3 dates and no kiss

[MrNobody1110]

I (23, male) have been on three dates with a girl (20, female) I met on Tinder. All three dates went great. We had lots of fun, we stayed out until late every time, but we still haven't kissed yet. I have very, very little experience in dating so a lot of this is very new to me and I can get nervous when trying to flirt or make a move. Additionally, I just couldn't find a moment to kiss her that didn't feel forced.

Because of this, I'm starting to think that I may have been too passive during the second and third date (as I didn't initiate a lot of physical contact) and now it's making me feel very insecure about how my general demeanor towards her.

So now I'm wondering if I should talk to her about this, plan a fourth date as if nothing happened or simply cut my losses. I would of course like to see her again, but I am concerned that our relationship is too friendly at this stage.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[DarkCh0c0]

Hold you horses. You don't need to kiss by the third date. Get to know her, take it easy and then that mutual moment WILL come.

I wouldn't want kiss on the third or fifth date personally. I need to know the man before he approaches me physically.

Also, you can initiate smaller physical gestures before you get to the kissing stage; hug, arm/hand holding,... Things like that.

[Kwothe28]

Well, she still wants to date you so thats a plus. Do you flirt? How she reacts? Does she flirt? Did you try try maybe hugging her with one arm while you walk, or light touch on upper arm area to see how she reacts? Or just hugging in general when you say bye? Or even took some opportunity to hold her hand a bit like "Oh thats a nice ring you have there" move if she wears one? You need to "check the teritory" and see if she is comfortable with physical touches before the kiss. 

[Tinydance]

Well if you want to kiss why don't you just do it? If you go on a fourth date with her, maybe afterwards ask her to go for a walk somewhere like a park, along a river, anywhere nice like that. Try to have the date in the evening so it's dark and more private and romantic atmosphere. As you're walking, take her hand and see how she reacts. If she's holding hands and everything seems to be going well, then go in for a kiss. I don't think you should cut your losses just because you haven't kissed. If she keeps contacting you and going on dates then that means she's interested. Maybe she's also shy or she's more traditional and expects the guy to make the first move.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, MrNobody1110 said:

I may have been too passive during the second and third date as I didn't initiate a lot of physical contact

Err on the side of caution. At worst she'll think you're shy or a gentleman. Women get wolves lunging at them all the time so it's not a problem.

 Try to relax. Play it by ear. Start with planning romantic dates and sitting next to each other put your arm around her etc.

 It's unclear (unless you are reading Pickup Artist rubbish about 3rd date rules, etc.) why you think no physical action by the third date means friendzoning.

 It's also unclear why you think you're in the friendzone if it's clear you met on a dating app and she's interested in more dates.

Work on your self confidence and it's ridiculous to "talk to her about it" as if she owes you something and if she doesn't put out you'll be dumping her.

[SooSad33]

Friendly is good.

IF she understands these are 'dates', then she is aware you are interested in her that way.

As mentioned, do you guys flirt at all?

Maybe approach with hand holding first, see how she responds - if she accepts that much, then I feel in time, a kiss/hug can proceed after that.

And try to work on your confidence more . 

[Rose Mosse]

3 hours ago, MrNobody1110 said:

I (23, male) have been on three dates with a girl (20, female) I met on Tinder. All three dates went great. We had lots of fun, we stayed out until late every time, but we still haven't kissed yet. I have very, very little experience in dating so a lot of this is very new to me and I can get nervous when trying to flirt or make a move. Additionally, I just couldn't find a moment to kiss her that didn't feel forced.

Because of this, I'm starting to think that I may have been too passive during the second and third date (as I didn't initiate a lot of physical contact) and now it's making me feel very insecure about how my general demeanor towards her.

So now I'm wondering if I should talk to her about this, plan a fourth date as if nothing happened or simply cut my losses. I would of course like to see her again, but I am concerned that our relationship is too friendly at this stage.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

I’m not sure where the fear is coming from. Is this nervousness due to rejection from her or from the kiss going awry? You seem to have tremendous pressure on you to behave in a specific way. As long as you’re reading her cues and if the situation presents itself lean in and kiss her. 

The most memorable first kiss I’ve had was near a cascade or waterfall surrounded by mist. We were both active people and it was after a climb. I think there are many ways to find space and intimacy living in the moment.

[catfeeder]

I would just keep dating her and learn what happens as you start to feel more comfortable with her.

Make that comfort your goal instead of assigning yourself behaviors only to suffer discomfort when you don't perform those.

[lostandhurt]

Relax you didn't ruin your chances.  Do you hug goodbye?  Have you held her hand while walking?

  I am assuming you are talking about a good night kiss right not a make out session.

  The "lean in" is a subtle way of showing your intentions but you cannot just go for it, you have to be able to read her body language and facial expressions to have at least some idea she wants you to kiss her.  What ever you do keep the first kiss simple and nice.  It kind of breaks the ice on the whole physical part of the budding relationship.  

I have been asked by women I was on a date with if I kiss on the first date, I have had women kiss me on the cheek during a hug good bye and had women tell me on the second date to "shut up and kiss me"

Everyone is different so pay attention to the way she is with you and when you are sitting close or when you walk her to her car stand closer than usual, make eye contact and if she smiles and looks in your eyes and then to your mouth she is probably expecting you to kiss her good night.  Now if she  goes for a hug she is preempting the kiss which doesn't mean she doesn't want to kiss you eventually, just not at that moment.

  Like was said above she went on three dates with you so she must like you and would like to get to know you better.  Keep that in mind when you are on date four, she wants to be there with you.

  Good luck and have fun

  Lost