zero intention of ever meeting. I learned to expect it. 

I'd let them know sooner than later that I spend the majority of my day at work sitting in front of a pc and that I wasn't inclined to do much more at home.  "If you ever want to meet for a cup of coffee or at least chat on the phone first, let me know" With that, I would move on.  Some were interested, some not.  But I didn't get invested.  It was refreshing to find I was not longer in the position of wasting my time and feeling frustrated.

I read an article once that really spoke to me.  You mentioned the hopes they would like you and the fear of rejection.  Think about that.  Why would you give these random strangers who are in little black boxes have that much control over how you are feeling about yourself?  Especially when you consider the number of scammers and those take people who don't have good intentions.  

Turn this around and go about this soley focused on *whether or not YOU like him, whether he fits your terms and meets your criteria.  After all, you are who you are.  No doubt you are trying to make a good impression.  That's about all you can do and they either are interested or not, for whatever reason.  Don't let their actions define you or the experience becomes miserable.  I got so good at stopping myself from wondering if they liked me.  I was laser focused on whether they suited me and my lifestyle.  It will change your energy.

Going about it from a place of confidence and being willing to swiftly *next* someone who exhibits lackluster attention or wasting your time becomes attractive.

In turn it will lesson your exposure to kooks who end up making the experience miserable.

[mical]

On 2/13/2022 at 7:25 PM, kim42 said:

I like men who are smart, easy-going, with an open mind and a good sense of humor. And they should like travelling. I don't think I am too demanding.

That sounds like me where can I send my application?  kidding kidding couldn’t resist 

[kim42]

21 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

It took me quite some time, but after wasting a lot of time I practiced not engaging men electronically indefinitely.  I found that there are a large number of people just looking for electronic attention that have zero intention of ever meeting. I learned to expect it. 

I'd let them know sooner than later that I spend the majority of my day at work sitting in front of a pc and that I wasn't inclined to do much more at home.  "If you ever want to meet for a cup of coffee or at least chat on the phone first, let me know" With that, I would move on.  Some were interested, some not.  But I didn't get invested.  It was refreshing to find I was not longer in the position of wasting my time and feeling frustrated.

I read an article once that really spoke to me.  You mentioned the hopes they would like you and the fear of rejection.  Think about that.  Why would you give these random strangers who are in little black boxes have that much control over how you are feeling about yourself?  Especially when you consider the number of scammers and those take people who don't have good intentions.  

Turn this around and go about this soley focused on *whether or not YOU like him, whether he fits your terms and meets your criteria.  After all, you are who you are.  No doubt you are trying to make a good impression.  That's about all you can do and they either are interested or not, for whatever reason.  Don't let their actions define you or the experience becomes miserable.  I got so good at stopping myself from wondering if they liked me.  I was laser focused on whether they suited me and my lifestyle.  It will change your energy.

Going about it from a place of confidence and being willing to swiftly *next* someone who exhibits lackluster attention or wasting your time becomes attractive.

In turn it will lesson your exposure to kooks who end up making the experience miserable.

Thank you, this is really helpful 

[spinstermanquee]

On 2/12/2022 at 10:42 AM, Lambert said:

Here in the United States, it's Valentine's and Super Bowl weekend.  Typically fun times with a date... but I don't have one.  So what's a girl to do? 

I bought a romance novel and a new perfume. If I can't have a romance this weekend, I'll read about one.  And I've been enjoying the new scent. It feels a little special when i spray it! lol.

Love it, Lambert!  I got up early, went to hot yoga, and after at the grocery store, bought myself a big ole bouquet of flowers.  Feeling sassy at the checkout, I declared that I was my favorite valentine 😉

If you had have told me last year that I would be single today, I would have been flabbergasted (and maybe had a big helping of self pity).  But now, I am feeling good and solid in my life, busy growing my "empire" and making new friends, trying new things.

At the end of the day, as many others here have said, why bother to even have one if it's not the right one?  Aren't you worth more?

[Lambert]

12 minutes ago, spinstermanquee said:

Love it, Lambert!  I got up early, went to hot yoga, and after at the grocery store, bought myself a big ole bouquet of flowers.  Feeling sassy at the checkout, I declared that I was my favorite valentine 😉

If you had have told me last year that I would be single today, I would have been flabbergasted (and maybe had a big helping of self pity).  But now, I am feeling good and solid in my life, busy growing my "empire" and making new friends, trying new things.

At the end of the day, as many others here have said, why bother to even have one if it's not the right one?  Aren't you worth more?

Yay! good for you!

You very well may have discovered the secret to happiness! 

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 2/16/2022 at 6:32 AM, spinstermanquee said:

Love it, Lambert!  I got up early, went to hot yoga, and after at the grocery store, bought myself a big ole bouquet of flowers.  Feeling sassy at the checkout, I declared that I was my favorite valentine 😉

If you had have told me last year that I would be single today, I would have been flabbergasted (and maybe had a big helping of self pity).  But now, I am feeling good and solid in my life, busy growing my "empire" and making new friends, trying new things.

Great job taking care of yourself!  How long have you been doing hot yoga?  I heard they have the temperature in the room really high.

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 2/12/2022 at 8:42 AM, Lambert said:

Here in the United States, it's Valentine's and Super Bowl weekend.  Typically fun times with a date... but I don't have one.  So what's a girl to do? 

I bought a romance novel and a new perfume. If I can't have a romance this weekend, I'll read about one.  And I've been enjoying the new scent. It feels a little special when i spray it! lol.

I'm choosing to celebrate love. because love is worth celebrating. in all its forms.  put love out there, it will come back to you. but don't be a doormat. love you,  protect you,  cherish you. 😍 

Chin up!

 

Sounds like you had a great V-Day weekend too taking care of yourself. I spent the day with my mother and helped her do some stuff around the house. We also watched the Super Bowl. Then the next day I treated her to brunch.