Should I stay or should I go?

[idkwhy]

Hey! Sooo I met this guy at the beginning of this summer, we’ve first talked online, then saw each other at a couple of social events and got along well, laughed, flirted and had really good convo, even went 1st base.

From that event, we textele almost every day, but he was never the type of guy that responded quickly as his work is soliciting and he has a busy social life.

 I went on vacation and after that he asked me out on a proper date. Like I expected, the date was amazing, we’ve talked and laughed for hours, the sexual chemistry was intense as things got a lil bit physical, but didn’t go further as I don’t usually have sex this early. I like being truly connected with a man and be able to somehow trust that he’s gonna respect me.
Anyways, things ended on a good note, I texted on the same day to make sure he’s ok as he was feeling sick probably from the wine we had the other night. He responded, than reached out the next day. Convo was short.  I knew that he’s really busy with work so I sent him a cute pic 4-5 days later(time in wich he didn’t text) he responded as usual and sent some meme back. 
Now here’s the “peak”, I also asked him that day how are things going with work and all the stressful stuff. He responded later that he’s really tired and gave everything he could and managed to do all the things he wished he had done and just wishes to relax now, but asked me nothing in return, like..”how are things with you?”, or “how you’ve been doing”. So I didn’t respond back. I felt in that moment that I shouldn’t.

It’s been a week no contact and I wonder if I made a mistake? He also didn’t text me again, and I have a feeling that he knew that I wasn’t going to respond..what are your thoughts?
*** note: this city is small, I’m convinced he’s dating other people as I myself do the same. I’m just curious because I kinda like the guy. Thanks!!!

[SherrySher]

I'm sorry to say, but he's lost interest.

It could be that he has met someone else, or things just fizzled out on his end for whatever reason.

Either way, he would be much more enthusiastic and be trying to contact you far more than this if he really was into you.

Don't chase, no point, he knows where you are, he's just left the building.

[idkwhy]

9 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

I'm sorry to say, but he's lost interest.

It could be that he has met someone else, or things just fizzled out on his end for whatever reason.

Either way, he would be much more enthusiastic and be trying to contact you far more than this if he really was into you.

Don't chase, no point, he knows where you are, he's just left the building.

Hello. Thanks for the honest advice. I sometimes find really hard to understand why not pursue a real connection when it’s obviously there. I criticize myself a lot, I know when someone is just not feeling me at a date, when we’re not having the same vibe, and I know when to and not to text. I’ll obviously won’t text him now, as he could’ve done it long time ago. But it’s still frustrating as I see it’s happening quite often. Maybe it’s someone else 🙂

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, idkwhy said:

I know when someone is just not feeling me at a date, when we’re not having the same vibe, and I know when to and not to text.

Keep in mind even after a great date or two, you are both still talking to and meeting others and things can get flaky.

Just write this off as 'oh, well' and move forward. You can leave doors like this open. No harm no foul if you start talking again.

[SherrySher]

However, if you do start talking again, let it be him who comes to you.

You've done your part in showing interest and in making the effort to stay in contact.

He has not.

It's up to him now if he wants to continue the conversation, or not.

[idkwhy]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Keep in mind even after a great date or two, you are both still talking to and meeting others and things can get flaky.

Just write this off as 'oh, well' and move forward. You can leave doors like this open. No harm no foul if you start talking again.

Thank you!! You’re somehow right, I have too many unreal expectations, but I don’t click like that with any man, thought he felt the same. I also always blame myself for this kind of things and I know I need to learn to stop this. Thanks again!

[idkwhy]

3 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

However, if you do start talking again, let it be him who comes to you.

You've done your part in showing interest and in making the effort to stay in contact.

He has not.

It's up to him now if he wants to continue the conversation, or not.

I’ll definitely not try to contact him. You’re right, he could’ve anytime asked me something back or call.

Thanks for replying. It’s my first time using the app and I’m impressed!! Thank u!!

[SherrySher]

2 minutes ago, idkwhy said:

I’ll definitely not try to contact him. You’re right, he could’ve anytime asked me something back or call.

Thanks for replying. It’s my first time using the app and I’m impressed!! Thank u!!

Welcome!

I hope you find a lot of help and support on here. There are helpful people available 24/7.

I know what it's like to be disappointed when you thought it was going great, and then the other person flakes out.

It hurts, and it's a total let down.

But just concentrate on your self worth, you deserve someone who is going to be happy to be in your life and will continue to put efforts in, everyday.

Look for a man like that, and not one who disappears and only puts in half efforts.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, idkwhy said:

Hello. Thanks for the honest advice. I sometimes find really hard to understand why not pursue a real connection when it’s obviously there. I criticize myself a lot, I know when someone is just not feeling me at a date, when we’re not having the same vibe, and I know when to and not to text. I’ll obviously won’t text him now, as he could’ve done it long time ago. But it’s still frustrating as I see it’s happening quite often. Maybe it’s someone else 🙂

This often happens after one date - one person feels a connection with potential and the other does not.  Also you chose to get drunk and chose to have sex with him  it sounds like - or at least buzzed so it's hard to tell what was the "connection" and what was the consequences of your choice to drink and get buzzed or drunk.  It sounds like he was sexually attracted to you and enjoyed having sex with you and if he wants to have sex with you again he will contact you - you gave him the impression that you were cool with casual sex as was he. 

The reason he didn't respond early on as you said is because he wasn't that into you.  Not because he was "too busy" - I only got involved with very busy men and I was very busy -and before cell phones to get in touch you had to call on the phone and have an actual conversation.  The extremely busy men who were into me made the time.  Every time.  They wanted to make their interest in me clear.  This guy was at most lukewarm about you and wanted to go on a date with you - that was the extent of his interest -and on the date he realized he wanted to have sex with you as you did with him.  But after the date it sounds like this was more of a one and done kind of thing like first dates often are.  

You said you usually don't have sex on the first date.  But, you did - so even if it's atypical consider whether next time you want to wait to get to know the person in public on multiple dates before having intercourse.  It sounds like you feel that your choice to have intercourse -and his- reflects some sort of connection.  It might but in this case I'm sorry it didn't seem to for him -and that's fine -he doesn't have to tell you why he's not going to ask you out on a second date.

I'm sorry you're disappointed. 

[SooSad33]

5 hours ago, idkwhy said:

It’s been a week no contact and I wonder if I made a mistake? He also didn’t text me again, and I have a feeling that he knew that I wasn’t going to respond..what are your thoughts?

You didn't make any 'mistake', sounds like his interest is lacking.

It;s been a week.  IF he were truly interested, he'd give some effort in this.

expect nothing else.. just move on.

 

[idkwhy]

6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

This often happens after one date - one person feels a connection with potential and the other does not.  Also you chose to get drunk and chose to have sex with him  it sounds like - or at least buzzed so it's hard to tell what was the "connection" and what was the consequences of your choice to drink and get buzzed or drunk.  It sounds like he was sexually attracted to you and enjoyed having sex with you and if he wants to have sex with you again he will contact you - you gave him the impression that you were cool with casual sex as was he. 

The reason he didn't respond early on as you said is because he wasn't that into you.  Not because he was "too busy" - I only got involved with very busy men and I was very busy -and before cell phones to get in touch you had to call on the phone and have an actual conversation.  The extremely busy men who were into me made the time.  Every time.  They wanted to make their interest in me clear.  This guy was at most lukewarm about you and wanted to go on a date with you - that was the extent of his interest -and on the date he realized he wanted to have sex with you as you did with him.  But after the date it sounds like this was more of a one and done kind of thing like first dates often are.  

You said you usually don't have sex on the first date.  But, you did - so even if it's atypical consider whether next time you want to wait to get to know the person in public on multiple dates before having intercourse.  It sounds like you feel that your choice to have intercourse -and his- reflects some sort of connection.  It might but in this case I'm sorry it didn't seem to for him -and that's fine -he doesn't have to tell you why he's not going to ask you out on a second date.

I'm sorry you're disappointed. 

Hello! Thanks so much for the response. But I didn’t have sex with him. As I said, things got a lil bit physical, but didn’t go far as I don’t have sex this early. Sorry for the confusion, English is not my first language and I might’ve expressed myself wrong. 
The guy never responded quickly but that wasn’t a problem for me as I myself have a busy life. When he wasn’t responsive he always texted me later or the other day, asked questions and seemed really interested. The convo was never poor or “small”. Maybe this is really the problem, that I’m not willing to sleep with him without the things I need first.

[idkwhy]

4 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

You didn't make any 'mistake', sounds like his interest is lacking.

It;s been a week.  IF he were truly interested, he'd give some effort in this.

expect nothing else.. just move on.

 

Thanks! And unfortunately I think you’re right …

[poorlittlefish]

Nobody is ever so busy that they can't send a few words on a text message.  I mean, you can do that while sitting on the toilet.  "Being busy" is not an excuse, because if you are interested then you will make the time.  Secondly, it's poor show to simply not respond and hope you'll go away.  He could have chosen to let you know (kindly) that he didn't want to pursue anything, but he took the easy way out.  He wasn't as bothered as you thought he was, so it's good you don't have to waste any more time on him and are free to look for someone better suited to you.

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, idkwhy said:

I sometimes find really hard to understand why not pursue a real connection when it’s obviously there.

Gently, it's because he didn't quite feel the same way you did. 

He enjoyed himself on your date, but for whatever reason, didn't feel the same click that you did. Not enough to carry it thruogh to a second date anyway. It's hard when we think it was a great match, but realize that maybe the feeling wasn't totally mutual. We have to be careful not to project our own feelings on to others too much. 

It might not have been anything you did or didn't do, either. Could simply be that he's seeing someone else or an ex popped back up or something. 

 

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, idkwhy said:

Maybe this is really the problem, that I’m not willing to sleep with him without the things I need first.

That's not a problem, it means your screening device is working well against anyone who's just playing along for sex.

Don't change your standards over some guy who doesn't live up to them.

He's self centered in his last reply, and so I'd do some self-centering of my own and get active about meeting other people.

Most people will NOT be a good match. That's just natural odds, and it's no reflection on you--it's true for everyone.

Hold out for someone who really 'gets' you, who sees you through the right lens, and is mutually invested. Just because someone clicks with you in a moment, that doesn't mean there's no agenda behind it. The goal is to find someone who ACTUALLY clicks with you--for you--not for quick sex.

Head high, and tuck this in your pocket as a lesson in strength and resilience. You'l thank yourself later, especially when you meet the RIGHT guy.

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, idkwhy said:

Hello! Thanks so much for the response. But I didn’t have sex with him. As I said, things got a lil bit physical, but didn’t go far as I don’t have sex this early. Sorry for the confusion, English is not my first language and I might’ve expressed myself wrong. 
The guy never responded quickly but that wasn’t a problem for me as I myself have a busy life. When he wasn’t responsive he always texted me later or the other day, asked questions and seemed really interested. The convo was never poor or “small”. Maybe this is really the problem, that I’m not willing to sleep with him without the things I need first.

I'm glad you didn't have intercourse because at least there are less things to be concerned about.  It sounds like he would have had sex with you.  There were a number of men who didn't ask me out again because I declined to have sex and stuck to my values and standards. Never regretted that.

[idkwhy]

4 hours ago, catfeeder said:

That's not a problem, it means your screening device is working well against anyone who's just playing along for sex.

Don't change your standards over some guy who doesn't live up to them.

He's self centered in his last reply, and so I'd do some self-centering of my own and get active about meeting other people.

Most people will NOT be a good match. That's just natural odds, and it's no reflection on you--it's true for everyone.

Hold out for someone who really 'gets' you, who sees you through the right lens, and is mutually invested. Just because someone clicks with you in a moment, that doesn't mean there's no agenda behind it. The goal is to find someone who ACTUALLY clicks with you--for you--not for quick sex.

Head high, and tuck this in your pocket as a lesson in strength and resilience. You'l thank yourself later, especially when you meet the RIGHT guy.

Thank you so much!! I sometimes feel so confused and think that I’m the problem, I sometimes wanna give in just for the sake of it, just so I have what “everybody has”

[idkwhy]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'm glad you didn't have intercourse because at least there are less things to be concerned about.  It sounds like he would have had sex with you.  There were a number of men who didn't ask me out again because I declined to have sex and stuck to my values and standards. Never regretted that.

Wow, thanks so much!! It helps knowing that other people were in the same place and makes me wanna stick confidently with my values.

[idkwhy]

13 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

Nobody is ever so busy that they can't send a few words on a text message.  I mean, you can do that while sitting on the toilet.  "Being busy" is not an excuse, because if you are interested then you will make the time.  Secondly, it's poor show to simply not respond and hope you'll go away.  He could have chosen to let you know (kindly) that he didn't want to pursue anything, but he took the easy way out.  He wasn't as bothered as you thought he was, so it's good you don't have to waste any more time on him and are free to look for someone better suited to you.

Yeah…it’s exactly like you said, he simply hoped I wouldn’t double text. And the truth hurts :))))))) 

I’m from eastern-EU, and in my country people have a saying after one gets burned: “You’re laughing, but that isn’t your laugh…”

We must find humor in tragedy! Thank you all for your support! It means so much to me! ♥️

[smackie9]

An interested man shows he's interested! You dodged a bullet.