He quickly moved on

[mg22]

Hello My ENA supporters, iam struggling in pain and just started therapy for the first time. I've been dating someone since 2019, we started off as best friends 6 months later he confessed he was in love with me. Covid started and we barely saw eacthother much during 2020., We reconnected once we both got our vaccines and even traveled for our birthdays this past June to Jamaica. Things were great when we came from our trip , but something was off , we spent less time together, we would maybe see eathother 1 a week., once he even cancelled a date 5 minutes before he was going to pick me up, that made me so mad, his excuse was he COULD NOT MAKE IT , was via text , i asked why ? he didn't answer so i just left it like that. We didn't talk for 1 month and just recently 3 weeks ago he contacts me and says he wants to talk, so i agree .  he tells me he loves me , wants to be with be forever, and even goes to say his family is confused why we are not together anymore.  So he then suggests us to go on another trip, so he books the hotel and i book the flights, he seemed so excited about us going away, we planned to get our COVID TEST together , then few days later he sends me a text, He cannot go due to family needs him in Miami that weekend. I was in such shock i did not respond to his text. Three  weeks have gone by and i see he added a new women on his Facebook, i went into her profile and she is posting love videos of both of them, saying she has found her love of her life ! I was so confused and hurt i blocked him on facebook, iam really hurting quite a but now, he really played me bad. 

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry. 

He doesn't deserve you.  I hope you can quickly move on, too.

Whenever anyone had hurt me in the past for whatever reason, I too noticed that they moved on quickly so in my mind I didn't invest in further thoughts into that person either.  Once you make this new mindset a habit, this previous person in your life becomes a distant blur.  Then there will be days, weeks and months of not having that person enter your mind at all.  That person becomes "out of sight, out of mind" eventually.  The more you preoccupy yourself with healthy distractions, the faster you can move on. 

[mg22]

47 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I'm sorry. 

He doesn't deserve you.  I hope you can quickly move on, too.

Whenever anyone had hurt me in the past for whatever reason, I too noticed that they moved on quickly so in my mind I didn't invest in further thoughts into that person either.  Once you make this new mindset a habit, this previous person in your life becomes a distant blur.  Then there will be days, weeks and months of not having that person enter your mind at all.  That person becomes "out of sight, out of mind" eventually.  The more you preoccupy yourself with healthy distractions, the faster you can move on. 

Thank you dear, for your kind words.. iam working on myself and healing, self love but its hard as iam going thru all the emotions.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, mg22 said:

once he even cancelled a date 5 minutes before he was going to pick me up, that made me so mad, his excuse was he COULD NOT MAKE IT , was via text , i asked why ? he didn't answer so i just left it like that.

You should have never take him back after that. You say you started therapy, explore in there why you did let somebody that didnt care about you or your time stomp you like that. And why you were so willing to take him back after that. Was it because he said "I love you"? Because he clearly didnt meant that by his actions and yet you were willing to forgive him everything because of it. I am sorry you got used like that. But you will indeed have to work on yourself and not be a "coat hanger", at least regarding relationships.

Also, I am sorry to say, but he did move on that fast because he didnt care. Or even simultaneously dated both of you as the other one is also quick on "OMG the love of my life" narrative so he probably sold the same story to her. 

[mg22]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

You should have never take him back after that. You say you started therapy, explore in there why you did let somebody that didnt care about you or your time stomp you like that. And why you were so willing to take him back after that. Was it because he said "I love you"? Because he clearly didnt meant that by his actions and yet you were willing to forgive him everything because of it. I am sorry you got used like that. But you will indeed have to work on yourself and not be a "coat hanger", at least regarding relationships.

Thank You... Yes thats why i decided to start therapy to understand the reasons i would even want to believe him and all his lies.. i guess he is a PIG i now iam starting to undertsand that... still being deceived and lied is painful enough.

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like he is on-off with his girlfriend, and uses you as a filler when they're having a rough patch and he wants attention. 

Keep him blocked for good. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, mg22 said:

.. i guess he is a PIG i now iam starting to undertsand that... still being deceived and lied is painful enough.

Sorry this happened. Did you live in the same area? Are you about the same age? Are you from different cultures or backgrounds?

 Yes. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

That way you can move forward in peace.

In a way, you can celebrate that you're free from this 🐷. 

Now you can regroup, retool and get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single decent men.

You've seen what red flags 🚩 look like so you can detect them earlier now and avoid men like this in the future.

[mg22]

8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

It sounds like he is on-off with his girlfriend, and uses you as a filler when they're having a rough patch and he wants attention. 

Keep him blocked for good. 

Actually shes new , he recently added her to facebook, so i think they met few weeks ago. Hes love bombing her like he did to me.

[catfeeder]

One of the most helpful things I've found to move forward with some degree of confidence was to figure out a way that I could balance the concept of trust.

Trust is not a black-and-white issue. If I'm blindly open, I will get stomped on, but if I clamp shut, then I've cut myself off from any possibility of finding love.

So I decided to set my trust meter to a neutral 5 on a scale of 1 to 10 whenever I meet someone new. From there, I relax and observe. I allow people to show me over t.i.m.e. whether I'll want to invest more trust based on their behaviors--not their words--OR whether I'll withdraw trust--and maybe even walk away.

If someone cancels a date last minute, that would prompt a withdraw of trust down to, say, a 3. Their behavior from there would show me a desire to save the relationship and make it up to me, or not.

But cutting all communication? That's not reversible. That would prompt a clear withdraw of all trust, and they would be history. Permanently. There's no excuse that could promise me that this capacity for disregard won't happen again, so I'm out.

This isn't to admonish you for accepting the guy back, but rather it's to offer you an alternative to believing that now you can't trust anyone ever again. That's the hardest part of grief--your shaken confidence and your belief that you can't regain trust in your OWN judgment.

Viewing trust on a gradient scale rather than an all-or-nothing deal gives you a workable plan for future navigation. This can take some of the harshness out of grieving, because you won't rob yourself of your future potential to find a GOOD match for you.

Head high, you can do this.

[mg22]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Did you live in the same area? Are you about the same age? Are you from different cultures or backgrounds?

 Yes. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

That way you can move forward in peace.

In a way, you can celebrate that you're free from this 🐷. 

Now you can regroup, retool and get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single decent men.

You've seen what red flags 🚩 look like so you can detect them earlier now and avoid men like this in the future.

Hi, yes we live few blocks away.. same culture. First time in years he has done this, he never had that i know any interest in other women... She is new and he is spending tons of time with her, something he was not doing with me. 

[mg22]

8 hours ago, mg22 said:

Actually shes new , he recently added her to facebook, so i think they met few weeks ago. Hes love bombing her like he did to me.

I was his girlfriend , this women is new in his life... i know that 100%.

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, mg22 said:

I was his girlfriend , this women is new in his life... i know that 100%.

I would avoid making any assumptions based on what you see on social media. You have no idea at all -assume you don't - about how he knows her, how long, how they are interacting. 

[mg22]

Hi Batya33 true what you say, but i dumped him after he cancelled our trip.. who knows maybe he decided to pursue her and add her to social media, all i can tell you i was the official GF, our pictures are still on his social media, i blocked him completley , so i could start healing.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, mg22 said:

Hi Batya33 true what you say, but i dumped him after he cancelled our trip.. who knows maybe he decided to pursue her and add her to social media, all i can tell you i was the official GF, our pictures are still on his social media, i blocked him completley , so i could start healing.

Again you are putting way too much stock in social media.  I'm glad you blocked him!  I loved a post by an acquaintance of mine today on Facebook -perhaps it will remind you -she said -here are my photos of our annual hiking trip - beautiful setting.  Then she went on to describe what was not pictured -her bad fall while hiking, her extreme irritation at her husband and kids for taking way too long to get out the door thus ruining her planned evening relaxing with a book, a horrible experience she had with unvaccinated patrons at a restaurant, etc.  She is typically a very strong person.  She is not a whiner. 

But she wanted to make the point that people don't really get to hear about the '"not pictured" on Facebook.  And neither do you.  Yes, "official girlfriend" and yes what's not pictured is behind the scenes you weren't being treated properly or with respect right?

Onward and upward.