Friend mad because I couldn't help

[Anonymous]

I've known my friend for 6 yrs.  She has always been down on her luck but I've always been there to help.  I tried to be a good friend by listening to her problems.  She does have a husband but frankly he's as lazy man.  He won't have even pack up their Xmas tree from last year? It's still up with all the decorations!! House is a pig stie , lawn is never mowed and they have never shampooed the carpets.

She called late one night to discuss her sex life such as how she gives herself amazing orgasms (?).  It's totally gross!  Then she asked what about me? I just said it's not important to me.  It is but it's none of her frigging business.

She asked me to rent a hauler to bring some rocks to their driveway.  They don't drive or own a car. I said no and she flipped into a mean, nasty woman.

After all the favors I did for them over the years, the one time I say no, she turns into another person.

I don't know how to handle this! 

 

 

 

[Tinydance]

Well to be honest your friend doesn't sound that great. She should be taking care of her own life and herself and not just relying for other people on everything. You don't have to do her favours all the time. I would think about whether it might be good to distance yourself from this friend a bit. She sounds entitled.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

she turns into another person.

She's the same person. She and her husband didn't become lazy filthy hoarders and parasites overnight.

It's unclear why you are friends with someone like this. 

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Make a better class of friends. Reflect what your motives were in all this.

[melancholy123]

I think you need a new friend, this woman sounds awful.  She could take down the Christmas tree if it bothers her, but I guess she doesn't care.

It's not your job to rent a trailer for her, she can figure out how to get the rocks she wants.

If I was you I would back away from this lousy alleged friendship.  You can block and delete her as well.

 

[DancingFool]

I think you need to realize that her and her husband are two peas in a pod and happy living the way they do - in filth. Not sure what on earth does a Christmas tree or cleaning house or carpets have to do with just the husband? They are both choosing to live like that and are obviously fine with it. 

Not sure what you are getting out of this friendship since all you are to her is an errand boy so to speak. She is a user, you are getting used. No surprise that she had a fit when you suddenly refused to be used some more. This is exactly who she is and has always been. 

You may want to rethink what company you choose to keep.

 

 

[Rose Mosse]

She's not a friend. Keep your distance.

Is there a reason why you are attached to this couple? What history do you have together or how do you know one another?

[LaHermes]

On 9/1/2021 at 5:41 PM, DancingFool said:

You may want to rethink what company you choose to keep.

What possible benefit are you getting from this peculiar "friendship" OP?

[Cherylyn]

Your friend doesn't know the definition of boundaries and you enable her behavior by not enforcing healthy boundaries with her. 

Your friend is an energy vampire.  Google "energy vampire."  Energy vampires vacuum the life out of you if you give them permission to mentally abuse you. 

She's taking advantage of your softness and kindness.  She is exhibiting predatory behavior because you are an easy target.   Predators attack the weak including vulnerable, weak minded. 

It's time for you to get tough.  Either learn to distance yourself from her or it's time to diplomatically go your separate ways.  Text her this:  "We are incompatible, I wish you all the best and please do not contact me anymore.  Thank you, Your Name."  This approach is does not place blame on the perpetrator, you are respectful yet firm.  If she contacts you relentlessly despite your request, then ignore, ghost, block and delete her permanently.  Estrangement or permanently parting ways peacefully is a form of boundaries with people. 

You are not responsible for your friend or other people.  They are responsible for their own lives and their choices.  You need to walk away and stay away. 

[Anonymous]

I used to work with her many years ago and we kept in touch.  I was trying to be a good friend.  Obviously it was more for her benefit than mine.  I don't have many friends to begin with and wanted to hang around with  someone.  It went on for way too long unfortunately. I just don't attract good people at all.  I've done the therapy thing for years but it hasn't helped.  I don't have much money for therapists anyway.  I have a part time job only. 

I feel like giving up on people entirely and living alone with my cats.  At least they love me!

[LaHermes]

Anon. It is one thing to be a good friend. It is entirely something else to be a pushover.  

Good friends is a two-way street.  

On 9/1/2021 at 5:20 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

She has always been down on her luck but I've always been there to help.  I tried to be a good friend by listening to her problems. 

Wrong! Not your problem that she is "down on her luck"  and equally not your task to listen to non-stop drivel about her "problems". 

There is nothing wrong with people in general. Just that for some reason you are drawing the unhealthy kind. 

Look: there's a book called "The Disease to Please" by Dr. Harriet Braiker. I think you might find it useful. 

[Rose Mosse]

16 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I used to work with her many years ago and we kept in touch.  I was trying to be a good friend.  Obviously it was more for her benefit than mine.  I don't have many friends to begin with and wanted to hang around with  someone.  It went on for way too long unfortunately. I just don't attract good people at all.  I've done the therapy thing for years but it hasn't helped.  I don't have much money for therapists anyway.  I have a part time job only. 

I feel like giving up on people entirely and living alone with my cats.  At least they love me!

No, don't give up on people. There different kinds of people. You just have to find and associate with individuals who share the same interests and also treat others the same way you do. We are all bound to run into people who don't quite reciprocate that friendship or have very little respect overall for others. Let it roll off your back and completely get away from that. It's not up to you to change that or fix that in someone else. 

You are lucky to have cats. I am very allergic to them. 

[Jibralta]

17 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I don't have many friends to begin with and wanted to hang around with  someone.

On 9/1/2021 at 12:20 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

She asked me to rent a hauler to bring some rocks to their driveway.  They don't drive or own a car. I said no and she flipped into a mean, nasty woman.

After all the favors I did for them over the years, the one time I say no, she turns into another person.

This was actually a transactional friendship. You did this woman favors in order to hang around with her. She wanted someone to mop up her after her 'sad' life. When you removed the favors and the support, she became someone that you could no longer hang around with. 

[Cherylyn]

20 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I used to work with her many years ago and we kept in touch.  I was trying to be a good friend.  Obviously it was more for her benefit than mine.  I don't have many friends to begin with and wanted to hang around with  someone.  It went on for way too long unfortunately. I just don't attract good people at all.  I've done the therapy thing for years but it hasn't helped.  I don't have much money for therapists anyway.  I have a part time job only. 

I feel like giving up on people entirely and living alone with my cats.  At least they love me!

Don't give up on people.  What you need to do is become more picky and choosy if you wish to surround yourself with high quality people who know how to behave honorably, treat you with respect and practice common sense.  Be selective and never lower your standards.  Remain steadfast, unwavering and absolute as you focus on CHARACTER.  Nothing else matters.