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My ex sexts me and wants to be friends

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My ex and I were together for 4 years.
Our relationship was me helping him as much as I could with anything and everything. I would drive him to school & anywhere he needed to go. I cooked for him, did his laundry, I gave him money when he needed it. He wasn’t always the easiest to get along with but I never gave up on him even when I knew I should have left him before we officially broke up. He could be very manipulative.

We “broke up” August 2021. He broke up with me in person and said “I don’t want to do this anymore” I asked “what?” And he said “us” he also proceeded to tell me he “loved me” but wasn’t “in love with me”.  I remember I cried my eyes out and didn’t say anything to him. He also started crying after he mentioned he wanted to stay friends and I told him I didn’t want to be around him or be his friend. I was devastated and I have a hard time dealing with confrontation. Before this point I knew the relationship had gotten to that point were we were both unhappy. He also had moved away from the area we both lived in so we didn’t hang out as much as we once did which was everyday.

During that time we had “broken up” we were still communicating and hanging out at least once a month.

Late December 2021 was the last time I saw him in person for his birthday he called me and asked if I wanted to eat with him. Our interaction was friendly and in all honestly I could sense some flirting or nervousness to be around one another. 

I still believed we were somewhat together even though we were not (I know very naïve of me but there were times when we were together he would cut contact with me and we were back together like nothing)

 We stopped talking/texting for a few weeks and out of the blue in the middle of January 2022  he texts me just to sext it’s usually at 5AM & one day a week.
Earlier this week he calls me 5x that’s usually his way of getting my attention for what he wants. I don’t mind as I honestly don’t see it as anything more then sexting. This time it was different after we had finished he proceeds to text me 

Him: “I’ve got some new *** that’s why I haven’t been talking to you. I know it probably hurts but you deserve to know “

Me: “ I don’t want to know..please don’t do that to that person. Now I feel like a horrible person.”

Him: “Okay that’s why I’ll stop. I still want you to know that we’re friends and I’m here for you “


“You were always good to me. Hopefully one day I can be as good of a friend as you were to me “

I didn’t respond as I was heartbroken but also angry with myself to believe that this person had used me until he could find himself someone else to be with or have sex with. It shocked me because he told me he didn’t want a relationship (at least with me) and then proceeds to tell me he got “new ***”. In all honesty I’m confused as to why he would mention it in the first place when I’ve told him before I didn’t want to know if he got involved with someone. I did at one point consider him my best friend. Now I just feel like he wants me to be his friend just for his sake and peace of mind. 

I haven’t messaged him back and don’t know what I’ll do if he does contact me again. (it’s hard for me to block him, I just felt the need to mention that & I don’t follow him on any social media we communicate through texting) 

I would just like some insight on why he would text me that? and then still want to communicate as friends and be their for me. 

In all honesty I don’t wanna bother him or anything he has going on with that person b/c it’s not my place anymore. I’m just sad but I’m choosing not to be his friend for the sake of my happiness even though I’ve been crying a lot since he texted me that.

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He's playing with your mind.  Don't fall for that trap. 

You're right.  He used you.

Don't cry anymore.  Become tough and strong.  It's time to cut it off with him so you can move on.

Text him this: "We're incompatible.  Please do not contact me anymore.  I wish you all the best.  Please respect my wishes.  Thank you, Your Name."

Then ghost, block and delete him.  Enforce healthy boundaries for yourself. 

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He wants to keep you as a backup. And perhaps this new person (can't tell what you called them, this site blanks out curse or offensive words) won't sext with him but he knows you'll let him use you this way.

Blocking isn't hard. It's just a few clicks. Ask yourself why you won't do this very simple thing to stop this guy from using you like he always has.

Also ask yourself why you think you want a one sided situation like this. Don't you want more from a love relationship?

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It's time to let go. Turn the story around. What would you advise a sister or friend if she was in your position? It's often much easier being on the outside looking in than it is going through the experience. 

He isn't a friend to you or anything close to it. In future also expect more from your friendships. It was only a matter of time before either one of you found someone else.

Whether you block him or not is besides the point because it's just as easy to unblock someone. If you have a good memory, you've probably memorized most of the frequently used numbers on your phone as well. Instead put this to rest and spend time with friends and family. Put some distance between the two of you. I would mute the contact so that no new notifications come up in case he decides he's bored one day with nothing better to do than chat with his recent ex whom he's aware he hurt. 

Take care of yourself.

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Quite simply, he was STILL manipulating you. He was getting all he could from you in the same way he did before, ie. reeping all the benefits without the commitment.

You are doing the right thing. You have to put yourself first. Staying in contact with him - being used by him - will never make you happy. You will only move on and be happy once you fully let go.

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7 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Text him this: "We're incompatible.  Please do not contact me anymore.  I wish you all the best.  Please respect my wishes.  Thank you, Your Name.

I personally don’t think she needs to text him. He said he was going to stop texting her so I’d leave it where it is. There’s no point in opening up communication. I’d wait to see if he makes contact again first.

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He is awful, OP. 

He's playing games to keep you as Plan B in case his new "***" doesn't work out. All of it is so incredibly disrespectful to you and his new woman. But, based on your description of this relationship, it sounds as it was incredibly one-sided with you pandering to him - and thus he never had much respect for you. 

You need to block him. It is hurting you not to do so. 

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10 hours ago, infohelp said:

 I would drive him to school & anywhere he needed to go. I cooked for him, did his laundry, I gave him money when he needed it. 

Him: “I’ve got some new *** 

He didn't "use you". You smothered mothered and suffocated him by doing these ridiculous things.

He's a lowlife clown. Next time don't try to buy anyone or treat them like a 12 year old. 


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